Fear, anxiety, stress, and most of all, joy. Hotaru placed her hand upon her slightly swollen belly, feeling the curves and life that resided within her. She was sure there weren't many, but the exact number was a mystery to the blind female. Hotaru sat on her bed and let the wave of emotions wash away the world.
Ever since Hotaru had realized that she was pregnant (just after the ball), the grey wolf had hidden herself away from the world. The first wave of morning sickness had hit her like a ton of bricks, and had lasted far longer than she would have cared for. Once the morning sickness had abated, it was replaced by rapid mood swings; yet another symptom that she hated. Even so, the idea of having puppies of her own...it was kind of exciting. Hotaru love puppies, but she was scared. Could she be a good mother? What of Levent? Would they become mates? The idea of bonding to Levent in such a permanent fashion scared her. What if he broke her heart like all the others? What if she needed him?
Hotaru was not so confident in her hunting abilities that she could look forward to the added burden with ease. Hotaru had managed to hunt for herself and Kelia. However, it was not the same as caring for puppies. Fawkes had been enough to look after Tehu and Kelia, but he would not do when it came to taking care of a wolf litter. Hotaru's body shook lightly as a fresh wave of fear doused her like cold water.
At last, the pregnant female stood from her resting spot. Her oustretched hand curled around the familiar wooden staff and she made her way towards the front door for the first time in a month. Hotaru inhaled deeply before she took the final over the threshold of her house. Fawkes and Kelia were out on the roof sunning themselves and Hotaru called down to them. Kelia flew down to the carving rock while Fawkes took his normal place on her left shoulder. Now that Kelia was older, she ha grown fonder of her wolf master. Hotaru suspected that she would never share as deep a bond with the white falcon as she did with the red-tailed hawk, but the new level of trust was enough to be satisfying.
Carefully, Hotaru made the uncomfortably short trip to the Turkish male's house. She strode up to the dwelling, but paused before reaching the door. How could she even think about seeing him? It was a mistake for her to have ever left the house. Hotaru tried to turn around but Fawkes squawked in her ear and Kelia protested from the roof. They pressed her on in low speech, each offering a strange mix of encouragement and insults. At last, the female turned and strode up to the door. She raised her tail and straightened her shoulders as if she was demanding the infernal piece of wood to submit to her. With an air of defiance, the pregnant female pounded on the door before she shrank back and regretted ever leaving her house.
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