Itzal could understand that Axelle was angry. He had been angry at himself for leaving for the longest time. He had wanted to tell her that he was going, that he was planning on leaving to keep her safe. But she would have scoffed at him and never have let him go to protect her. It wasn't something that Itzal and Axelle could sit down and talk about. It had been hard enough for him to leave; he didn't need her making him want to stay any more than he already had. Itzal had felt like the danger he put her in was too much. He knew she loved the danger so she wouldn't have stopped it until it was too late. Itzal knew that he had to be the one that left, for both of them. What if he hadn't been able to control Eztli? He would have killed Axelle and left Itzal to deal with the after math. She wouldn't believe Eztli would kill her but Itzal knew otherwise. He had seen it first hand. Itzal had left to protect them both but now he regretted it more than anything. He had wanted to stay with her and knew he couldn't help but feel like he should have stayed.
Itzal wanted Axelle as well. It had been a while and Itzal had felt he had moved on. He didn't expect to run into Axelle so soon if ever again at Nova Scotia. Yet here the bi-colored wolfess was. He could smell her scent. He remembered the night he had slept in her den with her, her scent surrounding him as they laid together on her bed. That night had been one of his fondest memories. He wanted to go back to that night with Axelle and do things a little differently. Then maybe this wouldn't be happening now.
He watched as she paused, stopping with her. He saw her glare at him over his shoulder and his smug smile faded, a grimace spreading across his face. It wasn't that he wasn't happy to see her. He just wasn't looking forward to the unpleasantness that was coming. He knew after everything that she would want answers. She would be mad, like she was entitled to be. But it didn't make things any less unpleasant for the black hybrid.
He followed her, seeing the accusation in her eyes. He opened his mouth to answer her but before he got the chance she was there in his face, spouting accusations at him and lashing at him with her words. He just sat there and let her get it all out. He could tell she was angry and he had to resist the urge to get angry back at her. She was in the right here mostly, whereas he was wrong. He waited until she was done, for the most part, and then sighed. "No, I don't think I can just come back as you put it. You have no idea what it is like, how hard I was fighting for control. I could feel him about to kill you Axelle. There were times when I was hoping you would go ahead and end it. If he had truly killed you I-I...," He trailed off, looking her in the eyes before dropping his head and shaking it. "Eztli knew I care about you. That is why killing you meant so much to him. I tried to fight him, I didn't want to hurt you. But you think it is easy for me? What if I hadn't fought Axe? What then? Should I have just trusted you to kill him? You could have, but you didn't! Why didn't you just kill him? To Hell with me! You put yourself in danger because of me." He was getting angry, because if she hadn't cared about him, then she could have killed him and Eztli. It would have made sure she was okay. If he hadn't been strong enough to get control back, he wasn't sure she would have done it. He hoped she would have, but he wasn't sure.
His eyes thawed out as she admitted he had hurt her. He frowned, shaking his head. "I didn't want to hurt you Axe. I don't expect you to just forgive me like nothing happened. I left to make sure something like that," He waved his hand towards the street to show he meant the fight that had just happened, "wouldn't happen. I couldn't have told you I was leaving. That I was doing it to protect you. I know you, you know you wouldn't have let me leave." He knew it was true and even if she didn't want to admit it, she knew it too. She wouldn't have let him leave. "I don't expect to just come back. I just don't want you to walk away from all of this. I missed you." He looked at her and smiled as he said the last words, his usually self showing thorough some.
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