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A thought... no. A desire had infiltrated her mind, and like a stubborn ailment it would not let her be. The symptoms of it had been felt before making her the victim of what could not be controlled. Before she had tried, and before she had indulged. Though rejection was not what she sought as she had once before. Acceptance...yes... that was what she desired. And knowing all hope for her wants were not lost. This particular want had pulled her from her family in the hopes she would return with the endowment of another. But if not that, a worthwhile pursuit that she could wait for...aspire towards.
She had left in the early afternoon of the previous day under the pretense she was off to soothe ruffled fur. Regardless if the necessity was true or not, it was a chance to escape and selfishly pursue her wants. A little time away in the hopes something fortuitous and wonderful would come from it. She trusted the Family to take care of her little one and promised that if his behavior was exeplory she would make him something nice to play with. A bribe for obedience, if ever there was one. And what she hoped to make for him would grow within her and in due time would become his playmates. If all went well as she had hoped.
Time had slipped too far away from her now, no longer in her favor as she felt the consequences of her age creeping up on her. Had she remained with the Nomads, this dilemma would not have held such precedence. Had she remained with them, she would not have been vexed by this need for love, for a connection to something intangible. It would have been regulated, and in that control she would have felt a kind of happiness knowing that she had fulfilled a natural purpose. But life had become much more complicated, more fixated toward an instinctual drive that she was failing to control. That she did not want to control, but wanted it satisfied to its fullest extent.
Sadly, she did not believe it could be found within her own borders...or rather, she could not bring herself to try. Her options were not limiting, but complicated to say the least. While her love remained for one, their kept distance made the possibility seem irretrievable. And with another indifferent to her, she could not bother to even try despite his 'rational' offering. Then there was her companion both cultured and aged, a victim of life's turmoil as she had been. Why she would not let herself try she could not explain, nor did she want to explore. Which left her thoughts and paws to trail beyond her borders into the wild to remember a dream that was never made real.
Ignorance and responsibility had clouded her mind then. Feeling then as she did not, perhaps she would not have allowed herself to remained blind. But she was in love then, she was loyal. The thought of anyone other than her mate was tantamount to betrayal in her eyes. But she could not forget the gleam of those yellow eyes when they looked to her. The way she felt each time they embraced, how happy she felt to have him near. And of course a bond forged through familiar livelihood and upbringing. He was the first and only that understood how she perceived strength. The only one that understood the meaning and responsibilities that came with the brand of a warrior. A restraint of respect had been fashioned by her mate then, but without him holding the end, she was free to explore now what could not have been before. Dare she admit, it was almost exciting.
The sweet smell of the woodlands became overpowered by the unified scent of pack. Her tired limbs paused just before the boundary line and with a heavy sigh she sat down before it. It was hard to recall the last time she had come here... afterall time seemed to blur together to a busy mind. She only hoped that time had not diluted the bond she still held onto. Lifting her head, she called out to her fellow warrior.
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