Disbelief and confusion mingled in his mind as he lean against that wall just like the swirls of steam still alive from the conflict. How she could find it in herself to take their scuffle that far he just couldn’t understand. Never would he be able to do such a thing to her. Even if she spat on their once proclaimed love, cast him out of the pack, and personally traveled to ever other collective in the land to destroyed his reputation would he be able to even contemplate it. It was because he loved her. Simple and past all the drama he loved her. Leaning against that wall and trying to breathe he still loved her.
Then the mixture of disbelief and confusion twisted into pain. It wasn’t a shallow hurt like that of his tightening back or sore throat, but a deep set unbearable pain that turned his stomach and drained what energy was left from his form. Believing love was seen in the nomads eyes similarly as in his own, how could she still love him? It was the only thing he could think of to justify her actions and her attitude toward him. Somewhere along the line of his love or Thana, sour relations with X’ies, or his friendship to Amy she had lost that promised gift to him. He had once thought love to be more powerful than these painful things. He was wrong and he was a fool. All of it was his doing too. The way she had to feel was his fault and it was foolish for him to have even come here to find her in the first place.
Realizing this still left him with the question of how to act on it. With her love being gone, this attack took on new character. It was nothing more than a contest between pack mates, a contest he had lost. And, like any other subordinate to authority, his spirit of contest was crushed. He would never hold a place by her when she was obviously willing to go further than he to maintain dominance. She was Alpha and he was not.
It was an odd feeling to say the least for a man who had never acknowledged someone in such a way. It filled his hollow heart with an odd burning sensation he couldn’t place. His breath finally came back to him as he heard his Alpha’s footsteps approaching. He turned to her but his eyes wouldn’t lift to meet hers as they might once have. They only ascended high enough to see the shame on her features. Like the whines he’d heard before it proved nothing further than a simple value on their friendship. She could feel shame for hurting a friend. It didn’t prove his assumptions of lost love were wrong. But he was still the fool for being here and for angering her with his petty talk. I’m sorry, he apologized to her quietly. There was no fathomable way for those two words to hold all the regret he felt because he truly couldn’t comprehend how badly he’d hurt her to lose her love. And because without his many regrettable actions, he still might have it. He waited for a response as was respectful. If none came, he would proceed to show himself out and leave the Alpha to her business.
Jaden does. Jaden speaks. Jaden thinks.
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