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It had all come crumbling down and either believed it was their own doing. In a moment of clarity she looked upon her transgressions to her friend, love and packmate, and could not see why he would want to bother with a dominant demeanor. She had fought with herself so hard, went against her instinct for a milder disposition to retain a good place with those she cared for and met. But she was foolish to believe that part of her would remained dormant forever, that she would be able to keep it under control. Perhaps this was the ancestor’s will; placing obstacles and manipulating the circumstances to where this part of her would come forth and see the light of day. Or maybe calling on them was just a poor excuse instead of taking responsibility for her own actions. She did not know anymore, but selfishly she desired for it all to be gone. For the mistakes to be wiped from their memory so they could continue on as they had; happy…in love… the recipient of the other’s affections. But how could he look at her like that now when she could not even look at herself?
Her ears flick toward him hearing his quiet apology. The whole of her tensed at these words and her heart began to hammer hard and relentlessly in her chest. Fear worked its way into her eyes as she looked to up, true… genuine fear for what those words would entail. Was he going to leave her now? Had she got that far to ruin their relationship? If he left, it would be by no one’s fault but her own, punishment for losing perspective and letting selfishness dictate her actions. Abandonment would have been a just reward, but she desperately hoped this was not the case.
Her movements were slow orchestrated by apparent hesitation as she lowered herself to hands and knees before her companion. Though the bangs were damp and clung over her eyes, sorrow was not an emotion easily concealed when it was felt so raw. “Please don’t say that…” she pleaded, not at all the voice of a woman who claimed to be in control. She did not know how to explain what it meant to hear those words, the finality they represented.
“Please Jaden…I am sorry…” she forced the words that she could not say back then. “I just…” she what? She didn’t know what came over her? It was an excuse and a piss poor one at that. X’yrin dared not to insult him and tarnish further what was left of their…of their friendship. “Please forgive me. I hadn’t meant to…it shouldn’t have gone as far as it did. I just…I wanted you to talk to me…to speak to me and not ignore what has happened to us.” Had she claimed this in the first place, in all likelihood they would not have been so damaged. But the fault of the Exultare were they stubborn pride.
“Please…” what strength lingered faded from her voice leaving it hollow and weak… the voice of emotional exhaustion and of defeat. “Please, my friend…my-“ she could not bring herself to call him anything more than that. She did not deserve to title him so endearingly. “…watch our Family. Don’t leave them.” ‘Don’t leave me.’ But she never breathed life into those words. Rather she pushed herself from the ground to stand her head turned toward the entrance of the cavern but with legs reluctant to move her toward it. But why linger? Why when it was clear her actions had brought about the destruction of his love for her.
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