ooc.
Sorry for the wait. And the length!
ic.
He was acutely aware Hadley's ever increasing anxiety. As a result, he was feeling more and more uneasy. He felt bad for causing such a disturbance, but he also couldn't help but worry about his own situation. Would the other two yield to his concerns and turn him out? He had no concerns about escaping safely – that would be easy. Dahmer certainly had no intentions of fighting if they turned on him. He wanted to escape from his former life – but death certainly wasn't a route he intended on taking.
The wolf's thoughts were distracted by Hadley's growl and the angry words he spat. He turned slightly, ears flicking to catch the male's warning. He didn't look directly at him, afraid of what it might incite in the male. He also didn't speak. He didn't know anything of Hadley's past. As far as Dahmer knew, the male just had a child to look after – and that was reason enough to want to keep dangerous strangers at bay. He wished he could inform the worried wolf just how off base his worries were. And if it weren't such a serious situation, Dahmer would have let a smile break through his disciplined expression. He loved puppies dearly. Hell, they were one of the reasons he had left home. As much as his clan honoured the young, assassins his age never bore children. This was especially difficult for Dahmer – in Jasper Valley, wolves half his age were settling down in order to make families. They were able to because the assassins were keeping them safe. It's why they did what they did. And family wasn't restricted from them by any means. But who would want to bring a child into such upheaval? Who would be able to say goodbye to their sons or daughters and then head out on a mission, unsure or whether they'd return or not? Dahmer refused to force such uncertainty on a family. But now....now that he was gone – well, this was his chance, wasn't it?
The male had been keeping his gaze respectfully to the side, his blue eyes blank. When Ismeme spoke, however – they flickered to her and rested there a moment. He didn't smile at his words, but the male's eyes warmed considerably and it was as though he was smiling anyway. He had a feeling she understood exactly what he was going through. Dahmer couldn't say why – except that his intuition told him, and it was usually right. She finished speaking and he offered her a thankful nod, head bowing gratefully. It was deferred to the one in charge, of course – and Dahmer turned his attention to the large male. He kept silent, merely nodding almost imperceptibly when Jazper reassured Hadley. He wouldn't get one step into the territory without permission. That was never debatable. He hoped the nervous male would be able to trust the one in charge.
The attention was then turned to himself. A huff of gratitude escaped his lips when Jazper gave him leave to relax. He did so almost immediately, lifting his head to a more comfortable level. He was able to look around more effectively and in doing so was immediately regretful that he'd shifted. For some reason, it had felt necessary to him – a part of his personal ritual, symbolically shedding his former life. He also hadn't been sure which form the natives preferred. His wolf form felt most humble. Jazper began speaking again, and all thoughts were pushed aside as he focused on the Sole. There was a lot to be said, and Dahmer sat silently while he took it all in. When it seemed as though the Sole was finished speaking, he offered a smile and remained silent for a moment more as he gathered his thoughts and chose his words. Now to string them together to form something coherent. First things first. Thank you, sir. His words were soft, referring to the alpha's permission to relax. It made things a bit easier – this wasn't an interrogation. It wasn't a picnic by any means, either. But still. Easier. I'm not sure how to put this without it sounding...off. It wasn't the lifestyle I was opposed to. We were all warriors – just a little more active than many. My family and its pack have been at war with another clan for many years now. I was just in a sect of warriors with more...specialized training. He paused, unsure of how to proceed. He didn't like killing – he didn't want any of them to think that. But he was capable of doing what it took to keep others safe. And he could do it very well. That wasn't what he objected to, although – certainly a peaceful life was better than any that involved fighting.
What bothered me was the secrecy and the isolation. The inability to comfortably start a family without worry. You are all familiar with wars, yes? Another pause, as though he was waiting for everyone to nod. In war...those you love are always foremost in your thoughts. And they can always be used against you. I didn't want that for any family of mine. That's not a life. His gaze moved unconsciously to Ismeme and Hadley's child for a few seconds before it returned to the leader. He had no issues when it came to working together as a family. What he hated was working alone. And while many assassins were trained to remain solitary in their duties, (and of course, he had completed many missions by himself) what they honoured most was family. It was what they fought for. I left my former home specifically because I wanted a family. I could have left the guild itself and remain in our main back with the civilians...but I wouldn't have been able to stop. Does that make sense? He was struggling to make them understand, fearful that he was merely babbling now. I wouldn't have been able to stay back while my comrades left for missions. I needed more distance. He fell silent once more, unsure of what to say next. Was there anything left for him to address? His thoughts were in a tangle and the male was finding it difficult to sort them all out. Surely Jazper would prompt him if he missed something.
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