ooc:
His insult was generous. Soft in comparison to the obscenities bombarding her mind. But through it, she smiled. Eyes closed embracing the darkness as she was made to feeling the contamination within her. Well enough she knew the change within her body, to adapt the seed of life and begin the process into more. She knew she was without it...void again...empty. Perhaps this time it was for the better. Undoubtedly her mind would not be able to handle impregnation from a male that rutted with dogs. Still she could not get used to the thought... but bringing it to mind only made her smile grow and the sickness in her stomach churn til it rose into her gullet.
When the pressure was gone, she would have been able to rise, but the strength to do so was gone as was the care...the initiative. The first time since leaving her home she felt utterly lost in mind and wanted nothing more than to return and call for her Shepard, her father. And fall into the comfort of his chest. Inhale his scent and hear his comforting words and know that all would be alright. The ancestors would guide her to a resolution that would mask her shame.
How foolish was she to cling to that...
"My Father would call me a fool..." the uttered softly, dispelling that fanciful thought of the contrary. "He would cast me to the Unspoken until I was redeemed...and still he would not look to me as he once did. Nor do I believe you will look at me the same." She laughed softly, but it was an empty and tired sound...void of life...encompassed by pain. "I would not blame you...I've been tainted in a way that shames our ancestors...and it came about without my knowing." From her lain position she turned her head to the night sky, looking deep into the faces of their ancestors though her amber lights were blind and unseeing. "I am bitter they did not guide me away from this defilement. But perhaps it was my punishment for betraying our Family. They are not so forgiving...our forebears."
Within the darkness she sought the branding eyes of the Lambda. "I do not deserve your love...despite my own. Less you risk defiling yourself...and I cannot allow that. Nor can I look at him as I once did without disdain for what he has done to me. What I kept from him for so long...would become the downfall of my body and my soul. The Nomads do not forgive taboos committed even in ignorance. I would not expect you to either...regardless if you loved me...or I loved you."
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