(442) dated for the 30th![/html]
Listen to what you want. She had thought over what Skye said. Ever since returning from her short trip to Cercatori, the words of the woman echoed within her.
What was she trying to tell herself? She tried talking to Macbeth about it, but he was just as helpful, which was not much. He told her to do what her gizzard--her gut--told her to do, just like Skye had said, though a bit more brash in language. It was the fifth day since the propsal, the last time she talked to the man, and she was flayed out on her bed of furs, rabbit and squirrel tickling her nose as she buried her muzzle into the blanket. She was thinking, but not about Jazper, not about Skye and her pups. She was thinking about herself, something she hadn't done for a very long time.
What did she want? Her sense to please others were wrapped tightly around her own wants, and she was trying to pick around it, albeit uncomfortably. Say if Jazper hadn't mention his new pups. Say if there weren't any pups. Would she had said no, throw his feelings back at his face? No, she thought. She would have jumped into his arms without much thought, and taken the ring and proudly show it to everyone in the pack. Look, she would have said, pride crystal clear as she would waved her hand, gem sparkling, I'm the luckiest girl in the world. I love him, and he loves me, too!
Is that want she wanted? Yes, though with less bravado, of course. She shifted a bit in the furs, propping her head on her arms. Skye promised no one would get hurt. Alyssum hoped that included the d'Artisan woman as well--she definitely did not want to hurt her. She promised. Would that be enough to free her from her guilt? There was only one way to find out. She glanced out of the many windows that lined her way, and realized how late it was. The sun was already gone, but there were still a few bleeding streaks of light. Maybe it was not too late.
Was this the right thing? part of her asked. But, she did not allow herself to answer as she left her room, took the few steps, and knocked softly on the Sole's door. She didn't even know if he was in there. "Jazper?" Her call was tentative, unsure. She avoided him since that day, and knew that she had hurt him by the look on his face when left her room. She wouldn't blame him if he pretended he wasn't there, if he was.
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