SAD. SAD SAD SAD.
His little boy was gone now, too, little fiery Aiden who looked so much like Mommy and Baba, and Levent knew that this was the end of all of it, the end of everything, and he couldn’t even hold his son and watch him grow and tuck the memory of his baby girl away somewhere until he could cope. There was nowhere to direct all his love, nowhere but the howling creature in front of him, and he’d already failed her. Maybe she’d loved him, but he knew the second her auburn eyes snapped sightlessly toward him that that wasn’t true anymore, and he didn’t know if he was weeping harder for losing the puppies or for the inevitability of losing her.
Hotaru snarled, rain running down the creases in her muzzle, and threw her words at him, the words she’d said over and over. A confused sob stuck in his throat before the last words cracked out of her mouth, and he felt like he’d been kicked in the chest. They died because of me. His gaze dropped to his trembling hands, the once-cream fingers clutching the mud, and he shook all over. No, no, he’d kept them a secret, he’d not told the dişi şeytan and so she’d hurt him bad, and she’d cursed them, and he’d only ever wanted to take them outside so they could see everything that the god had made.
“I—I’m ss-sss-sorry,” Levent managed to get out, his voice catching in his teeth and coming out in halted breaths and shivering hisses. “I’m nuh-not a—I’m not.” He swallowed hard, the ball of grief growing sharp and edged, and he couldn’t breathe for an instant. He struggled to his feet, shaking so hard he almost fell again, and skirted the edge of the tiny graves. “Tanrı buh-beni affets-ss-ss-sin,” he whispered, and looked to the beautiful woman coated in mud and soaked with rain. He loved her so much, but he’d failed her more than anything else, anyone else. He’d killed her babies, and if he’d just left her or not even come to the godforsaken pack for sanctuary on his stupid mission, she’d be okay, and fuck immortality if she wasn’t okay.
“Hotaru,” the man whimpered, and tried to reach out, to touch her, to hold her close, but he knew that wouldn’t fix anything. He’d never fix this short of sacrificing himself for the souls of the children, and he was so much of a coward he couldn’t even do that, he didn’t think he could look at her.
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