[/html]There was nothing for the red wolf to say. No apology came forward and he only began to speak but then Alder was left with silence. Painful silence. It drew his gaze upwards, needing to see his face and what he wore on it. Was it pain, or pitty, confusion or anger? What he thought he saw was sadness, but there were no tears, only averted eyes that made Alder feel shameful. Was Sebatian embarrassed that Alder had wanted something different, something more? He was the closest friend that Alder had ever had, and when he pictured the future his desire was to have Sebastian with him, always.
It was more then just the physical nature and the desire that Alder felt for the man. It came from their bond, from the hopes of a future that had seemingly been caught short. It was his fault. Alder felt the pressure of blame and guilt begin to rest upon him as he thought about how he should have spoke up, should have stopped Sebastian from doing what he had.
He almost expected to get an apology, a sorry I don’t think of you in that way. We’re only friends. It burned through Alder that when the question was asked it was like a rope being tossed to him after he fell overboard. Drowning, the words were forced You would choose me. His voice was not raised, but there was power behind the words. If he could raise his hand without it being a fist he would have pointed at his own chest as he spoke them. But he kept it clenched and at his side. There was something wrong with him, that was obvious. If it that was not the truth then Sebastian would have chosen him.
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