no need to be here, no card to clock in

Levent Kartal · 10-19-2012, 09:31 PM

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Word Count → 479

Had there not been so many other emotions overtaking the male in that moment, he might have been proud for the light tawny woman being so brave in the face of the mare’s charge. As it was, he could only breathe deeply and look between the two of them, the horse still on edge and Eclipse fixing her purple-blue eyes on him. Her voice rose in a roar of blame, and he shrank back like a worm under her shouting.

I tried! Levent tried, but his voice was a pathetic yelp in comparison to her shouting. He hadn’t tried, not hard enough; he hadn’t been there to hold her, had only cried alone, had left her alone to deal with Aysun’s death and Aiden’s death not many hours later. He’d told himself that she’d had Fawkes and Dalgina to comfort her instead, but Fawkes was merely a bird and Dalgina only a child herself. It was different with Wilson, who he’d known his whole life, who had the mentality and words to reassure his best friend however he could. Hotaru had had none of that, none of that besides the father of her dead children, and he hadn’t stayed to comfort her.

Eclipse’s words about her children brought shame to him, and it was obvious and sharp in his face. He continued to shrink back in silence, trembling, letting her scream out her anger. She compared him to her own parents in abandoning her, and he flattened his ears. He hadn’t thought his promise had even been that important; while he’d had every intention of upholding it, what was he to her? An eccentric pack mate, maybe, a possible friend—but not one whose disappearance he’d thought she would take seriously.

His washed-out blue eyes lingered on the dirt, and he wanted to crawl underneath it where he belonged. He only shook his head, though, and allowed some anger of his own to well up. I left, he said, his voice barely audible at first. All right, damn it, I left.

He reached out to grab at the tree behind him, using it to prop himself up so he could meet the other’s gaze a little more evenly, though his scrawny frame shook with the effort. Your children died, but at least you didn’t kill them, he snarled, eyes burning. I’m a pup-killer, I killed my babies, I was negligent and I took them outside when Hotaru told me not to and they got sick… He shook his head fiercely. They got sick, and it was my fault. I tried to comfort Hotaru, when she was… when she was burying our little boy, he croaked, but she called me a pup-killer, she struck me, and—and yes, I left, I fucking left. He sank down again.

You don’t need me, Eclipse… None of you need a wretch like me…

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