the time of your life (you just can't tell)

[Laruku Tears]

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Sometimes he felt like perhaps he had lost his memories, or at the very least, his sense of self, somewhere along the way. Perhaps he had been someone else entirely once upon a time, and it had been so long that he couldn't tell anymore. There was nothing left to remember, and he would never be any wiser. If it had been such a clean break that nothing was left behind, then it was certainly possible, but it seemed as if everyone retained some vestiges of the lives they left behind, whether they wanted or not. The hybrid felt like he could relate to that, at least a little. Those little flashes of things he should remember better, little moments of things he'd forgotten juxtaposed with little moments that never went away. That was the state his own mind was in now; just little pieces of everything, but he still supposed that most of it was true. He knew where he'd come from and what had happened. Mostly. (You pretend you do, baby.)



He turned his head at Jefferson and perked his ears half-heartedly at his apparently painful reactions, or what he could only guess to be painful reactions. You know Cercelee? Laruku wondered, and wondered further, how his cousin's child was doing now. Of course, Cercelee could have never been alpha of Clouded Tears; she was far too young, but Ceres. The similarities had always been there, and there seemed to be little doubt now that the stranger had been a member of his pack at some point. For the first time, the blind man wondered who exactly the other was, though it was a muted curiosity at best. Mostly, he decided that it didn't matter, like most things didn't matter. Other than his haphazard "family," there were few people he remembered or knew well from the Clouded Tears. Indeed, few people from anywhere had ever mattered to him enough that he remembered them now.



Related though? Cercelee is the kid of a cousin of mine, Iskata's brother. Do you know if you're related to either of them? It was hard for Laruku to guess at who this Jefferson might be even though his mixbreed heritage and age should have made it more than obvious. There weren't very many hybrids in the Sadira clan. It basically boiled down to Acid's litter, Maluki's litter, and DaVinci. Age ruled out the former and the latter. Gender ruled out Akeni. It should have been easy. But Laruku had always been distanced from the prevailing family of the pack; his tie to them had always been minimal; he did not have a direct blood link to the litter he'd once known to be his own. And after the last of them disappeared, he had stopped thinking about them for a long time. Perhaps, in that sense, he had lost his memories also.

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