the time of your life (you just can't tell)

[Laruku Tears]

[html]

If he ever forgot his own name, what would he think upon hearing it again? It wasn't fair, of course, that he should be walking away from Maluki now. It wasn't fair that he should withhold him answers when he had once so desperately needed them himself, but being forgotten was the one thing he wished he could force upon everyone he knew, so naturally Laruku would want to shy away from answering. It would have been better if he had said nothing at all, if he had just shrugged and pretended that he didn't know -- perhaps Maluki deserved to remember and to know, but really, the blind man had to wonder whether he really would have wanted to remember if he knew. Jefferson did not seem so bad off, and it might have been inevitable that he remember if he stuck with Iskata long enough. Laruku didn't need to be a part of it. They didn't need to spend another night nostalgic by the lake again.



Maybe it was Laruku that didn't want to remember after all. He wasn't being fair, but it wouldn't be the worse thing he'd ever done, to lie to his once-brother now. He kept walking, but it wasn't like he could move very quickly anyway. He couldn't see or know where he was going, after all. Ceres was the alphess of Clouded Tears before she died. Her death upset a lot of people; I suppose you were one of them. Every word he said conjured up images of a thousand years ago. It had snowed that evening. It had snowed, but he had been warm then. Colibri and Acid had been betas for a time, but they'd both disappeared by the time Ceres died. He was saying too much, he knew. He was giving away far too much information for him to just be a stray pack member. It was more than obvious that he had been a part of the pack for a good while. When Maluki remembered, he would know.



I didn't know you, Laruku said, Not long enough. His voice was empty because he felt empty; all the life and feeling were as detached as the memories. It was mostly true, anyway. What did he know about Maluki? He knew who his parents were, who his relatives were, where he had been born. He didn't know his favorite food or his favorite color, his favorite place to hunt or to sleep. He didn't know what his dreams had been. He didn't know much of anything at all. I don't know what happened to your life. Only you can answer that. It was a hypocrite's answer. If asked, Laruku wouldn't be able to tell anyone what the hell had happened to his own life.

Everything was empty.

[/html]