04-11-2009, 04:37 AM
Requiem about covers it all, hehe.
- I am not fond of the whole "..." ending to a sentence, unless in dialogue, and preferably not even then. It seems to me as somewhat of a cliche, or because one cannot find anything else to throw onto the end of a sentence.
I normally finish the sentence, unless I could put a following sentence together with it, instead of using three dots. Requiem's already suggested stuff, so I'm just backing her up!
- "perhaps if I had paid any attention to those sermons, I wouldn’t have ended up in this situation."
I would probably replace this with "better". I can't say why, but to me it sounds better.
- I'm not a native speaker, nor am I up to date on contemporary american/english literature, but I liked reading this. The flow was good, and I enjoyed some of your word choices, especially adjectives. This paragraph and the one that follows it is good in particular, I think; "I swung my feet slowly, (...)".
- I am not fond of the whole "..." ending to a sentence, unless in dialogue, and preferably not even then. It seems to me as somewhat of a cliche, or because one cannot find anything else to throw onto the end of a sentence.
I normally finish the sentence, unless I could put a following sentence together with it, instead of using three dots. Requiem's already suggested stuff, so I'm just backing her up!
- "perhaps if I had paid any attention to those sermons, I wouldn’t have ended up in this situation."
I would probably replace this with "better". I can't say why, but to me it sounds better.
- I'm not a native speaker, nor am I up to date on contemporary american/english literature, but I liked reading this. The flow was good, and I enjoyed some of your word choices, especially adjectives. This paragraph and the one that follows it is good in particular, I think; "I swung my feet slowly, (...)".