04-15-2009, 09:13 PM
Could you tell me if this seems gripping? And what could help me to improve a sense of being in the writing. Also Grammar because I want to get better ^-^ .................alot better
I screamed. As loud as my voice would allow. At some point, I didn’t know when, my voice broke and became nothing more then a gurgle of terror. My hands gripped the seat belt with as much force as I could conjure up. I shut my eyes as tight as I could get them, a headache was pounding in behind my lids threatening to burst my head open, and the contents of my stomach were already all over the back of the driver’s seat.
What I had seen had not happened. I kept telling myself that and refused to open my eyes even a small amount. My luck in life wasn’t the best, but it couldn’t be this bad! The SUV groaned and shuddered from being on it’s roof and not all four wheels. I hung suspended from my seat, the belt was the only thing holding me in place. The acrid smell of gasoline was almost more then I could take, but the smell of gas and blood mixed together was something I couldn’t stomach. Even so I didn’t think I had it in me to hurl again.
The effort it took to keep my eyes shut was painful, but facing the truth was worse. I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want this to be happening to me. The feeling of something liquid and cool slithered down my forehead and dripped from my hair onto the now crushed roof of the SUV. The sounds of voices were becoming noticeable.
I took a deep breath. I remembered my parents arguing, their voices sharp and heated as my father drove. I remembered my mother scream as we swerved. The glass broke as the car started to roll.
Without opening my eyes I spoke. “Mom, Dad someone is coming to help us just hold on a little longer, we’ll make it through this!” My courage was all that was in my weak muffled voice.
At some point I had forgotten why I had to keep my eyes closed. Mom and dad would be fine, we would be taken out of this wreck and to the hospital where dad would kiss my mother on the forehead and tell her she was his light in the darkness. Yet, why was I so terrified of opening my eyes? Moving my hand to where the seatbelt release was I unbuckled the thing and was ready for gravity to take me down. I wasn’t ready to find I had a broken leg and multiple wounds I hadn’t noticed before. I kept my eyes shut, refusing to open them through all of this, something inside me said it was the best thing to do at the moment and I was following my instinct.
I landed on the crushed interior of the cars roof, glass was all over it cutting up my hands and legs as I lay there. My parents hadn’t responded to me yet and it made me worry, had they been knocked unconscious? “Mom, Dad are you two awake?” No response came to me only the sounds of the hissing car and dull voices in the background. That calmness that had settled over me was falling away rapidly when my parents continued not to answer, and I still couldn’t find it in me to open my eyes. I had to help them! I couldn’t do that with my eyes held tightly together in fear of what I would see.
I took two shallow breaths. The surroundings were silent except for the hiss of the SUV I was sitting in. The voices of people had stopped becoming audible. What I had seen couldn’t have been real, that had only been an imagination. All of this was just an accident, and accidents could be made up for. I kept swallowing so not to loose my stomach contents again. If I didn’t open my eyes I wouldn’t know if what I saw was real or just an over imagination and I couldn‘t help my parents if they needed me. A sob emitted from my lips, as fear coiled in the pit of my empty stomach.
I opened my eyes.
And my mothers’ lifeless gaze stared at me from with in the back seat.
Her body in the front seat of the car.
I screamed.
I screamed. As loud as my voice would allow. At some point, I didn’t know when, my voice broke and became nothing more then a gurgle of terror. My hands gripped the seat belt with as much force as I could conjure up. I shut my eyes as tight as I could get them, a headache was pounding in behind my lids threatening to burst my head open, and the contents of my stomach were already all over the back of the driver’s seat.
What I had seen had not happened. I kept telling myself that and refused to open my eyes even a small amount. My luck in life wasn’t the best, but it couldn’t be this bad! The SUV groaned and shuddered from being on it’s roof and not all four wheels. I hung suspended from my seat, the belt was the only thing holding me in place. The acrid smell of gasoline was almost more then I could take, but the smell of gas and blood mixed together was something I couldn’t stomach. Even so I didn’t think I had it in me to hurl again.
The effort it took to keep my eyes shut was painful, but facing the truth was worse. I didn’t want to be here, I didn’t want this to be happening to me. The feeling of something liquid and cool slithered down my forehead and dripped from my hair onto the now crushed roof of the SUV. The sounds of voices were becoming noticeable.
I took a deep breath. I remembered my parents arguing, their voices sharp and heated as my father drove. I remembered my mother scream as we swerved. The glass broke as the car started to roll.
Without opening my eyes I spoke. “Mom, Dad someone is coming to help us just hold on a little longer, we’ll make it through this!” My courage was all that was in my weak muffled voice.
At some point I had forgotten why I had to keep my eyes closed. Mom and dad would be fine, we would be taken out of this wreck and to the hospital where dad would kiss my mother on the forehead and tell her she was his light in the darkness. Yet, why was I so terrified of opening my eyes? Moving my hand to where the seatbelt release was I unbuckled the thing and was ready for gravity to take me down. I wasn’t ready to find I had a broken leg and multiple wounds I hadn’t noticed before. I kept my eyes shut, refusing to open them through all of this, something inside me said it was the best thing to do at the moment and I was following my instinct.
I landed on the crushed interior of the cars roof, glass was all over it cutting up my hands and legs as I lay there. My parents hadn’t responded to me yet and it made me worry, had they been knocked unconscious? “Mom, Dad are you two awake?” No response came to me only the sounds of the hissing car and dull voices in the background. That calmness that had settled over me was falling away rapidly when my parents continued not to answer, and I still couldn’t find it in me to open my eyes. I had to help them! I couldn’t do that with my eyes held tightly together in fear of what I would see.
I took two shallow breaths. The surroundings were silent except for the hiss of the SUV I was sitting in. The voices of people had stopped becoming audible. What I had seen couldn’t have been real, that had only been an imagination. All of this was just an accident, and accidents could be made up for. I kept swallowing so not to loose my stomach contents again. If I didn’t open my eyes I wouldn’t know if what I saw was real or just an over imagination and I couldn‘t help my parents if they needed me. A sob emitted from my lips, as fear coiled in the pit of my empty stomach.
I opened my eyes.
And my mothers’ lifeless gaze stared at me from with in the back seat.
Her body in the front seat of the car.
I screamed.