Colibri Haki stood nervously on the borders of her pack for the last time. She had cleaned her cabin before she went, emptying the ashes from the fireplace and dusting out the cupboards, menial pointless tasks to put off the inevitable. If Deuce ever came back... well, that was foolish. None of them were coming back, were they? What was left of the herb and flower garden she had secretively cultivated in the time she had spent there, she had painstakingly transplanted into the greenhouse Henratha left behind for her. Thick guilt closed off in her throat, thinking of the time Anu had visited her garden, when it was sunny and beautiful and perfect. She knew that the annuals were doomed either way; if the frosts of winter didn't kill them, then the lack of water and sunlight would. But there was always a chance that another nature-minded wolf would stumble upon the haven and adopt the greenhouse as their own... she hoped. She didn't want her entire time here to be pointless and unmemorable. Although it probably was, to all but her. Leland's face hovered in her memory for a moment, and she forced it down, unwilling to think about the husky right now. Another painful reason to leave.
The slender werewolf ran her claws nervously through her silken mane, trying to smooth her warm-brown fur and look presentable. What would it mean to renounce her claim to Dahlia de Mai? Auntie Mew, and her adorable children, she might never see them again. Conor and Emwe, whom she had just been feeling closer to, would consider her a traitor by leaving them. Cercelee... Coli never knew what to say to her anymore, her friend, her sister, her leader. It was selfish for her to leave. Hadn't the entire reason she'd come been to protect Cer from Haku, to let her know that their father had fallen into a deeper darkness than either of them had predicted? Leaving her now with the unstable Lilium seemed like the ultimate betrayal, but somehow, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was not welcome here anymore. There was too much pressure here, pressure to fit in when she could not, pressure to be someone she wasn't anymore. Perhaps it was all in her head, but the shadow was impossible to escape without starting anew.
Taking a deep, shuddering breath, the Haki wolfess tipped her muzzle towards the sky, shutting her blue eyes tightly out of fear. She had come this close many times. Every time she was about to howl, she panicked and froze up, anxiety flooding her with predictions of who would meet her when she called. Would it be frightening warrior Cwmfen, who might run her off with a spear or a sword, and tell the others she was a deserter? Would it be Cercelee, blank-faced and hard-eyed as she masked away her emotions and told Coli to get out of her life? Would it be... Haku? Terror-inducing Haku, whose moods swung from threatening her life to pretending she did not exist? She gulped, palms sweaty against her sides. She felt like such a worm, running away to be with a lover. She detested confrontation, but she had brought this upon herself. Figuring that the conflict would be just as unpleasant if she had to tell Anu that she put it off again, the Circèe parted her jaws in the cool air, singing a quavering note, a thin howl requesting a leader's presence. She had made her choice.
