ooc: Was it really as simple as overcoming the past? She had listened to Jefferson, as strange as she found his suggestion to be, but sense dictated that it would have not been suggested if there wasn’t some merit to it. The tight grasp of her past, the pain of her exile, of course they were matters that made her who and what she was…but was it right to continue to cling to it and assume the world would be as her pack? Cold, brutal and distant if she couldn’t hold a candle to their wants and skills…
The kindness and carefree nature of the pack did not carry the weight of expectations as she would have assumed…but carrying the expectations of one was all she knew how to do. Her persona was crafted to fulfill an obligation, to become what other’s wanted in the end. She did not know how to mark a place for herself without some dictation…and it was disgusting, but she knew this was the truth.
Her sight could not part with her leader’s, holding fast as if challenging her to look away and call his words farce. No, she knew what he said was the truth. She was not so lost in her own dismay that reason could not penetrate her barriers. But it seemed so hard to do what he was offering…
“Help…would be nice…appreci- held would be nice” Her ears again cupped her skull. The crimson front of her mane came down to veil the embarrassed quiver of her muzzle. Just existing…that’s difficulty. Without a purpose, without a direction…I feel lost. It is not so much that I need an obligation, but that I have some kind of…goal. If to exist is this goal then…I…” She found it difficult to suppress her frustrated whining. Her jowls turned in an awkward sort of smile, more so a sneer to the floor as she struggled for a proper expression. But was there one? Really? “It’s just hard.” She finally settled with that.
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