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Geneva had finally given herself leave to wander the territory. She had grown tired of her self imposed exile from the outside world. The truth of the matter was that things had changed; she had changed, and the fact was undeniable. Her appearance was altered by her accident. Her cheek slopped unevenly, pulling the skin of one side of her face so that it stretched unnaturally in places. And while her jaw was aligned once more, it was now also slightly uneven, ruining what was once a nearly flawless, delicate profile. Geneva was still small boned, petite, but now energy radiated from her that was not quite as gentle as it used to be, although she was still as quiet. The only difference now was that her silence was crowded with unspoken, bitter words. The Whilom herself had changed. Upon regaining the ability to speak, Geneva had not said very much to her mate. But her first coherent words had told him in no uncertain terms that she was unfit to help him lead. The fall had not just fractured her body; it had shattered some part of her soul. Her personality was in flux as she tried to figure out who exactly she was now. She no longer understood or knew the woman looking at her when she spied her reflection. She had come to Mirror Lakes in the middle of the territory. She did not have the heart to walk the borders of the pack land, to relive the shame of her failure over and over again. For now all she could do was try to reintegrate herself into her home, but it seemed like a foreign place out of a dream now.
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Aw, you've beaten me to it. lol XD
The day was like any other for the same duties. Pendzez had left his cabin, with Xeris looking after the kids, and Pendzez was out for his daily things. Things had been different after what happened with Geneva. She hadn't been seen as recent as she used to be. Nowadays, she spent her time in her cabin, resting up and recovering. He had wandered how Jefferson was taking it. Geneva was a good second in command, and he could tell about their intimate relationship with each other. Now, Jefferson was taking all the responsibility once again on his own.
He began to make his way to the Lakes to fill his canteen for the day's jobs. There were many thoughts in his mind. He was a Spirit King and he wanted to help Jefferson, but Jefferson seemed content on taking the responsibilities on his own. Besides, he didn't really seem to believe in the spirits. Pendzez didn't force anyone to believing in them, but by just saying about them, Ty and Xeris seemed to believe them, even Rendall. Ty even calls him a noble. However, in flesh, he was still a wolf. He respected the Patriarch's decision.
Coming to the Lake, he saw not too far away, a figure by the edge. It looked like Geneva, no... it was her. She was looking at herself in the water. She seemed troubled by something. Pendzez came forward to see if he could help in anyway. "Geneva? Is something the matter?" he asked as he got closer to the female, taking notice of her numerous scars she had received recently.
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It was oddly fitting that Pendzez would happen upon her first. Indeed, when she had first traveled across the borders of this pack land, she had been intercepted by the white furred male. He had been part of this pack even longer than she had. She lifted her eyes from the water when she heard him, and for a moment despised the way he moved with such ease and comfort through his surroundings. She felt like a trespasser in a stranger's skin, and wondered if she would ever feel as though she truly belonged here again. But it wasn't the place that had changed. It was her, and she could not exactly pinpoint what it was that had changed. Not only her appearance, but her attitude, her perception - something undefinable, a je nais se quoi. She no longer understood herself, and when she spied the imperfect reflection out of the corner of her eye, she did not know if she wanted to understand this new, warped version of herself.
"Pendzez," she greeted in a tone gone flat and emotionless. She fought to keep a hold on her tongue as she felt him evaluating her and measuring the change in her appearance, the new imperfections and healing scars she had collected. There was a sort of hostility lying in the undercurrent of her energy, but she did not feel that it was inspired by the white male, so she tried to spare her ire. "Everything is just peachy."
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He came closer and closer to the scarred female as he brought out his canteen. Just stopping near the lake in front of Geneva, he looked at the her scars, then in her eyes. From how her eyes were looking at him, he started to reckon that there was something bothering her. Well, after what happened to her, why wouldn't something bother her. She nearly died, but the end result had left... somehow, distant from everyone. Like she was feeling like a stranger to the pack. Everyone can walk flawlessly, but she can't.
Peachy? She said things were peachy? To the white male, peachy wouldn't be the word to describe the situation she had been in. It wasn't her time anyway. Pendzez looked down from left to right to think of something to say and to do to help her. He was a pack mate after all, who had friendship with the female. "I see," is what he spoke out of his lips. A short, slow answer, this was what he could think of first to say. He would just have to wait and see what Geneva will have to say before saying anything else
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Geneva sighed, feeling a tingle of shame at the way she was treating her fellow pack mate and comrade. She shook her head slightly, as if she could clear away the thorny, black edged thoughts that crowded and dominated her mind. She wanted to eliminate harsh words from her vocabulary, but found that she could not. Her tone of voice and words now simply reflected the way she felt: imperfect, out of touch, hardened, and ugly. She felt like everything about her was ugly. Not only the disfigurement, but every part of her. She felt as though she spoiled everything she came into contact with, even the air she breathed. It was a hard thing to come to terms with, and so she acted and reacted poorly in response to that feeling. "I just want to fade away," she said, and her voice was flat as she made her confession. She wasn't looking at him anymore. Instead her eyes sought the reflection of her ruined face in the water's surface. "Maybe it would be better if I would just leave."
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Pendzez gazed upon the injured female, shame and sadness covered her face, even her whole body. She was suffering, she wanted it to end. Pendzez couldn't do much to comfort her. He didn't know what to say to her. He shouldn't say about the spirits, due to reasons like this. she wouldn't want to hear about them, saying how and why they would let this happen. All he did was approach her.
He came close to her, placing a hand on her shoulder, showing only his friendship and support for her, his close way of comfort. {b]"Don't say that. You are needed here. We all want you here. Me, Xeris, Ty, Jefferson, everyone."[/b] It was all he said in reply to her words she spoke about herself about leaving. He didn't want her to leave. Jefferson would want the same thing. Her to be here.
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Pendzez continued to approach the situation positively. Geneva swallowed a biting retort and grimaced. She didn't feel like any of them needed her; she was too useless now. She was still healing and she moved slowly. And she hadn't even come close to beginning to heal mentally and emotionally from the trauma and the aftermath of the fall. She felt so useless, she probably would have slept all day except the fact she couldn't stand to be alone with herself. She did not understand what they saw in her now. She was damaged goods and better left alone. If she didn't even like herself anymore, why would anyone else even consider associating with her? Whatever it was, she did not see it in herself. The Whilom shook her head slightly and shifted her lime green gaze to the white wolf's face. He was trying to penetrate her walls, or maybe just to let her know the he was still on friendly terms with her. But she didn't feel any answering emotion rising in the deadness of her heart. "I think that it would be in Jefferson's best interests if he had more help, and not from me."
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Pendzez had very little to offer to her at this moment. He wasn't sure if he should help her in some way, but what could he do? She was physically and emotionally scarred and damaged by her accident. She was different, but she was the same. She was family. In this family, everyone looks out for each other. Geneva was part of this family. It wouldn;t right to let her leave, both not in her current condition, but since she is Jefferson's mate. His mind wondered, thinking of something to say to her.
She looked at him with her lime green eyes. He looked back with his burning red eyes. His mind still wondered. He hadn't found words that would answer her say. He would have to be careful with what he would say. One wrong word and he would fuck the whole conversation up. Not just that, the friendly, social relationship the two have, and probably between him and the Patriarch as well. "I don't know what to say Geneva." he said as he looked to the lake, his mind continued to search for words.
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Geneva looked at the white furred male sharply when he finally uttered the words that he seemed to be struggling with. The only other creatures she had interacted with had been Jefferson, and he had spoken to her as though nothing had really happened at all. He talked about his patrols, and about the pack members he happened across. And when he looked at her, he never once acknowledged the scars and disfigurement, new to her body and face. And she desperately wanted him to, so that she could move on and figure out what to do next. But because she could not see her new self reflected in his eyes, she did not know how to move on or how to be with him. The ghost of her former self still remained there, between the two of them, preventing them from going forward or losing each other, a feeble tie that could go either way. "That is the best thing anyone has said to me since the accident." It wasn't much, true. But it was refreshing to hear the honesty in Pendzez's voice. In those few words, there was acknowledgement that she had been changed, physiacally and in other ways. He recognized that, and although it wasn't huge, it meant something to her, something small that she could cling to. It validated her now; she was herself, and perhaps she could belong to herself again, even if she couldn't belong here anymore.
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Pendzez just stood there confused. He only said one sentence and that was considered the best thing said by her. Well, in human history, one phrase could change the world, but nothing was mentioned about a sentence. Why did she consider it the best? Was it because that she wanted everyone to acknowledge the pain she was feeling, or that the scars she was given from the fall. She looked like she felt she was useless to everyone, including Jefferson, but Pendzez didn't think she was useless.
Pendzez again searched for words to say in reply. He had very little to say, considering to watch what he says before her. He couldn't even think of much to say, only thought of Jefferson. Maybe he could ask her about him and how he took this whole thing. It might be a risky move, but he had no other words. "What did Jefferson say?" he asked calmly.
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Pendzez seemed at a loss for words. That suited Geneva just fine. She didn't have many words to offer him in conversation. She didn't even want to be around others, but she would not wish them away either. She knew that Pendzez had a right to be here, just as she did. She wasn't in the mood for conflict, but she wasn't in the mood for peace. Geneva's mood was scattered and she did not have the energy to pick up the pieces, and thus could not make sense of this situation. Of course, none of this was Pendzez's fault. She wouldn't begrudge him being here or talking to her. She had once been his sub-leader. Once. And now she didn't know what the hell she was - but to him, it seemed as though she was still part of the whole. It was something nice to consider, for a change. "Not much, not really. I haven't been talking to him, or listening, to be honest."
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Pendzez decided to keep keep with using small words. He had trouble with what to say, especially in this situation with Geneva. For now, he would say only little at a time, trying to avoid sparking a conflict of somekind with the female and that. Besides, from lookinf at the scarred female, the white wolf could tell that she would prefetr little words.
Pendzez was just here for water until he found her here. Even if he wanted to see Geneva, he had a right to be here before her. Even now, he still sees her as a sub-leader, a part of the Phoenix Valley family. Pendzez had always thought that whoever was in the pack was part of the family, new or old. "I see." he said, again short of words. "Why, if you don't mind me asking?"
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