[html]  Set March 3, if that's okay
She put her hand to her belly, frowning. She felt so weird in werewolf form, with this weight. It wasn't a lot of weight, that much was true, but it was enough for her to begin to notice a change. She could tell more when she was in wolf form, though; she felt more bulky. At least this way she didn't have it hanging down. Gravity made it even worse. Dierdre sighed, yanking the door to the shop open. Maybe she'd find something more suitable in here.
Ever since she had spoken with Deuce and Soran, since they'd told her what her symptoms had meant, she had been looking for some soft things. She didn't want deer pelts or rabbit furs...those didn't feel right. She wanted something even softer. The place that she was going into now she had searched around for, a search that had taken the better part of the day. A fabric shop. Everything would be dusty, but that was okay. She could clean it.
Dierdre hadn't told Pilot yet about what was going to happen--she wasn't sure about it herself. But she knew that she couldn't keep it a secret for long...he visited Deuce sometimes, and maybe Soran would come across him if she came back to Storm to see Dierdre. One of them could tell him. Really, she wasn't even sure why she hadn't told him yet. It had been two days since she had learned of it herself, and she had seen him several times. She just wasn't sure how to bring it up. She had thought that the herbs would prevent her from becoming pregnant. Naniko had said that they would last for a while. That was why she hadn't been worried about what she had done with Samael, and then with Pilot. She hadn't wanted pups, not yet. What would she do when they came? She didn't know how to be a mother.
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[html] http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j40/k ... efinal.png);background-repeat: no-repeat; padding-bottom:140px; background-position: bottom center;">Something was bothering Phoenix—he couldn’t put a paw down on it, but there was a nagging feeling that something was different, and Deirdre seemed to be at the epicenter of it. The massive male had learned early on not to ignore his instincts, so after it had not receded for a few days Phoenix got up in the morning with the intention of finding the oldest of his adoptive children and making sure everything was all right with her. He worried, as he was prone to do. Being a psychic only validated his feelings that something was off, even if he wasn’t actively reading her mind. There were still “bad vibes” that he was picking up.
It took him forever to find her, since she wasn’t home… but as soon as he picked up a fresh trail he was off, following it all the way to the human city. What could she be looking for here? There was obviously something wrong going on here, and Phoenix intended to get to the bottom of it. He traveled in his halfling form so he could travel on a much faster quartet of legs rather than just a pair, but as soon as he saw her inside a shop he woofed to get her attention through the large glass window before beginning to shift onto four legs so he could manipulate the door and follow her inside. | [/html]
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Her fingers ran over the long rolls of fabric, feeling for the best, the softest. There was yards and yards of string....or was it called "yarn"? She wished that she knew how to knit. Then she might be able to make something herself. Some of the yarn was really funny looking, with fuzzies all over each individual strand. It was the yarn that was the softest out of everything there. Maybe she could go to the library and find a book on knitting. Everything else that she might need for that kind of a project she could find here.
There was some craft paint in the back, big heavy buckets of it. She planned on taking the paint outside and splashing the front of the building with it, to mark it so that she could easily find the place again. She'd dump most of the paint out in front of the building, then take the remainder of it and splash it all over the street sign down at the end of the block. Another marker that she'd be able to see from a long ways away-a marker that wouldn't fade away in time, like a scent-mark might.
She struggled to lift one of the buckets. She didn't have a lot of strength left, not after the long trip here. She threw up most of what she ate, and everything else she ate just didn't taste the same any more. It didn't taste good. So she hadn't really been getting a good range of nutrients. Dierdre hadn't expected that it would have this kind of an effect on her, make her feel so weak and useless.
She shivered a little, despite the big, warm coat that she wore. It scared her a little, that she couldn't do things that she used to be able to do. Was this how it was going to be for the next month or so?
The woof made her start; she had thought she was alone. She could see someone through the dusty window, a familiar brown shape. She went to help him with the door, holding it open until he came inside. "Hi. Did you come out exploring today like I did? We tend to meet a lot in the city" Only twice now, but still. Usually she didn't see anyone else in the city when she went.
She couldn't exactly hide her condition; she was getting larger and larger every day. But, for some reason, she hadn't told Phoenix about it either. She just...hadn't seen him around. But at the same time, she hadn't gone and looked for him, either. "How are the kids doing today?"
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[html] http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j40/k ... efinal.png);background-repeat: no-repeat; padding-bottom:140px; background-position: bottom center;">Perhaps he had gone too far, tracking her down here in the city. Deirdre probably wanted to be alone, and he had other things that needed attending to in Storm, but he wouldn’t have the peace of mind necessary to accomplish his chores until he made sure his daughter was all right. He felt better about leaving Storm now that Pilot stood as his second-in-command. The boy was capable of keeping an eye on things while he was away. “They’re doin’ fine,” he answered her question. “They’re lehrlin’s now, can you b’lieve it?” It seemed like idle banter, but he was truly proud of all his children. They were growing up all around him.
Finally back on two legs, Phoenix walked in through the door and took a stance close in front of Deirdre, looking her over. He dwarfed her, but the girl was safe in his presence. There was definitely something different, but he had a hard time putting his finger on it. Was she putting on weight? “Act’ally I followed you here,” he admitted. “Didja wanna be alone? I jus’… needed t’ talk.” Suddenly, finally, it dawned on him. In retrospect he should have noticed it sooner, but something of this magnitude was the last thing he’d been expecting. His eyes widened and shot down to her belly. He could just feel the extra life developing inside her. “Deirdre! …Are… are you…?” he couldn’t finish the question, not that it needed answering. He’d seen enough pregnancies to recognize one when he saw it, and his psychic perceptiveness confirmed it. | [/html]
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She didn't like things happening to her body without her control. This entire ordeal was very, very unpleasant for her, even without the throwing up and dizziness. Dierdre had problems already, with doubting herself, and this added onto them. How could she be one hundred percent sure that she would be a good parent? She couldn't be. She wondered if she would end up like her mother--crazy half the time, negligent the other half of the time.
At least she knew that Pilot would be a good parent. He was great around Dierdre's young siblings-she could imagine how he would be with pups that were his own. "They're getting so big, now. I remember when they were born...all of them were so eensy" It was easy to talk about the others, to keep the talk off of herself. But she was running out of luck, it seemed, as Phoenix realized it--then brought up the very thing that she had been trying not to think about.
She didn't know what to say at first. He could tell that she was...he didn't even need her to answer. She felt defensive, all of a sudden...but fought the emotion down. Why was she feeling so strangely? Phoenix would be happy, wouldn't he? She would never have to tell anyone the truth. Even if the pups were born looking a little like Samael...if they were really Samael's...well, Dierdre had some red wolf in her. She could say that it was a mutation of the gene.
The white wolf swallowed, then looked back up at him. "I think...they'll be here in the middle of April. Spring babies." That would confirm it for him.
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[html] http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j40/k ... efinal.png);background-repeat: no-repeat; padding-bottom:140px; background-position: bottom center;">Phoenix had every bit of confidence that these pups would grow up in an ideal, loving environment. Deirdre could learn from her mother, as an example of what not to do… and he would be there to guide her is she had any difficulties. He knew a thing or two about bringing up pups, after all. Now that Icarus, Ember and Kansas were lehrlings, living much more independently, Phoenix would have plenty of time to devote to being a grandfather. A grandfather. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to be one… his family was growing by leaps and bounds, which made him feel that much more excited for his former protégée.
So caught up in his own excitement, Phoenix didn’t notice Dierdre’s unease. He closed the distance between them in a single step and almost reverently put a hand on her belly. He knew it was still too early to feel any movement but it was still a special moment in his mind. “That’s good,” he answered, grinning. Spring was the best time of year to have children, when food was plentiful. With so few adults around to help hunt, that would be vital—and fish weren’t exactly the most ideal food for a nursing mother. “Have y’told Pilot yet?” | [/html]
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She ought to be happy about it, too. There was more of a chance that they were Pilot's babies; she'd taken measures to make sure that nothing would come of what she and Samael had done. She would have the pups, and then she and Pilot would raise them, together. It was a strange thought, that two pups might actually be raised by two parents. Most of the pups around Bleeding Souls got abandoned by their parents, sooner or later.
"No--I only found out a couple of days ago...and we haven't really come across each other yet. Half the time I can't get to sleep, and by the time I get back he's already asleep. Soran and Mom were the ones that told me. I didn't really understand why I was feeling so sick all the time; I'd thought that I was getting the flu again" Dierdre was hoping that Pilot would be happy about the pups, but she couldn't be sure. "I hope he'll be as excited as you are--and as I am. It'll be a brand new experience"
She didn't want to keep talking about herself, so she asked a new question, one that she really did want to know. "How have you been? I went over and thanked Naniko--she was pretty modest about everything. But you're feeling better?" It made sense, because he was all the way out here...but she had to ask to make sure.
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[html] http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j40/k ... efinal.png);background-repeat: no-repeat; padding-bottom:140px; background-position: bottom center;">The past few months raising his children without their mother had been difficult. Iskata had not abandoned them—she still loved them—but he wished she had stuck around to look after the three pups they still had raher than going off to look for the one pup that had gone missing. He wanted Firefly back as much as she did, but Kansas, Ember and Icarus had suffered enough. At least Diedre’s pups would have an even larger support system than his litter had—he would b there to guide the young parents, and the pups would have ample aunts and uncles to help watch over them.
Phoenix nodded as he listened to Dierdre speak, but before he could respond she changed the subject. Arching a brow, he let his arm drop and folded it with the other one. He felt great—perhaps a little more willing to go to bed at night than he had before his ordeal, but that was fading fast. He still had a couple injuries from the fight with Glaesring, but those were healing well enough. He’d probably have a new scar over his collarbone to boot. “I couldn’t be better,” he responded optimistically. It was funny, he’d heard so much about this Naniko—she was connected to his family through Iskata—and yet he had never met her for himself. “I’m gonna have t’ find Naniko an’ thank her.”
He’d answered her question, but he wasn’t done thinking about the fact that she was going to be a mother. He was growing more excited as he considered everything. Once again he’d have little white pups following him around, bombarding him with questions, just as Deirdre herself had done as a pup. Only this time, he would welcome them with open arms. “I’m sure you an’ Pilot’ll make great parents,” he offered as he placed both hands on her shoulders, trying to alleviate the tension that he sensed. He didn’t know for sure if that was what was really bothering her but it was a good guess—every parent had those fears. “He’s a good guy... you two are lucky t’ have found each other.” | [/html]
[html] I wasn't attacking Iskata or anything when I said that most of the pups around Souls were abandoned by their parents. I was just making a gneralized statement that most pups in BS don't grow up with both of their parents around.
Right now, she was content to forget about the pups. That is...until they got bigger and forced her to remember them. She didn't know how many there were, but that was okay. She hoped that they would be born healthy. Dierdre knew that there was a high possibility that some of the pups could be stillborn, because that had happened to most of the pups that Deuce had born, but she would try not to think about that. She wasn't sure about raising them...but she was their mother. She would try as best as she could. Her best might not be enough, but she was going to try.
"Yeah. Clouded Tears is a strange place, with all that mist and stuff. I don't know how they can stand it. I think I'd feel suffocated there." But to each his own. Storm seemed like the most normal pack around, to Dierdre. "I'm glad that you're okay. Everyone was really worried...even after she had said that you would be all right"
The white wolf stood still when he put his hands on her shoulders, not moving toward him or away from him. She wanted to take a few steps back, to see if he would drop his hands...but she didn't want to seem rude, either. Dierdre trusted Phoenix a lot, but she wasn't in the right disposition to enjoy any sort of physical contact, from anyone. "I know. Everyone tells me that...how good we are together. I think so, too...he's great."
The main thing that she felt was anxiety--and skittishness. She wanted to go places, and do things that she probably wouldn't be able to do. Normally she wouldn't have gone all the way out here...but she had wanted to, so that she could test her own strength. She wanted to know how far she could go before her body protested. So far she was okay.
Things would change, undoubtedly, once she was further along. Right now she could only feel the beginnings of the life that was growing within her, mostly the physical effects of it.
Dierdre looked to the left, motioning toward the fabric. "I was looking for something to sleep on...but most of this isn't in too good of shape. You don't know how to knit, do you? Some of the yarn that's here is really, really soft...I was thinking about taking up knitting. I could make something nice for them, to keep them warm in case it's still chilly out in April"
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[html] http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j40/k ... efinal.png);background-repeat: no-repeat; padding-bottom:140px; background-position: bottom center;">I know. I was just writing about how much Phoenix missed her.
At his daughter’s observation, Phoenix chuckled. He too hated fog—the concept of not being able to see everything around him and thus being vulnerable to ambush went against every fiber of his being. He’d spent so much of his life worried about predators that it was a hard state of mind to get out of, even if he was one of the biggest things in the valley. He just hated being vulnerable to anything, or being unable to protect what he loved, if even for a moment. “I know whatcha mean,” he agreed. Conversely, though, his mate was from those lands, and he knew she still missed it. She had plenty of pleasant memories about the place, which were now rattling around in his own head, so he could better understand the mindset of the wolves who lived there, even if he didn’t agree with them.
He didn’t want to make Deirdre feel uncomfortable—quite the opposite. But the massive male wanted to be as involved as he could with these pups, her pups and the first of what he hoped would someday be a whole army of grandchildren. In retrospect Phoenix thought that if he’d embraced the role of her father-figure from the very start instead of bucking against it at the beginning he could have done better for her. Of course, hindsight was 20/20. There was no going back and changing the past; all he could do was learn from the precious experience she’d given him. He would know exactly how to treat these pups, and give Deirdre the benefit of his own experience.
Knitting? Phoenix wasn’t even sure what that was, but obviously it had something to do with fabric, which he knew next to nothing about. He didn’t bother to ask what she was talking about though… that would only distract them from the matter at hand, and if she did learn how to do it like she said she would then he could just learn what it was by observing her—and if she didn’t learn, then it obviously wasn’t important. Phoenix loved to collect blankets; he used to have quite the plush collection lining the sleeping area of his den. But most of those Moon had distributed amongst the pack after the avalanche. “I know where we could find a couple blankets. Th’ big, heavy ones too. An’ you could borrow a couple a’mine if y’needed ‘em.” He didn’t really need them anyway. After living a hard lifestyle, he could sleep just about anywhere. The blankets were just his way of indulging himself. | [/html]
[html] Okay.
It was an odd compulsion, the one that had driven her here. She had read about this in human books before, about "nesting" behavior--that females wanted to surround themselves in nice, comfortable things before the birth. But wasn't that thinking ahead a bit? She wasn't ready for them yet. Dierdre felt a little strange about talking with Phoenix about knitting...but that was what she was here for. She hadn't really thought about knitting before she had seen all of the beautiful, fluffy yarn here.
"I guess that each wolf is tied to their own packlands, though. I mean...I could have gone anywhere when I came back here, but I felt like Storm had been more of a home to me than anywhere else. I did live in Syemv..and then in Chimera. It would be harder to adjust to a new place." Her words were based on a current thought, one that had been plauging her for a while now. She had been thinking about her life a lot, about her past a lot. Mistakes, and things that she was going to do better. "I miss Physe a lot. I was thinking about asking Pilot...if he wouldn't mind...if we named one of the pups after Physe." It would be a way to hang onto the memory. Physe had come and gone, but he had always been very special to her.
She hoped that Phoenix wouldn't be angry about it, though. "But...I don't even know if any of them will be boys. But if I used his last name, it wouldn't matter anyway. It could be a boy or a girl. I really hope that there's at least one girl, though..." It was the most that she had spoken about the pups and about what she'd been thinking of for names...but now that she knew that she wasn't going to be pressed about how the pups had come into being, she didn't mind quite as much.
"Thanks. For the offer, I mean. I might take you up on it later on. For now, though...I sort of feel like I need to do this--to make something." She looked around the store, going toward a display. "These needles look perfect...I bet I can make something great with that red yarn over there."
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[html] http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j40/k ... efinal.png);background-repeat: no-repeat; padding-bottom:140px; background-position: bottom center;">During Iskata’s pregnancy, Phoenix had driven himself to the brink of madness trying to keep his mate well fed, safe and comfortable. The fact that she hadn’t really appreciated being babied only frustrated him more, but he didn’t want to risk any harm to their litter. And then there was also the innate mystery of it all... How many pups would there be? How many boys and how many girls? What would they look like? Deirdre seemed to be taking her own pregnancy more in stride, at least outwardly.
Physe? It took Phoenix a couple seconds to remember who she was talking about. He’d always called the older wolf Revlis, and he’d had so much on his mind as of late that he hadn’t thought about their deceased friend since Gibraltar left. Revlis had been just as much a father to Deirdre as Phoenix had. Funny how one wolf could change the political landscape of the lands so much… for better or for worse. “I think that would be nice,” he said, nodding.
If Dierdre wanted to make something, then Phoenix wouldn’t stop her, though he really didn’t see the point of it. But then, Phoenix would gladly allow her to spend the next few months not doing anything while she prepared for the pups. He already planned to help Pilot hunt for her, especially once she would be unable to fend for herself. And border patrol was out of the question as well… what if she ran into a hostile intruder? She shouldn’t be fighting. She would need something to pass the time, and if she wanted to knit, well then. “Y’want me t’help you carry anythin’ back?” he offered. Already his overprotective tendencies were going into overdrive. | [/html]
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She was used to fending for herself, looking after herself...it was very hard for her to get used to having someone around that wanted to take care of her, for a change. Dierdre recognized that Phoenix wanted to help, though, and understood. He cared about her the same way that she cared about him--they were even closer than a biological father and daughter. She couldn't imagine anyone else who she'd rather have looking out for her.
But that didn't mean that she would stay in the den all the time. She'd gotten more than enough of that when she had been sick with the flu. She did have her bow, too, so if she felt like she needed to eat something other than fish she could always catch food that way. She would barely even have to move at all!
Right now she had to worry about keeping her strength up. The pups were unexpected, yes, but she wanted them. The places where her own mother had gone wrong in her childhood, she would correct with these little ones.
"I'd love some help" She said, grinning. Maybe having Phoenix as a personal attendant wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.
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