Heaven's out of Reach
#1
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She had battled with this, again and again. But there was no hiding it.

Anu had felt the overwhelming joy, the surge of happiness and the surprise and bewilderment. All of that had passed through her, and she fought to find a moment happier then the ones that raced through her the moment she realized it. Savina’s words lived in her, her friend’s kind voice speaking them to her again and again. They followed the wolfess as she traveled from the Dreaming world to that of the male she sought. Her paws took her lightly, the words that she needed to speak repeating over and over in her mind. There were many variables that followed them, things that would keep her from speaking the truth and leaving without parting with the knowledge. If she could not find him, it was not a message that she would leave with another to simply give him or if he were unable to take the time to speak with her Anu would just leave with her secret. But she came for a reason, and she tried to hope that nothing would steer her from that path.

That happiness had had another feeling close behind it, and the Lt. General felt the anxiety that those worries gave her. A small frown rested on her face, where the content soft curve of a smile would likely have lived. Still, she wasn’t sad. No, the happiness was always there and even if this visit did not go well Anu would be able to hold onto that joy if only for her own sake. And that of the small lives that grew inside, no resentment and no question of her feelings towards them would ever live. She could hope, as always, that what she feared would not unfold between she and Gabriel and that what had grown between them would still remain. The tawny fey entered the lands, the boundaries distinct just as she knew their owner liked them. She paused, hesitating and loosing faith. But she did not turn back and instead tipped her head to call for him. It was long, but low and as wolfishly-distinct as Anu was. Then she waited, counting the minutes and wondering if he would surface.



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300+
#2
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Gabriel had been sleeping more and more. Things were settling into a pattern—one of ease and one that felt fluid. His days were no longer tormented by the threat of death around every corner. Haku would die, this was certain. His soul knew this because it sensed the power of the black dagger, hidden in his den. It radiated with wickedness, something that Gabriel could not himself use. It was arrogant of him, and self-righteous, to believe this. Yet he did, without doubt, because he believed he was nothing like the man he sought to destroy. At least, he had convinced himself of this.

The dream was never the same, and often changed as he stirred. He could recall only scarce things; the smell of smoke, burning hair, and the screaming. Always the screaming. The fire had raged for weeks, and took with it the young, the old, the sinners and holy men alike. Alone Gabriel had emerged. His fur had turned black and his eyes captured that sacred tool within themselves. More then a hundred lives would be lost in the fire that destroyed SoCal. This did not matter to him. God’s Will was done.

A voice cut through the dream, one that dampened the smell of smoke and stirred something else inside of him. Groggily the coy-wolf staggered to his feet, shaking the dream from his head as he advanced to the doorway. Once there it was the smell of rain in the air that woke him. As they had been for weeks gray storm clouds passed turbulently overhead. This was not something he feared, though he supposed it was unnatural of him to do so. They had grown too wise for their own good, the Luperci, and he took this in stride as he trotted towards the borders.

He found her there, a silvery figure that stood out against the green-gold of Inferni’s grassland. It did not surprise him that the woman had come again, though something in her face made his bones ache with trepidation. “Anu,” the Aquila called out, closing the distance between them. “What brings you all the way up here?” Certainly he would have liked to believe it was him. The old ego rose, however slightly, each time he found himself with something to show for it.

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#3
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Ever since she had known it, felt it inside, Anu had dreamt of them. Not always as she slept, but as she found her mind drifting off away from the vivid world of the Sun, she saw them in her idle thoughts. As she sat and waited they came to her again, their small figures blurred, smudging the details and making it hard for her come to recognize them. But still they were so obviously hers, and his.

Blue eyes looked out into the sea of pin tipped grass, watching it sway with the wind’s persuasion. It spoke of the sweetness that Spring gave, the nourishment that it’s rains offered. Thriving under the bright light, no Trees to shade and stunt its growth. She saw them there, just as she could see them everywhere. Happy, just as she always wanted for them.

His figure matched though the grass, his own ocean, until within calling distance. He looked as she always remembered him, his two-legged form was only a distant memory. Another dream. She remained seated until he was close, and the sight of his ace made her smile slightly. Its good to see you. She spoke, her voice calm and soft. How she remained so collected was unknown.

His question was an easy one to answer, To speak with you. She said, taking the step that closed the gap between them. She felt the desire to touch him rise in her, something small that yearned for protection as she stepped out into a place unknown and possibly volatile. Yet the things that should be told did not just slip from her tongue. It was not like she and him to move quickly.




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#4
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     They were so different, these two. He found it amazing that he had not destroyed her. As fragile as he imagined her to be, this seemed impossible. She looked as he remembered her, though something in her smell was peculiar, something he knew but could not place. Yet her smile washed away that lingering doubt and brought one to his face. Since their last meeting they had not seen one another, but this he supposed was due to distance and the greater matter of running their collective worlds. Inferni had been relatively quiet, though. Though that dagger remained in his thoughts, remained in his sight every night when he thought of Haku and—
     She moved, and presented him with a reason that did not strike him as odd. “Of course,” he answered, taking a step back to invite her in. With summer approaching, his coat had begun to thin, and well-used muscles rippled under sable fur as he moved. “Here, or somewhere else?” He asked, sparing a glance over his shoulder. Behind him the Waste sprawled, wide and open, with a sky bearing down on them to listen and hear and see everything that she had come to reveal.


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#5
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No, not from this place. She needed to remain, as if leaving where her paws had been planted would leak the confidence that Anu had gathered. The wolfess could not afford to bleed any of that assurance, and so her answer was simple. Here is fine. Walking beside him, deeper in to the Inferni lands with such sensitive new in the air did not settle with her. As always, Anu did not fear the de le Poer male. But if an exit needed to be quick and without confrontation the Dreamer wished to have it in sight.

The wolfess sat, reaffirming her choice and looked away momentarily, knowing that he would not wait long with out suspecting something was wrong. This was not wrong, but fact and one Anu felt in her heart it was right to share with him. In the few seconds that she took the woman’s heart beat steadily, her thoughts clear and formulated, her breath gentler then the plain’s wind. She did not let herself wonder where the anxiety lay in hiding. She couldn't allow the notion of it to surface, for the chance that it might return to her.

Eyes glanced back at him, her face not holding the smile that came natural to her as he stood in her gaze’s path. But a light was sewn among the lines of her soft features. I wanted you to know, Her voice the even sea that had been lost in their last conversations of war and unrest; finally it had returned to her. I’m pregnant with your litter. Blue eyes remained on him, steady and firm to wait for his response. She felt prepared for whatever might come. If it had ever been his choice to change her, to break her it had yet to happen. He had not destroyed her delicate being, but had given her life.



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300+
#6
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     Something changed in her face, something that made his own blackened mask turn stony. He felt as if they were on the cusp of some great exodus, on the edge of a cliff with no warning as to what lay below. Diving into water, that was it. Like diving into dark water. So he sat, across from her, studying her face and attempting to read what was there.
     When she spoke, it was as if he hit that water. It was cold, but deep. He sucked in a breath and felt it fill his lungs with her scent. That was it. She smelt the way Faolin had. The way his mother had. Gabriel blinked owlishly and then opened his mouth. It remained that way for a long time before he shut it, then tilted his head to study her. What could he say? Sorry? Congratulations? This was a mess of his making, something he had not even considered might happen.
     Finally he swallowed the lump in his throat. “They’ll be yours,” he said lowly, then fell silent forever. Her children to raise, to do with as she willed, in her pack, in her tall trees and safe world. Not here. Anywhere but here. Even Ezekiel and Talitha had been raised outside of Inferni and still felt the wrath of his enemies. “Do you want me to be a part of this?” He finally asked, dreading the answer.



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#7
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an "all over the place" post. sorry ><




It was not an easy thing. Just her being, in the current state that he had made for her, was difficult. It changed everything and her life was now altered in a way she had never foreseen for herself. Anu had wished it, wanted to know the feeling and had hoped that this would be who she could become. A mother, more connected to lives then she had ever been. A creator. It would not be gentle to her body, it would bring pain and had brought sickness and it would tell her experienced muscles and bone that she had passed her prime. And it was not easy to tell him. Everything had changed that night, both subconsciously and perhaps even knowingly trying to change the other. But it was not pride that pained her internally to speak the fact that he had indeed won the battle and edited her for eternity. It was that she could not clearly see them returning to the friendship that had strung them together so oddly. She wished things would not end here, and that was why she was here.

He said nothing, for what felt like eternity. And yet Anu watched him. She softened with the passing of the long seconds, her stable nature weakening but her eyes unmoving. This had been a surprise to all. Then, low deep words. Few that pushed them off a cliff into another bought of eternal quiet. But as she listened; where she had been growing self conscious Anu grew to resemble the stone that he mimicked so perfectly. Of course, she wished to say. They would be hers and no others. Colibri did not yearn or want to speak with her, to return to her bed and warm her heart. Her absence was evidence to those feelings. And though she had once wished to share such things with the woman, they needed to be hers now. Only. They will be. She affirmed, voice warm but ragged at the end. Always she worried that they would be lost, ripped from her like the other loves of her life, Anu would protect them until her end and never share them.

His question was not entirely expected, for she had not come here seeking his participation in all of this. A simple answer was easy found on her tongue, but before she could manage to give it she held back. Rethinking. I do not want them to wonder who you are. blue eyes cast to the background, her mind trying to formulate the words to express all her wants and needs. Do you want to be? She returned, but then regretted questioning him. No, she thought as she returned her gaze to his, needing to know what his reaction would be and dreading it. I can’t make you. She spoke, softly and without the calm ocean that she once owned. They were hers, and that would be enough for them. The idea was repeated through her mind again and again. She would be enough.




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300+
#8
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     He imagined he saw pain in her face. Or perhaps disappointment. He felt regret for his actions, for taking her as he had and carrying her through the storm. Gabriel was still yet a beast, and he still had needs. It was his conscious, which had always demanded him obey that peculiar morality that he followed, that reared up and demanded penitence. In his heart he did not wish this burden on her, and in his head he was reeling.
     Her answer was vague, and it did not settle him. Yet he was still. He had become such a stagnant creature since the war. Gabriel was tired. The rain made his shoulder ache and filled his home with empty noise. Often he slept but this sleep was restless and left him feeling more tired then before. Both ears swiveled to form a black crown atop his head at her voice, and he read what she was not saying. “They, and you, will always be welcome to call on me,” But. That inevitable and dreadful but. “, but Inferni brings trouble.” He paused and spared a glance south, to where a burnt scar cut into what had once been his home. Snake had nearly died during that fire. They had lost so many in such a senseless war. More had been wounded deeper then death, though, and this he could not forgive.
     “I’ll do what I can for you. I’ll come to your home when I can. But until they are grown, don’t bring them here.” For our enemies are vast and the world is cruel. He knew this in his heart. He could not forget his sister’s pain, his mother’s agony, the terror in his daughter’s face, or the absolute hatred in his son’s eyes. Wolves were the enemy. Perhaps they always would be. “Your trees will protect them better then I can,” he added softly, and a sad smile came over his face, softening the stone and aging him remarkably.



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#9
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She did not feel regret, no. Where perhaps he willed the past to change, Anu would never feel such a way. It had not been him alone that had felt the primal need and taken what they wished with a savage intent. She knew not why there had been no guilt riddling her form as she made the journey back to her Dreaming homelands after that night. Her actions had been unlike her, something that she would normally be embarrassed about and not willingly return to face the one she had spent such a night with. But she had felt none of that, and still those feelings did not rise in her. She was grateful, and felt blessed to have the chance to be a mother. It even comforted her to know that he was their sire, and that there had been no pain or regret (in her heart) in their conception.

His words were comforting, and more then what she had wished to hear from him. Eyes found their way back to him easily, his dark face filling her view, though the amber gaze fell away towards the lands that stood beyond her. She nodded, knowing that his clan was never far from the turmoil that raged within their leader. Monsters would never been far from their heels, and he would never loose the one that lived inside of him. The one she had felt, and accepted. Her family would be her primary support, Savina had already assured her that. Anu held not fear that they would not be loved and looked after by the wolves that she served.

It was almost too much, his offers. It was almost all too much. She didn’t need him to be so willing, and hadn’t fully expected him to be. But before their last meeting Anu would never have questioned him in such a way, and she tried to think of him as if she had never seen that side, as if she had never wanted it. I know, The wolfess spoke, with true understanding and a returning warmth in her voice. She had needed him to welcome this in his life, to assure her that she more then just that brief moment in time where they had been stripped of all conscious thought. our lives were not made to be connected this way. she paused, finding that she was comforted by his concern.

Of course, her home would do them well. Her love would hold she and her brood together and with the shelter that her pack provided they would grow happily. Anu smiled back at him, an honest blossom of happiness unfolding in her chest. I hope you come, and seek their refuge. They could protect him too, even if it was just for a mere moment. She was silent for a long moment before rising from her seat among the waves of grasses. I should go. She stated softly, knowing that what had needed to be said had been and that she would leave him to reflect upon it. Looking down briefly she contemplated her words and then added, This, makes me happy. She had no regrets.



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300+
#10
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     There was a peculiar morality within Gabriel’s world. He was not bound to this woman, but she carried his blood, and for this she was to be familiar to him. It was right that she would call on him in a time of need, but he doubted she would need him. All he had given her was the tool to make herself immortal. What happened to her children was beyond his control, for they would never exist within the realm that Gabriel lived in. He knew this, and did not feel sorrow. He had chosen his place years ago.

All he could do was smile back at her, knowing that the choice was not his and never had been. “I’ll come,” he reassured her. Then she rose and he followed her movement, admiring the silver flow of her fur and wondering why he had not recognized her scent for what it was. And she was happy. She was happy and Gabriel could not put any emotions into words. He felt hollow and stone-like, as if the world had ripped a part of him away. It had gone, lingering with the black dagger and the chocolate wolf that he sought to destroy. He would never rest so long as his shadow lingered.

     He did not speak, but touched his nose to her cheek and pressed his neck into her own. It was a sign of trust, or perhaps something more, but he could not think of what to say. So he said nothing and watched her go, his chest aching as if there was something heavy between his lungs and his ribs.


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