~Cruel Eyes~
#1
Belle had been exploring a great deal lately. The teen had so much on her mind- anxious thoughts nipped at her, and her head was often occupied with a whirlwind of confusion. She still couldn't belive it; She never thought that one day she would be living life as a pack member. The smaller-than-most fem lightly padded her way through a large- and beautiful forest of some sort. She had a wild grin on her face, and vibrant crimsons scanned her surroundings- Trees, Trees and more trees. Her hot, rough tongue began to lick her dirty coat - it was usually one of the palest shades of white- and it was curly and thick- only adding to its obscured quality- yet today it seemed it had aquired a soft blanket of leaves and dirt. There was a word to describe the wolf- and it had just been remebered. This new thought had just struck Belles mind- and she said the word aloud.
'Albino'
Her brothers had told her of such a word- they were very alike herself- pale and small. But only she had inherrited the cruel eyes of her father.
But she did not want to be cruel.

The year old fey continued walking- her limbs tired and aching- but she ignored them. She only wished she had the strength to run. Her onyx-coloured nose twitched- and she could smell the sweet scent of rushing water. The girl strained to prick her tired ears up- and sure enough- she could hear the drip drip of close water. She followed the source- her keen senses telling her which way to go- what signs to follow. She finally reached a thicket of young saplings, and she pushed her way through them- carefully. In front of her was a magnificent river. Belle gasped in awe- she usually admired the beauty of her surroundings- and this river was no exception. Purple-Grey and Turqoise pebbles lined the banks of the river- they glistened with both the droplets of cold water that covered them- and the strong sunlight that shone downwards to reach the open space. When the girl looked up- she could finally see sky- instead of branches... Not that she did not like branches... But it was nice to have a change once in a while.

The teen tore her gaze from the sky, and turned to the river. Sunlight danced on its waters- and she could make out silver outlines of speedy fish- that were of course- too fast to catch. She drew closer to the edge- and peered in. What she saw made her scream- a horrible, blood-curdling scream that could be heard from miles back.
She gazed in the water- and her fathers evil eyes stared back.
She screamed again- for- she had never seen her reflection before- nor did she realise that the figure in the water was only her. She backed away, and swivelled round. Then she broke into a 'RUN FOR YOU LIFE!' Kind of run, but it was shortly ended as a loose branch caught her left paw- tripping her up so she landed- flat on her face.
Hot tears ran down her face, as she kicked- in an extreamly frustrated manor. She tried to tug her paw free, but the branch ceased to let her out of its grasp.
'LET ME GO!' She shrieked- thinking the vice-like grip was one of her fathers. 'Let me go' She whispered again, as she let out a small whimper.
#2
I'm going to separate out my comments on your post so they're easier for you to refer to. ^^;
Your descriptive skills are very strong. I had a good image of Belle herself as well as the river as you were describing them throughout the post. Big Grin

First off, I'd use a spell-check. Your post is not riddled with spelling errors (not at all!), but there are a few here and there. Firefox has a spell-check built into the browser; Spellcheck.net can also be used, and most office products (Microsoft Office or OpenOffice type products) have one built in. Big Grin Spelling mistakes certainly do happen, but it's easy to run your post through something and get rid of errors like that. ^^; There are some words I seriously still cannot spell right, even after seeing them zillions of times (especially words with double letters, like embarrassed and exaggerated [and I had to correct exaggerated with a spellcheck there, btw!]).

Secondly, dashes! I love dashes and I probably abuse the crap out of them. >___>; In most cases you're using them I would say it's correct. Big Grin Just be careful with them. I know I also love to use dashes, and I sometimes do abuse them (and it's one of the faults I know I have and am actively trying to fix, but I still can't get over dashes, haha). Like, this sentence here:

Quote:Purple-Grey and Turqoise pebbles lined the banks of the river- they glistened with both the droplets of cold water that covered them- and the strong sunlight that shone downwards to reach the open space.

I'd probably do this to it, just split the first sentence off and let it stand independently, and just use the "and" rather than the dash to connect the next two:

Quote:Purple-grey and turquoise pebbles lined the banks of the river. They glistened with both the droplets of cold water that covered them and the strong sunlight that shone downwards to reach the open space.

Generally when people use them and they don't want to mess with the the mdash character itself ([html]—[/html]) they use -- rather than a single - to indicate the presence of a dash. :3 It makes for slightly easier reading. If you use HTML in your posts, you can use — or itself. Big Grin

Quote:The smaller-than-most fem lightly padded her way through a large- and beautiful forest of some sort.

The one after "large" isn't necessary, and generally when you use a dash, you don't need spaces on either side. Some style guides and people will tell you you do need spaces before and after your dashes, but I am pretty sure that's an outdated thing.

You could stand to slightly improve your word choices through the post. I'm not saying to use a thesaurus constantly, not at all--for the most part, your word choices and vocabulary are great. There are just one or two instances I think you might have stood for some variation--e.g., you referred to Belle as a "teen" twice in the post in the first or second sentences of the first and second to last paragraph. In the second instance, maybe you could have used adolescent or young adult even instead? :3 Your color words (onyx, albino, turquoise, etc) are all great.

And, you don't have to do this, not at all--but it makes for easier reading on others if you use bold tags
Code:
[b] and [/b]
to bold your speech. Big Grin

I enjoyed your post and I think you're doing great thus far--your writing is very good, it just needs a few polishing touches here and there. ^__^

[html]

It had been some time since Rurik had been in this area. He had a vague idea of what he was doing. The silvery werewolf was drawing closer to Inferni by the moment, and as it had been some weeks since his last visit with Silas, he figured he might as well drop by. The Miracles wolf wasn't too familiar with this part of the territory, but he was enjoying it nonetheless—summer was coming into full swing, and the silver-shaded wolf was enjoying the weather. True, he was born and raised in the cold weather, but this did not mean he was unable to appreciate this gorgeous weather.


The sound of a scream drew the werewolf's immediate attention, and his silver-shaded head snapped to attention, his bright blue eyes scanning the trees for the source of it. The sounds of someone running spurred Rurik into action, and he ran, too—toward the sound of the other wolf's footsteps. The vague sounds of a voice and words he could not quite make out drew him along further, and the silver-shaded werewolf frowned, peering around. Several yards away from him, he saw her—a pale white wolf with a dirtied coat, seeming quite upset. Rurik stopped, and began walking forward more slowly, a concerned frown on his face. “Excuse me, meess. Are you okay?” the werewolf asked, not wanting to simply walk on by.


<style type="text/css">
.rurik-hell b{font-weight:bold; color:#E4DED8; letter-spacing:1px;}
.rurik-hell em {font-weight:bold; font-style:normal; color:#CEC4BB;font-weight:bold; letter-spacing:1px;}
.rurik-hell p{text-indent:35px; padding:0px 15px 15px 15px; margin:0px;}
.rurik-hell {width:400px; background-color:#000000; background-image:url(http://sleepyglow.net/rp/rurik/ruri_hell.png); background-repeat:no-repeat; background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #000000; padding: 278px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: georgia, sans-serif; font-size:12px; color:#B6B1AD; line-height:16px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;}
</style>
[/html]
#3
That's great, all fine and dandy xD You have helped me a lot and I will try to take your statements into account :3
I have no idea why- yet I seem to use dashes a lot! I will make sure I reduce them! Also- my spelling had always been one of my weaknesses- but I will try to use spell check more often.

She stiffened, and her wild thrashing subsided, as she turned to see that what really had a hold of her was a loose twig of some sort that had managed to get itself stuck in the ground. The young wolf looked up- to see a figure walk towards her.
'He had me' She whispered in reply, anxiously clamoring upwards, and shaking the remaining dirt off.

'I am... OK.' She glanced at the luperci, his figure coming into focus. As she watched; she realized a couple of things. He was male, and strange. The fem couldn't help looking at him in a slightly confused manor-- she had never seen a were-creature before-- due to the amount of effort her father had put into keeping her apart from others.
The teen flinched away as the wolf slowly drew closer. Although she knew his intentions were kind-- she most certainly did not want to take any rash chances. Her expression went blank: her eyes burnt out and empty. It was the method she used when she was unsure about something-- to hide her feelings. Curiosity got the better of her, and she decided to make small talk with the silver-colored werewolf. Her scarlet orbs locked onto his blue- as she spoke once more.

'I am Belle.'
#4
This post looks great thus far. :3 Still a little work on dashes, but as it's a very difficult habit to break, nobody expects you to improve overnight! Spelling was much improved in this post, as well. ^_^

[html]

http://sleepyglow.net/rp/rurik/rurik_bottledrage.jpg); background-repeat:no-repeat; background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:1px solid #000000; padding: 245px 0px 0px 0px; font-family: georgia, sans-serif; font-size:12px; color:#000000; line-height:16px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;">

Rurik was not the type to turn about and walk away from a situation where he could be of use. Others avoided involvement with the problems of their peers, but not Rurik. Anywhere the silver-shaded werewolf could be of assistance, he tried his hardest. Sometimes even he could not help, though such a thing had never stopped him from trying. He had heard the distinctive noises of distress echoing through the forest, and he simply could not ignore them.


The pale-hued woman before him was quite pretty, all snowy-white fur and delicate features. Her eyes were a striking hue of cherry red, brilliant stains on her otherwise pure coat. Even with the dirt streaked on her, she was still pretty. Rurik offered her a friendly smile, intent on making her more comfortable with his presence. He didn't need her to run screaming into the woods; he was here to help her, not frighten her, after all.


“Glad to here zhat, meess,” he said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I hear you, I think you are in real trouble!” the man said, frowning at the prospect. “Good to meet you, Belle. I am Rurik Russo. You promeese you have no trouble here?” he said, lifting a brow. Rurik didn't intend to walk away unless he was absolutely certain the pale-hued wolf was alright.


<style type="text/css">
.rurik-bottledrage b{font-weight:bold; color:#BC2B26; letter-spacing:1px; font-family:trebuchet ms, sans-serif; font-size:13px;}
.rurik-bottledrage em {color:#770501;font-weight:bold; letter-spacing:1px; font-family:trebuchet ms, sans-serif; font-size:13px; font-style:normal;}
.rurik-bottledrage p{text-indent:35px; padding:0px 15px 15px 15px; margin:0px;}
</style>
[/html]


Forum Jump: