Time To Talk

Selene D'Angelo · 01-02-2011, 05:35 AM

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OOC here: Table & Coding © Silver; Just reply whenever you want and set the date to whatever. Just getting this out of the way since I'm making new threads at the time being; 732 words

Demi had said that she wanted to talk and so Sele was making time to see her daughter in order to do just that. Of course there was the nagging worry that what Demi wanted to talk about was her leaving. Leaving and taking Juju with her because Sele didn't deserve either of them. Because she couldn't protect her firstborn son then she didn't deserve any of her children. It wouldn't be a surprising revelation. She would even have to agree with it. She didn't want her children to leave but what had she done to deserve them? Why should they stay with her? She had lost Ouija. She hadn't protected him and kept track of him. She had no idea where he was or if he was even alive. She had to be the worst mother ever.

Of course these were thoughts that remained in her head alone. She didn't let anyone else know that she had them. She tried to pretend that she was always happy so that no one knew that something was wrong. She didn't want to be anymore of a burden than she already was. What had she done to help the pack? Not a thing. Not only was she the worst mother ever but also the worst pack member as well. She was just lucky that Nani was her sister and wasn't about to kick her out. Had anyone else been leader she would have most likely already been gone by this time. And it was even more a matter of luck that Nani had even let her tag along. That she hadn't forced Sele to stay behind for all the trouble that she caused.

She made sure that Juju was down for his nap and tucked away in her den, having made sure the entrance was covered so that he couldn't get out and wander off as well as to prevent others from invading her den. She didn't plan on being away from him for too long though. No, she expected to be back before he woke up so she tried not to worry too much. She figured she would be staying within the cave system so she could get to him easily and listen out for any sounds that he made that would end up being carried through the system. She had left him alone like this before and he had been okay. She hoped it would be the same in this case as well.

Sele moved through the tunnel system in order to find her daughter's den so that they could have that talk that she wanted. "Demi? Are you in?" She called out as she neared the cave that the other girl had claimed, walking of her hands as always. "Are you available to talk or should I come back later?" It had been Demi to ask for the meeting but still she didn't want to inconvenience her daughter. After all Sele had to take care of Juju first. She had to make sure he was fed and sleeping before she could see to her older child. She hoped that Demi wasn't resentful for that. After all Sele had doted on Demi when she had been a pup as well. She tried to make herself available for all her children. When they weren't in lessons or doing their own activities within the cult Sele had liked to try to keep them together, even if the period was brief. She wanted her children to know that she loved them and cared for them. That she would always be there for them and do whatever she could for them. Right now Juju was the little one and needed her the most since he couldn't do things entirely for himself yet. She still loved them all equally. Nothing would ever change that.

She came to the entrance of Demi's den and sat there to wait to be invited inside. So what if the girl who had claimed it had come from her womb? Demi was a young woman now and deserved her own space. Sele was determined not to encroach upon that unless she was invited in. Just like with other things in this pack she didn't want to overstep her boundaries. That meant making sure that Demi had the privacy and space that she desired. She wasn't going to pry where she wasn't wanted.

Demi D'Angelo · 01-02-2011, 06:04 PM

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can be December 20th?

Demi was sleeping as usual, today though she was snuggled up in her lupus form. The pillows and blankets all a tangled mess with the beauty safely hidden beneath the pile. Warmth was something the little women always loved, the cold bit at her form as if she was a piece of meat to be ogled at, well she was but still she hated it. Sleep softly lifted from her eyes enough for her form to change, reverting back to her chosen two legged form so she could sprawl out in her little den of warmth. And as soon as she was drifting back to dream land a heavenly voice called out for her.

Eyes slowly opened, not quite fully awake as the angels voice drifted through her ears. She felt like she was a puppy again, with mother coming to feed her along with her brother who had been tucked away much like the den she had made for herself. Somehow those instincts still held some sway to her, she could feel her being asking why she wasn’t with child yet, why she had propagated her species and she had to fight vehemently to expel such foolish thoughts from her mind. But she couldn’t ignore her mother, and her form uncoiled itself among the mass of blankets to crawl to the door that separated her from her mother.

“Come in mother” she called quietly unwilling to stand and open the door herself, Her body propped itself up against a wall still struggling with her sleep filled mind. Sometimes she wished she was a bear, so she could just hibernate through the winter months. In retrospect she did her best most of the time to do just that.

Selene D'Angelo · 01-03-2011, 07:45 PM

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OOC here: Table & Coding © Silver; Fine by me, that works; 321 words

Selene waited quietly for word from the other side of the door. She heard stirring and worried that she had disturbed her daughter's sleep. She really didn't mean to be an inconvenience. She hadn't wanted to disturb the other. Maybe she should just leave then. She knew that there were times that Demi could be grumpy when she was woken up. She was just about to open her mouth to say that she could come back later when she was invited in.

She passed through the door and took a seat just inside of her daughter's den. The other female had certainly seemed able to settle herself in well enough. The place looked quite comfortable. She smiled as she looked around for where Demi might be and found the other girl propped against the wall. She looked so sleepy and it made Selene feel bad for having disturbed her sleep. Sele got up onto her hands and knees and crawled over to where Demi was in order to sit next to her. She attempted to wrap her arms around her daughter in order to try to hold her close.

"Is everything okay Demi? What was it that you wanted to talk about?" She asked quietly as she had tried to not be too much of a bother. "If you need more sleep then I can just stop by later. Sorry I took so long, Juju didn't want to go down for his nap." She didn't usually have too much trouble out of him but there were still occasions. Sele felt lucky to be blessed with the children that she had. They were all obedient and had listened to her. Of course she wouldn't attribute any of that to herself. After all she didn't ask for much. She had few rules and mostly they could do what they wanted as long as they did what she asked of them when she asked.

Demi D'Angelo · 01-06-2011, 09:22 PM

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Sleep filled eyes returned her mother’s gaze with a soft smile. Then she was next to her and her arms that had been so huge back an eternity ago seemed to barely cover her. But she didn’t mind, her mother’s arms where allowed to wrap as best as they could as she snuggled into Selene’s neck. Nostrils taking in her scent just as she used to when she was little. All that was missing was Ouija being the male figurehead of the family for them to be complete. And that topic was exactly what she had wanted to talk with her mom about. Demi knew that they both missed him, Demi for her own reasons as much as the love she felt for him as well. But still, he had been a guilty pleasure for her that had been taken away much too soon. Ouija never verbally demeaned her and had always treated her like the goddess she was, and if it had been reversed, where the genes that had been passed down had made them opposite sexes then she would have done the same for him.

“I miss Ouija” she whispered quietly. Wanting comfort from her mother on the topic of her brother. Knowing it was still a bit bitter to even speak of him without knowing of his fate. If she had known he was alive an well to the south she would have followed him maybe instead of her mother. Join in the celebration of their shared lives and even more deviant life style.

“You haven’t heard anything about his where about’s have you?” she asked as her eyes looked up at her mothers. Knowing she probably hadn’t, and that she had been busy with her new little brother to be out looking. She didn’t fault her mother for that, JuJu would need her to grow up, she only wished he had a littermate like she had to grow up with.

Selene D'Angelo · 01-07-2011, 05:10 PM

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OOC here: Table & Coding © Silver; 331 words

The words tore at her heart. All that guilt came piling back on. She felt accusation and blame in the words though they didn't really lie there. It was all just part of her internal conflict with herself. The things she blamed on herself, the things she figured that everyone else should blame her for as well. She had to absolutely be the worst parent ever. She should know better with her own not ever having been a real big part of her life. She should have learned from that and not have ever allowed anything to happen. But she hadn't. She had failed. Possibly even at the cost of the life of her child.

"I miss him too." She spoke the words softly, tears slipping quietly onto her cheeks. She held Demi close to her for now, gently squeezing her tighter. The embrace showed that she was afraid and worried about losing Demi as well. That she fretted that the next words spoken would be that Demi was packing up and living. That Demi felt she could do better on her own than with having her mother around. She turned her head in order to try and rest her cheek atop her daughter's head. Her mind and heart were weighed down by her thoughts and assumptions.

She gave a soft shake of her head in response to the question. "I haven't, though I have talked with Nani. She suggested going around to other packs and asking about him." She had her doubts about that though. She had tried that when trying to find Roman, her father, but no one seemed to have any clues. Everyone she had asked for tips and hints couldn't give her anything. It had all felt like a hopeless cause. Any lead that she had gotten turned into a dead end. It was such a lead that had led her to the cult. It also had her giving up her quest of ever finding her dad.

Demi D'Angelo · 01-10-2011, 11:37 PM

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Her mother’s head easily rest atop of her own. She loved being smothered by her soft loving mother, hearing her heart beat in her ears. It made her wonder what It would be like one day if she had her own children to care for. Such foreign thoughts but somehow comforting at the least, to know that her being was slowly opening up the idea even though she really hadn’t ever considered the thoughts. Surely if she ever needed to some willing sperm donor could be found, but it was never that simple she supposed. She never knew her father and any children she raised she would want them to know theirs. She nuzzled into her mother’s soft coat still acting very much the little girl she was still was in some ways, letting her mother make her feel better with soft reassurances.

“What’s it like to be a mother mom?” she asked almost out of the blue, the question had been hanging on her for awhile now. Almost a curious illness that plagued her, made her curious made her want to consider it even though she knew she wasn’t even ready for such things. But still she wanted to know, and who better to ask then her own mother. She pulled away softly to kiss her cheek out of love and affection.

“I’d really like to know, I’m curious and someday you want grandchildren don’t you?” she asked with a soft smirk. The topic of her lost brother would wait for a few moments while she asked a softer lighter hearted question to her mother, maybe in spirit to raise her spirits.

Selene D'Angelo · 01-11-2011, 03:50 PM

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OOC here: Table & Coding © Silver; 559 words

Selene only knew a few things about her own father and they had all been things told to her by other canines. She didn't have the connection with her own mother either. Her mother never even realized that she was around. So, in a sense, she didn't have either parent really. While she might not be certain who Demi's father was the girl did have family. Those in the cult had watched for each other and helped each other. All of the pups were taught together in a group so there was always someone to play with. At least Selene thought that they had a pretty good life. Even if it only ended up being the three of them cuddling up in their den at night when Demi and Ouija were younger. At least it had been better than anything that Selene had when she was growing up.

The question surprised her and it took a few moments for her to answer. How was she even to begin to explain what motherhood was like? How do you begin to tell someone about a life changing experience? She smiled as her cheek was kissed and nodded as she was gently prodded for an answer. "I wouldn't mind grandchildren but that is only if you or your brothers want children. You shouldn't have children just to make me happy. It should be something you want for yourself because it is a big responsibility." Not that she really imagined that Demi would just leap into. She just wanted her daughter to know that she could take it or leave it, just as long as Demi was happy.

"It is life changing. You have little ones that need you for everything. You become responsible for a life that is not your own. And just the love and joy you feel, it can't be described. Everything changes. Your own achievements don't seem to matter as much as those of the life that you produced. Like when they first open their eyes. I can't imagine a time that I was prouder. It sounds like such a small thing but it has a big impact on your heart. And to be there for it all, to watch each and every one of your firsts and how you have developed into the woman you are now, I could never ask for anything more." She had no idea how to actually convey the overwhelming emotions. It was something that had to be experienced to really be understood. "Of course it is filled with worries as well. Like when you and your brother started walking and decided you wanted to explore instead of sleep. I was so worried about what happened to the two of you. That you were hurt or I would never see you again. Having to discipline you two and make you stay in the den broke my heart. It isn't fun when your children are sad or angry at you. But it will happen because you have to teach them right from wrong and keep them safe." There was the good and there was the bad but that was just a part of life. Still, it felt the good outweighed the bad more often than not. "There is no greater gift than when your pups tell you that they love you for the first time."

Demi D'Angelo · 01-16-2011, 03:43 PM

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Demi listened with a quiet interest in her mother’s words. Her ears could hear her heartbeat and the little flutter it held when she spoke of her own experiences with motherhood. Something felt jealous about that feeling within her, Demi was starting to think she wanted her own children now, and she couldn’t help but smile at the idea that one day she would. Whether that was 5 years from now who could say. But for now she was content to live out her days as she wanted to. No children to dictate her actions like JuJu dictated her mothers. The connection with her younger brother had never been made; she felt no love for him, even though she knew he was her kin. Demi knew she should love her little brother but even when she looked upon his little form she felt that disconnect. Maybe she’d have to try better, the little boy could grow up to become a playmate of both Ouija’s and hers later on, or maybe she’d leave him be so he wouldn’t grow up with a twisted moral code that her Ouija and she shared.

Demi nuzzled her mother lovingly, very much acting like the little puppy she once was. Happy to be able to share a moment of love with her mother that no one else would see. Demi never showed her loving side much, she could love eternally to people but her own mind wouldn’t allow others to see what she perceived as a weakness to her reputation. Especially if she still wanted people to fear her, because fear was all she really had to protect herself from the more able bodied wolves of the pack and in the surrounding areas. Was she really as rotten as people often thought her, she would never let anyone other than Ouija and her mother know.

“I think you’re the best mother a girl could ever have mom” she said softly, loving always to bury her muzzle in her soft fur and enjoy the comfort she often gave. There would come a time however when such things where just words and even now she wondered if this case was such an example. Demi had grown to a taller stature then her mother and even out matched her size wise which was a very seldom occasion. Demi shared her mother’s traits, small slender and beautiful, and an addled mind to go along with it. Somehow she often wondered what traits of her father’s she had received. Was it the soft browns and silvers in her coat, or her taller body, she could never tell. What she did know is that her heart could be just as big as her mother’s if she allowed it to be.

“I hope we find Ouija mom, I miss being together.” She stated softly.

Selene D'Angelo · 01-16-2011, 10:52 PM

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Sele would never say that Demi was rotten. All she knew was her sweet little girl that she was currently clutching tightly to her own body. She could never see her daughter as being evil, none of her children in fact. To her they were all precious little angels. But that could just be a mother's love. It allowed for all negative things to be looked past and only see the good in that person. But then again Sele was like that with everyone but herself. She simply couldn't see anything good in herself, only the negative. She couldn't see herself in the light that others did. All she could do was to find faults. Just all of the number of things that she was unable to do and others had to just put up with.

"Thanks Demi, that is sweet." But she couldn't allow herself to believe it. After all she had lost a child. The child that Demi loved and missed. How was that being the best mom ever? Or even a good mom at that? No, she wasn't worthy of such praise at all. Demi was only saying it because she felt inclined to do so. Who could tell their own mother that they hated them and wished that they weren't cursed with having them for a parents? No, that would just sound entirely too rude. It could be thought but not said out loud.

"I do too. I hope he is doing well." She would have to find her missing child at some point, even if it was only was for Demi's sake. If she could find him she would have to convince him to visit, if not convince him to stay. Even if Ouija didn't want to see her then he would at least have to see Demi. If she could convince him of that much then that would be find with her. Just as long as Demi could be happy again. The girl deserved that much at least. It was easy to see htat Demi was hurting, or maybe Sele was the only one to see that simply because she knew the signs.

Demi D'Angelo · 01-23-2011, 05:28 PM

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Demi just cuddled in her mother’s arms. She knew deep down that her mother never thought much of herself, it cut her deeply to know that, but there was nothing Demi could really do to ease those feelings her mother held. While the silver female was very much a reflection of her mother, she didn’t share the same feelings of self doubt. A soft nuzzle grazed her mother’s neck before she pulled slowly away. Somehow she knew her mom needed someone to love her, make her feel some worth for herself, and Demi, nor Ouija could supply what she needed. While Demi never needed another to supply it for her, she knew others sometimes did, and she looked over her mother with a determined eye.

“Mom, have any of the new males caught your eye?” she asked with a girl like gossipy hint to it. Wondering if she had crushed on someone yet, or if she had been very much the recluse she knew Selene to be. Giving her a knowing look she cocked her head to the side gazing at her mother’s current physical state, looking for signs that she had been purposely grooming herself in a more sultry fashion but none was found.

“I really think you need someone to make you feel beautiful. Worrying about Ouija and me isn’t healthy considering we are full grown now” She kissed her mom’s cheek before nuzzling back onto her shoulder.

Selene D'Angelo · 02-03-2011, 03:54 PM

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The question caught her off guard and she forced out a light chuckle and shook her head. "No, I can't worry about that. I have children to take care of." She didn't live for herself but for those that she had produced. If not for them then she felt that she had nothing at all. What would be the point of living if none depended on her? She wasn't an asset to this pack. She had done little more than to greet a couple of joiners. Okay, and she gave an idea for pits as traps. But other than that she hadn't done much of anything. Who would there to be to really miss her.

Demi was right, Ouija and Demi didn't need her any longer. And well, Juju was getting that way as well. What would she do when he ended up moving out of her room? What would she do when she lost everything? She had no idea. She didn't want to even think about it. "Juju is still a pup. He has to be watched over and cared for." Though he had started to pull away from her as well. He was getting to where he wanted to run around on his own rather than sticking near her any longer.

She held onto Demi as she was nuzzled into. "There is no need for you to worry about me. I should be worrying about you and not the other way around." It wasn't proper for a child to be worried over their parent. No, the parent was supposed to be the strong one. Of course Sele knew that she wasn't much of a solid foundation. She was cracked all throughout the inside and she knew it. "But what about you? Has some guy has caught your interest?"

Demi D'Angelo · 02-06-2011, 07:35 PM

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Demi squirmed a bit, her mother’s answers didn’t really bring much in the way of hope of getting her out of her shell. The lithe little goddess slowly moved out of her mother’s arms, and looked over her with interest. She needed someone to love her, her children would always love her, but she needed someone else, and Demi knew it. But as always her mother was more worried about her own relationships then her own. With a huff she gave her mother a knowing smile.

“Oh there is one, but he’s still very immature I guess.” She offered a soft chuckle to her mother before stretching out. Her face was slightly twisted a bit with thought about the dark male she still couldn’t really get out her head. Again she gave a soft sigh of frustration.

“I know I like him, because I can’t get him out of my head, but he just doesn’t seem like he’s mate material. Plus he needs to learn some manners” again she offered a smile to her before poking her side.

“Still! You can’t rely on Ouija, Juju, and my love forever; there’s gotta be a cute guy out there who’s caught your eye mom. “She wouldn’t let her get off so easily, knowing her mother was easily capable of such a thing, but what Demi looked for and what her mother looked for where two different things she supposed. Demi was strong willed enough she could handle a man like Teddy, she wasn’t quite so sure that her mother was able to.

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