Anu had taken to the Manor. Indeed these months were the coldest of the year and many had found the fireplace on the living room to be a comforting place, but Anu had never felt such a need to stay inside as she did this winter. There was a tightness in her chest, a heaviness there that made her uneasy. She caught chills easily, and found that they were hard to fight off no matter how many blankets she placed over her shoulders.
Blue eyes looked through the glass windows and out into the snow covered world. The trees were always beautiful this time of the year, coated in white. The woman yearned to walk among them each morning she gazed out into the forests that lined the horizon. But she kept inside, to herself. There was an empty space in her heart, having sent Alder off to see his brother. She knew he needed it, a small push to go off and see what the world beyond their door had to offer. But she prayed that nothing happened to him during his journey, winter was a treacherous time for travel. There were also those that wished to hurt the innocent, and there was no one as innocent as her masked son.
The moment she saw his back turn, his black nose pointed in the direction of Cour des Miracles, Anu felt the tear that came with his departure. She knew that he needed her, more then the others of his litter and more then those of the litter before. He was her shadow, and she was the only one he confided in, trusted fully. She worried that she would be the only one he would ever trust, and how could he live like that?
The female lay, her head against the ragged pillow on the couch, fire burning high in the fire place. Her breath ran from her chest raggedly, and she wondered when Spring would come to chase this from her chest. Sleep was far from her mind, thoughts of her boys dancing through them. But it wasn’t until a sound caught her ear, causing it to turn towards the door, that the second in command lifted her chin from its resting place.
Her heart leapt in her chest, and she rose quickly to her paws. Without hesitation she took to the door, letting winter touch her as she left the manor. Silver and tan form ran though the snow, lungs throbbing slightly as first. The elder could only run so far before the pain slowed her to a stop and she called out with a weak howl to the wolf that looked for her. Why did he not just come home? She wondered, fearing that he was injured. But they had healers, and his life would be saved and she would have that missing piece once more, and he would be stronger by this misfortune.
Winds swept through the trees, piercing blue eyes as they squinted against it and hoped that they would see the figure of her meekest son. Anu called again, a mother’s bark cast to the wind in the hopes of reaching her pup. Finally he came, paws moving swiftly. He smelt of Cours, of Haven and of horses. Anu smiled, until he stopped with distance between them. Alder? She asked, frowning at his lack of affection in greeting her, as well as the space between them and the cold that now hit so deep it touched her heart. The male looked away, casting his eyes to the ground, seeming shamed. Are you well? The mother asked with concern in her voice and her heart. She took steps towards him, cutting the distance as the larger wolf stood still. He was silent, and as she placed her nose on his tilted crown she could sense he had changed. Anu took a deep breath; the air was like glass cutting her the walls of her ribcage. She forced a deep exhale, and he finally spoke with eyes still downcast. I am staying with Haven. He wouldn’t look at her to tell her that he was leaving.
There were tears in his voice, and it took a prolonged moment for her to realize that she was crying as well. I don’t think I will be back. He said. The words were practiced, she could always tell when he had practiced a speech in his mind again and again. Anu could not find words, not yet. Not for good. I’ll come visit. He was faltering now, the emotion hitting his mind and breaking the rehearsed words. She nodded before pressing her face into the thick ruff of his neck. She had never leaned on him like this, looking for the courage that he had to say these things so that she could let him go. Momma He spoke softly, I have to go She was breaking his valor, making it harder for him to turn his back on her.
She gathered the strength that his new courage gave. Blue eyes looked up at his face, and she managed a small smile. It hurt to speak I love you Alder. she gave him the heartfelt words, knowing that there would be no long winded good bye to the boy that had only just left her shadow a moment ago. He hesitated but then turned slowly before running at full speed towards the Dreaming borders. He wouldn’t return, not until the tie had been completely severed and the pain dulled to a mere ache.
The Praetor stood in the snow for some time. It was harder to breathe now, the pain making her weak and she barely managed to walk slowly back towards Haven Manor. Paws walked up the steps, her mouth gaped slightly to ease each inhale and exhale. Tears had frosted over her cheeks, and her mind was blank. It was impossible for her to accept it now, and to let her heart break. She wheezed, the air was glass once more, and the wolf took the steps necessary to bring her body to the fireplace. There she lay against the wooden floor, chin against the hard surface and felt the weight of her son’s departure settle on her back. It fell slowly, pressing and seeping into her chest. Inch by inch it began the crack that decorated her heart.
.allireadonly {
width:460px;
font-family:Georgia, serif;
font-size: 12px;
line-height:13px;
letter-spacing:.5px;
word-spacing:.5px;
text-align: justify;
margin:0px 25px; }
.allireadonly .ooc {
font-style:italic;
font-family:Georgia, serif;
font-size:12px; }
.allireadonly .line {
border-bottom:1px solid #000000;
margin-bottom:10px; }
.allireadonly p {
text-indent: 0px;
margin:0px;
padding:5px 8px; }
.allireadonly b {
letter-spacing:1px; }
</style>
[/html]