Mizu Kuin(CRITIC)
#1
Name- Mizu Kuin

Gender- Female

Age- 9 months

BirthDate- July 4, 2010

Luperci- Yes.

Appearance-
Lupas- Mizu has a milky-white pelt that spreads over her body. She is smaller than the average wolf. Her eyes are a deep blue and her nose is coal black. Around her nose she has pink fur and the same coloration is around her paws. Her old pack experimented quite a bit with dyes and she spent a long time trying to figure out what her mark should be. Finally she got it. She has light blue swirls by her eyes and a shade darker swirls on her shoulders. She has swirls another shade darker of blue on her haunches and the darkest blue on the tip of her tail. She has the same shade of blue that is on her tail on the tip of her left ear. Mizu also has a light blue around her scruff, not the whole thing, just a maybe two inch thick that wraps all the way around her neck. She has a skinny and sleek body that has muscled packed onto it. Her fur is silky-smooth. Mizu prefers this form out of the three.
Secui- In her Secui form, Mizu’s coat color gets a little more brownish, kind of a beige color, her eyes lighten up a bit, a sort of aqua color. Her pink fur around her nose and paws becomes more distinct. The dye’s markings of course stay the same, except the blue wrap-around marking on her neck is more spread out and frilly because the fur around her neck is shaggier and thicker than her Lupas form. The muscle is more defined, but her body still remains sleek. Her fur still has the same silky feeling to it, but underneath her top coat is a shaggy and wiry fur that keeps her warm, her tail is very noticeably bushier than both her Lupas and Optime form.
Optime- In her optime form she stands at a 5’2”, still very small. Her coat remains the same color but her eyes are a very light blue, they almost seem translucent. Her swirls still stay in the same place of course, since they are dye. Her muscle is less defined in this form but is still seen. She doesn’t wear her hair long, instead leaves it normal. Her tail is bushier than her Lupas form but not as much as her Secui form. Mizu generally hates this form and the only time she uses it is when she absolutely needs too or if she is redoing her dye, she often practices shifting forms though, just so if in an emergency she can be quick and efficient.

Biography- Mizu was born from a medium ranking wolfess and wolf. She had one sister and a two brothers. Amai was her sister and they were close as two wolves could be. Her and her brother Aki got along great but Shurui and Mizu fought constantly and often ended up hurting one another.

When she was 1 month old her father died from an illness that is still unknown to her today. Her and her father were not very close, but Amai was and she grieved a lot. Amai didn’t feel like doing anything anymore and grew ill. Just two weeks after Mizu’s father’s death Amai passed away. Mizu tried to stay strong but in just her first month and a half of life she had lost two of her family members.

At two months old Mizu was taught to swim. She loved the water and learned quickly. It was from then on that she began to fish for the pack. She didn’t mind, in fact she looked forward to the Alpha requesting fish from her. Mizu and Shurui continued to fight and grew even more apart from each other.
When Mizu was three months old she was in the pack’s food shed and it caught on fire. She was trapped in the shed for a long time and she passed out. She woke up three days later with a bad burn on her leg. She knew immediately what had happened. Shurui lit the shed on fire. Months worth of hunting’s food was burned to a crisp. Unfortunately for Shurui the Alpha had seen him light it on fire and his rank was immediately knocked down to Omega. Mizu felt bad and often visited him. They started to grow slightly close but this was not the only time he would betray her.

At four months old Mizu was in another fire. This one was a forest fire and was started by no one. She re-burned the same spot on her leg and had to be immobilized for over a month. After that she was deathly afraid of fire unless it was one to keep her warm. Her leg healed slowly but surely.

At five months old Mizu went on a pack hunt but somehow got lost. She could not find her way back by any means so she just ventured farther and farther away. She missed her brothers and mother but still after two months could not find her way back. The day she turned seven months old Shurui found her. She was happy to see him but he was not happy to see her. He lunged at her, and broke open a big wound on her muzzle. She was confused and tried to follow him when he began to run away but he turned and chased her away for miles. When she looked back he was gone. She grew very sad, how could her brother betray he yet again? She continued traveling until her gash on her muzzle became infected. She spent a month making a remedy to heal it. Finally it healed and she started her travels again.

On her nine month old birthday she finally stumbled on the ‘Souls land after four excruciating months of traveling and becoming injured and tiered. She had perfected many remedies that she now knew how to make by heart over the four months, including the one to get rid of infections. When she arrived she added the surname Kuin as her representation. Now she travels across the lands of ‘Souls, searching for a pack.. maybe only a friend? Just someone to stay with…

Personality- Mizu is a sweet wolf. She doesn’t really like to see people hurt and will often work at healing them. She has many ointments that she has perfected over her travels from various wounds she has received. She is shy and normally doesn’t really open up to people. Once you get past her shell she is a happy-go-lucky playful pup. She hates when people yell at her though. She normally acts her rank and will stand her ground most of the time. Even for the small wolf she is, she is quite feisty and can hold her own in a fight. loves pups and loves to watch or care for them. When hunting, she never takes more than she needs and is very careful to be quick and make the death as painless as possible. She is absolutely terrified of fire, unless it is in a fireplace, keeping a cabin warm. She doesn’t quite like the idea of being a Luperci but believes it comes in handy a lot. She believes that humans went extinct for a reason and doesn’t quite feel comfortable following in their footsteps.
#2
Hi Smile You have an awesome looking profile here, but there's two things I wanted to bring up.

First:

Quote:When Mizu was three months old she was in the pack’s food shed and it caught on fire. She was trapped in the shed for a long time and she passed out. She woke up three days later with a bad burn on her leg. She knew immediately what had happened.

I'm not entirely sure if this part came out the way you intended, but from what I see it says Mizu was trapped in the shed and passed out while it was on fire and woke up three days later. Based on this, I just don't think it's very realistic that she was trapped in a burning shed for 3 days and survived, especially being so young. Even an adult wolf would suffer severe smoke damage from breathing in that smoke and the risk of her getting caught on fire herself is very high especially for being trapped inside for 3 days. I would change that part to something along the lines of she was trapped and passed out but somebody found her and saved her, or she was able to get out herself before she passed out. Unless this part is being taken in the wrong way, in which case you should explain it a little better :3

The second thing I wanted to bring up was the subject of the remedies. It doesn't explain anywhere in her biography where she learned how to make these remedies. You should put a part in somewhere where she was taught some of these things by a pack member or a parent, that way she could take the knowledge she was given and learn how to make other remedies with that, so there's no confusion on that part :3

Other than that, everything looks good to me Smile Feel free to get a second opinion because I'm nowhere near perfect, just trying to help :3
#3
Sorry for the delay, I've been meaning to reply to this for a few days. Big Grin

Love her description. :O White wolves with pink and blue fur designs, omnom. <3 One thing I am not clear on -- the pink "fur" around her nose/paws, is this natural? I don't know that truly pink fur occurs in the wolves, and but of course, pink noses/paw pads do, and it would be plausible to have pink skin showing through around her nose where the fur is very thin. :3

You might want to think about pushing her father and sister's dates of death back a bit -- the puppy development guide might help you understand a bit more. :O For the first two weeks of their lives, puppies are pretty much blind, deaf, can't do much. Mizu wouldn't have had much time to develop close relationships with her sisters during this time, and she and her sister Amai probably wouldn't remember her father at all. :3 You could consider making her father die when she's two months old and her sister die two weeks later -- that'd give the puppies more time to develop bonds/relationships with one another (especially where Mizu and Amai are concerned) and would give more plausible reason for Amai's terrible grief afterward. ^^ Maybe daddy treated Amai as the favorite or something, explaining their closeness and his distance from Mizu? :3

I think it's a little implausible she'd be such a great fisher from two months old to four months old -- while maybe she'd be learning to catch slow-moving fish in slow-moving water near the shallows, she probably wouldn't be able to swim in very deep, fast-moving water and so forth. But! She could definitely be learning how to catch fish and getting better at it. Maybe only her father knew how to fish before her, and that's why the Alpha has her catch fish? :O Her father could have started teaching her the basics and about water before his death (which would be even more plausible if you pushed it back even further).

I agree with Kemo's concerns about the shed and fire and I think his explanations are great. ^_^ The second fire also sounds fine, but it might do to dedicate a bit more detail to the fire itself -- a forest fire sounds pretty major, after all. Smile

Again, I agree with Kemo regarding healing. Sad It's not very realistic for her to suddenly learn all of this stuff without a teacher; it's not a natural skill of wolves, and without prior exposure to healing techniques, it's just not plausible. However, I think maybe after she encounters her brother and gets the infection, it might be good to instead of have her prepare her own remedies, to have her run into an older canine or maybe a pack somewhere where there are healers and such technologies. That's a little more plausible than her having had no prior experience with healing suddenly coming up with the methods, and since she could still stay there for a month, it gives her time to start brushing up on her own skills and so forth, too. :3 That could give her a basis for her healer's training and would more thoroughly explain how she's so good at healing already, in my opinion.

I would also maybe remember the fishing bit and include it in her personality somehow -- maybe after the part about hunting, mention it as her preferred method of hunting? She could then have two pretty good viable skills, healing and fishing. Big Grin

Hope that helps you out! <3 She sounds interesting, I'd love to see maybe a free Kiritar doodle of her or some colored lineart or something. Big Grin
#4
Thanks both of you(:
Yeah the pink 'fur' is the skin I guess and I'll push the dates back. I'll use everything you guys have said and make Mizu even better!
@Kemo.. I guess I should add in there that maybe her brother tried to look heroic by busting into the shed and rescuing her but she didn't wake up for three days.
For the medical stuff I will rethink it too.
Thanks again! You guys really helped!!
#5
My post got denied o.O

You are very welcome ^^ It's what we're here for Big Grin

Also, I just read over Sie's post and thought about pink paw pads and pink noses and had a cute seizure >.<

OMG THE CUTENESS XD

Also, her brother could have tried to save her both to make himself look heroic and to try to take all suspicion from himself Big Grin


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