Second charrie help

[Falgar]

So I have been planning my second character for quite some time but I am yet to finish it so if any of you guy could help me pull it together I would really grateful =D

Name: Elena Ivanova
Nickname: Lune (she gives that name over her original one)
Age:3 years of age
Date of Birth: January 1st of 2007
Gender: Female
Species: Canis lupus communis ortus (Russian wolf)

Appearance: her fur is completely white. Right arm (sword arm, right part of her chest and whole back is plagued with tribal designs in silvery blue… which I must still decide :|). Body is protected with multiple pieces of brown leather armor, her upper arms, legs, shoulders and chest being the areas covered while her hips only carry long twin strips of navy fabric on both front and back. Her eyes are covered with a tattered bandage and is never removed, beneath lays a pair of colorless blind eyes, though they used to be lilac before they were blinded and when hit with the right light the color can still be seen. Her body and armor is normally covered up with a full body hooded black coat, only leaving the tip of her muzzle visible. On a belt made from the same leather as her armor she carries several knives but more importantly a pair of twin middle sized swords which are firmly kept vertically along her back. She is blind since birth but has a different way of seeing, having lost the sense she is able to create a map of the area while hearing and smelling (something like daredevil dude). She carries a burnt moon symbol on her face, only the points showing through the bandage.

Her hair is middle sized, light gray and kept on multible braids with little white beads.

Personality: she pretty much lacks one as she has been trained since youth to do so. She obeys orders without question and when finished she may just stand there doing nothing. But she would not follow orders of someone that hasn’t gained her respect and the nature of the action must be for the good, never for evil. She simply despites everything involved with evil and darkness, her mission on life being pretty much eliminating it from existence. Yet there are times where here stoic and almost robotic mask will fall, revealing the being she would have become if she wouldn’t had been kidnapped and trained against her will on her youth. She becomes a sweet girl with a love for running around and being around others, feeling loved and loving in return. Yet the times that this happens are extremely rare and will most likely be triggered only by someone she knows for a long time and trusts.

Biography: Elena was born in Moscow, Russia. Her parents loved her to the core as all her other sibling were born dead but they were unable to keep her ash she was taken from their dead arms as she reached the age of month and half by a religious group. This group stole children for their own uses but only ones that were white, of pure blood (of only one kind of wolf) and that where born on the first day of the year. Poor Elena was unlucky enough to fit on all the requirements and as a “bonus” she was a Luperci, fact that the group was actively looking for. Once she was taken her sight was taken by her captor by burning a tribal moon right into her face and melting her sight on the process.

She was then taken to the now ruined cathedral of Notre Dame on Paris. There she was trained on the ways of what they called “light warriors” done to serve justice and good in every way possible and only to obey someone that where to abide by the rules of the light (be good on small words). There she learnt to fight, learn to see without the use of her gone sight, the way of the Luperci but only focusing on the Optime form and never mentioning the other two. She was made to forget whatever Russian she had learnt from her now gone parents and instead take on French and English as her main language. On the process she lost her personality and individuality as she was thought that those things where useless while serving the light, but without them noticing her mind was keeping part of it protected as she had already saw what the other warriors had become, nothing but husks with no will and only there to serve, they had become more an object that a being.

When she reached the age of three years she finally found her door to freedom. She was to be taken to Nova Scotia as words had reached them of a large group of Luperci there and they were in need of new members as the numbers had been dwindling after a hard fight with some gang of wolves that had intruded upon the ancient building.

And so she was taken aboard a scavenged ship towards Nova Scotia. Along the trip she was taken care of almost as she had been some kind of very valuable object that couldn’t suffer any kind of damage, kept on the inside of the ship and almost all the ship’s resources where used on her. When they finally arrived the shore after weeks of travelling only three members of the crew where left out of the original twelve. As soon as the ship touched the shore Elena came out of her self-induced trance. Before they could do anything she bolted past them in a black and white flash, disappearing into nearby woods before they could even move. Thanks to her efforts in keeping some traits of her old personality she could see how atrocious was their task on this new world, and she didn’t want to take part on doing the same that happened to her so long ago.

And so she reached Souls, she was tired of being used as a tool than a being and she was more than ready to stop the surviving members from carrying on with their mission. So from that day she wanders alone with no actual destination and pretty much just observing, but deep inside a small spark of emotion shines bright on her heart.

Abilities:
- Advanced combat training
- Fast and agile on her feet
-Swordplay
-Hand to hand combat
- Sleath
-Fast reflexes

Lacks:
- Strength
- Judgment over actions (they are either good or bad, no moral grey)
- Again, personality
- Social skills
- Will

What I need to get done:
-Some triats of her personality
-Improvement on the boigraphy
-Her tattoo desing
-Better armor desing
-Something else?

Thanks and if you feel something is bad on here please do tell me so I can change it. Also everything may look a bit blargh but I kinda rushed it and was sleepy while writting it so if something is wierd again please tell me ^.^.

[Kaena Lykoi]

Maybe this lineart can help you plot her back tats?! :O It might help to scour deviantART for some free tribal brushes and play with those. If you're not so good with Photoshop, maybe ask in the Requests forum for someone to play with it for you after you've gotten a general idea of what you want?

She is blind since birth but has a different way of seeing, having lost the sense she is able to create a map of the area while hearing and smelling (something like daredevil dude).

For this, I would maybe suggest rather than describing in in the manner you have, you say that her hearing and sense of smell are exceptionally sharp. Having her "see" through echos actually isn't terribly unrealistic, but even with the heightened sense of a canine, it's not really... hmm, "painting a picture" of the place as it is. I'd say it's realistic to be able to determine surrounding objects' relative distance from the character herself, but not to be able to like, figure out exact details and completely accurate spatial relationships between different objects.

Remember, too, that most of these cases that involve "pictures" of entire areas with sound (even in the Daredevil movie itself, if I remember right? He had rain or the general city noise around him?) required all-encompassing, surrounding noise or at least a source of noise from the person (e.g., the one person on there who made clicking noise, or the more boring example of a blind person using a cane to navigate), so she will have to either make a noise with her mouth or wear some very noisy accessories or, use a cane, etc. You get the idea! Noise.

The beads in her hair could actually serve this function -- a constant, slight, soft tinkling noise from movement of her hair (assuming she has quite a few in there) would mess up most element of surprise and the stealth element you have plotted for her, but with as many weapons as she has... X3 A weakness is a good thing to have, too!

Speaking of the weapons -- with as many as she has, she should also be well-versed in the maintenance of weaponry, as well. Swords and daggers need sharpening, and they do sometimes break or get gunked up!

She pretty much lacks one as she has been trained since youth to do so. She obeys orders without question and when finished she may just stand there doing nothing.

Hmm. I don't think there's anything wrong with playing an extremely loyal character -- one of mine, Sicarus, was something like that; he followed people he respected pretty much blindly, with little to no concern for his own safety. Buuut, I think a lack of personality -- especially to the point where they refuse interaction unless told to interact -- can make the character very difficult for you to roleplay out. :O It might not be easy to write many posts where she sits there blankly, and even if you do write these posts, they won't be easy for fellow roleplayers to respond to! Beyond that, it can also make interaction itself difficult. I like that she does break out of this shell occasionally, suggesting there is a deeper personality to her, but again, I worry that these moments are only brought around by certain, specific individuals.

Maybe you could give her a very basic personality? My extremely-loyal character was, outside of his loyalty, a very sadistic and nasty person. Other examples could be a loyal person who thinks of following orders as a playing a game (herp derp, Animorphs, spoiler warning here if want more information). She seems as if she should be a kind-hearted person, and to be honest, that's not my strong point with characters. XD Others can probably help you a bit more with this.

She was to be taken to Nova Scotia as words had reached them of a large group of Luperci there and they were in need of new members as the numbers had been dwindling after a hard fight with some gang of wolves that had intruded upon the ancient building.

Just a comment on this sentence's structure itself -- it's a bit of a run-on and it confused me a little! I wasn't sure whether the large group of Luperci in Nova Scotia had gotten into the fight or if the group where Elena lived got into a fight. I had to read it over a few times before I understood it properly. ^^; Maybe consider breaking this up a bit!

...she was tired of being used as a tool than a being and she was more than ready to stop the surviving members from carrying on with their mission. So from that day she wanders alone with no actual destination and pretty much just observing...

Hmm. For this part, I would maybe change the part about the surviving members -- if her primary motivation was escaping the place where she was raised and her secondary motivation was stopping them from hurting others, I would think this could easily turn to vengeance! This might have her, as a character, become "bored" with the lifestyle here, as it might feel more natural to her character to go back to Paris and seek vengeance on her former captors. Maybe instead, she could inherit a general protective instinct, wherein she wants to stop any and ALL bad things from happening to her superiors or those she cares about?

Another part of her background that I don't fully understand is the motivation and actions of the cultish place where she was raised. They kidnapped children, but they were for "good" -- by good, do you mean the Parisian cult's OWN good, their OWN benefit rather than the general benefit of everyone? :3 I kinda get the feeling that this is what you meant, but some of the language isn't clear. :O

You might also consider giving her an ability that isn't related to combat -- perhaps this can be something you motivate her toward once she's in 'Souls? She could discover that she really likes... say, playing music, something that's a bit far-out and out of place for her. I could see her perhaps being really excited and happy to have something new and different in her life, and then maybe a bit later some of her old training/lifestyle kicks in and she starts to regret getting involved and compromising/distracting herself, etc. She seems very unwillingly militaristic and desirous of change, although indoctrinated to the point that she would grapple with actually changing.

Derp, that is unnecessarily long, I think. :| But maybe you'll find it helpful -- I think you have the potential for a really interesting character, but you do have to make sure that you keep her interesting to roleplay outside of combat situations, too!

[Falgar]

Long reply is long but it is extremely helpful! Thank you very much and I shall start working on the points you gave me right away =D