[M] Broken

Selene D'Angelo · 03-16-2011, 07:22 PM

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WARNING This thread contains: strong language starting with the 2nd post. Reader discretion is advised.

Out of Character

Table©Kitty Coding©Sie
ooc text. 352 words

In Character

Selene was hiding, as per usual, and staying away from the rest of the pack. No matter how hard she tired she seemed to keep on falling back into the same old patterns. She kept on hiding away on her own. Her inner demons continued to plague her and had her shunning the attention of others. She still could hardly believe that pack mates had looked for her when she had become trapped. But even after that she couldn't find it in herself to commune with them. She had burdened them. Granted she hadn't asked to be looked for either. She had been entirely willing to just slip away and allow for the cold to consume her.

That hadn't happened and she was still around. She was still just taking up space and nothing more. But at least none seen her taking up space. They didn't notice her not doing a thing. But it wasn't like she was always hiding out in her den. She had other places to hide out as well. There was a different cave within Anathema that she found herself visiting often.

Actually she had trekked along the beach to that place and was hiding out there. Just like she did with every visit she found herself staring into the broken mirror, believing it to show the true nature of her soul. She just found herself lost inside that broken surface, exploring the shattered soul within. It was the way she saw herself. It seemed to be the only true depiction.

And another habit she found herself having trouble to break had her reaching for a broken shard to some piece of pottery. Without even thinking about it she had picked it up and started to drag the broken piece across her thigh. She wasn't even watching herself do it but found herself focused on the image in the mirror instead. But still it was a habit that was quite hard for her to drift away from and break. It was the only way that her inner demons seemed to shut up and leave her alone for awhile.

Alaki · 03-18-2011, 04:31 PM

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Word Count: 857
Gah, another long one. Feel free to write a short reply, i just had a muse over-dose here :')

What had started as ‘just a quick hunt’ had turned into so much more. Two days had passed since he’d left the caves and he was only just on his way back to them now. Initially, leaving the caves had been a good thing; he’d managed to sort out his thoughts and regain himself and he also encountered Axelle who was a rather.. interesting character. Up till then, everything had been good, beneficial infact. Then he had to wonder off and bump into J’Adore. His normal reaction to seeing the tan male would be to go straight for his throats, but on this occasion J’Adore had been high and drunk in a hotel and at the time he honestly thought sleeping with him would be a good way of pissing him off and getting his own back.

Bloody stupid idea that was. His hands flew to his head, grasping it as if by doing so the events would be erased. Sadly, nothing could change the fact he’d slept with J’Adore. “Of all the mother fuckers I could fuck, it had to be him” he let out a groan. Regret didn’t begin to cover how he felt about his actions, aswell as dread; he hoped to dear god he didn’t see J’Adore any time soon.

The timing didn’t help; the day before he had finally decided to confront his feelings about Selene instead of simply stalking her and holding onto his one-sided love. Then, he went and slept with that bloody idiot. Great move there, smooth. Real smooth.

Since the avalanche, he’d found himself unable to face Selene. Admittedly, before it he was merely keeping and eye on her as her self-harming worried him. After seeing her in the avalanche he came to realize that he liked her, a lot and with that realization he found himself watching her, stalking her; to make sure she never came to harm again. During this time he’d kept his distance, for he blamed himself for her getting caught in the avalanche; he should have been with her, he should have stopped her leaving the caves. Because of that failure he felt himself un-worthy of being by her side and so he believed he could only watch her from a distance.

Now that he’d spent some time away from the caves; he had come to realize how ridiculous he was being. And that being hung up on Selene wasn’t doing him any good and so he would tell her how he felt and either get accepted or rejected and get on with his own life… was the plan at least.

His avoidance and delay of returning of the caves was, without a doubt, because of J’Adore and his decision to tell Selene how he felt. But he couldn’t avoid going home forever and before him he could see one of the cave entrances. Butterfly churned in his stomach as he got closer and closer, his steps grew smaller and smaller and his stride slowly lost the usual confidence it emitted.

Up ahead, a white figure caught his eye, setting the butterflies in his stomach to a full-on military assault. What was Selene doing leaving the caves? He hadn’t seen her leave them much recently. Curiosity sparked within him and so he followed her; keeping his presence hidden.

It didn’t take long for him to deduce where she was heading and what she planned to do. You See?! This is exactly why he’d found himself compelled to keep an eye on her. The moment he turns away, she’s off going to cut herself.

Silently he watched her walk into a cave. He stopped shy of the cave, needing to gather his thoughts together. If he went in there, there was no going back..

Turning into the cave the sight before him brought him to a halt. Without a second’s hesitation his lips pulled back, his hands clenched into a fist and the familiar low rumbling growl ripped its way out of his mouth. To say he was pissed was an understatement.

“Why?” The question hung in the air. No matter what angle he looked at the situation from, he couldn’t understand why Selene felt the need to self harm. To him, she was simply perfect: nothing she did or was seemed to be bad enough for her to hate herself they way she did. Thus, he stood there, tensed up and growling; for that was all he could do. Dark emotions had over whelmed him, anger being the most prominent one. He wasn’t angry at Selene, heck; he didn’t think he could ever be angry at her. He was just angry.

Despite his raging emotions, he knew he couldn’t just stand there and gape at her and so he stormed over to her and snatched the broken shard from her and threw it to the ground. All the while, his continued growling releasing his anger and slowly calming him down.

Once he wad sure he wasn’t going to loose his temper, he carefully choose his words. “God DAMMIT Selene. Why?! What the hell do you think you are doing?”

Yup, carefully chosen words.

Table By Alli

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Selene D'Angelo · 03-18-2011, 08:12 PM

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Out of Character

Table©Kitty Coding©Sie
ooc text. 523 words

In Character

Sele often came to this cave to hided away from everyone else in Anathema and just stared into the broken mirror. She believed it to hold the truest portrait of her soul, showing her things that others couldn't see. Showing her things about herself that others couldn't interpret and understand. The smile, no matter how convincing it was, was always a fake one. It had been some time since she had been truly happy. Not since she had been held in her mate's arms and found out that she was carrying his child. She had poured all of her love and affection into the resulting pup. She had lost his sister, not that anyone knew it, and soon after she had lost her mate as well. After that she had poured all of her love and affection into her pup. At least until he grew to where he didn't seem to need her or want her around anymore. It was perhaps his growing independence that led her back to her self destructive ways, as well as being consumed by her thoughts.

Honestly she hadn't even considered cutting herself. It wasn't a conscious thought to pick up the shard. She had done it out of some sort of instinct. Just some sort of habitual thing. When she felt bad she would pick up something and cut then feel all better again for a little while. It was just something that happened without her having to think about it. So having the shard knocked away was a surprise for her. She didn't even realize that it was in her hand or what she was doing. Heck, she hadn't even realized that she wasn't all alone. She had become too absorbed in her thoughts and staring into the mirror to even notice that someone else had come into the cave. It was too late for her to hide the mirror and what she was doing.

She stared up at the raging male in surprise. This wasn't the first time that he had caught her this way. And his reaction was much the same as it had been the first time. She still didn't understand why he was so upset about it though. She wasn't causing any harm to anyone else. This wasn't affecting the pack. This was just her. It wasn't anything that mattered or anyone that was important. It was just her and nothing more. Why should what she did to herself matter to anyone else?

And just like before she couldn't really think of an answer or an explanation for what she did. Instead she looked away from him and quietly placed down the mirror. She had made certain that the reflective surface was against the ground so that he couldn't see into it. She stared at the back of it for a moment or so before finally looking up at him. "I don't know. I wasn't doing anything." At least she hadn't really been trying to do anything. "What are you doing here?" After all this felt to be her hideout that many didn't either know about or just chose not to visit.

Alaki · 03-20-2011, 09:38 PM

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Word Count: 676
Here we go, m'lovely. Wasn't entirely sure if Selene was sat down, so i made the assumption. Hope that ok? x

Despite her efforts, the broken mirror still caught his attention, yet why she felt compelled to hide it he did not understand and most likely did not want to know; for no doubt it would set him off again.

Calming down a little, he let out a deep sigh. A dark hand ran its way through his tangled black hair; a few knots untangled themselves with the movement and then fell neatly back into place. The gesture had a somewhat calming effect and helped keep him in control of himself. He may have lost his temper a few times before, but he refused to loose it in front or near Selene; for he knew that when he was in such a state he harmed anyone and everyone around him, intentionally or not.

Blue eyes fell upon the white female once again and another sigh escaped him. What to do? What can I do to make things right for you? Obviously, something was wrong or upsetting Selene, for no one self harmed without reason in his opinion. Despite knowing that behind her actions was a cause, he knew that Selene probably wouldn’t talk to him about her issues.

Within a corner of his mind, his own voice tormented him. She won’t speak to you because you are no one to her. Why would you be? You failed. Even when you were watching her, she was harmed. You. Are. A. FAILURE. Pangs of guilt and emotional pain ripped their way through him.

His eyes began to fill with a mixture of raging emotions that he struggled to conceal. Knowing that if he was not careful, his very expression may tell more than which he intended. But still, he began to degrade himself. Who was he to think that he could tell her how he felt? His silly, one sided emotions will only cause her further stress. Plus, she was older than him and had kids, she probably only saw him as a nosy, little child. He was such a fool. He shouldn’t have even considered confessing to her. Such a god dammed fool….

Silently he stalked over to where Selene was sat and walked around her so that he was stood behind her, then he lowered himself to the cave floor and sat, leaning gently against her so that their backs touched; he supported the majority of his weight with and out stretched arm. Next, he brought one knee up to his chest and hugged it with his free arm, his head rested upon the top of his knee.

Now that Selene couldn’t see him, and he see her, he felt more in control of himself. Honestly, he really didn’t want her to see him breaking down and having one of his mental episodes; in front of her he wanted to seem strong and perfect.

A light chuckle came from him, his head rising and tilting back so that he looked at the ceiling. “You know, maybe we’re both just idiots”. Down his cheek, a silent tear fell; he was wrong to ever think about telling her how he felt and so he would keep his feelings to himself. Man, I’m so pathetic. “And my reason for being here… I just happened to be nearby and noticed you heading to the cave. Thought I’d drop by” he mumbled. It wasn’t the truth, but nor was it exactly a lie.

Carefully, he unwound his arm from his knee and gently nudged Selene in the back with his elbow. “But you know… you’re not alone. Me and no doubt the rest of the pack are here for you. You shouldn’t be wondering off to places on your own and cutting yourself” he paused to take in a slow deep breath while he thought over his next words. “It’s okay to ask for help, that’s why we form packs isn’t it? To support and be supported by others.”

Maybe he was talking a load of nonsense to himself, but he hoped Selene would open up to him, if only a little.

Table By Alli

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Selene D'Angelo · 03-21-2011, 04:24 PM

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Out of Character

In Character

She'd had the mirror taken from her once before and had it commented on. She really didn't want to hear what he would say about her obsession. She couldn't help but to focus on the broken surface over and over again. She couldn't help but feel that such was the only true depiction of herself that there was. That despite all of her efforts to do better that this was what she was always reduced down into. No matter how much she wanted to do and be better that she would always ended up being nothing more than the broken image that was reflected back to her.

How could she ever talk to anyone about all that she had done wrong? About how many lives she had cost? How could anyone ever understand or be sympathetic with that? She had already had to tell her sister before about what she had done to her Alpha when she was younger. She had to inform her sister that it was all her fault that her Alpha had been sick because she needed Nani's help to make him better again. Though Sele had no idea if he had ended up getting better after that or not. She had left. Or well she had been kidnapped but left soon after that. She had left the Souls territory and found herself in New Brunswick.

Most of her time had been spent there. At least until the cult had been disposed of. How could she not feel that it was her fault? The tribunal was murdered only after she had gained a mate and had a pup with one of the members of the tribunal. That was forbidden. The tribunal were off limits. Because she hadn't paid attention to that the entire tribunal, as well as some of the members, had been forced to pay with their lives. Wherever she went and stayed something bad always happened. Others died where she was. Even her mother had died. Sele was just the embodiment of bad luck. How could that be explained. And just look, it had followed her to Anathema as well since Zale had disappeared without a word.

She watched him move, uncertain of what he was doing. He had moved around behind her and she had turned her head as best as possible to try and see what he was doing. But he had just sat down and she could feel the weight of his back against her own. For a moment or so she had decided to tell him that it would be for his benefit not to spend too much time around her. After all look at what happened to everyone else that had been a part of her life. Was it really and wonder why she separated herself from everyone else?

But before she could say anything he had spoken up. Idiot? So that was how he truly felt about her. It seemed that she wouldn't have to caution him at all. He had already come to the conclusion on his own. He had seen right through her and seen just how worthless she really was. But she couldn't blame him for spotting the truth and pointing it out. She already knew that about herself but still it hurt to hear someone else come to the exact same conclusion. To have her thoughts and fears confirmed after many attempts to try and get better. She always failed and others were taking notice of that now too.

"Didn't cut myself." She spoke softly. The mark wasn't there this time. She hadn't been able to pierce the flesh before she had been caught. Then again that hadn't been the prominent thought in her mind. It had just become a habitual practice. Whenever the negative thoughts came she would automatically reach for something to cut herself with in order to bleed out the darkness before it ended finding a way to return later.

She pulled her knees to her chest and huddled up. She had no idea what he was saying what he was after he had already admitted to seeing what she truly was. Why would he offer support and help for someone that he had recognized as being filled with darkness? One that spread that darkness to others and caused harm and disruption in daily life. It didn't make any sense at all to her. How could he be so nice to her after seeing right through her and knowing all that she had done wrong?

"No, it is better if everyone stays away. Everyone gets hurt and dies if they get too close." Once again she was speaking quietly, telling him of things that she figured that he already knew. Her experience with packs always ended in tragedy. This time it would be worse since it was her own sister in charge. She really didn't want anything to happen with Nani so she tried not to get too involved. She was trying to protect her sister. She should just leave but well, she didn't really want to be alone. She didn't want to lose Nani but she couldn't afford to get too close either. It was just all so confusing and frustrating to say the least. She no longer knew what was the right thing to do. She didn't want Nani kicking her out because she wasn't doing enough but she also didn't want to do too much in case something should happen to her sister. Either option seemed to have its own set of troubles. There just felt like there was no right decision in this case.

She hugged her knees up as close to her chest as she could get them and hid her face against them. "You shouldn't stay here. Anything could happen to you." She issued the warning, cautioning him as she had first thought to do. She didn't want to be responsible for something happening to him as well. After all he was still young and had his whole life ahead of him. It wasn't that Sele was particularly old either. But she did have a couple of years on him. She had bore young while he wasn't even at the age yet to have a family of his own. It wouldn't be fair should something happen to him before he could pass on his legacy and continue his own lineage.

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