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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
Iskaaaata. Territory number 11, Ethereal Eclipse.
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
There were enough of them now, but they had not finalized anything. Cercelee didn’t fret over it though, if they became a pack, than wonderful, she would stick with them, if they didn’t, well it was nice to have stayed with the group of loners all the same. It was true that the yearling had longed for companionship, yet the wish had been granted so suddenly. Colibri, like a mother or a best friend she wasn’t sure which, Slay, his strange ways and his instant sleep, Hanna and Mew, whom she liked both of them but didn’t know them all too well, they had all filled her life in the past two weeks and it was a tad overwhelming. Cercelee was glad to come back to the lands they found themselves lingering in, to smell their scents and hear their noises, but now she found herself stealing away, just for a while.
Unsure of how far she walked, but knowing that she had gone quite a few miles away from the town and the harbor and everything she and Colibri had fallen in love with, the ghost like female finally let her pace drop. Navy eyes peered into the sky, the sun was overhead, it would be midday soon enough, and the weather was pleasantly warm. Cercelee kept up her travels. The farther she went, the more she realized that the sun was leaving her, though she knew that the sky had been cloudless. Peering up again, the female noted how thickly the trees grew. How tall, how fat were their trucks. Everywhere one looked, the vegetation was lush, this place was brimming with life. No concrete and brick here, although Cercelee had found a certain fondness for the human’s buildings, she didn’t mind the natural beauty of this place either.
Farther in, less sun, and the coolness begun to creep up on her. Out of the soil, the dampness, a chill begun to work it’s way into her bones. Yet, the sensation wasn’t unwelcome, the coolness of the forest, the calm, it suited her. Almost exhilarated her. Suddenly the youthful female was seized with a very childish impulse and she gave into it whole heartedly. Flopping onto her back, belly espoused, Cercelee began to roll on the damp ground, allowing her snow colored coat to be smeared with dirt and leaves and all manner of debris. It looked as if she had an itch she couldn’t scratch on her back, but it wasn’t that, she was scratching a different sort of itch.
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She had been pacing through the overgrown forest for quite some time, her paws stepping lightly on the decaying matter as she listened to the sound around her. The deep dark feel the forest gave her fit her mood. Lately she just didn't have the spirit to keep a happy look plastered to her maw when the world was bright and shining and she was shattered inside. The woods reminded her of a pack of old, the woods were dreary and dark, somewhat fitting to the mood that pack's lands had given her from time to time, though the pack itself was like skeletons in a closet, you never quite knew what went on in their mists.
The sudden rustle of a birds wings and the warning caw of a raven made her stop in her tracks as she caught the sounds of movement ahead in the mists of the woods. Carefully picking her way across the lands she crept through the trees until she found herself upon the scene of the younger wolf. Bringing herself into a slim stripe of sunlight that barely scrapped through the thick trees she stared down at the female with gold shot blue eyes as she contemplated the strangeness of the youth. What... are you doing. she asked in a cold tone as she gazed down at the wolfess. A scent caught her off guard for a moment as she realized the fading smell of Clouded Tears clung to the young one.
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
An icy hiss interrupted the fun and Cer found herself, belly up, staring into the golden eyes of an older female. For a moment she just stayed frozen, looking up at the stranger, completely foolish and vulnerable, unsure of what to say. Cercelee had not encounter anyone but friendly, welcoming wolves in the past few days so the somewhat rude greeting had thrown her off. Slowly she rolled onto her side and then brought her feet beneath her, raising up to level with the other and shaking her pelt free of the dirt that clung to it. Navy eyes of a ghost stared back at the other, Cercelee knew these lands weren’t claimed, and after all she hadn’t been doing anything wrong, had she?
I was... Cercelee paused, she did not have to explain herself, she couldn’t really explain what had gripped her and sent her flying to the ground to roll about like a child, and she didn’t think the other female was really even interested in what she had been doing. nothing. Cercelee summed it up nicely, as best as she could put it. I was nothing. Indeed, this was not an activity she would have wanted any stranger to stumble upon, so it was best to pretend it was just nothing. Cercelee waved her tail in a friendly manner, shaking off the cold tones of the other. Always trying to win over, always diplomatic. Although her question was a mirror of the other’s, her tones were welcoming, her voice soft but friendly. What are you doing? What are you doing wandering around here, sneaking up on innocent children? Although Cercelee knew she was not a child, and the other had as much right to wander the damp forest floors as she had a right to roll on them.
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The whole frame of the smaller wolf made memories flicker in the back of the older female's mind. She knew she was staring at another Sadira, but this time she really didn't care. So many times they'd come and gone, just like she had and every time she'd welcomed them back only for them to disappear within a few moons. Somehow she knew how Laruku feeled deep down inside, not that she'd ever admit that to him though. She sat back on her haunches and stared at the youth with no show of wanting to become a friendly and happy creature. Iskata didn't really care what the girl was doing, yes that much was true, but it was more than slightly annoying that the world seemed to carry on so perfectly even after everything had been destroyed.
She knew once upon a time she'd known how to pick herself up after the fall, but anymore it was just so much easier to give in and forget how to glue it all back together. She'd make it on her own all right, but that didn't mean she'd make the world a bright happy place. She wasn't so sure she even wanted to see anyone else so carefree and untroubled. Glaring at the female she sneered at the very idea of how she was doing nothing. Such a childish answer when it was obvious she'd been doing something.
Giving up on trying to advance that time she looked down at the smaller female as she was questioned on what she was doing exactly. A slight smirk lit her lips as she shrugged and leaped down from her perch on the old log to land next to the small framed ivory female that so resembled her own mother. Exploring. What does it look like? Shaking some leaf fragment s from her pelt before circling the youth she went on Not like it matters, of course everyone is wandering about since the fire... There was a creeping dislike for the small wolf eating at the back of her mind, only for the mere reason that she knew this was another relative and she was just so tired of them appearing. Perhaps she'd just help this one disappear.. the idea was appalling, but exciting at the same time.
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
MEAN ISKATA!
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
As the other leaped to her side, Cercelee took a few steps back. It was obviously that this particular female was not just having a bad day. This was how the older female would be and Cercelee realized that she couldn’t butter her up, so she switched gears. Part of her was amused, as was her custom to find amusement in most anything these days, and part of her, a deeper part that usually laid dormant began to stir. How Cercelee was able to find amusement in others misery and unfriendliness puzzled her, she’d never feel this way if the female was receptive, but if the stranger insisted on being hostile, Cercelee couldn’t waste empathy on her, even sympathy was a bit too much. Yet that switch turned on, it was a switch that flickered on and off often when she felt that danger might be near, it was as if the devil itself was within her.
Yet she stayed calm, her voice cool. Even if a demon was clawing to get out of her, she did not take such issues lightly. Cercelee did not fly off the handle, she did not act on blind rage, she might have the cold precision of her grandmother, the stealth and inner strength, but she was more composed, less caring of her own feelings in order to control herself better. Her navy eyes stared at the other, and Cercelee realized that she saw something of her father in this stranger, it was the same kind of coldness that had emitted from him when he had left her on the borders of Clouded Tears. Although he had been so full of sorrow, so full of guilt, the feeling that this female was giving off was the same and completely different. Perhaps it was something that was inside all of them, something that could be so easily expressed in so many different ways. Well, Cercelee did not count herself a Sadira, if it came down to it, if the other attacked, Cercelee wouldn’t hold back on that account. Still, if there was no reason to defend herself, Cercelee would not start one. Her voice was neutral now, still calm and careful. You lost something in the fire? Maybe, maybe not. But this female was bitter about something.
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OOC- Of course! Even if Cer is her favorite brothers bebbie!
IC-
The wolfess of silver and gold cared little for family ties anymore, she understood why now. Once she could remember their family was woven tighter together than any cloth, but now over the years since her mother's death they had all faded away and fluttered to a fro without a care or a need for the others. She told herself that at least, and she always would. Had it really been the delicate sapphire eyed matriarch that had been their stitches that had made them whole, she didn't know, but she never blamed her. Staring at the small replica before her brought back haunting memories and guilts anew. She knew she could never really let go of the past, of their intertwined lives, why did she even try and believe that someone could come along and heal the wounds.
Her own thoughts and memories were circling in her mind like their own little pack coming in for the kill and there was nothing she could do about it and yet, the small voice shattered through with the bullet that had killed the beast. Narrowing her eyes at the girl her cold voice answered as she sat back before her once more. Believe me, I'd lost it all long before the fire... Somewhere in the back of her mind that little voice said she could play cat and mouse with the young Sadira later, there would always be a later in this whole new world about them.
Her voice continued after a pause, no sorrow in the tone, only the lingering trace of amusement at what the fire had done. The fire... was what set me free. Haunting lithe laughter echoed in her mind as she smiled a sad yet triumphant smile. So this was freedom.
She knew deep inside her children were alive somewhere, but did they really need a mother anymore. She'd never really been good at the whole mothering bit. Her mind not strong enough to pin down all the paths they tended to wander at once.. and when disaster struck her world always came crashing down and hell bent she'd be on her own destruction to save the fraying ends. She had yet to save one.. Yes, they were better off without her. She didn't believe in many things, but she knew the old tricks, if you repeated it enough.. you would believe.
Smiling down at the female before her with that wicked grin she spoke again, her mind cleared of all the old haunting thoughts as she was able to focus back on the current time. So little Sadira, where did you wander in from now? They blew in like fall leaves, and they'd blow out again, frail rattling hulls or end it all there laying about decaying in the woods.
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
Navy eyes stayed glue to the stranger as she contemplated the words. If it wasn’t the fire then it was something else, something that had been swept out from underneath the female’s feet. Or perhaps it was not as sudden as all that, maybe this female before her was a product of a slow decline, crushing under the weight of whatever until she finally had cracked. Either way, Cercelee didn’t think the older female had always been so callous. Those who had always been hard hearted to the world were calmer, more experienced, at least that had been Cercelee’s experience with such wolves. This one seemed like the distaste for life and the people that filled it was a new sensation, one she was just dipping her paws in and beginning to learn to enjoy.
It was a pity, thought Cer, that this female had to experience such a destructive force to be set free from whatever ties it was that bound her. Wandering now without no one to care for, but seemingly enjoying the darker aspects of life. Of course, Cercelee was apathetic in a whole different way. Upon fleeing the fire she had, had no one to care about either, and while she considered Colibri and the others to be her friends, she knew life would go on without them. Only instead of brooding over her past losses and sinking her personality with them, she had risen above them, and enjoyed life where she could and whenever she could. Yes, she came off childish, cheerful, even annoyingly so, but it wasn’t that she had always been so, only that for Cercelee there was no other way to be anymore, because she had given up worrying over anything.
Cercelee’s ears perked up at the words, a mirthless smile crossing her lips momentarily. Oh that title was so annoying, and yet, this female wouldn’t believe her. None of them ever believed her. I’m sorry miss, but I’m no Sadira. You have the wrong wolf. Sadiras were spawned from a grandmother she had never met, had never even heard about until Laruku had told her, and a grandmother she did not care for particularly. Cercelee herself had not been born in those lands, not even close, and growing up had only met a handful of her so called relatives, and only Coli and Laruku stuck in her mind now, the others simply did not exist, not even her father, not anymore. As for wandering, well, I have no home, so no where to wander from really. True, she stayed in certain lands with certain people, but they were not a pack, not yet, and so only the truth came from her mouth.
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She didn't know why she just didn't continue on her way, but she didn't. When the smaller female smiled and spoke up again she chuckled and shook her head. They could all deny they were Sadira's, but when it all came down to it they were all the same. One day they'd learn, perhaps, atleast Iskata could try and convince herself of that.. even though at times she felt like denying it too. Just the mention of the surname would bring recognition to most all in the area.. Someone everywhere normally knew atleast one Sadira. Somewhere in the back of her mind the thought occurred that it would probably always be that way.
A Sly sliver of a smile crossed her maw as she raised a brow at the Sadira, she was convinced this was one of their brood. All she needed to figure out was which silbing or silbing's child had brought this one into the world. Deny it all you want, you can't choose your family, it's that simple. Blood is blood. Well, you couldn't choose your family, but atleast here you didn't have to live with them. That was something, right?
Shaking her head at the last words she gave up her ideas of wanting to rid the world of another Sadira, atleast for now, granted the alabaster one didn't grate at her nerves too much. Next time, perhaps she wouldn't be so nice, she'd just tell herself that. Flopping down against the log she'd been perched on she eyed the female for a second. I'll grant you're right there atleast, no where to wander away from, just places to wander to. She turned to look back at the girl, not giving up so easily on her last comment though. So.. which one did you spring from? Aiji, Laika, Lisi, Adrastos, Acid,.. or perhaps one of their kids? Mew? Haku...Melisande..Anyanka? Who knows.. The list goes on and on by now.. OF course it did, her own list was long enough, the ones that had emerged from her loins. Scattered across the lands now... She was just dying to place this one in some nice neat spot.
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
Cercelee still eyed the other one wearily, but the older female seemed to relax in her persistence, unable to drop the subject of the Sadiras. No, one could not pick their family, true enough. Yet just because she had sprang from the lions of a child of the original Sadira did not make her one of them. Her father had not carried the title, nor had it given it onto her or her brothers. They had been her family, and a tight one at that. Adrastos, Lyla and their three children, but they weren’t around anymore and that was the end of that story. Her voice was still calm, convincing, because really she was not lying, she barely ever lied. Cercelee simply spoke what she believed to be true, and when she didn’t feel like sharing something she knew to be true, Cer left that out of the conversation, and so in this way, along with her excellent control of her own body language, she could have been one of the greatest liars around. When she spoke though, she spoke what she had convinced herself of. I’m sorry, but still, I have no family.
Seating herself now, that the other female had laid down against the log that had served as a perch only moment before, she stood fixed on the female. There was still the possibility that the wolf would spring at her, Cercelee’s body was still ready for that, but her mind was engaged in this senseless argument. Cer’s words and actions might be mask anything she wished to be hidden or convince others of anything that was not true, but she could not shed the pelt that clung to her skeletal structure, could not exchange the navy eyes for another pair. The year old female knew exactly who she looked like, she had been told often enough, but why couldn’t any of them believe that there were others out there who were not of that clan? Even if she had the eyes.
Cercelee listened as the female rattled off a list of names, most of which she hadn’t a clue who they were. A few names did pop out, however, that of her father’s, one she knew to be her brother’s name but must have been the uncle he was named after, and Mew’s. So she was related to that female she had just granted a home to, eh? Well, Cercelee had wondered at the time, and now it was confirmed, probably a cousin from the way this female spoke. Knowing that the other would be not be satisfied until she gave her a name, Cercelee shrugged, and almost tonelessly spoke. I know almost none of those of whom you speak, however, Adrastos I knew once, but not anymore. My name is Cercelee. Was that enough for her? Cercelee looked at the other, and while she had assumed as much, she knew it was true now. Before the female before her might have been an enemy of the family from the way she acted. However, Cer knew, she was one of them. Lisi, that had given it away. That had been her brother’s full name, but she knew from Laruku that for the wolf it had originally graced it was just a nickname, the real name had been longer, more syllables on the tongue. Unless this female had been close to the family, she would have used such an informal title. And so who are you then?
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She watched the female before her, both trying to read one another and yet getting nowhere fast. They were both some peice of work, though she wasn't quite sure if that was a good thing or not. Denying having a family in one way or another, the younger girl's ways more plain and blunt, while her's were a little bit more covered up. Iskata didn't deny the fact that she had family, she just didn't have any at the moment, nor was she sure if she'd be collecting any members anytime soon. Well, then that makes two of us. she said after the firm reply about family.
They seemed to go back to the staring contest, sizing eachother up and trying to determine just who they were, what they were here for, and what would really come to pass. In the end Iskata grew bored of the seeming relaxed pose yet the darting studying eyes and looked away as the youth began to speak again. Her ears flickered forward as she mentioned one name that seemed to stir some sweep of emotion deep inside. Turning quickly back she almost lost her cool as she quickly sized up the female again. It couldn't be, she thought. So long ago and she'd believed this whole time her brother had gone for good. Hadn't Laruku said once before she'd returned that he'd came back briefly though.. Could it be true. The words the girl spoke made it seem likely and yet unlikely as well. She wondered just why she denied every connection to them all.. but then again she couldn't blame her, look how her own aunt was acting to her here and now. Adras.. she just sighed and let it go, it was too painful to even attempt to believe that maybe, just maybe they'd come back. She wasn't even sure why she hung around.
She smiled sadly at the female and shrugged at the last question. You knew Adras.. and yet you can't figure out who I am? She could hardly believe that her brother wouldn't even mention his old puppyhood and past life with the child, but then again she herself had changed so much. Shaking her head she gave up the ghost and just revealed what the slight lady wanted to know. Alright Cercelee it is then, I'm Iskata.. She didn't have to give up her last name, it was written all over her, the lineage atleast.
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
The transformation in the grizzled wolf before her was interesting to watch. Cercelee had the magic word, the ruby slippers and now the conversation was a horse of a different color. Adras. Cer had never heard anyone call her father by such a nickname before, but it made sense that his family would have some for him. And he probably had nicknames for all of them as well, only she didn’t know them. Iskata, the female had introduced herself as. The name did ring a bell, although a very small one, but the voice was not that of Adrastos, but rather Laruku. Long ago he had told her she had an aunt living in Storm by that name. How sad that all her family history had come from a cousin who seemed all but indifferent to Adrastos's presence, and had accepted Cer as his charge only out of some family or alpha related duty.
I’m sorry, Adrastos never spoke of anyone. Granted I was with him for only a short time, I was only three months when he left me at Clouded Tears. Some might say that Adrastos had thrown away Cer too early, but she knew that even had he kept her after he lost the others, she probably wouldn’t have heard anything about his family. Not that he didn’t love them, Cercelee knew that he did, her name and that of her brothers was evidence, but he was trying to shield her from something. If Adrastos came back now, she wouldn’t hold anything against him, but she would not welcome him with open arms either. The actions he had taken and the bad feelings he had left her with were long since over, but trying to explain it to anyone else was still a hurdle. How do you tell someone that your father abandoned you, but you are not tore up over it? That it just happened and now you go on with your life? It wasn’t that she was hurt or angry, this wasn't why she denied her family, it was truly just that she did not know them, and felt no need to get to know them now.
He is probably not the same brother you remember him as, he’s not the same father who raised me for the first three months. That’s why it’s easier not to hold onto the past, I’d have meet him and get to know him all over again if he came back. It’s too much word to get to know a person twice. Cercelee didn’t know exactly why she had said that, was it to explain partly why she had been so hesitant to speak his name? Perhaps she had only elaborated because Iskata had seemed so moved by that particular name. Perhaps because Adrastos had once been a super hero, and he deserved some sort of smear against his name if he couldn’t keep himself together any longer.
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The magic word seemed to fail so quickly after the magic had fallen. With the next words from the alabaster female Iskata seemed to draw back into herself slightly, remembering the youthful brother she'd once know, and now learning of what had befallen his daughter. She shook her head and sighed, there had to have been some reason he'd left his daughter behind in lands far away with wolves she didn't know. Hadn't Iskata been forced to do almost the same thing. She didn't want to admit it, but she had... and still to this day she regretted what had befallen herself and her children.
She listened as the girl explained herself and a wistful smile crossed her lips. She'd never thought of it thatway, if only DaVinci had contemplated something along the same lines, but instead he held the past in high regards and everything she did was based on who she had been and what she had done. She knew buried beneath the betrayal there were loving memories as them as a family... she'd just have to wait til he was ready to embrace that part of their past.. but then again, he'd forgiven Magdalena so easily.. but Mags hadn't tried to kill him. Atleast she didn't have to think too hard to understand his hurt and anger. So strange that you and my son's beginnings seem so similar, and yet you learned to forget the past, while he embraces the moment with anger and hurt. Maybe your father thought he was doing what was best for you... Sometimes we've all got to do things we really don't want, but we do them anyways. She'd done a lot of things she hadn't wanted, but instead of let them go she'd done like her son and burned them into her heart. Perhaps that's why she'd worked so hard to build up the wall she'd been working on.. it obviously wasn't finished yet, if she could so easily be swayed by mere ghosts of her past..
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
Whoo.
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
Had Adrastos been doing what he thought best for her? Perhaps. Maybe part of him anyway. Perhaps he had really felt that he was unable to care for her. Maybe he felt bad for shielding her from sorrowing and when he himself had become overcome with grief decided to thrust his last living child into the heart of a land that was brimming with misfortune. Yet Cercelee wasn’t sure she could grant Adrastos that sort of pardon. The memory, although rarely dug up, was still vivid. His words had stung so very badly at that time and as the child she had been, there was no other way to understand them but for the literal meaning they held. I hate her Laruku. I don’t want her. Older now, she knew that he probably had been speaking more out of his sorrow than out of his true feelings for her, and while he could have left her for dead, he had at least the decency to dump her on Laruku’s doorstep. Still, his actions had mostly been for his own benefit, not hers.
Cercelee did not say this however. What was the point? It was over, like so many other foul tastes she had sampled, the memory only made her sick if she fought to remember. Once she willingly let go her palate was cleansed and she was free to enjoy the sweetness once again. Why cling to the past? Why fight for family that doesn’t even care whether you’re alive or dead? There are enough of... us.. What difference does one more body make to any of them? It’s of no use to me, so I just won’t bother. Cercelee didn’t want to, so she simply didn’t. Rarely did she ever do anything she didn’t want to, it just didn’t seem like a viable option.
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ooc-brain dead, all hail coffee..
ic-The words stung, but not as harsh as what they reminded her of, who they reminded her of. She wrinkled her nose at the thought and chuckled. You sound like Laruku.. How often had Iskata and Laruku sat down in some random spot and argued and debated back and forth the past, the future, the worth of one life, of their lives... and yet in the end it hadn't changed anything. She smiled an actual smile and looked at the girl before her.
So much like her own mother in looks, she probably wouldn't know how much in personality, but she was reminded of her, she wondered if any of the other family members saw the same. Shaking her head she looked off in the distance before speaking up. They care, they may not admit it, but they care, we all do. It's not the fact that we're all related, it's the need to belong, to be whole, to be loved..in all it's strange ways. Give it time, it will all make sense someday.. She'd almost said you'd understand when you have children of your own, buty she'd caught herself. It wasn't just having children, just having someone who cares for you and you care for was enough. You know, even with all the Sadira's running around, we still seem to adopt more into the family.. by blood or not, once you let them in you'd understand.
She almost hated herself for it, here she was broken inside and yet she was still offering the only thing she knew, love. She didn't believe that she could open herself up to another again, but she had belong before and the feeling of belonging was so overwhelming, so secure... she didn't want to return thatway again for fear of the pain she suffered now, but it was the only path she'd know before now. Her eyes seemed troubled as she looked back to the younger Sadira, but she didn't speak again.
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
Unsure if the words were meant for a compliment, an insult, or just a fact, Cer eyed Iskata suspiciously. The year old female knew her second cousin’s stance on his family reappearing and disappearing, he had made it known when she came back to Clouded Tears. Still, he had taken her back, no questions asked. He had taken care of her when Adrastos refused to. As far as she was concerned, there was no harm in being like Laruku, although even as a child she had sensed his unhappiness. But Cer didn’t think that particular aspect of the hybrid was the similarity that Iskata saw in her niece. Even if Iskata didn’t agree with their ideas, she must have been endeared to Cercelee by the common family traits she saw, because for the first time she smiled at the younger wolf.
Smiling back, some what unsure, Cercelee waited. Just moments ago this female had seemed hostile, and now was offering up family bonds? This was a strange twist the meeting had taken, but Cercelee let it flow. Perhaps all the Sadiras had their quirks, perhaps they could all be inconsistent at times. Or maybe it was just too much work trying to be something they weren’t. It doesn’t have to be family though... Cer was unsure if she could keep up the debate. Iskata had some points, it wasn’t really about family duty, at least not to all of them. Cercelee knew that a reason many of them returned to family was simply because they knew that family would take them in, accept them, flaws and all. Yet wasn’t Cercelee building that for herself? A place to crash at the end of the day, to come back to, no questions asked but always welcome.
Couldn’t it just be a pack? Friends? Why family? Why did a name matter? Couldn’t she be loved, not for being another random relative, but for just being who she was? Cercelee felt that if she couldn’t find that, perhaps she didn’t want anyone at all. If she couldn’t be sure she was being accepted for what she was, why bother with the whole deal? Yet she couldn’t voice anymore opposition to Iskata, she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the argument anymore. Couldn’t they just talk about the weather?
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She didn't really say anything else when the girl spoke softly. There really wasn't anything left to say when it all came down to it. Iskata raised her eyes to look at the female for a moment when she realized something. She'd been in Clouded Tears for a while, atleast, she had before the fires had destroyed their old way of life. The Sadira family obviously wasn't something that the little one wanted to talk about, but it wasn't just their blood that linked them.. and as much as Iskata seemed to have a love hate relationship with her cousin at times, she did care for him, for most of the damned pack he'd reigned over since her mother's death. Studying the girl's face before her she finally gave in and asked, not expecting much though. ..Did any of them make it? she asked softly.
Swallowing back the lump in her throat she continued on, to clarify her question better. I mean.. the pack. Did Laruku or Naniko... She wasn't even sure who was even left in the pack. She knew her adopted daughter had been there when she'd left to find her wayward children, but there were few others she'd even expected to stick around. She would have never left if she'd had a choice... but there was nothing she could do to change that now, no use dwelling on it.
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
Cercelee was taken back by the sudden change in topic. That is what she had hoped for, and she had not left meat in the discussion for Iskata to chew on. Still, she felt dumbfounded, as much as the Sadiras weren’t her family, Clouded Tears was no longer her pack. Aside from that, she did not really have an answer for Iskata, something she regretted, as it was something she thought about now and then. Cercelee had just left, without even thinking, without turning back. Of course, would Iskata blame her? Cercelee hadn’t been close with any of them, she hadn’t even known anyone but Laruku really. I’m sorry, I don’t know. I haven’t heard or seen them, actually since a few days before the fire. I guess I was as bad a pack member as I am a family member, huh?
Cercelee paused, aware of how her sardonic joke had sounded. Smiling sheepishly, Cercelee offered her amends, as best as she could voice them, because really she didn’t have an answer. I’m sure soon enough we will be running into everyone... The words were true enough, already she had witnessed Colibri reunite with her sister, and that female Mew, Iskata had mentioned her earlier. I just met a wolf Mew, a few days ago. Coincidences, eh? Didn’t have a clue I might be related to her until you said her name. So, there’s that. If I am constantly running into relatives, I’m sure that you’ll find them soon enough as well. Cercelee words were sincerely optimistic, comforting, although she wasn’t sure how much use words could really be in a time like this.
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She hadn't really let her hopes get up, but she still felt the disappointment when the alabaster lady admitted she had no clue to anyones whereabouts. Iskata sighed and just shook her head at the girls words, a smirk crossed her maw as she spoke again. You're not the first who lived in Tears and hardly ever saw the others.. there were some days I felt like I was the only one there, then the next day I'd see four or five familiar faces.. like ghosts they'd be gone again in the bat of an eye. she shook her head sadly. I don't know how many times I ran off from Tears either only to return, in the end I always returned. Now, I'm not so sure where to go.. She hated to admit that to anyone, but it was the truth.
Storm was gone, Tears was gone, and she hadn't really seen anyone except the coyote clan. She shook her head and looked off into the woods. Clouded Tears had always been home, some internal needle always pointed them there.. she wasn't sure where her compass would point now when she'd lost her way... and she was a bit scared if the day came for her to find out.
She gave up the idea for a moment and flicked her ears back to the words Cercelee was saying. Within seconds her head turned back to as she gave a weak smile. You'd be surprised at how many of us there are to run into.. and I hope you're right, I miss my babies, it's been too long since I've seen them last. She let her eyes meet with the lady before her as she studied those eyes that once belonged to her mother. Too much the same they were, but the wolf that held them now wasn't the same and she knew it. I hope.. you find what you're looking for.. She wasn't for sure if the girl would ever fully accept her large and imposing family, but she really did wish her the best at finding one to fill the void that Adras had left so long ago. She wished she'd known what had happened to change him so much.. but it wasn't her place to ask, and she wouldn't push her niece for answers either.. at least, not on something that deep.
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[ooc] -- i thought you'd be there.
What do you think? Want to end it here or keep going?
holding daisies, counting stars. -- [bic]
The wandering, the constant lost feeling, eternal loneliness. That seemed to be yet another inheritable trait of their family. One that Cercelee wished to avoid, another reason she denied the relations. If she wasn’t really a Sadira, their unhappiness, the instability could not possibly be coursing through her veins as well. Iskata’s confession of not being entirely loyal to attendance at Clouded Tears and her lack of direction now was not really surprising, not when she compared her aunt to what she knew of her family, her father, the cousins that they knew. Cercelee smiled sadly at Iskata, not just because Iskata was exactly what Cercelee was denying, but also because Iskata spoke the truth. Cercelee had gone back to Clouded Tears because she had not known where else to go, and now she was just following Colibri blindly. Yet Cercelee was happy with that choice, she wasn’t sure if Iskata was happy wandering.
Oh, I’m sure that there are far more of us that I will ever meet, and I’m positive that you and I will both run into more than our far share of them. Partly a joke but mostly just the truth. The longer she was around these wolves, those that had fled the fire, the more she knew it to be true. Cercelee had run into more than enough “family” for her taste already, and she was sure that she’d run into more. Not that she disliked them for who they were, they couldn’t help that. They could be friends, even close. Cercelee liked Colibri and Mew despite what relatives they might have in common, but she didn’t care about them because they were family. She only cared for them because she had chosen to. Looking to Iskata, the younger female wondered if they would ever be on the same page. Although their paths may cross again, Cercelee wasn’t sure that they would ever have a meeting of the minds. I hope you find what you’re looking for as well. Cercelee gave the female another look over with her phantom eyes, and smiled genuinely, deciding that aunt or not, Iskata was alright.
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ooc-End?
She smiled at the younger wolfess, the echo of her own mother gazing back at her. She tried to remember what it had been like living with her mother, but all she could remember was forgiveness for everything she'd done wrong and the eternal patience that comes from one's mother. She gave a soft sigh and shook her head, trying to rid herself of the double image in her mind. She laughed softly at the words the young girl said and agreed full heartedly. Yeah, we'll run into them over and over again and probably not see them again for moons.. it would be just one endless cycle of one long hello.. or goodbye. She kindof scowled at that thought, but it was true, they were either always coming back or running way... though she wasn't sure what they'd ever be doing now.
Stretching out her long scarred up forelegs she smiled at the other and shook out her pelt before speaking up. Thank you Cercelee.. She knew a good time to leave just as any, and she really didn't care that the wolf was in the woods.. She'd just been cranky and withdrawn, but the sudden blast from the past wasn't all to bad for her mortal soul in the end. She took a step to leave but then paused, turning back to the younger wolfess, You know.. your grandmother isn't the worst to be compared to, or mistaken for. I wouldn't worry about having to live up to her.. you're doing fine as yourself. before the smaller female could snap a reply at her for her bold words she turned away and loped off through the woods.
She didn't mean to rub salt in the girl's wounds, it was obvious she'd always be in the shadow of her grandmother, but by the looks of her she was doing alright. The silver and gold lady wouldn't be surprised if she found her somewhere else down the road all grown up and in control. She smiled to herself as she realized that the meeting had lifted some heavy cloud that had been hanging over her.
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