She had claimed the lands hers, though truly they were no ones. Stalking through the dark forest everything almost felt right, deep, dark, cold.. it felt soothing to her frayed nerves and her timebomb temper these days. The land was her balm, though she didn't know how long she could hold it for herself. New packs seemed to be popping up everywhere and sooner or later if she hadn't joined another or found others to join with her then she was going to be pressed out of the lands, but right at the moment it didn't bother her just yet. Nothing quite bothered her in her own personal sanctuary, other than invasion by an unwelcomed guest.
She was at the edge of the woods now, a glen stood there right before the lands started descending on past where she claimed her own. A large boulder cropped out of the grass and she made the leap to stand upon it, surveying the lands before she turned in a circle, stretched and lay down to bask in the dazzling light for a while. Her mind was twitching back and forth before different ideas andhalf thought comments.
The world she'd always known had been left behind but she knew she could never return. Not the the pack, the lands, or to the happiness she'd once had. Her children were grown without her and the ones who'd lived were moving on with their lives, finding new homes together and forgetting the past. Did they even know their father had been the one to abandon them all, not her in the end. The one who had wanted his family so bad, so desperate, claiming to cling to their lives and the happiness within them to no end.. and yet, he hadn't even looked for them after it all came down..
A snarl escaped her lips as she closed her eyes. She was tired of trying to find that perfection happiness was sworn to give one. Like everything else it'd gone straight to hell in the fires.
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The fire had affected Naniko in a much different way. She had lived in Clouded Tears for a long time, much longer than a lot of the other members, and she had loved being there. She'd loved everything about the territory, from the lake and the fog to the forests and the animals. Everything. And that was where the problem was. Clouded Tears as a pack was not a grand thing, really; half of the members weren't around most of the time, and the others didn't care enough to hold regular meetings or hunts or gatherings. It was almost like living by yourself, being there. The fire had made her realize that she wanted more than that. She wanted to know everyone in the pack by name, wanted to hold hunts and meetings and get togethers for no reason at all, other than just to see them all again.
So far, things were working out. She and her mate Conri had started Twilight Vale, far to the South, with Lucifer, Deuce, Anka, and two strangers they'd met up along the way. They had four pups, as well, which would help their numbers later on.
Naniko didn't care for wandering much, but today she'd felt like she needed to get away for a little bit. This territory was different from Twilight Vale, much darker. Her jade eyes took in everything around her as she walked carefully through it, trying to be quiet as possible. Things would echo, and she wasn't really in the mood for a confrontation today.
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Her eyes bad been closed for meer moments before she heard the slight rustle of the decaying leaves on the forest floor. In meer seconds her eyes were open and her ears perked as she gazed back into the gloom of the forest. For a moment she just stood perched upon her surveying boulder before she leaped down and stalked back towards the woodlands. She knew now atleast that she wasn't alone here, but for how long, that was another question.
Quitly she stalked through the woods towards the other female, she could catch the smallest glimpse of haunting white through the trees as she slipped along the deer trail, following the female. She'd been at her tracking for a while before she began to catch up anywhere close to the female, so far ahead inthe dark she'd been. The scent she knew by heart, but she didn't call out to the female. She wasn't sure anymore how her family would take to her resurfacing again. So much had changed..
Yet, because of the change it seemed they were all growing up a little bit more, little bit wiser and more themselves. No longer clinging to the old packs, the old ways things were changing fast. Iskata Sadira stood in the shadows, her gold shot eyes staring at the female who seemed to walk along without knowing or caring where she went, and yet she still didn't call out to her. A part didn't want to return to what she had, a part was afraid.. and still she cared, deep down inside atleast.
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A few months ago, when Phoenix had come down with a bad case of pneumonia, she had gone over to Storm to help him. She'd had to make the medicine there, grinding up garlic cloves and a few other ingredients to make a paste that would help him breathe better. After that she'd given the wolves there, mainly Pilot and Dierdre, an explanation of how to care for the alpha. They'd been without an apothecary, and things in Clouded Tears had been going well enough that she could leave the lands to go and check up on Phoenix nearly every day.
But that was the last time that she had seen him. Naniko had stayed connected with that side of the family, adopting Phoenix's children into her ever-growing "family". If Naniko had followed Iskata when she had moved to Storm, she might have ended up being an older sister to them. Kansas she'd often romped around with, trying to teach the young wolf skills that he could use later in life. She had started teaching him how to read and write before the fires had taken them apart...and he had helped her out of a sticky situation before, with a badger.
She hadn't seen any of them since the fire, though, so she wasn't sure. The only one she had seen from that pack was Dierdre and her mate Pilot, but she had lost Dierdre soon after seeing her. That had been right during the fire, too, so she hadn't had a chance to ask if Phoenix had made it out.
Naniko continued down the path, her tail flicking from side to side lazily. She had been wondering about what kinds of prey these lands might have, whether there'd be anything good to eat. As she walked, though, she began to feel something...a strange sensation. Like somebody was watching her. The jade-eyed wolf looked around, but it was sort of dark...she couldn't see much. She stopped, turning and looking into the darkness. Whoever it was, if they were going to try and start something with her...(and she thought that they were, since they hadn't shown themselves yet...) then she would leave. She didn't want to fight. "Hello? Show yourself."
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She was so tempted to just turn and walk away when the other realized she was being watched, just another ghost of a fear in the dark woods, but instead she moved forward out of the darkest gloom and settled herself a distance from the other female, sizing up her once adopted daughter for a second before she spoke up. Hello Naniko.. she said softly. That was really all there was to say, she wasn't even sure if Naniko had known she'd left the lands so long ago that were now destroyed.. but here she was now.
Shuffling slightly in her spot she stared at the other and realized she recognized some of the scents on the female. Atleast she's found her family, Iskata thought to herself, something she'd yet to do. She doubted that Naniko even counted her as family anymore, she wouldn't... not after what she'd done. Once maybe she would have forgiven herself, but since Phoenix had left.. she didn't care to forgive, or even to forget. Caring anymore about anyone in this whole new world would only result in more broken promises and shattered pieces of her heart.
Sighing softly she raised her eyes to stare into Naniko's. It's been a long time hasn't it love? Just because she hated the outside world didn't mean she hated those she once cared about.. she just wasn't sure if there was room enough in her heart to care for anymore.. but there were those who already were written on the shards that remained. She wasn't going to deny them just yet. Icy and frigid she may be now, but her blood still pumped, even if it was sluggishly.
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She had some memories of Iskata from her childhood. Most of them were really good memories...she'd always felt really safe there with her, and she could remember playing with Iskata, Magdalena, and Davinci outside their den. Naniko had been pretty jealous of the pups...but she'd gotten over that as she got older. She'd just wanted all of Iskata's attention for herself.
A lot had happened since then, some things that she didn't like to remember. Like the first time she'd shifted. It'd been painful, and she'd been in trouble--she had found Iskata, but her mother hadn't wanted to see her. She'd even tried to attack her, to make Naniko leave her alone. Now, as she'd gotten a bit older, Naniko realized that it was probably a good thing that Iskata made her scared of her...because the older female hadn't exactly been in her right mind. It was probably better that the younger girl had been driven away, and not hurt.
The large female looked around cautiously. She was well able to care for herself, so she wasn't really scared, just curious. The figure revealed itself to her. A figure from the past. She wasn't sure if she was seeing the real thing, or if this was a ghost that had decided to appear before her. "Mother?" She asked, staring.
It'd been such a long time...but Iskata wasn't making any moves toward her that would indicate aggression. Maybe she was doing better? Laruku had said that she'd gone crazy..."Yes...it has. You're doing...better?"
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She smiled that smile that was barely there, worn and tired, on the brink of nothing, but it was still a smile. A small bolt shot through her when Naniko said that single word. She knew she didn't deserve it, and she knew she wasn't her mother, but obviously she'd done something right in the past, no matter what she'd done since then. Raising her gold shot eyes to look at the cream and alabaster girl before her she didn't know if she could believe she was still viewed as mother in her eyes. Even after all this time? Still mother? Her eyes said what she didn't, -even after all I've done...- She wasn't sure if she could take still being someone's mother, especially one that had no real blood ties to her.
Shaking away the thoughts she sighed and tried to push all the sad bitter memories behind the wall she was building up fast on her old life. Everyone else had moved on, she was no one now, nothing here. Dropping the words and the thoughts associated with being mother she continued on, just another bite into her bitter past.. she'd been better for a long time.. too long.. And she'd never even gone back to try and right her wrongs. I've been better since the beginning of last summer.. I'd just been busy, with the children.. and trying to find DaVinci and Firefly... she drifted off for a moment as she seemed lost over the thought.
She smiled, a haunted look to her eyes as she gazed off in the distance, continuing on as though she hadn't paused. My wayward ones.. So much like her, except Davinci wore his heart on a sleeve, all the anger and hate right there in your face, break his heart and the whole world was to blame... She'd made him thatway hadn't she..
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Naniko had "escaped" growing up with the D'angelo side of the family; she hadn't gone with her parents when they'd left, way back when she had been a pup. Instead, her father had left her in the care of Physe Revlis, his past lover. That had been good and she'd liked living with Physe...but then her accident had happened, and Iskata had kindly taken her in. She had still kept ties with Physe, but now he was gone...and her parents hadn't come back. So she'd just accepted the fact that she would never see the three of them again.
Iskata, though, she had always wondered about. Naniko had spent many a night thinking about what had happened. If you had something wrong with the inside of your head, with your brain...well, you couldn't be held for your actions. It might take a little while...but she'd decided a long time ago that she was going to try. Try and make things better with her and Iskata.
Now that it was happening, though, everything seemed so surreal. "Of course. You were more of a parent to me than any of my real relatives. You do know that, right?" Iskata spoke of Davinci and Firefly, and Naniko nodded. She had heard of the younger girl's dissapearance from a few of the animals in Storm. They did watch, and some could understand the way wolves spoke. When Phoenix had come down with the illness, she'd asked the creature of Storm for information about the pack, about who'd come and left. She had needed to know if there was anything that might get in the way of his recovery. Any distraction could have meant death for him.
"Davinci talked to me right before he left...said he was going to find Magdalena. They didn't come back with you, though, I suppose.." Which was why Iskata was talking about them like that. "But you did. And to come back to all of this...I'm sorry. I remember how it was at first...it was horrible. The bad feelings are going away, though, as the pack gets used to these new lands. Conri and I have started our own pack--Twilight Vale." She realized at this point that her mother might not know who Conri was....but she wasn't sure if she should explain. She felt like she was talking an awful lot, and she didn't want to be annoying or seem too chatty. "Are you staying out here?"
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She smiled sadly when Naniko spoke of her being more of a parent than her own blood kin. She shook her head and looked at the girl beofre her, now grown with her own life. She knew she had been the one there through her childhood, but not for long enough, atleast in Iskata's mind. I know, but at times it doesn't seem like it was enough. I let you all down. She definately was not proud of what she had done, how could she have been, she'd almost killed her own son and could have come close to doing the same to Naniko if she hadn't run off that day. There was a darkness inside her, the guilt eating at her.
When Naniko brought up Firefly and her first brood she looked back to her and frowned. You know.. I never even knew Magdalena had even survived until I found Firefly and DaVi.. She looked off in the distance, off towards the mountainside. They found her you know. Too stubborn for his own good.. and we'd thought that he'd kidnapped Firefly out of spite. She'd followed him because he was her friend. I should have trusted him.. but I listened to my pack, all they saw was his troubled side, they didn't believe there was any good in him. She shook her head sadly and looked back to Naniko.
A sliver of a grin split her maw as she chuckled. The whole lot of them sailed off to Ireland... I don't know why but they said they had to see what was beyond the sunrise. They promised to come home one day, who knows when that will be though... She looked back to Naniko as she spoke of her new life and pack. The wolf of silver and gold nodded, her eyes shining as she listened. I know Conri, he came looking for you often when you were younger, before I left. He was a good boy. I'm glad you found some security after all this atleast Nani...
She looked around at the dark lands around her before replying to the last thing Naniko had asked. Yes, I've been here for a bit of time.. I've been looking for Ember, Icarus and Kansas.. Phoenix left... She didn't say what her heart was, he'd left her, he'd left the family. So long he'd promised to stay, to wait for her.. and in the end he'd disappeared. Now she was alone again, but by her own choice for the time being.. she wasn't sure if she could handle being with those that loved her for who she was just now.
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Whatever happened, whether she and Iskata became close again...she was glad to have seen her again. It was a blast from the past, really, a face she hadn't seen in such a long time. So much had happened since then and now that she wasn't sure what all she could talk about. When she had heard that Iskata was back, months ago, she had toyed with the idea of going over to see her...but had chickened out in the end.
Now she was okay with it, though. She felt more at peace."I should have kept more in contact...but when I heard that you'd come back I was afraid" She said quietly. Iskata wasn't the only one who needed to be forgiven; Naniko hadn't made much of an effort to reconnect, either. "Davinci was never a bad kid. Even when he misbehaved...it was like there was something deeper. I never really understood him--I'm glad that he found her. But Firefly didn't want to come back?" Her question was answered a moment later, and she nodded. "Sometimes you just have to let them go. Like with my parents--I still love them, but I've let them go. I'm glad I didn't let you go."
She hadn't seen the kids since before the fire...since her last visit to Storm, weeks ago. "I helped Phoenix when he had pneumonia, but he was sick again last thing I heard. He got better? And...he left? He was really connected with the kids, I thought." Naniko swallowed back a lump in her throat when Iskata mentioned Kansas. "I miss him. Kansas. He was..a best friend and a little brother to me. I don't know where he is, either...and I've looked everywhere"
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Iskata smiled at her one time daughter and shook her head. Don't blame yourself Nani, things were different then.. atleast now there's a chance to mend it all now.. It didn't matter that Naniko hadn't come looking for her after all was said and done, she hadn't expected her to and she wasn't sure what would have happened if she had. A new family, a new pack.. it was like a whole new world, and she'd just walked away from the old one. Atleast now, there was a chance she could have the best of both worlds. There was no pack that was holding her down, or keeping her at bay like in the past, she truly was free from all the weights of the past now.
She sighed and looked off in the distance at the talk of DaVinci. She smiled and just shrugged, there was no real explanation for that child anymore. No one would ever really understand him unless he wanted them to. DaVinci.. I'm not sure if he wants to be understood.. I think he likes it thatway too. Who knows how Firefly and Magdalena make it with him. When the cream hued girl before her moved on past the children Iskata's eyes settled on the emerald ones before her and she smiled truly. I'm glad you didn't either.. There's a lot out there that I'm glad never gave up on me.. The thought of those that hadn't given up on her raised the lost feeling up again, and their continued conversation wasn't helping much either.
She sighed at the thought of Phoenix, she didn't know what to say to Naniko there. She wasn't sure if she believed it either.. I don't know.. I really don't. she whispered as she tried to blink away the tears that threatened her eyes. Waiting a moment while the feelings ebbed away she looked off into the dark woods and then back to Naniko. I'm glad you atleast were able to know Kansas.. I just hope he's alright. He seemed so lost after Firefly left.. They're twins you know.. She cleared her throat as her voice wavered, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her, but she knew it was too hard to try and hold them all back. They were all family and she needed them. Perhaps she didn't need anyone else, but she loved her children and couldn't really deny them.
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She had never met Firefly, but she was sure that she would have liked to. Family was very important to Naniko -- for a good part of her life she'd thought that she would never have any family. So she wanted to keep a good hold on those that had come back. The months that she'd been by herself hadn't been very enjoyable...but then Conri had come back. She didn't realize until she saw him again how much she truly felt for him.
"You can come to visit us in Twilight Vale whenever you like--we'd love company. Even stay a few nights. It's a lot like Clouded Tears, in a way, but without the fog. We do have a lake, though" She nodded quietly when Iskata spoke of Kansas. She felt like she was in mourning for him, even though she didn't know if he was dead or not...just because he hadn't resurfaced yet. She shouldn't let herself give up hope. "I'm sure he's out there. We just have to believe." Maybe they needed to get moving to take their minds off of things. "We should walk"
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She smiled again at Naniko, it seemed with every meeting and every wolf she ran into some of the soreness of her recent shock was wearing away. She was glad to hear of what Naniko had done with her life, Iskata was so proud. She'd always dreamed of taking care of her own pack one day but she wasn't for sure if she had it in her, obviously her adopted daughter did though. She raised her head up with eyes shining and praised what Nani had done so far. I'm not surprised you know. You've always been steady handed and levelheaded. I'm proud of you Nani. Perhaps I do need to come visit, make sure that boy is taking good care of you and your pack. She was teasing her child, but as well it had been so long since she'd seen Conri, she wasn't sure if she could really remember anything about him except for the fact that he'd been carrying a scarf and looking for Nani it had been so long ago.
She shook her head at the idea and smiled, laughing slightly as Naniko suggested they walked. The woods really weren't the best place to be playing catchup. Moving along next to the creamy hued female she spoke up. I don't doubt we'll find them again.. it's just hard to hope for so much.. especially after last time. She wasn't even so sure that Naniko would or could remember last time. Losing Tainted Fears, then losing her children and losing her mind which resulted in losing her pack and family.. it had all just been one giant fall. It had taken moons for her to get back on her feet, and she wasn't sure if she could this time... Could she wait season after season for Phoenix to return, especially if she found her children safe and sound within the month. She didn't know, but she didn't want to think of it either.
Moving on to another subject she chuckled. A non-cloudy Clouded Tears you say? Kind of defeats the purpose. At least you didn't call the pack by the same name.. Then I'd have to wonder. She really did want to see the lands, she wouldn't say it to her daughter, but perhaps after she found her babies then she'd be able to venture to the new lands and see what the family was like now.
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