Shelter from the Storm
#1
OOC:
For Aurora Etoiles. :3 There's a little bit of character information about Enlil in this account's profile -- please excuse the clutter, as we're still setting up the Mentors program to some extent!

One thing I noticed regarding your profile -- there are a few instances where you seem to swap homophones. For example, "seam" and "seem" -- a "seam" is something you stitch and sew, while something "seems" to a appear a certain way. Smile Just try to read over what you write carefully -- everyone makes mistakes and typos, and unfortunately, spellcheckers don't catch every mistake. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out; you seem quite receptive to critique and assistance and we truly appreciate that! If you have specific questions, please feel free to ask. Big Grin

IC:
Enlil had been living in these mountains for some time now. The male had left his home and his family just a few months ago, traveling in a rather indirect manner toward Nova Scotia. He hadn't known to come this way until he'd encountered quite a few travelers headed in this direction themselves. Many of them had spoken of a cluster of packs here, and Enlil was intrigued. He craved this in a way he did not fully understand. The wolf was lonely, of course -- he missed his parents and siblings terribly -- but this loneliness wasn't quite what had driven him here to the Halcyon Mountains. Although he'd always felt quite at home in his birthplace, he could seek out something for himself here, something all of his own.

The mountain road, once maintained by the humans, stretched out before Enlil before coming to a blind curve. The forest seemed to bend down over the road, crushing it with sheer immenseness. Enlil's wandering pace slowed, taking in the sights. The surrounding wilderness was utterly unmaintained; no human crews had come to cut away the underbrush and dangling branches that now threatened to swallow up the road. Even so, the darkness seemed unnatural -- he looked to the sky in time for a single fat raindrop to splatter against his muzzle. Dark clouds swirled overhead, signaling the incoming storm. Thunder rumbled lowly, though it was close enough that Enlil knew the storm itself would be here soon enough. It was beginning to drizzle now, and the distant flashes of lightning signaled a serious storm. It was time to look for shelter.

The Eastern Timberwolf moved swiftly, his pace increasing to a slow trot as he sought shelter. A cluster of rocks caught his attention -- he trotted to it eagerly, lifting his ears and wavering his tail behind him, sniffing for any current inhabitants in the crevasse between the large boulders. There was only an old and stale scent of badger, so the wolf squeezed himself between the rocks, tumbling forward into a surprisingly large, open space -- he peered around it curiously, and realized the boulders concealed the entrance to a shallow underground cave. It was quite dry in here, and he would be able to escape if it started to flood. Perfect.
#2
OOC: Thanks for the tips! I'll be sure to fix them! soory for the short post but my muse left me to day Sad

IC: Aurora slid down a steep rock as she made her way towards the high way. She brushed off her dirty pads and looked up at up at the darkening sky, its ominous shade of gray foretold a storm. Aurora shivered, felling small rain drops fall on her snow pelt grow heavy. The darkening sky foretold of the storm to come, but Aurora ignored its first warnings, hopping she could go on a few more miles. The low rumble of thunder's voice sounded through near by valleys and distant lightning left bright streaks in the sky, Aurora had to find shelter.

Aurora clutched here worn leather bag in her paws as she ran through the thorns and brush of the old road which seemed to be alive, wanting to tare her soft flesh. As lightning lit up the sky once more, her eyes saw a dark cluster of rocks that signaled the entrance of a dark cave. Aurora stumbled and almost fell face first in to the dark mud. The odd-eyed lady concentrated on there Lupus form, imagining her thin figure. Her tail started the change, it shortened but still keep it signature length. Thigh and quadriceps compacted in to thin legs and strong hocks, the action being out lined by the cool rain. Her spine shortened taking her rib cage along with her. The white lady stretched her arms and hands in to legs and delicate paws. Her human like neck stretched out and the thick main upon her head shorted in to a thick pach of snowy fur. To finish her marvelous transformation aurora's muzzle widener and stretched to a proportional length in a seemingly painful manner. Aurora couched down to hold up the leather handle of the worn bag in her muzzle, and sprang to to the cave with all the energy she had left.
#3
OOC:
Not a problem, Ana! I'm glad to get your reply Smile However, there are a few little details that you could probably work on in your next one, if that's alright.

I loved reading your post, but there are a few spelling errors in it - words like "felling" which I know you meant to be feeling, and "hopping" which I know you meant to be hoping. These are just tiny little errors, that unfortunately spell checkers will skip over because they are correct words, just used incorrectly. The best way to prevent these is by reading over your post a final time once you've written it, to check for these kinds of mistakes Smile The "Preview" window makes reading a bit easier on your eyes, as well.

Another small thing that I noticed is you have a tendency to incorrectly carry on a sentence. While you have a really lovely writing style, this grammatical error tends to break it up, and doesn't do you justice. A sentence such as:

Quote:She brushed off her dirty pads and looked up at up at the darkening sky, its ominous shade of gray foretold a storm.

This sentence requires either an and added in after the comma:

Quote:She brushed off her dirty pads and looked up at up at the darkening sky, and its ominous shade of gray foretold a storm.

Or it needs to be broken into two sentences:

Quote:She brushed off her dirty pads and looked up at up at the darkening sky. Its ominous shade of gray foretold a storm.

The same goes for this lovely, but incorrect sentence:

Quote:The low rumble of thunder's voice sounded through near by valleys and distant lightning left bright streaks in the sky, Aurora had to find shelter.

Run-on sentences can be a bit difficult to avoid if you have a lot to say. Remember that you can also use dashes to break up sentences to some extent -- it works best if the sentences are somewhat relevant, however! Semi-colons can also be used in this manner; they're excellent for breaking up your sentences a bit more and adding variance to your sentence structure.

I hope all this is making sense. These are just some minor problems for you to work on with your writing, which over-all is really rather lovely Smile

IC:
Enlil had been resting for a while now, curled at the back of the small cave with his head resting on his paws. The loud cacophony of thunder from the storm outside prevented him from sleeping, and so the young male waited warily in the darkness. His furred form was occasionally highlighted by a quick flash of lightning, but the Eastern Timberwolf was dry and secure in the shelter he had found.

However, the youth's solitude was not to last for long. A sudden rumble of thunder covered the sounds of paws sloshing in mud outside the cave, and so the she wolf's appearance was enough to startle Enlil. She was as white as the lightning outside, and for a moment the young male figured he must be dreaming. Another sharp Crack! of lightning pulled him out of his shock, however, and with a meek grimace the wolf lowered his head in a kindly and submissive manner. As a loner to this area, he was unsure if the cave was perhaps a part of the white lady's territory, and he did not wish to anger her if so.

"Hello, miss?" Enlil smiled, but his eyes watched her warily. The storm outside had thickened, and it must have been raining hard, for water dripped from the lady's white fur, and her paws looked to be stained with mud. She looked tired, also - Perhaps she had shifted very recently. Curious, but still a little anxious about her sudden appearance, the reddish-brown male took a hesitant step towards her. "My name is Enlil Kaveh. Are you okay?" It was difficult to tell in the darkness of the rock crevasse whether the stranger was injured or not. He had no skills in healing, and hoped she was not.
#4
OOC: Sorry for the slow posting! Thank you for the tips!

IC:Aurora was surprised to see the black outline of a young wolf in the white flashes of light. She was even more surprised to here the startled stranger's voice ring through the rumble of thunder. Aurora could tell from Enlil's tone of voice that he meant no harm and was likely a loner. This cleared the fear of being in his cave. The young wolf lowered his head respectively towards the white lady. Aurora lowered her dripping ruff slightly lower than her withers. She looked casually at the ground as she searched herself for a reply to Enlil's greeting. The water that dripped front her delicate paws was swirled with blooming blood from small scrapes on her back legs. It was nothing she couldn't heal she though as she gave Enlil a akward grin.

"Hello, I'm Aurora" the odd-eyed lady replied in a unusually shy manner. She had never found it hard to talk to strangers, but after her journey of silence she wondered if she had forgotten the four languages she knew. With a shake of her wet pelt she let all her shyness fall away like the water. She was glad to be around an other creature and spoke clearly " I'm fine except for a scrape or two on my back feet thank you. Would you mind if I stayed her until the rain stops?" Her half hearted smile turned genuine and hoped this Enlil talked as mush as she did. Aurora pulled her worn bag towards her with one shaking lupus paw and shuffled a tad towards Enlil.
#5
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OOC: Your most recent post looks wonderful! Thank you for taking into account what we've told you. :3 We'd just like to see one more post from you here, and you should be all set for acceptance then. ^_^ Thanks for engaging us here, and no problem about the delay -- as I said, you do only have to post once every three weeks to be a member here.


IC:

The pallid woman spoke her name, introducing herself as Aurora. Bright, mustard yellow eyes met her mismatched ones for an instant as he smiled, though the reddish-hued man quickly pulled his gaze away. He was lucky, he supposed, in that everyone he'd met so far had been a beautiful young lady. Enlil was too shy to so much as compliment either of them, however, and this was much the same. She shook herself off, and Enlil felt a light spray of water on his face; he didn't so much as flinch at this, so indifferent was he. He was simply glad to have company; whether she wrung all the water from her pelt over his face or not made no difference to Enlil.

He finally noticed the reddish hint to her fur, and his ears folded backward, looking at her in surprise. “I'd be glad for the company,” he said, offering a smile that was tainted with worry. “Please, come sit -- get your weight off those legs,” he invited, pointing his muzzle toward a drier corner of the cave. It wasn't quite wet where she stood, but it was muddier and damper, thanks to the rain drifting in from the outdoors and the water dripping from her coat. He shifted slightly and looked around, feeling strangely impulsed to offer her something, though he had nothing to offer. At this, his dark ears folded back, and he looked at her somewhat sheepishly. “Is there anything I can get you? I don't own anything and I'm not a healer, but maybe I could... I don't know, something?” he offered in vain, frowning at his own uselessness. She was hurt, and he could do nothing for her.

Enlil's thoughts drifted as he waited for her response, and the male found himself thinking of his family. Though he tried to think of other subjects and focus, his mind continually drew back toward those he had left behind -- mother, father, siblings, aunts and uncles and cousins. The boy had a rather large family, innumerable and too many to even remember all their names -- despite the size of the Kaveh family, however, they were a tight-knit bunch, ever-supportive of those who bore their blood. Enlil had departed only to seek his own adventure; he would have had a happy, quiet life back home with his family, of course. Enlil was not so easily satisfied, however, and he desired a life of more substance than the one his homeland offered him. Their values echoed in him still, however, and he would not hesitate to help a stranger.

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