hold your breath
#1
Iskata had been amazed at how far spread those she knew had become after the fire. So many of the Sadira's had returned and now atleast she knew one of her children had survived. She was thrilled to have seemed Ember, but she wasn't going to make her leave the pack she'd been adopted into. Atleast her daughter knew she hadn't abandoned her and that she'd returned, even giving her a happy moment when she'd revealed the truth about what had befallen her sister Firefly. Content to that extent that one of her children was in the lands she had set off to explore further, moving to the strange rocky coast.

The wolfess of silver and gold was walking across the rocky shore, listening to the annoying birds calling above as she took in the surrounding lands. She wasn't too pleased with having to shamble over the rocky lands, but she had set off to explore and she couldn't blame anyone else besides herself. Her mind was broading over the ideas that she'd found(and lost) many members of her extended family. From finding her siblings children and losing and finding her own. The only real problem was the fact that they were so far spread out across the lands.. and she wasn't ready to be part of a much bigger plan yet. The results from the last perfect plan that had gone amiss was still weighing on her soul.. Broken promises and shattered hearts weren't pretty sights and she knew she wasn't the same as she once was.
#2
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Deary, I'm so sorry for making you wait forever... I've been so busy getting caught up with school and all.


Kansas had always felt awkward walking in rocky areas on two legs. He'd tried it before, on his way over here. Now he stood in his Lupus form, moving much more easily over the jagged shore. Perhaps he had more balance this way. It was chilly, a salty wind whipping around him from the vast sea. He'd explored the oceanside, too, but it appeared just as beautiful now as it had the first time he'd laid eyes on it. The boy was moving toward the water, feeling adventurous enough to get his limbs a bit wet, to chase seagulls as if he were still a child.



Before he got there, however, a gold and silver wolf caught his eye, moving along the shore. There was something eerily familiar about her... He couldn't place it right away. It was like a butterfly flitting around in front of him, this recognition. Too fleeting for him to grasp.



He sighed and headed toward her. At last he could see her face, her eyes, and a distant image of those eyes gazing softly at him materialized in his mind's eye. Could this be her? His mother, who had left him so long ago? He knew her reasons were good, but he was still slightly bitter that she'd left him and his siblings when they'd been so young. He tried to smile, stunned silent for a long while. Finally he spoke up, not really aware of what he was saying. "Mother...?"
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#3
Her mind was such a whirlwind of thoughts about their family that she hadn't even noticed the young adult male making his way toward her on the beach. His scent hit her nose about the same time that the small voice spoke up. A shock spread through her system as she turned about and was face to face with another ghost from the not so distant past. She sat there for a full minute with her maw open in surprise as her eyes passed over the smaller wolf before her. She tried to speak but all that came out was a faint whisper. Kansas... Her eyes were misting over with tears as she stared at her son, Firefly's twin and the only male Sadira namesake of her children.

She shook her head, casting the tears from her eyes and trying to gain her bearings as she smiled at the boy before her. She felt an aching in her chest as she thought of how much of their lives she'd missed. She'd went off when he was so young to find his sister, her heart hollow with grief over losing her daughter. She'd hated to see the ghost that Kansas had become in the weeks following Firefly's disappearance, his sadness had been the last straw. She would have taken him with her, but she knew he was too young and the world was too dangerous outside the packlands.

She took a step towards him, watching his failed attempts at a smile, noting the confusing in his body language and eyes. She wasn't even sure if she was wanted in his life anymore, but she had to try. Ember had never given up hope that she'd return.. perhaps Kansas had. She smiled a sad smiled as she spoke. My boy's all grown up.. All grown up without her.
#4
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A few months earlier, he had often battled with himself over what he wanted to think about his mother. Should he shun her from his mind, so he wouldn't be hurt as the years passed with no sign of her? Or should remember her, the sweetness of her face and voice, so that he knew he'd had a mother who loved him? Kansas sometimes spent hours thinking about things like this, trying to make sense of them. And now, seeing her before him, as real as the waves near to them, he felt even more unsure.



But she had done something noble, too. She had left those she loved in search of Firefly, whose absense had left a gaping hole in all of their hearts. But, he thought, especially his. It still pained him to think of his twin, out with no one who truly loved her to guide her. He couldn't imagine what she was like now - perhaps similar, or very different. In any case, Iskata had tried to ease their pain. Her soft words made him smile, the same meek smile he'd had as a boy. "Not all the way... " He told her, perhaps as subtle reassurance that she hadn't at all missed everything. "I'm... So glad to see you."


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#5
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She had been so lost when she'd first arrived back in the lands to find the ruins the fire had left behind. Following the scent of the other wolves she soon had found herself in new lands surrounded by new packs forming. Faces she knew, packs she didn't, everyone scattered to the winds. She shook her head at the amazement that she'd found two of her precious children. "I'm glad to hear that at least. I don't mind you growing up, but I think I'd miss my boy.." She stared at him in wonder at how fast he'd grown over the months she'd been gone. She didn't know what exactly to do about the news she'd have to give him, but maybe he already knew. She hoped that much.


"I as well Kansas..." she said, her voice trailing off for a moment before she swallowed and continued. "Ember made it too, and Naniko.." She smiled at the thought of so many of them being here in these new lands. There was so much that she'd found out, and now she was a grandmother of sorts too it seemed, Pilot's children being raised in Twilight Vale. There was so much going on, yet none of it mattered except the fact that Kansas was alive and before her right now..

She didn't mention Firefly, she knew Kansas would ask when he was ready, but she was worried about the last of the litter. She'd heard nothing of Icarus from anyone and she was beginning to dread finding out news. Smiling at Kansas, who looked so much like her own little mirror image, Firefly too, though they were not identical replicas of their mother, she shook her head and took in the sight.

"Have.. you seen your brother?." She asked softly as she watched him. She wanted so much to wrap her arms around him and hold him tight, but she was still unsure. While Ember had wanted that security, to see, to feel, to know she was there her son seemed distant still. Iskata wasn't going to push him, she didn't want to lose him so soon after finding him again.
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#6
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Had he been shifted, he would have hugged her close, just to make sure she was there. But he was nervous, his emotions turbulent, and he didn't feel calm enough to try. He still hadn't mastered the skill. Instead, Kansas stepped forward, touching her ribs with his nose, just softly, wanting to see if she was the same warm mother he'd had as a child. To his surprise and relief, she was - just exactly the same.



It was then that he truly began to see that she did care. She regretted missing him mature, and she told him so in a sweet, sincere though modest way. He didn't smile, but his eyes softened as he looked up at her, stepping away. He knew about Naniko, having been just been reunited with the alabaster beauty. But the news of Ember's safety brightened him; he wouldn't have been able to handle hearing that his sweet sister was lost, too.



He had been waiting for the question she asked, but when it came, he still felt his stomach leap and jerk with pain at the loss of his father and brother. He didn't want to tell her what had happened, but she needed to know. And he needed to be the one to tell her. He stared toward the earth at his feet before attempting to connect with those eyes that were identical to his. "He... didn't make it. He died in the fire." It hurt to hear himself speak those words, and he knew the next would be even more difficult to articulate. "And, I'm sorry, Mother, but... Some - uh, a few wolves Papa knew took him and Moon and me. I don't know what happened to Moon, but Papa was stabbed, and I think he's gone, too." He looked away, feeling his face tingle but not allowing himself to cry in front of her.


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#7
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When he came closer to her she didn't move a hair as he pressed his nose against her side. She smiled down at him as she watched her little boy. "Baby...." she cooed softly as she watched the slight change that overcame his features. She laughed softly, realizing that her twins hardly looked like twins anymore, though their pelts were close enough, Kansas had grown taller than his sister, atleast since the last time Iskata had seen her. "Just wait til Firefly sees you...." She smiled at the thought of the two of them being reunited. It would be something to see, she knew that much. Shaking her head slightly she sighed softly, lost in her own thoughts..



When she noticed the change of swirling emotions on Kansas' face when she asked about his brother she already knew before he opened his maw. She turned her face away as he spoke the news, the last little ray of hope she might have harbored was lost in those minutes. Closing her eyes tight to keep the tears at bay she shuddered as she lost the fight and the tears slipped from behind her closed lids. Her voice broke as she whispered,"He had to make sure everyone made it..." She almost hated him for it. For returning to the lands that had bene laid in waste. For Icarus he'd returned, and she loved him for that, but for the other deeds he'd done, bringing the remainder of their family back with him into the clutches of trouble, she wanted to hate him for it. Kansas had escaped, but seemingly at the cost of the rest of their family.

She opened her eyes as she stared at Kansas, a hollow place in her heart broken again as she tried to smile at her baby, but it was a failure. She didn't know what to say or do. She had two of her babies back, but at the cost of her mate and their other two sons. She shook her head and whispered,"I'm sorry I left you all behind...." She didn't know why she'd said those words, but she had. She'd wished she'd taken them all with her when she'd gone searching for their sister.. then none of this would have happened.
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#8
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Baby. He felt himself shiver, touched by this simple word, the note of adoration in her voice. In that moment he felt his aloness slip away. He had his mother now. Phoenix was gone, but he had her. Something about being orphaned had always made him feel terrible, and now this possibility had been whisked away by her return. To his surprise, she said Firefly's name. It didn't register immediately, but as soon as it hit him, his jaw dropped. He had not expected that Iskata had found his twin. Actually found her; seen her alive and well.



He couldn't have described how relieved he felt. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest; something he'd been carrying around for months. His other half wasn't gone after all - so he was whole. He grinned then, a warm and joyful smile.



Kansas wouldn't have refused when his father took Moon and him back to look for Icarus. The boy loved his brother, but it had nevertheless been a pointless quest. They hadn't found Icarus, and in the process of looking for him, Kansas's brother and father were lost. At times he felt awful about being the only one to escape. Why him, of all three of them? He shook his head. Iskata's apology caused his tail to wave slightly, and he replied in a serious but sincere way. "Don't be. I'm glad you did. I mean... You found Firefly. I'd been wishing she'd come back for so long. Can you... tell me about her? What is she like now?"

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#9
She was so gladdened by the sudden change in her son that she smiled and laughed softly as he began to babble on and demand information about his twin. She hadn't realized until then that he had believed she was gone forever. Smiling down at him once more she shook her head and spoke up. "She's the same stubborn, independent, outgoing, carefree spirit she's always been... and she misses you. She's a bit shorter than you, blue green eyes, wears her hair short almost like yours.. Still likes to make trouble when you're not paying attention too.. You really miss all that?" She teased her son as she wrinkled her nose, thinking how quiet life must have been for Kansas without his twin.

She flopped over on the beach as she gazed off across the sea, thinking about her other three children that were so far across the lands. "She's with your sister and brother. They wanted to see what was over the ocean just to say they knew what was out there.. They'll be back though, they promised. She can't wait to see you again though. I know that one for sure." She smiled at Kansas and hoped that for all their sakes it wasn't too late when the three sailors came home from the sea. She wished she'd gone herself, but she wouldn't have done that to her other babes.


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