Would someone review this please?
#1
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A few days ago i decided to change my character's biography a bit. There are not radical changes though. But i would like someone to review this for me in case that there is something that should be changed. So please, would you check it out for me? X3


Luna doesn't remember anything before her first five months of life. The only thing that she remembers is her mother running, holding her against her chest and breathing heavily. Before that, her mind is blank.

During her childhood she lived with her mother, Sofía, in the middle of a forest in Otawa. Despite living alone, Sofía always checked that her daughter didn't lack of anything, hunting by herself to feed them both. Since young, Luna proved being a fast learner, for she learnt to read even before she was able to shift. And soon, she developed a passion for herbolary. Sofía was a skilled healer, and she introduced her daughter into this practice since she showed interest for it. She thaught Luna how to distinguish different kinds of healing plants that grew in the surroundings and how to use them.

When Luna turned one year old, her mother decided that she was old enough to wander with her to find other wolves; so both females left their small shelter, with the purpose of finding a permanent family in their minds. During that time, Luna improved her skills as a hunter as well as a healer, since her mother often showed her new kinds of plants. They wandered for several weeks until they reached an abandoned city. The place was inhabited by other canines, who formed some kind of society. The females were warmly welcomed by the residents, and they were given permission to stay for as long as they wanted. Sofía chose a store in an abandoned mall centre as their residence, and they established here. During the next few days, when both of them went sightseeing around the city, they met many other people. But one of the residents, a coywolf named Ursus, was the one who simpathysed with them the most. He showed them the rest of the city, as well as the water fountains and the best hunting places.

To their surprise, Ursus lived only a few stores away from Sofía's and Luna's residence, so, as the days passed, he hung around with them, chatting and telling each other stories. With time, Ursus began to develop feelings for Sofía, who developed feelings for him as well. Soon, they became mates. As for Luna, she began to become independent. She often explored the city, making friends and spending her time with them. It was only a matter of time that the founded a mate, which she did. His name was Liam, a loner wolf and a musician. Luna loved him as well as his music, which encouraged her to find a hidden talent. Dance. The couple was often seen in the forest, Liam playing a flute and Luna dancing beside him. Sofía and Ursus, who already saw Luna as his own daughter, approved their relation, saying that Liam was an adorable guy. And after several months, the couple was already planning to live together in order to start a family. But eight months after the arrival to the city, the situation gave a sharp turn.

One morning, when Luna went to visit Liam, she didn't found hi anywhere. She walked around the city, thinking that she would find him there, but she eventually didn't. Even some of her friends joined the search. He didn't appear, and Luna was about to give up. But then she found him. Liam was dead and his torn corpse had been dumped in an alley. Luna was completely shocked. She just stood there for a few seconds, until he saw a shadow moving in the back of the alley. In that moment Luna ran away. She kept running, pushed by adrenaline, until she reached her home. There, she fainted. Her mother and Ursus where really worried. And the explanation came a few minutes later when a friend of Luna, who had found Liam's corpse after she did, told them what had happened. Sofía feared that her daughter would loose her memmory when she woke up, so she decided to change the truth. When Luna finally woke up she barely had memories of Liam, to everybody's surprise, so she didn't even ask about him. So they didn't tell her anything. Later on, Luna came to the conclusion that Liam had disappeared a long time ago.

But Liam's murder was only the first of several cases like that. The residents were very scared, so, one by one, they left the place. Luna and her family were some of the last ones who left, heading to the place where everything began. The old cottage.

Once settled, they began to continue with their life as a family. And pretty soon, Sofía got pregnant again. Luna was excited at the idea of having siblings, since she loved pups. She helped her mother during the pregnancy and the delivery. But after they borned, her mother and adoptive father paid more attention to the pups than to her. The young female then realized that it was time for her to take off and find a family of her own. Neither Ursus or Sofía was very happy with the idea, but they decided to lt her go. But before she left, Sofía packed a few things for Luna. A book (about medicine), a skirt that she had found during their stance in the city, her own journal, and a letter, making Luna promise that she should not open the letter until she found her family. With those gifts, Luna parted. She wandered for several months...until she found 'Souls.

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#2
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Hey there Luna! So I went ahead and fixed some of the grammatical errors for you, but overall the history looks good. The timeline flows well, and it all makes sense.
So I took every two paragraphs and quoted them. Any word/s I changed or added in are in bold, and any word/s I removed are crossed out. If all of this looks too crazy, I'll just edit the whole thing with the corrected grammar x_x;

Quote:Luna doesn't remember anything before her first five months of life For the first five months of her life, Luna does not remember anything. *The only thing that she remembers is her mother running, holding her against her chest and breathing heavily. Before that, her mind is blank.

During her childhood, she lived with her mother, Sofía, in the middle of a forest in Ottawa. Despite living alone, Sofía always checked made sure that her daughter didn't lack of anything, hunting by herself to feed them both. Since she was young, Luna proved being to be a fast learner for she learnt to; reading even before she was able to shift. And soon after, she developed a passion for herbolary. Sofía was a skilled healer, and she introduced her daughter into this practice, since she showedexpressed an interest forin it. She thaught Luna how to distinguish between the different kinds of healing plants that grew in their surroundings, and how to use them properly.

*Now, in the first paragraph, you mention the mother running away. I thought this was a teaser for something that would come later in the history, but it didn't. Personally, I don't think you need to include that sentence in there, as it doesn't relate to any other part of the story at all. -shrug-

Quote:When Luna turned one year old, her mother decided that she was old enough to wander along with her to find other wolves;. So both females left their small shelter, with the purpose of finding a permanent family in their minds. During that time, Luna improved her skills as a hunter as well as a healer, since her mother often showed her new kinds of plantsunder the guidance of her mother. They wandered for several weeks, until they reached an abandoned city. The place was inhabited by other canines, who formed some kind of society. The females were warmly welcomed by the residents, and they were given permission to stay for as long as they wanted.
Sofía chose a store in an abandoned mall centre as their residence, and they established there. During the next few days, when both of them went sightseeing around the city, they met many other peopleresidential wolves. But one of the residents, One coywolf in particular, however, a male named Ursus, was the one who sympathized with them the most. He showed them the rest of the city, as well as the water fountains and as well as the best hunting places and watering holes.

Looks good so far! There were a couple things that didn't need to be said, as it was already stated previously.

Quote:To their surprise, Ursus lived only a few stores away from Sofía's and Luna's place. As the days passed, he hung around with them frequently, chatting and telling each other stories. With time, Ursus began to develop feelings for Sofía, who reciprocated themdeveloped feelings for him as well. It was not long before they became mates.
As for Luna, she began to become more independent. She often explored the city - making friends and spending her time with them. It was only a matter of time that she, too, found a mate. which she did. His name was Liam, a loner wolf and a musician. Luna loved him as well as his music, which encouraged her to find a hidden talent: dancing. The couple was often seen in the forest; Liam playing his flute and Luna dancing beside him. Sofía and Ursus (who already saw Luna as his own daughter by now), approved of their relationship,claiming that Liam was an adorable wolf. After several months, the couple were making plans to live together in order to start a family.
Eight months after the arrival to the city, things were looking up for Luna and her mother. However, the situation took a turn for the worst.

Quote:One morning, when Luna went to visit Liam, he was nowhere to be found. She walked around the city, thinking that she would find him there, but to no avail. Even as some of her friends joined the search, he didn't turn up, and Luna was close to giving up the search. Luna was passing an alleyway when a familiar, pungent scent floated in her direction. Turning, she looked upon the mangled corpse of her mate, Liam, brutally beaten and dumped carelessly away. Luna was completely shocked,and stood there frozen for a few moments until she saw a shadow moving in the distance. In that moment, Luna turned and ran away, tears streaming down her face. She kept running, fueled by adrenaline, until she reached her home. When she got there, she fainted - overcome with sorrow and fear. Sofia and Ursus were concerned, as they caught their frightened daughter. Moments later, a friend of Luna's appeared, who had found Liam's body shortly after she had. Sofía feared that her daughter would loose her memory when she woke up, too traumatized by fear of what she had seen, so she decided to change the whole story. When Luna finally woke up, it was as Sofia predicted - Luna barely had memories of Liam, to everybody's surprisecoming to her own conclusion that Liam had disappeared long ago.Therefore, no one told Luna anything about the incident, deciding it was best for her that she never know.

Quote:But Liam's murder was only the first of several mysterious deaths. The residents of the city were very scared, fearing for their lives. One by one, the wolves left the area. Luna and her family were one of the last ones to leave, heading back to the place where everything began: The old cottage.

Once they were settled back home, they began to went on with their lives as a family. Soon enough, Sofía became pregnant again, and things were slowly starting to look up. Luna was excited by the idea of having siblings, as she loved pups. Though she had lost her memory of Liam, her knowledge of herbalism remained, and Luna helped her mother during the pregnancy and with the delivery. But after the pups were born, her mother and adoptive father paid more attention to the pups than to Luna. The young female then realized that it was time for her to take her leave and find a family of her own. Neither Ursus nor Sofía were very happy with the idea, but they decided to let her go.
Before Luna's departure, Sofía packed a few things for her first daughter, to have and to remember them by: A book about medicine, a skirt that Sofia had found during their stay in the city, her own journal, and a letter. Sofia made Luna promise that she would not open the letter until she had found and made her own family, and Luna reluctantly agreed. With those gifts, Luna departed, wandering for several months alone using her growing knowledge of hunting and medicine. It was only recently that she discovered the lands of 'Souls, where she now resides.

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