Your pain is gone; mine is just starting
#1
OOC: It took me two months to write this, and a lot of times I've had to quit writing because I was crying too much to focus.

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backdated to march 30th/ WC:1244


So scared she was it seemed her heart would never stop racing or her muscles shaking, never before had she been so terrified not even when it had been her very life in danger all those years ago, not when she had been attacked and raped but her fear for the babies growing inside her had overtaken every other emotion, it threatened to claw up her throat and consume her whole within its icy grip. Her eyes wide and staring, darted about herself as she ran faster than it seemed her body could keep up, the fear fueling her flight. Stopping at the cliffs before the coast she looked over into the angry swell and crashing waves with limbs trembling and for one horrid moment considered leaping in and killing them all before Lucifer could get his dirty black paws on them.


Everything around her had coalesced into blackness ready to steal her away, trees scratched at her face and body as she tore passed them. Every vine and root threatening to trip her and send her sprawling to the ground. Faster and faster the muscle in her chest beat so much it hurt and she couldn't breathe. Finally one of the roots succeeded at their dark purpose and the hybrid stumbled to the ground, rolling to the side mid fall and taking the hit to her ribs and head instead of her protruding stomach, she cried out as the ground hard as could be rushed up to hit her, and deep inside her something twisted and tore never to be replaced again.


Her cry turned into a deeper moan of pain as a convulsion spread throughout her abdomen, forcing away the pain from her head and side. She remained on the ground breathing hard, then more convulsions rippled through her and her wail was filled with a horrible understanding at what was happening, bending and flexing as the hurt made her she struggled to raise her head from the ground and sit up. Warmth covered her lower half and her hand came away with wet fluid that had a strong distinct odor mixed in with the smell of pup and herself and blood. The female frantically shook her head, "Nonononono, not yet, not yet... too soon.." Hot tears welled up in her mismatched eyes and spilled over down her cheeks as she pushed herself to her feet, grabbing onto a nearby tree for support, hand still wet with birthing fluid clutched at her stomach protectively and she forced herself to stagger forwards, to keep moving and get somewhere safe for who knew what danger lurked unseen in these haunted woods.


Forever it took her to reach the den she had made herself and Temo, pain dogging and bothering her every weakening step of the way, as the old fallen log came into view some breath of relief fluttered through her and was quickly stolen away as contractions came closer and closer together. Tumbling into her now den of nightmares was both a feeling of safety and also an echoing sorrow, now there was nothing to take her concentration from the pain both bodily and emotionally, she knew in her heart that the pups she had worked so hard to keep safe would never survive on the outside but no longer could her body shelter them, too short the time by half of what was needed to strengthen them. She wept brokenly not caring of any who would visit and hit the bark of the log above her, lashing out in anger but only managing to split her knuckles on the unyielding wood.


Urges of pushing descended down upon her and the yowl was fierce but short lived and hushed quickly lest the causer of all this was near by. Sharp teeth sunk down into her arm to muffle her cries, salty liquid filled her mouth and she revolted at the bitter taste, the thick life blood sliding down her throat. A respite was afforded her and the femme panted heavily, knots of tension laced her all over, soft whimpers came straight from her damaged soul,


"Mother.. oh mother help me.. please help me, mother it hurts so much." Quietly spoken words were prayed to a loving woman long dead and buried who could no more help her daughter than she could return to life. Before she could utter more words the contractions started again, and only wordless screams that were hushed by her own arm came from her lips. Eons passed as she remained trapped in the agonizing horror, consumed by the need to push and knowing she shouldn't because it would kill her young ones but nature would not be denied and soon the first small ball of wet fur arrived from within the protective cocoon of her body. As she cleaned the ball it took on shape and Time felt pity on the wolfdog hybrid and forced that one moment where Jace held her firstborn in her paws alive and squirming for the first, last and only time to stretch onwards into foreverness.


In that one singular moment that she held her daughter and looked at her with reverence, coal black fur covered the girl-child's body, speckles of white and tan splashed across her nose and the backs of her ears and a tail as white as new snow only marred by the birthing fluid and other mess, Jace named the girl-child Lily after her own mother. In that same moment that the pup gasped for breath its lungs collapsed too immature to inflate and its heart failed it stopping beating and so her first child died just seconds after being born. Her heart broke and new tears came forth, but she got no chance to mourn the death as fresh contractions started and she placed the dead pup on her chest to keep it warm.


Most of her energy gone now the female found it a struggle to push, something told her that there were only two to bring into the world and the one she pushed for was the last. At last the second came into the world as well and like before Time stopped and stretched for her, barely the strength to lift herself up she picked up the pup and brought it close to her face, the boy-child looked exactly like his sister apart from his right rear leg that looked as though it had been dipped in grey paint. She named him Tailo for reasons unknown to her, and like the first he squirmed and then a high pitched squeak came from his open mouth, large tongue sticking out in discomfort and hope flared in her chest, maybe he would live and she would only loose one. But it was not to be, like his sister the boy-child's lungs and heart gave in and his head flopped lifelessly in her paw, the eyes tightly shut, never to see his first sunrise or ever hear her telling him how much she loved him and his sister.


A low keening sound came from her as she placed the second small pup on her chest as well with Lily and curled up in the corner away from the mess of the birth and blood. Strangely now her eyes were dry, no tears fell for the second dead pup, she had none left to give at this time. The keening sound remained constantly coming from her chest, only stopping when she needed to draw breath then carrying on.

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[Image: Jace_pups_by_Nina-3.png]
#2
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Temo Wolfe


Sitting on the bank, Temo sat staring at the stream watching the fish swim by as an occational tear would fall and create ripples in the water. A deep dark foreboding that was creeping deeper and deeper into his gut. There was something wrong but he could not put a finger on it other than it involved Jace. She had changed since the incident. No longer the care free and joyful wolf he had traveled to souls with.

His head snapped around when he heard a yelp and that it was cut short. It had come from the direction of the den and it sounded like Jace and he wondered what would be wrong. He quickly makes his way to the den but does not see Jace. He figured she must be in the den and approached it.

As he got near the den, the odor and noises of Jace giving birth wafted to him on the breeze. He stopped and stared at the log that had become the roof of the den. He did not know what to do. He was not sure if he should help her or leave her alone. After a few moments of thought he decided that he would stay near by and wait. He jumps up onto the log that the den is under and lays down directly overhead of where Jace is and listens and waits.

Temo laid there, listening to the forest and watching around them to make sure nothing or no one will disturb Jace. He also listened to the noises rising from the den. Sad that there is nothing he can do to help. His ears perked up when he heard the squeak of a new born pup but drooped when there was no more. He knew the pup did not make it past it's first breath. His ears perked and drooped with the first and last squeak of the second pup. He laid there, his heart sank and his tears silently rolled off his muzzle and onto the log. Tears not only for the pups that won't know a life on earth, but also for Jace.

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Temo "Talks" Thinks Walks


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#3
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300+


Strange things were going on in the mind of the dog wolf hybrid, mental sanity strings snapped and others formed, she growled at imaginary demons and cowered away from others whimpering all the while holding the cooling bodies of the two dead pups to her breast. Sometimes she spoke to them crooning and trying to encourage them to feed or move or do something stroking their tiny bodies with a false hope that was worse than the knowing they would never do those things, other times she simply mourned silently when her mind returned to sanity before sinking back into the depths of psycho again.


Eventually she managed to convince herself that they were just sleeping, just sleeping deeply and that was why they didn't move or make sounds, sleeping so deeply that she couldn't see them breathing but it was alright because they were still there with her and they were okay, they were okay. Her mind wandered off into the distance, eyes distant and staring as though her soul had departed but her body still lived. She flinched as she thought one of them moved and moved her face close to them watching intently for any signs of life before moving away with a gentle sigh. Then all of a sudden,


"Temo! Come here!" Her voice was sharp and angry sounding, how she knew he was on top of the log was a mystery and one she did not want to know the answer to. She winced as the harshness in her voice surprised her and toning it down a bit, this time her tones coming out soft and gentle, almost seductive but one could tell something was off within it, something mentally....


"Temo" His name was long and drawn out, "Come and meet them, your son and daughter, they are ever so excited to see you." Despite her words she huddled in the corner, her eyes wide and staring out of the darkness like before.

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#00+
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#4
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Temo Wolfe


Temo jumped at Jace's sudden call and the harshness of it. His ears laid back because he thought he had done something wrong. Memories of his parents calling him in a similar manner when he was a young pup. He wondered why she would talk to him like that. She never have before, even the few times she was angry with him.

His ears came up when she asked him to come into the den to see the pups. They swiveled around in confusion when he remembered that it had sounded like they died at birth. The tone of her voice also confused him. There was something wrong, he could feel it, but could not put a claw on it. He laid there for a few moments wondering what could be wrong.

Temo raised up and shook his fur out. More for trying to shake the fears from him and dry his muzzle from the tears that had silently ran down and soaked the fur on his face than to clean out the forest detritus that had collected on it. Slowly and hesitantly, he moved around off the log and crawled through the entrance to join Jace.

He was greeted by a wide eyed Jace staring at him and holding the two lifeless pups. He felt something break deep within his chest when he saw the look in her eyes and stopped. There was something different, something wrong, Jace as he knew her was not all there any more. Fear deep inside him started building up, fear that he might be loosing her.

He looked at the pups and his heart fell as he could see they were not nursing or breathing. He knew that they did not survive. He choked back the tears that were threatening to flow again. "They are beautiful, he quietly whispers as if not to wake them. "What are their names? he continued.

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Temo "Talks" Thinks Walks


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#5
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300+


The woman shook, why she did not know but the tremors still racked her both never the less. She held the pups in an effort to stop her hands from shaking, it was if it had all been a dream and if Temo saw them then it would be shattered into reality and all burnt to ashes, for a moment she considered turning away and hiding from him but knew that it would hurt him more than ever to be rejected. She worried violently in the time it took him to get down from the log, the tremors never ceasing. Only once he had actually entered the den could she focus enough to stop the shaking.


She watched his reaction very carefully, noting subtleties playing out on his face, twitches of his ears and nose, somehow putting it all together in a picture in her head even though such miniscule actions should have no basis in language or behavior, it told a story to her. She visibly flinched as he spoke but was glad for his quietness, it would not do to wake them from their deep deep sleep. She looked down at them and for a second a fleeting smile crossed her muzzle before disappearing, she rocked backwards and forwards as her mind tried to process what he had said, small shivers returning until eventually she had an answer for him, it was really not that hard for she had named them not too long ago, she spoke to him slowly as though brain damaged holding out first one then the other for his inspection as she named them to him,


"This one is a girl, she is called Lily after....Lily" Her head tilted to the side and she twitched noticeable before carrying on, And, and, and this one is Tailo, it is said like TY-low." She felt the need to explain how to say the name, feeling more and more depressed as the conversation went on. Their bodies were almost completely cold now, the only warmth left in them being her own she had transferred. She held them out to him for him to take,


"Do you want to hold them? But must be careful for they are sleeping deeply, don't want to wake them up."


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#6
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Temo Wolfe


The more he watched Jace, the sadder he got. He did not like what was happening to her. He knew she was not well mentally. Before, he had hoped she would get better, but now he knew that was not going to happen. Apparently the pups not surviving their birth pushed her past the brink and all Temo could do is watch helpless.

It was difficult, almost impossible, for him to keep a brave front. All he wanted to do was to take Jace away from all the pain. Take her away from here, where it seemed that there was nothing but pain and suffering for her. He was beginning to believe that it was a mistake for them to come here, to this region. He wished he had steered her towards his old pack.

"Lily and Tailo" he quietly repeated, "Beautiful names for beautiful pups," was all he could think of to say as he gingerly accepted the limp bodies from Jace. As he held them and looked at them, he forgot the state Jace was in. Forgot the pups were dead. For a few moments, Temo believed they were alive. He believed they were happy to see him. He whispered to them "you two are so beautiful."

The moment passed as reality asserted itself and he remembered Jace and remembered the pups were dead. At that moment it felt like something inside him died. It felt as if he had lost his family and he was helpless to do anything. After another moment, he carefully returns the pups to their mom afraid she might get worse if he kept them too long.

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Temo "Talks" Thinks Walks


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#7
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shortfail post before i go to bed, 3+


She watched him with sharp hawkish eyes in case he disturbed them or anything, she didn't know if she would be angry if he did, she hoped she wouldn't because she could see the pain in his eyes that he refused to let show on his face. At the same time she brushed the fur of her stomach down, it looked disturbingly empty now there was nothing inside it, something that freaked her out slightly as she was so used to the large protruding mass of flesh, kin and fur that had grown there to have it suddenly gone was something of a shock to the she wolf dog. Fingers twitches impatiently for something she didn't know what it was.


As she watched him hold them her mind suddenly brought up a memory from over two years ago when her mother had been pregnant with a second litter but when they had been born the pups had lain still, hadn't cried, hadn't wriggles of breathed. Lily had said it was one of life's tests and had buried her half brother in the ice as was custom. She was now starting to make the connection between her half brother and her own pups that Temo held, as he handed them back to her she looked down at them with something akin to loss or sorrow and her face pulled into a frown as she stroked the tiny cold bodies with her paw. Now she raised her doggish head to look at Temo ears flattened against her skull,

"They are dead, ain't they?" She knew it but confirmation was needed first. Her twitching stopped as the thought sunk into her confused and addled brain, instead she just looked sadly, locking it all away behind the heart of ice and snow, feeling numb.

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#8
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Temo Wolfe


Temo looked at Jace when she asked him if the pups are dead. He debated what to answer, he was not sure how she would take an answer, any answer. The debate went on in his head, she seemed to be lucid now, at least for the moment.

He looked down at her hands and the pups she held. His ears drooped as sadness and despair did their dance together behind his eyes. "Yes," he whispered his answer as his tears slowly welled up in his eyes and rewetted the fur on his face. Tears shed not only for the pups that would not get to know him, but also for Jace, for the pain and suffering that she is going through.



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Temo "Talks" Thinks Walks


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#9
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occgoodnessss


She looked back down at the pups and therefore didn't see his ears drop at first, their white tails stood out immensely against their dark bodies and the little pain splash of grey on the paw of the boy, it made her smile a little bit. She thought of all the times she could have teased him about it and sniffed. "Oh.. oh okay" She nodded slowly still staring down at them, finally her head came up and she saw his face, saw the pain he felt and the tears, sanity surfaced and stayed there now. This was all her fault, she had killed them, had killed her and Temo's children, something she had sworn she would never and could never do; harm a child.


She was a murderer.


The thought bounced around her head, echoing into the deep recesses of her brain. Murderer.. murderer... murderer. And the woman's face seemed to collapse in on itself, tears welled up and fell down her muzzle, large doleful eyes looked at him and her voice whispered,


"I'm sorry.. i'm so sorry.. This is all my fault, I killed them" Her lower lip wobbled warning of the oncoming breakdown that was fast approaching.

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#10
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Temo Wolfe


With the sadness that he is feeling, he looks at Jace, his head slightly tilted and ears drooped. The fur of his face wet from the tears that ran from his eyes. It was the tears of sadness for what he had done to Jace that he now shed. He had never dreamed that his seed could have caused such great pain and suffering, but that must have been it. Temo, being saddened and concerned and grief stricken, not only over the pups, but in the state of mind Jace has been in, he had forgotten bits of what had happened to her, and in his mind, he is the cause of Jace's trouble, he had caused the pain they are going through.

As best as he could manage in their den and still being careful of the tiny bodies she still held, Temo takes Jace into his arms and holds her to him in a supportive hug. H whispered to her, "No, it is not your fault." The slow drip of his tears falling onto the fur of her shoulder and back. "The universe sealed their fate long before they were born." The seed that there was something wrong with him that had been slowly germinating in his mind sprouted and began growing.

In a flash of clarity, it suddenly became clear to him. Why none of the females in his birth pack had not wanted him for a mate, somehow, they must have known. Why they were going through this pain, why the pups did not survive. In a quieter whisper, "The universe has determined that I am not meant to have pups." He now knew he was unfit to have and raise a family.

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Temo "Talks" Thinks Walks


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#11
The two wolf dogs stayed together mourning the loss of the two children Jace had birthed before their time, the black and seemingly endless night stretched on and on as though the whole world had been consumed by it. The love they shared tested to the limit as each blamed themselves for the death of the two pups, both convinced that they were not good enough for the other or meant for parenthood.

When morning finally came the sun's rays pierced into the dark crevasses of an abandoned and now hated den, shining down on the grave of those who had passed into death before they had lived


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