OOC:
Something you mentioned in your PM was that Juno was taken as a mate by force. This would imply Victor is not entirely a good person, and judging by Juno's initial reactions -- ears back, no protesting, helplessness -- she is not in favor of the decision. What we need to know about Victor is why he decided to do something like this: How has his upbringing shaped his personality to lead him to think this is okay? What else may be manipulated in his mind as "okay" even if by our social standards, it is not?
Is he a bully? Mean? He claims he will protect her, but disallows her from doing certain things and restricts her in different ways; this is a prime example of an unhealthy and controlling relationship, which is a pretty unique aspect to take. Exploring the psychology behind controllers in relationships might be key in figuring out how you want to shape him, even if he is just an NPC for now.
As far as writing goes, keep a focus on the played character, not the NPC. Take things from Juno's viewpoint -- put yourself in her shoes. She's being controlled and pushed around. How does she feel about being forced to do what he wants? Does she feel helpless? Why doesn't she stand up for herself? Has something caused that belief in her? Has she plotted up ways to escape, or have other alternatives to otherwise "save" herself? Explore her trepidation, her anxieties and her helplessness. Give her something to aspire to -- freedom? Happiness with Victor? Does she WANT this to work? Make sure you pick a standpoint for her and stick to it: She expresses fear and anxiety in your post, but also the "tapping of fingers," which is clear impatience, which leads to tolerance/acceptance/passive-aggressiveness as opposed to being intimidated into doing something. These are very different! Picking one will help you focus on her character.
You focus the second paragraph entirely on Victor. How does Juno feel about him protecting her? What does she think of him, exactly? What does she think the sound is? Explore the environment, psychology, sounds -- if all else fails, resort to the five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste). Try some of these ideas, and let's see how your next post goes.- In addition, a few spelling/grammar errors:
- slither = sliver
- "making it difficult to see as they tried not to get their in the thick undergrowth" .. is there a noun missing here?
- wolfdog = wolf-dog
- irritabpy = irritably
- satche = satchel
- ciggarette = cigarette
Most of these little mistakes can be avoided if you just do a quick read-through of your post when you finish. Even better, read it out loud -- you'll catch weird-sounding sentences and more advanced spelling errors.
IC:
Even by the faint light of the moon, Enlil recognized the very same stab and scratch he had made in that tree trunk just hours before, when the sun had only begun to set. Now surrounded by a symphony of crickets and the romantic ivory illumination lighting the way, the two-year-old finally admitted to himself how lost he actually was, and with a sigh flicked damp bangs from his face. The evening had allowed for
some dampen in temperature, but not much; with all the shuffling through trees and brush, the Kaveh suffered from both heat and exhaustion, yearning for a place to simply curl up and sleep.
But Enlil did not know these parts; he was no more than a foreigner in what could have been lands of blood and terror, and surely he did not want to tangle with such nonsense. The boy would keep moving, if not just for a little while longer, until he could at least find an empty den or a cave that would supply some protection from the elements and strangers alike.
He began to hum to himself to keep himself awake, despite a long streak of being slightly tone deaf. Enlil pushed his way through the brush, swinging golden eyes when they caught silver reflecting the moon. Blinking innocently and raising his hands open to his chest, Enlil shook his head and shrugged.
"Um," he stammered, caught off guard,
"I'm Enlil, I mean you no harm... and I'm unarmed and lost."
