--ooc, sorry for rambling in this. Without a table it's hard to see how big my posts are until done. c.c
The girl of silver and gold was shocked to find that another year had crept up on her. She knew she was no longer the youth she'd been, but she'd realized that morning when she'd woke from her troubled dreams to realize the date fast approaching. She'd sat out by the pond she'd been denning near and had spent the morning preening and gazing at her reflection. Iskata had been surprised to realize that even past her youthful years and even scarred as she was time had been fair to her.
Running her hands through the thick hair she now wore short she'd given up on her image and left the den behind. The sight of her youngest son snoozing in a patch of sun not far from the entrance made her smile as she made her way across the lands towards the dark musky forest. She hadn't told Kansas where she was going, though the fact that he was asleep did save her there too. She knew that the golden boy would have wanted to come too, but she wasn't so sure if the one she was looking for would want to be imposed on by so many of his Sadira relatives. That, and the fact that she wasn't so sure if she wanted her son's warm personality dampened by the conversation that may result.
It had taken her a while to trace her way through the lands into the damp woods once more, but she'd had plenty to keep her mind busy in that time frame. She knew sooner or later that she'd have to settle into one of the packs, Kansas deserved that. It wasn't like the wolves in the packs were strangers, half of them were blood kin or close enough, and her son would be happier with those his own age... She shook the thoughts aside though as she moved into the woods, a slight chill rippling down her back with the cool air.
She hadn't wanted Kansas to come with her because she didn't think the conversation she was wishing to have with Laruku would end on happy measures. She was worried about him, and as much as they tried to keep distant from each other, she couldn't help feeling the need to at least check in on him. He'd taken many responsibilities upon his shoulders in the past that he hadn't had to take and she knew in some way or another she owed him her children's lives, even if he'd just deny it. Truth be told the hard love or even lack of love they'd received in Clouded Tears was better than what she could have given them. She thanked him for what he'd done when he had back then.
She sighed and shook her head, trying to dislodge the memories from her mind. She just wished Laruku had someplace to belong, she didn't like thinking of how long it would be if something happened to him for anyone to even know, or notice. She paused for a moment leaning against a tree to pull a bramble from her tail before going on. Studying it for a moment she cast it off and wondered if anyone else had even found Laruku, or even cared. She knew he wasn't the most cheerful thing in the world, but she wasn't really going to let him fade away into the mist. Even if there was no more lake or fog, even the lands the pack had rested on, she believed that he would have found someway to disappear quietly in the night.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ It had been a little over two weeks since he had saved his daughter from the cougar. The wound on his chest had healed and the fur was starting to grow in, remarkably. Had he the temperament for irony, he would have been amused by the change in dominant flaws. No more was he carrying those scars, instead his left eye was foggy white-blue. It had gone completely blind by this point, but he was adapting. It had forced him to reassess his depth perception, and it narrowed his field of vision, but his other senses had picked up for that. It was enough to survive, and that was all that mattered now.
_____ The ground here was soft under his feet, and it hid noise remarkably well. Ahren was walking without any destination in mind, exploring without taking in. His mind was a thousand other places—with his daughter, his son, his…well, he didn’t know quite what to call Laruku. A cigarette was dangling in his left hand, leaving a smoky trail in the forest (which was quickly growing darker as the rain clouds began to roll in). Vaguely, the impulse that had been with him for over a week returned; and as before, he ignored it. The time wasn’t right. He didn’t know why he knew that, but in his heart he knew it was true.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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She'd been moving through the woods for some time, trying to retrace her steps to the stream where Laruku had been sleeping when she'd first found him. She didn't believe that he'd still be there on the same bank, but she thought with some luck she'd be able to find him after picking up the trail of his scent. She stopped for a moment, growing frustrated at the fast fading light in the forest. It was a bit funny since the territory she tended to reside in was almost built the same as these woods, just along the far edge of the beach. She shook her head and smiled to herself, she knew she was growing impatient when there was no real reason for it.
The silver and gold female hadn't realized she'd been standing there for so long, but when she finally did pull herself out of her thoughts she caught the scent of smoke. It was not the natural scent of wood burning, but the scent of a cigarette, strong and sharp. She paused again and looked out into the dim light. She couldn't recall anyone she knew who smoked except Faolin's mate. She felt the hair along her neck raise as she called out, Gabriel?.. her voice was uncertain and she couldn't figure out what in the world he'd be doing so far from his clan. His mate had just given birth to pups not too long ago, she didn't view him as the kind to let them far from his sight.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ He would not have noticed her, and did not until she spoke. Ahren looked up but could not find the source initially. The voice was familiar as it might have been from a dream. She knew his son’s name, though, and that meant one of two things: she was a danger or she was a friend. Judging from the tone, he assumed it was the former. He kept moving, though, and did not stop until he spotted the suddenly familiar fur pattern in the trees.
_____ Ahren went still, a second darkness shining in his eyes. “He’s not here,” the blonde said coldly.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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It seemed like an eternity she waited for a reply, she almost thought that in the end one wasn't coming and she'd move on again, but she was wrong. When the voice rose up so cold she felt her heart racing. Like a rabbit she wasn't sure if she should stay frozen or flee, but she'd faced up to the ghost before, though she'd assumed him long gone over the seas. Obviously she was wrong.
Iskata licked her lips and nodded, I can see.. She could remember the last time she'd seen the ghostly hued male, and though there was no love between them there'd been nothing hostile either. She wasn't so sure now. Keeping her gaze steady she waited, not sure what to expect. I thought you were off on your happily ever after... she stated. Her tone wasn't taunting or mocking like she would have done in the long past, but even after the words fell from her tongue she wished she'd hadn't said it.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
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THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
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_____ He didn’t know if he hated her or not. He didn’t think so, not after so long—the last time he had seen her it hadn’t been on hostile terms. Perhaps it was what she represented that he hated; that dead world of his past, back when he survived on impulse and obeyed nothing but his own whims (and perhaps, though he knew it not, the whims of a darker presence). The red eyed man remained still, and at her second comment his muzzle crinkled. His off-white teeth glistened for a moment, a vague threat, but his body language did not speak of violence.
_____ “Fairy tales aren’t real,” he responded. There was distant anger in his voice, but not at her. No, he had given up on that ghost, and he knew it was for the best. The wind toyed with his hair, blowing it from his face, and his blind eye closed momentarily before opening. It was an ugly, monstrous thing, even though Ahren had yet to see it fully. All he knew was that his vision was gone and he was lucky he still had an eye. “What are you doing here?”
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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She relaxed just a hair's breath when he bared his fangs then seemed to give up on the idea. She knew he was right when he spoke next, but something inside of her still wanting to fight the truth. She still wanted her fairy tale ended. A warped smile spread across her maw as she replied softly. "Too bad they never tell us that to begin with.." She wasn't trying to be cruel, it was just the truth in spite of what she wanted to believe, and she knew it. She didn't want to admit it but she had to learn to let go. "I'd asked what happened, but I doubt you'd care to share." She was slightly curious, but she didn't think Ahren would sit in the middle of the forest and have a heartfelt talk about their ruined happily ever afters, besides, hers was still to fresh to even want to consider again.
When the wind tugged at his hair she couldn't quite catch the whine in her throat as she caught sight of what happened. If she'd been able to stop the reaction she probably wouldn't have spoken up. "Oh, Ahren..." She didn't even know why she'd said it, or why she even was concerned, but the damage done to the male wasn't something she'd even imagined or would have wished on him. Their pasts were over and done.
She swallowed and tried to ignore what she'd just seen, but the only thing that drew her away from it was his question. Looking back into his eyes she spoke the truth. "Trying to find Laruku.. he's still family." Even if he didn't want to find anyone else, that didn't mean she'd given up on him. He probably wished she would though.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ His eyes darkened considerably, and his face followed suit. She had always managed to rub him wrong, even on her best days. It was a fault of character, and of their stars. A bull and a lion, locked in eternal combat, even though they had given up on the physical promise of that war. Not even her sudden and unexpected display of sympathy did his face change. He didn’t trust her intentions, and he didn’t want her charity. This was his fault and he would carry the proof for the rest of his life.
_____ What did finally make his face changed was the name she mentioned. “He’s okay,” Ahren said, both eyes focused on her face (though only one saw it). “I don’t know exactly where he is right now, but he’s okay. He’s with us.” Us being the blonde and his son. The trio had begun exploring and spending more time apart, though they came together as if bound by invisible wire. Above, a faint rumble of thunder suggested rain.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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She watched his face darken as she spoke. She flicked her ears back, wishing that she could just stop herself from rubbing him wrong every time they crossed paths. She was tired and sorry for all the ill will between them and the constant tension when they stumbled upon one another's trail. "Ahren.. I'm sorry.." She wasn't sure how many times she'd said that in her years, or how many more, but it was so ingrained in her that she couldn't stop the words. She didn't mean anything by her words, but she couldn't change who she was.
When she said Laruku's name she noticed the sudden light that seemed to return to his face, the dark wash bleeding away as he spoke. She flinched slightly as he finished speaking, realizing that she wasn't needed or wanted in the picture. Smiling slightly she raised her eyes to stare into his, ignoring the tug of sympathy for Ahren's lose as she spoke "I'm glad...." she said, her voice trailing off for a moment before she swallowed and continued. "That he was someone." She knew she wasn't alone anymore, she had her children, but she missed the company of friends and family. Laruku was never really a friend, and their family connect was the truth-you can't choose your family, but she'd hoped that he wouldn't mind her returning.
She looked out into the dark lands as she thought for a moment before repeating her thoughts outloud. "Watch over him Ahren... He did that much for me, and more." She knew she couldn't make the blonde do anything, but it wasn't a demand, just a request. Laruku had done so much for them all and hadn't ever expected anything in return. She wasn't so sure what was happening to him anymore but she didn't want him to fade away like so many others had.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ He only looked at her, indifferent to the apology. In the end, it was he and he alone that was to blame. Nothing could change that. That much Ahren had learned long ago, before he had watched his family fall apart, before he had lost everything he had been living for. Now he was left with nothing but the empty sense of defeat and the haunting idea that everything one day would be all right. He did not expect this, and did not wish to hope, but it was there none the less.
_____ “He’s not a child,” Ahren said quietly, though his eyes betrayed that he intended to. Laruku was his best (only?) friend, and in some respects, his ward. They had to watch out for each other. No one else would. “Anya is here,” he said suddenly.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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She ducked her head slightly at the words that Ahren threw at her. She knew she shouldn't have to defend what she'd said, but she worried. She had enough to worry about with her children near and far, but she worried nonee the less. "He.. just seems so lost." She knew how stupid that sounded, of course he seemed lost. He'd seemed lost for a long time. When Tsunami disappeared Laruku seemed to have disappeared too, there wasn't much left of him at all. She'd seen the haunted empty look in his eyes when she'd seen him last.
She smiled slightly at the last words he spoke. It seemed so random, but then again she knew that Anya had been Ahren's daughter just as much as Aiji's. She knew what it was like to lose a child and then find them all grown up again after so long. "I know....she wants to be called Anka now." she said, her voice trailing off for a moment, remembering what it had been like when she'd almost ran face first into her niece. "She found me shortly after I'd come over the mountain. I wasn't there when the fire broke out.. I only arrived after it'd destroyed the lands." She smiled slightly at the thought of their meeting, one of the few bright things that had happened since she'd returned..
Looking back at the blonde before her she spoke of Anka again. "She's all grown up now, they grow so fast..." She was thinking of her own children when she'd said the words. She'd missed all of their childhoods it seemed, but they still wanted something to do with her in the end. She had been blessed in that part. She wondered if Anka felt the same about her father, but didn't ask.
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THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOVED
______THE THINGS THAT I'VE LOST
THE THINGS I'VE HELD SACRED
______________THAT I'VE DROPPED
_____ Two things happened. The first was that Ahren’s muzzle twisted and broke, and the second was that he laughed. He laughed because ‘lost’ was not appropriate to describe what had happened to Laruku. It was too simple, too rudimentary, and too shallow to encompass the things that had brought his world crashing down around him. Ahren knew the story in part, in full, and in truth because he had been there for the fallout. He had walked in like a far flung stranger, a magician who knew too much and came to steal the show. He had lost his pride and his circus out in the wilderness, and there was no going back after that.
_____ He was still smiling as he spoke, as if there was a joke Iskata was not a part of. “Yeah, yeah they do. We all did. It’s how things happen.” Shrugging and looking down at his feet, the blonde considered courses of action, but in the end chose only one. “You should get somewhere before the rain starts,” he said, finally looking up.
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll need to forget
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She sat there frozen when his voice lifted in laughter, his only reply to her thoughts on Laruku. She felt the creepy touch along her spine, icy cold fingers that left chills down her back as his voice echoed across the woodlands. The sound seemed to go on forever and ever as she stood there not knowing what to do. There was no response to the laughter that had almost seemed insane.. but with time it died away and with the last breath she was left still with no insight on this joke, making her wonder if she should worry more for Laruku dispite what they said.
When Ahren spoke again she didn't answer at first, there was really nothing to say but a nod in agreement. After a few moments of silence between them she raised her head at his suggestion. She just nodded once more and looked away, wondering just what had happened. She wasn't sure she wanted to know but she couldn't help but wonder just the same. Looking back up at Ahren she gave him a slight smile as she agreed. "Yeah.. I'd better get back.. She began to turn away to leave, looking off in the distance that she had to travel. Shaking her head she snuck one last look over her shoulder at the ghost from her past before sighing and moving on.
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