horrid

Jefferson Soul · 07-04-2011, 05:47 PM

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Private.

It was strange, feeling... unnecessary.

A thousand times over, memories of the former Phoenix Valley flashed before his eyes, and in his chest swelled the same pride that had dwelt there each time he'd scoured the green hills and coast back then, knowing it had been his and he had been the responsible party for keeping the pack functional and happy. He'd been needed, wanted, even admired, and all along he had never fully understood why. He still did not, of course, but now that such feelings had left him seemingly forever, Jefferson felt only as... a hollow shell.

He would not melt into a puddle of depression and woe; no, that was not the Jefferson he knew himself to be, let alone any of his former members. He'd hoped he would be at peace, left to be the loner he'd always imagined himself to be — and he had, but the experience was hardly endearing. What was the attraction of loneliness in the days before Phoenix Valley? Why had he always imagined fading back to that freedom, as if it were what called him most? And now, now that he had returned to it, why was he so damn alone?

Truth be told, Jefferson did not leave the ranch house. It brought his depression alive with its creaks and groans, and at night the wind slapped the recently-refurbished roof against its foundation. Was that all he had to remember them by? Should be leave and accept his fate as a loner, doomed to the same end as the blind, scarred, anti-social creature that had been Laruku Tears, his own brother?

Three-legged and possessed by an age that matched more his mind than body, the wolf hobbled back onto the porch from his slow stroll across the land. Its scents were fading, its winds without a whistle. He'd walked the former borders for some time, as if hoping to see a soul returning to him, but none did. He was alone. It was how he had wanted it all along, hadn't he?

The scarred wolf collapsed onto his stomach at the edge of the porch, head resting on the only remaining foreleg he had left. He thought briefly of Pripyat, of Geneva, of DaVinci and Iskata. Green eye simply stared out, weary, the former Valley titan now no more than a useless watchdog for something that no longer existed.

Jace Wolfe · 07-05-2011, 02:17 AM

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I got this written and it was totally awesome, then FF deleted it for no reason, so i had to rewrite and it cam out crap =/ also what form is Jefferson in? I can't tell from your post XD

3+

She was back. The first time of many where she would return lost and confused as to why she had ever left. She stood a pace beyond the almost none existent borders unsure if she was even allowed to enter or not. Technically Jace no longer belonged to the once proud pack that had existed and thrived here. The thought stung at her and caused her eyes to water, one tear over spilling and sliding down her white furred cheek only to be roughly wiped away by a dark ashen paw with a heavy sigh that visibly deflated her battered and scarred body. She didn't know if Jefferson was still here or if he had taken off to parts unknown. Just in case he was here she had brought him a gift that was held within her left hand in the form of a Canadian goose that hung limply, its neck snapped in half. She considered howling for a second but then decided against it, she didn't want to attract unwanted attention.

The proud Arctic survivor placed a foot slowly over the almost non existent scent marker, feeling it wash over her and encompass her within its comforting embrace. This was comforting to her, everything here was familiar and the norm, and she felt the echoes of discontentment at that sham of a place she was now forced to call home dissipate into nothingness, here was her home only now it was lost to her like her birth pack home had been such a long time ago. The woman took another step forwards and then another until she was walking slowly and serenely into the lands of Phoenix Valley. A small smile came to her face as she walked through the lands she had called home since the beginning of the year. It didn't seem that long but it also seemed like a lifetime since she and
Temo had joined just before the snowstorm that had nearly destroyed the packlands. She wondered for a second what had happened to Kami and Falgar who she had not seen for a long time.

If Jefferson were here then there was one place that Jace knew he would be, the ranch house. She did not rush however, she wanted to drag out her time here as much as possible although her hopes were raised as she came across a fresh scent trail, she changed direction to follow it leisurely. It took her some time but eventually she came upon the ranch house and upon its sole occupant sprawled out on the porch, he looked even more old and run down than the last time she had seen him a few days ago, the woman grimaced in sympathy for him. She sighed and sat down next to him with her legs dangling off of the porch, she placed the bird that was a gift for him in front of his nose,

"That's for you." The woman sighed again and put her head in her hands, a heavy frown upon her maw.

Jefferson Soul · 07-07-2011, 10:52 PM

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Lupus. I tried to make it obvious. @_@!

For someone to return to him, he wasn't sure how to express what exactly dwelt emotions-wise in his chest. The sight of Jace approaching in the distance made him believe, for one brief second, that nothing had happened after all; that he still had packmates — friends? Were they friends? — still, that he still mattered to someone, anyone. At the sight of the multicolored dogwolf, the gimp rose to his three legs with tail and ears alert, concern written plainly across scarred and monstrous features. Had something happened? Were his former Valleymen safe? How was Razekiel treating them, so far in the north? Why had she come alone?

"Jace," he breathed, sad smile spreading slowly as he recognized her gait as unharmed and relatively unchanged, and as she lay the offering at his feet he nodded a wordless but nonetheless grateful thank-you and nudged her gently with a brush of his head.

Depression had eaten away at his hunger, leaving the scarred man with as much an appetite as he did comrades at that very second. Brushing the goose to the side, single eye gazed at it a moment, knowing well how rare it was he received gifts, and with that he sat beside her, his frame towering as always over hers. "How is everything?" he said slowly, typical gruffness in his broken and grainy voice. After the first query, questions flooded out unrestrained. "Are you safe? Eating well? How is the territory? Your packmates?"

He shook his head suddenly, silencing the barrage of idiocy. "It's good to see a friendly face," he admitted finally, eye stolid on the floorboards beneath his claws.

Jace Wolfe · 07-19-2011, 12:52 PM

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sorry im dumb, jace is getting a little hysterical XD

She smiled faintly at his wordless thank you, it was weak but there never the less. The woman was tired, she had traveled a while to get here but she didn't let her fatigue show on her face or tinge her voice. She looked up as he sat besides her, dwarfing her with his larger figure like she was so used to from most males. Tan tipped tail flicked in amusement as the tirade of questions burst forth from the scarred man's mouth, and a more genuine smile flickered onto her face while she waited for him to finish, the wind caught at her hair and tugged the braids impatiently around.

"It is. As for how we are? I suppose we are fine, we're getting on okay, setting up on schedule and all the other bits and bobs relative to moving." She waved a hand carelessly in the air, and snorted, "The territory is just fucking perfect for those who would abandon their home at the drop of a leaf." The woman's head turned to stare with contempt out into the forest and brush, fur along her spine and hackles bristling angrily, the she wolf huffed and crossed her arms over her chest before turning to look at Jefferson.

"I never wanted to leave.." The female swallowed heavily and her voice sounded choked, ".. my first children were born and died here... I never wanted to leave." A single tear trickled down her white furred cheek, unnoticed by the female as she returned her gaze to their surroundings.

Jefferson Soul · 07-28-2011, 10:34 PM

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Sorry for delay, I was on absence! ^^;

She spoke with a bitterness in tones he easily recognized and acknowledged in his mind; to a man who lived day by day with a grudge against himself, no words that left his mouth were without a level of bite and acid simply because he detested himself so. But for Jace to sound the same, to mimic the man who had once embraced her with a gentleness rarely seen in him, Jefferson only stiffened his brow and his spine and raised his head with a confidence that one might have once mistaken for charisma.

Perhaps he had already changed since his days as a leader, just a number of days before. Had something within his chest shifted? He could not identify it. He refused to, even if it had; he would have reverted only to the loner at heart he had always been. The loner he'd always wanted to become again. He was happy... right?

"Stop it," he growled, pausing seconds after with subtle surprise at his own reaction. The mood did not shift. "Nothing lasts forever. Not love, not people, not anything. Who knows how long Ichika will be around, or how many days Temo has left, and yet you're sitting here moping around far from home with a man worth nothing to you or their lives anymore."

Dying alone is what's best, anyway.

Jace Wolfe · 08-19-2011, 07:49 PM

my apologies for taking forever on this D:

The stiffening of his spine and neck went unnoticed by the hybrid who was so concerned with her own sadness and anger to sense the change in his mood and attitude. Words that were harsh and barked sprung from his aged muzzle and her own body stiffened in response, mismatched eyes narrowed slowly, dangerously. But when she opened her mouth to retort a scathing reply nothing came out, she was no longer beneath this man before her and yet could still not bring herself to attack him, verbally or physically. Could not bring herself to shame both him and her in that way.

So she simply shook her head,

"You are as worthy to me as any of them are. You deserve love and companionship too, regardless of whether or not you agree." She looked at him with a mixture of emotion in her eyes, she hated how much he despised himself but unknowing of why, but she did not know the tales of his past however and what he had done, even if she did Jace would have probably found some way to wriggle around the specifics and pronounce him a good man.

Jefferson Soul · 08-21-2011, 04:24 PM

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For some reason I am proud of this post. Despite its depressingness.

"Jace," he said, a stiffness in his gravelly voice as stiff as his rigid spine, "you don't even know who the hell I am. You don't know the things I've done, the things I've seen. My name is not Jefferson. This life is no more than a goddamned facade."

Raising his head with a false confidence — could it be called confidence? No, it was no more than stubbornness and separation, as if no amount of compliments and worship could yield him from the hateful desires for himself — Jefferson gazed out at the empty lands that had once been called his for so many years. "How had I been so fortunate to live here? To have people decide for me that I was worth following?" he pondered aloud, a mistiness in his single-eyed gaze as he vaguely shook his head. "Was I a leader of fools and dreamers that could imagine even a monster like myself into something picturesque?"

She did not need to stay in his midst. No, she should not, lest he pass on the curse to she. His grandmother had been one in a line of cursed leaders in the lands of his birth; though Jefferson led no part of Clouded Dreams, perhaps the curse lay in his blood. Perhaps it was the reason for his madness, for the amnesia, for the scars and lost limbs. Perhaps he would die himself, soon enough, when the curse decided it needed its end, and he would not fight it. Jefferson Soul deserved nothing less than a death most cruel and condemning. A sinner like he had never deserved to wake up at all; the loss of his eye had never been payment enough for all he had done prior to the amnesia's wake.

"I've killed, I've raped, not in this life but the last," he said. The words meant everything yet nothing to him now; he would not have told the world, and yet proclaimed it as if it was now safe to brand himself publicly the sinner he had always been. He deserved for she to be ashamed of him, to leave him behind, to realize it had been for her own good and all the others' that Phoenix Valley had been disbanded and merged into something where love and peace would be an actuality rather than a false hope by a leader who had never known such a thing. "I sinned alone, and I will die alone. Your children would not grow up under the leadership of a monster. I would not allow it."

table by lin

Jace Wolfe · 08-21-2011, 04:55 PM

3+

Let it not be said that Jace Denahlii was a woman unplagued by stubbornness; it was in the set of her jaw, in the fire her gaze contained and the strength of her personality, she was very much her mother's daughter. She looked before herself and saw not a monster like he thought, just an aged leader of those 'dreamers and fools' as he so eloquently put, scarred by time and enemy action. True she knew nothing of his past but Jace could see beyond the history, beyond the harsh exterior with eyes that were calculating and yet still containing warmth. But still his words hit at her, he was determined to isolate himself and alienate her. Her fingers raised to her face and gently traced over the claw scars there.

She was surprisingly unsurprised at his admission of rape and murder, as though she somehow expected it to be lingering about his person, it was no great shock to her to learn that her former leader had committed such offenses. She raised and lowered a shoulder as a reaction to his words, people were born and people died. At his final words she snorted, finding the irony of the words almost amusing. He wanted to protect her children from a monster and yet they would be born of and cared for by a monster; for there was no doubt what she had done to Argul was monstrous, she told him as much,

"I am not without sin myself. I have tortured and murdered, knowingly and willingly with all my mental capacities intact. I've done so on these very lands as well as in other places. Do not presume I am an innocent girl, my children will be born of someone who is also a monster." A wry smile came to her face, she had not told a soul of how she treated the pup killer and now she had told a Soul, the thought make her chuckle inside a little.. maybe she was as screwed up as the man sitting beside her.

Jefferson Soul · 08-22-2011, 10:44 PM

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He wanted to hear nothing of this nonsense. The one-eyed man stared scarlet-glowing emerald at his former Praeas, a suspicion in his gaze that had lurked there all along. He had never pictured her as innocent — no, he pictured no one as innocent, not even his son who seemed too timid to possibly commit a crime — but to try and level herself with him was inexcusable. Pelt at the man's neck stood on end, an augmenting fury restrained beneath heavying breaths and flexing talons.

I have tortured and murdered. Through teeth and a wry smile she hissed the words, as if pride lingered within them. Single eye thinned. She dare laugh about her crimes in the presence of the repentant sinner? Did Temo know of such things? Would her children? Was this what he had risked his life over, removing Lucifer from the picture after the Sawtooth had so wronged her?

Or was Lucifer's act only part of her punishment?

"You find this funny?" he said, gravel in his tone, cold in his breath. No fury, no anger — just an unflinching, hooded stare.

Jace Wolfe · 08-25-2011, 03:49 PM

3+ lol Jace is a crazy Big Grin

The wry smile was dropped from her face almost as quickly as it had appeared and instead fury filled her eyes, her voice was tense and strained as she bit back,

"Of course not! I am no fool to mock the gods." She stood from the porch and began to pace back and forth in front of her former leader for several terse and silent seconds, growling steadily more angry with the way the discussion had turned. The scars on her face distorted at her face twisted into a soundless snarl. There was something inside of her, something she could but could not control, and even that made no sense to her. Finally she whirled to face him, his piercing green eye seemed to pin her in place and she stopped her pacing, her voice was pure acid although not aimed at Jefferson but the man she had killed and wished she could kill again,

"The man I killed on Phoenix Valley ground deserved every single damn thing I did to him. He murdered children and made leather out of their skin which he used as fucking armor. He deserved his death and he deserved the torture, and yet he still probably endured nowhere near to what his victims had suffered. If you trouble yourself to travel to Cercatori D'Arte, you will find a woman there who lost a child to him, he gave the father a bracelet made out of his own son's fur. I caught him trying to dig up my pups several days after they were born, yes I appointed myself judge and jury and he was found fucking guilty. If I am punished by the gods, wherever they might be for it then so fucking be it!."

Her tirade over the woman stood breathing heavily with her entire body of fur poofed up, a wild look encompassing her face.

Jefferson Soul · 09-02-2011, 11:33 AM

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That look in her eyes, the fury in her step — it was not ferocity she felt, but a slight madness. Unfazed by fleeting and daring emotions, Jefferson stood in her midst like stone in the storm — yet his single eye glowed to the point that his gaze seemed to trap her and bring the rampage to some sort of sudden halt. Even as she stared back at him with rage in her eyes, he did not flinch; his scars only stared back with wretched indifference, as if the monster inside were analyzing one who began to resemble it.

He himself had killed and raped an unknown number of unfortunate victims — and at the time he had done so lacking sanity and clarity. Jace would not fall into the same trap, he believed, though she did not lay too far beyond it. What happened to the almost maternal figure who had, for whatever reason, looked up to him?

"You're mad," he said, brows furrowing slowly. Still he did not move, undaunted. "A murderer kills scarcely. A madman never stops."

A pause. "Perhaps this is only the beginning." Vengeance or not.

table by lin

Jace Wolfe · 09-10-2011, 01:55 PM

are we drawing this to a close now? :3

She was cold now and maybe a little dead inside, her rage released for the time being she felt empty. And he didn't seem at all affected by her outburst which was somewhat disconcerting. His words did not shock her in the least for she sometimes wondered if she were going round the twist herself, her voice was quite and lacked emotion, not trying to persuade him of anything just stating the facts as she believed them.

"Well then he was a madman then instead of just a murderer." She wished now that she had kept her grisly secret to herself, for it was clear in his expression that he would never understand her reasoning, nor did he appear to want to either, she hated this divide that had come between them in such a short time,

"Just like you killed Lucifer to protect Phoenix Valley, I killed Argul to protect the unknown number of children he would have destroyed, it was worth the stain on my soul and blood on my hands to save the innocent." this she firmly believed, something that would not be taken from her. She could see an end rapidly coming to thier conversation and thier friendship of sorts, it made her sigh.

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