i just can't hold a smile
#1
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angst, angst, angst, angst :3
544

She tossed and turned all night. Every night brought miniscule stretches of sleep, however often or seldom had they come. When she was asleep, she was not still. When she was awake, she was not still. Her mind was battling inside against itself, loosing and winning, and injuring the walls within. The news had come as a shock. A devastating outcome had made her want to ask Saul to personally rip her throat from her neck then and there. But the days wore on, her bearing the information silently.

This night brought no more pleasure than the others did. Ever had awoken long ago, staring and twisting silently in the bed. Finally, she stood and began pacing in the usually friendly, but painfully bright moonlight that night that pooled in from the large window. Her body moved gracefully, back and forth across the floor, expression twisted into that of a pained child. She was in pain, yes, but now she knew why. Her expression spoke of a different soreness.

She had not told the man yet. He had become distant the days following her meeting with Saul. Her heart reached for him, but he was too far away, letting her crumble before him. Ever didn’t know if Ezra didn’t want to be with her because of her subtle mood swings, or if he knew, if he could tell what had happened. He often came home smelling of another woman, someone from the distant pack bearing the scent of death and harshly tinged smoke. Those days she could stand keeping the information from him. It wasn’t like they had planned for any of this to happen. But the more the girl was faced with decisions and thoughts, she accepted, very lightly, but still accepted.

Ezra, I am pregnant,

Ever said sharply to the air, not hinting at any pleasure or excitement. She didn’t know if the dual-toned wolfdog was awake, but at the moment, she didn’t care. After speaking, all there was was the sound of the creaking floorboards under her pacing weight and the breathing of both mates. Ever knew Ezra’s answer, but she still spat out the words at him. Her body knew her violent angst was just another mood swing, and that she would eventually and quickly crash, but Ever embraced her prickly mood.

The air was hot and muggy that night, not at all lightening the aura. She knew Ezra would know, would suspect. Saul had smelled it on her when he had first scented her; perhaps Ezra had, or noticed her loss of interest in feasting. If Ezra didn’t want her because she carried his children, so be it. A silent snarl curled back her beautifully auburn dusted muzzle. At first, the girl had not believed the Apothecary. She knew little of children and how they came to be, but knew enough that the grey-sand man had to be lying. Another twinge rocked her abdomen, as if anxious to confirm the man’s theory was still right. Her signs had only been stirrings, barely enough for any female to tell. Saul had assured her she might continue like so, not on display for anyone, even herself, until she began physically showing signs.

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#2
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XDDDD. Apathetic Ezra. XD
Words: 277

Ezra’s feelings of guilt had escalated. The man had been hiding himself away, unsure of how he felt around his mate. Her symptoms were getting the better of her; Ever’s moods could crash and burn within seconds. She was getting a little crazy and Ezra was ashamed to admit that since Sage River and Barrett came into his life, staying around a high-strung pregnant lady was not high on his list of things to do each day.

The male had discovered medical marijuana and he couldn’t have been happier. The on-going pain he had been feeling was still there every so often, but now armed with an arsenal of joints, the man could medicate whenever he wanted to. Barry had been kind to him, letting him vent about his family situation and that enabled him to go back that evening with renewed vigor to take care of his girl.

Ezra had been sleeping heavily lately, his mate’s night time trouble unknown to him. However tonight, a phantom of a whisper broke through his sleep-fog. ”Ezra, I am pregnant.” hit his brain, and the fog lifted. Duo-toned eyes opened slowly as they adjusted to the dim light. His mate was standing up, pacing, a pout on her lips. She was pissed, awake at an odd time, and not in bed. Ezra’s brain could barely compute the situation.Ugh the male thought, grumbling.

“I know,” the male said groggily, eyes closing. Now was not the right time to talk about such things. “Now come back to bed, please,” he said, mumbling almost to the point of a whisper. He wanted to curl up with her, not talk about life-changing events at inappropriate times.

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Table by alli <3

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#3
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pissy ever, wee! drama-queen!
388

She couldn’t help admitting she was a little relieved to know that the man was awake and had heard her. If he had not, she would have had to wake him whether that came in a nice way or one opposite way none the less. Despite his slight silence before answering, the girl continued to pace, her movements sending more noise through the house. When Ezra did finally speak, it only succeeded in angering her more.

No, I cannot,

Ever said, not any sweeter than her tone the first time. So he had known. The thought ripped the girl’s heart from her ribs, already slightly thickening as her body prepared for a pregnancy if she was in her lupus form. Did this mean he didn’t want them? Did this mean he didn’t care? Perhaps there was another female, like she had first supposed. Exhaustion evaded her when he needed it, but she stayed distant, wanting him to feel what it was like to be alone. Pain was coming in the head-drowning waves again; awoken by her swift and fretful movement. How could she just go back to bed? The thought was thoughtless all the same. Whether the moon was up or the sun, they needed to talk about this sometime. The mate’s had nothing planned. How could they? Her busy mind only succeeded in pushing her mood swing up and over the edge.

Smoky and graceful feet now fled the room and into the main quarters of the bungalow. Running would have been more dramatic but the pain disabled the silvery hybrid from doing so. She felt trapped, but it wasn’t suddenly trapped, the feeling had been hidden by dread. Ever had needed Ezra to be there and comfort her, but he hadn’t. He hadn’t cared that she had to deal with the things growing inside her. Their life wouldn’t be the same, whether he choose to be in it. That thought cut it. Ever flew out the door and didn’t bother to close it behind her. All she did was ran, straight forward towards the ocean, turned crystalline by the midnight moon. Then, she just sat and let the cool waters flow over her dark legs and lap up against her sides. The cold was unbearable but not as frozen as her insides.

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#4
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I figure this thread should be quick, and not all into detail and whatnot....hence the short post.
Words:220

Her moodiness skyrocketed, and as she voiced her fuming response to Ezra’s apathetic statement the male sighed in defeat. Ever was not the girl to be messed with, and when she was angry, she was pissed. The secui growled in irritation as his mate fled out the doorway and into the stuffy night outside their bungalow. Ezra was fully awake now despite his silence as she walked out the door. Ezra sighed for what was maybe the millionth time today as he slowly made his way out of bed and out of the house.

Their coastal home was mere feet from the chilly ocean. Ever was calf-deep into the water when Ezra finally left the cottage. Bleached paws made their way down to the water and bi-colored eyes stared into silver pools. “Ever,” he said quietly, overwhelmed. “Everything is okay,” He was pleading, almost as he stared at her. “This is a good thing,” he gave tiny smile that showed he still cared, and would do anything for her. “I want children, and I know you want them too,” He was gaining more confidence now, he knew he could turn his mate’s mood around if he showed a little more interest than what he had been showing lately.

“You’ll be an incredible mother, I know it,” With that, he gave his mate a genuine grin and licked her on the cheek.


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Table by alli <3

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#5
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She’s almost at the crash.

The feeling of her body temperature plummeting to an all time low was slightly relieving. Her mind went numb, spreading its frostiness all the way to her fingers and toes. She closed her eyes and let the watery blanket wash itself over her legs and lap at her stomach, leaving a damp and heavy after feel. But the thoughts kept coming. They swarmed inside her delicate and sensitive mind. Ever wanted to forget. She wanted to float away on the moon-laden waves into oblivion.

However, sounds of damp sand billowing from under heavy paws could be heard behind her, involuntarily swiveling her auburn ears back to the noise. She didn’t bother to look, to smell, or to listen until the man came close. The closeness made her hiss under her breath. He tried to seek out her silver gaze, but she turned her head, not wanting to lose words in his own disheveled irises. When he said her name, she shook, not wanting to give in. Ezra tried to comfort her, as if laying a hand on her shoulder with his words. The water pooled around her again, soaking and exposing her ashen fur to the ruffling breezes.

His words meant nothing to the moody girl. She could hear his pleads through his voice, just making conversation to bring his old mate back. It was hard to trust and listen. As the multi-hued man finished with another reassuring comment, Ever sensed him coming close. Her body flinched against his touch, which was close enough to reach her despite her feeble attempt to avoid it. Ocean-tinted eyes blazed down towards the sea and sand again.

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