Trade all my tomorrows for yesterdays

Anann Kelevra · 08-11-2011, 12:54 PM

[html]

The cabin that Anann had called home for so long had been abandoned since she had been stolen away over a month ago. The amber wolf stood looking on at the building from a short distance. It was the first time she had ventured here since Anatoliy had brought her back. This place was filled with ghosts of a past not so long ago, but before the last great storm of the winter. For it had not been a home since. Not since she had shared a life with Anatoliy within those walls. Memories of that life played out before her in the dim light of evening, like living shadows while the cicadas sung from the trees.

It was a heart breaking reminder of what she had lost. For Anann no longer felt any hope for the future. There was no future for her anymore. Keese had made sure of that. Sorrow and remorse had filled the gaps in her heart and was slowly consumed her soul. Anann tilted back her head and sang. Her tenor voice carrying far in the cool evening air as she sung of her sorrow. Her heartache. Her lost tomorrows.

With a heavy heart and reluctant steps Anann approached the log constructed building. Grass had braved growing in the once worn doorway and the little garden she had attempted was left in ruins. She paused at the threshold, unsure of she really wished to venture inside but she found her memories of this place were not tainted by the silver man and tentatively she entered. She looked around briefly before she made her way to the bed in the far corner. Hopping up on it she circled a time or two before she laid down, curled tightly around herself and her muzzle buried amongst her paws.

Her thoughts turned from the past and towards the new lives within. What future would the motherless children have? Who would care for them? Who would love them? It was burden Anann could ask of no one, yet one she knew she could not carry on her own. She would not be here for them.

300+

[/html]

Anatoliy Russo · 08-11-2011, 09:49 PM

[html]

300+
why are there so many sad threads :C

Anann had not yet returned home. She was a free woman and could do as she pleased, but the man was still worried for her well being. Keese was good and dead, rotting where he had been slain. But the fear for the woman was still there, especially so soon after she had returned to him and the kingdom. What could he do other than worry for her safety? But she wanted her independence as much as he wanted his solitude. Not to say he wanted solitude from her, no, but she wanted to do her own thing without him holding her hand for every damn thing. Anatoliy respected that, quite a lot, but he still felt the need to seek her out. But he did not do so actively; she was probably wary of anyone who would try to 'track' her.

He tried the stable first and found no one there, but the horses and the stable hands. Her scent was here, but her body was absent. The scent that lingered smelled as off as it had the day he took her from the shack. Now, he knew well what it was and the thought of that man doing what he had still made his blood boil. But for Anann, he said nothing; if she wanted to talk about it, she would. Oh, but how it haunted him. He knew what grew in her. He could not blame the seed for the sins of the tree, nor would he do the same for the children born of Keese's seed. They need not even know who their father was.

The cabin was his second choice. There was little else to look; Anann rarely went elsewhere. And this was a remnant of the old days, the days of them being happy with just each other. So, he headed there, and found her scent grew stronger as he approached it. She was here, and he felt relief sooth the anger and fear in his chest. Would he ever feel safe? Would she? He slipped into the cabin he helped to build and saw her laying on their bed. Without a word or invitation, Anatoliy sat himself down beside her on the bed, elbows on his thighs. He wanted to talk about the progeny in her belly, but found he had no words to give.

Anann Kelevra · 08-13-2011, 08:42 PM

[html]

because it is sads, but we do has happy(er) thread, no? :3

The evening was growing late, though the sun had yet to slip below the horizon. It was odd for her to not be home with Anatoliy by now. Most days she did not even venture far from the large man. Lingering near by silently as he had worked on his boat down at the shore or went fishing at the docks. Though there were days were she sought her independence. For Anann did not have it in her, no matter how broken, to become a dependant creature. She already felt she used the Russian male too much as a crutch. Clinging, at times, to his presence and the comfort and security it brought her. Even though the air around them seemed thick, palpable even, with the tension of the unspoken. The amber woman did not speak of the things that had been done to her nor of the lives that grew within her. Sooner or later she would have to tell him. She felt he knew even though, if he did, like her he said nothing.

Ear stood and pointed towards the Russian as he entered the cabin. His sudden appearance did not surprise her. No doubt he had been worried when she had not returned home as timely as she normally did. Silently, things were always so wordless now a days, he settle down next to her. Anann moved slightly, nudging his elbow with her muzzle. Broad head resting on his thigh as he arm rested over her neck and shoulders. This was how it was now. She allowed herself the comfort of his touch. She no longer had the strength in her to keep him physically distant, but emotionally he was still locked out as ever. Afraid to let him in. Afraid to hope.

It was hard to say how long they had sat there in silence. Anann fighting to swallow the lump that kept rising her in her throat as she tried to gather the words, and the courage, to tell the man she loved something he would loathe to hear. Anatoliy, her voice croaked and she cleared her throat and took a deep breath before she found herself able to continue. There is something I need to tell you, he...I’m.. Anann choked on the words, unable to speak them. Her throat tightening around them. But he knew, she did not have to tell him. I’m sorry, she managed in a ragged exhale as she buried her face against his torso.

300+

[/html]

Anatoliy Russo · 08-13-2011, 11:51 PM

[html]

300+
which i still need to reply to Dx;

He let her press up against him, head in his lap. He gave a weak smile at that. Anatoliy placed his arm gently over his love's neck, careful of her. She was warming back up to him, which filled him with unimaginable joy. But still she held him at an arms length, emotionally at least. Anatoliy longed to break through the barrier she had forcibly put up when Keese had entered both of their lives. How he wished she had let it fall when he had left their lives in a bloody torrent. Yet still she remained away from him in spirit. He may have her so close to him now, but it still felt like she was sitting across the cabin.

The silence was rather thick, but their lives had been like this lately. The air was always tense with things unsaid. And with their emotions. Anann said his name and he felt his heart beat a little bit faster. He knew she was going to talk about it, the thing neither one wanted to admit was real and was happening to them. She fumbled with her words, hoarse still. They were like daggers but they stabbed both of them, not just him. He had known. How could he not? "I know..," he said softly, placing a gentle hand on top of her head as she tucked herself into his abdomen.

He stroked her head gently, even though he felt almost willing to cry himself. Anatoliy was raised in a way that meant he could not cry. He had to be strong. He was always strong. But this, this was his weakness. Anann was that weakness. How he wished Keese had lost his life long before this. "I know, Anann.." He wanted to hold her close, like he had the night the two of them slept together for the first time. "Vhat are ye going to do about zhem..?"

Anann Kelevra · 08-14-2011, 01:13 AM

[html]

She had feared what his reaction would be. It had been something of a relief that he had already known, as she suspected he might. Her face hidden in the pale fur of his abdomen, Anann struggled to fight back the sorrow. Her shoulders shook lightly and her breathing was uneven as she tried to hold back the sobs that threatened to rise in her throat. He touch was calming, soothing, as he gently stroked the top of her head as she fought to keep what little composure she had left and she quickly calmed again.Still the woman had been unable to met his eye for the shame she felt at the betrayal of it all. It wasn’t it fair, none of this had been fair to him.

She pulled her face away from at his question, large head falling back to his lap. What can I do? What choice is there now? The words were bitter, venting the woman’s frustration and resentment of the situation. Her questions were more rhetorical and she did not expect Anatoliy to provide her with any answer. They were unwanted, but that did not mean that Anann had it in her to purge the budding lives from her body. All I can do is carry them. Once they are born their fate will be out of my hands.

000+

[/html]

Anatoliy Russo · 08-15-2011, 11:10 PM

[html]

300+

There was a terribly strong bitterness in her voice as she answered him. She turned from his abdomen and he moved his arm to rest on her neck. He listened to her as she spoke, but his confusion mounted the more she spoke. And then he misunderstood her completely. "Vhat do ye mean vhat can ye do?" he countered, unsure of her intentions. They both knew they would be there for their birth, especially Anann, What else could either of them do but wait for the things to be born. It would be hard to look at them, but he was sure eventually they would consider them their own. Even if they came out grey as that monster. Anatoliy's heritage was half grey wolf. Surely the coloration simply skipped around a bit.

But then he misunderstood again, thinking she was going to leave them on someone's doorstep and ask them to raise her rape litter. "Ye're going to abandon zhem? Ye're going to have zhem and just let zhem on zhere own?" It was not about them surviving that; they could never do it. Pups fresh from the womb were nothing but worm and crow fodder. "Vhat are you talking about, love?"

Anann Kelevra · 08-17-2011, 10:44 AM

[html]

Anann did expect him to understand, not immediately. It was her own fault, for she had told him little of her life before the court. She would have, had he ever asked, but he had not. Besides she had never known how she would explain this to him. She was scared and for months, even before Keese showed up, she had worried that the weakness of her lineage would push him away from her. So she struggled now to let it sink in slowly. To put it bluntly would be to hefty of a blow, for both of them and Anann did not think she could speak the words anyway.

She had expected his confusion, but his accusations cut deeply at her. She knew he had not met them as she received them, but that did not dull the pain. A large paw came to rest near her head on his thigh as she used the leg to push herself away from him and sat up. "Not by choice." Her tone still heavy and bitter as she practically growled the words. Her head was low and tucked as she turned it away from him. "I never knew my mother. She died. Just moments before I was born, the last of my litter, my mother died." It was easier to speak of the Harleigh before her than herself, of the mother she had never known in life. Anann could not be sure of her own fate, for she did not believe in superstitions of her bloodline that she had been taught. But she knew their history. "It was the same with her mother. It has always been that way." The siblings did not seem to be affected, just the golden child. Always the last to be born. Always the smallest of the litter, though that changed with time.

300+

[/html]

Anatoliy Russo · 08-20-2011, 09:24 PM

[html]

000+

Anann told him the truth and he felt his stomach sink. Not at the thought that she was cursed by her family's line, but that she believed herself doomed. Birthing pups was a serious matter, and it was no doubt possible that Anann would be in danger, but Anatoliy had seen so few mothers die having their children. But she was afraid, that much was certain. Yet the man highly doubted that she would pass on after giving birth, even if the spawn was Keese's seed. Anatoliy was not proud of it, but he would not want her to die for that bastard's children, not when she was worth more than he ever even imagined. They were not worth her life. Even then, he doubted she would die on him.

"Vell..," he began, resting a hand over her paw, stroking the thin pelt. "I don't zhink it was alvays like zhat.. I'm sure it vas all a coincidence.." He did not know how to be reassuring in this case; she was so certain death was on her horizon. "I'm sure vhatever god controls zhis.. they vould not take you avay from me. And zhem, vhen the time comes."

Anann Kelevra · 08-20-2011, 10:34 PM

[html]

Coincidence? She echoed softly. Anann shook her head slowly. No, she did not think he would ever fully understand what she was..no, had been. She knew he meant well, but the words were of no comfort. And she did not want to explain. It all sounded so ludicrous, generation after generation it was always the golden hued child. The mirror image of her mother and always the last to be born. So many believed, hundreds, and that was what had made her so valuable to him. Like he said, it was her or the child. Only one was needed.

Her mind was growing dark. Hopeless. She wanted to scoff as he began to speak of a god though he also did not know that her bloodline was also considered divine. But it was the words that followed that truly caught her attention and brought some change to the woman that seemed to be helplessly falling into the pit of despair. She looked towards him, though still avoiding eye contact. Them? What do you care about them?

000+

[/html]

Anatoliy Russo · 08-20-2011, 10:47 PM

[html]

000+
super short but my muse is stupidly small :C

No, he could not understand, nor would he be happy to understand. He could not give his consent to letting her die for her offspring. Out of the womb, sure, but as they were given life? That was not a fair trade, in his opinion. They needed their mother, and he sure as hell did not know where he could the pups a new mother. Without her, they would be lost.

She did not look at him, but she still sounded much like his head was sounding to him. Why did he care about the whelps forced on the woman? "Zhey're your children," he said simply, softly as he gazed at the wall of the cabin. It felt like they had done this before, in the cabin. But it felt like that moment had been so very long ago that he could not remember when or what was even discussed. It might have been a happier affair then, before these Keese hellhole. "Because zhey von't be his."

Anann Kelevra · 08-31-2011, 03:02 PM

[html]

can probably start wrapping this one up?

Maybe it would have been better, easier, if he had never found her. He wouldn't have to deal with... with this. It did not matter if he accepted it or not. It didn't change things. There was nothing that could change things now. There could be no future for them, for Anatoliy and herself. Not anymore. Why did he bother? Why did he still care for her? Especially now. Now that she carried his children. Why would Anatoliy still want anything to do with her after she had pushed him out of her life at Keese's appearance, despite what her reasons might have been and now that she carried his children even it had been against her will? What man would willingly take on such a burden?

Hopeless and bitter thoughts fueled one another as she descended further into despair. She was afraid to hope, afraid to acknowledge the love that still remained between them. It wouldn't matter anyway. She had given up and a growing part of her wished that the Russo would simply do the same. That he would leave her and move on with his life. It was best, for him. Wouldn't he be happier that way? It seemed only logical from her contorted point of view. His words were slow to process through the thick haze of angry and bitter emotions. She was slow to recognize that moments ago he had called her love. And it hurt. It hurt like someone pulling open the curtains to let the light pour when when one had grown accustomed to the darkness. Bringing back more memories of better days. Days that seemed so far away anymore.

Slowly he was getting through to her. He was the light cutting through the darkness that consumed her. She mulled over his answers with growing confusion. Had she misunderstood? She looked at him, questions in her eyes along with mounting uncertainty. "You would accept them?" Disbelief prevalent in her tone. "You would claim them.. as your own?" Surely she had misunderstood. It was too much to ask for there was no way they were. The night they had spent together, the night before her world had fell to ruins, these children were not from then. They were not his and there was nothing else she was more certain of.

300+

[/html]

Anatoliy Russo · 09-01-2011, 07:05 PM

[html]

000+
yup!

Anatoliy was silent for a few moments after her apprehensive words. It was just to truly be sure, to be positive that he would accept the bastard's spawn as his own. Perhaps it was best to stop calling them that. When they were born, he would gladly call him her children, and his. But he was also certain she would be fine after they were born. It could not possibly be that she would die. It just did not make any sense. Best to not believe in something so outlandish and terrible. Then it was less likely to come true.

He gave a weak smile and pressed his head against hers for a few moments. Pulling away, he said, "I vould. As much as I don't like zhere fazher.. I can't zhrow zhem out. Besides, a child is zhe product of zhe parents." His face hardened. "And zhat man is not a parent." Anatoliy stared at the wall again, mind racing through his morals. "I could tell zhem zhey were mine. Zhey vould not need to know. If zhat is vhat you vant."

Anann Kelevra · 09-08-2011, 06:00 PM

[html]

Hope was thin and frail, but it existed. Anann did not yet have the heart to put any faith in the weak feeling that blossomed in her chest and as the silence stretched on the despair she felt grew in strength again as doubt began to over shadow the light of hope. It was but the smallest flickering flame. If nurtured it had the potential to become a raging fire, but letting it extinguish itself would be even easier. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest as she watched Anatoliy's face as if she could read his thoughts from his expression. Yet she could only guess at what was going on behind those golden eyes. It was too much to ask. Anann herself did not know if even she would be able to accept her own children. She felt nothing but a bitter resentment for them now and who could say that that emotion would change once they were born.

He still had not said a word when he pressed his head to hers. Anann took a deep breath, unaware that she had been holding it, as she nuzzled against him. She edged closer to him again as he pulled away. His words holding more confidence that she felt as he told her what she had needed to hear. She could not be certain of her fate, but either way she knew she could not do this alone. She was not built for parenthood, least of all like this, but Anatoliy gave her hope. "I think that I would like that. It is your choice.. what you tell them. I cannot ask that of you." How could she, when she was not even sure if she was capable of loving them as if they had been their children instead of his?

300+

[/html]

Anatoliy Russo · 09-17-2011, 05:07 PM

[html]

000+
yup!

He gave the woman a weak smile, knowing he himself would never forget the fact that the children would not be his. But he would give them the benefit of the doubt. Attitude was not genetic but taught. He absentmindedly stroked her arm a bit, wondering how it would be with children for them to take care of; Anatoliy refused to believe that the woman before him was going to die in childbirth. She was too strong and he knew she still loved the world. The children would be strange to see, running around them, and their own eyes filled with sadness at the thought of who their real father was. One day they would ask why none of them looked like the wolf-coyote hybrid with his pelt a cream and brown mix, especially the grey ones.

"Ve vill tell zhem nozhing zhen." His hand clasped over her paw, wishing strength to flow between them. "If zhey ask.. zhen ve can choose to tell zhem zhen." It was an easy solution to postpone a necessary talk as long as they dared. But by then, he hoped, the children would regard him as the father and not care who it was that helped spawn them against their mother's will. Perhaps even then they, he and Anann, would be happier and forget that Keese was ever there.

Login




Remember me Lost Password?