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He rolled to his side abruptly, scrambling to his feet within the small den. His heart thudded so loudly in his chest that he was sure he heard its beats echoing from the den's dirt walls, and his head hurt with an automatic headache, the kind that came along when you were already hurting elsewhere. He wasn't sure what he had been dreaming, but he felt sick to his stomach, a combination of loneliness and fear tightening around him. Kansas was relieved because, after all, it had been just a dream. But he'd been tired lately, his sleep interrupted often by these nightmares.
It was early morning -still brisk, the sky a soft shade of blue-gray. Iskata was out, perhaps off to explore the surrounding area, or to find something to eat. They'd been in the den for a few days now, together, of course, but he still felt a sense of worthlessness that came with the territory of being a loner. Once he'd lost the jitters of a nightmare's aftermath, Kansas yawned widely, immodestly, and followed the weak shaft of light borne of the morning, out of the the den with the hope that his mother was nearby.
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Iskata had spent the past few days trying to figure out exactly what was going on. She knew what Haku had done and it was obvious that the coyotes knew too. She had just spoken to Fatin that morning about Ember's safety and the leader had asked her about joining their pack. In the end Iskata had given in and Fatin had accepted her into the packlands. The lady of silver and gold had spent the morning finding a new den location and figuring out how she was going to explain everything to Kansas. It had taken her longer than she'd realized to make her way to their temporary den, but when she got there she was relieved to find her son sitting outside basking in the rays.
Stepping lightly she quickly made her way towards where he lay, calling out to her son as she approached him, her voice showing the happiness to find him there alive and well. "Kansas!" She smiled as she moved towards him, amused at how lazy and laid back he was there in the sun. She wagged her tail as she plopped down beside him, panting after the jog through the woodlands she waiting as she tried to catch her breath, "There's something I wanted to talk to you about.." she said as she studied her paws, she wasn't sure how he would take her request.
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He didn't have to wait long. He had only been lying in the sunlight for a few minutes, perhaps fifteen, when her silver and gold figure broke through the heavy trees. She was smiling, which was a surprise - it seemed as though Iskata had been a bit preoccupied the past few days. He'd been busy trying to sort through his own problems, selfish as this seemed to him. He knew it had something to do with Haku... He felt terrible for not having asked directly about it, especially since his own immediate family was involved. Perhaps he was afraid to.
Kansas lifted his face from between his paws and smiled at his mother, his tail thumping once against the earth. "Hello, mother." She lay down beside him, told him she wanted to talk. He didn't think it was bad news she had to give him, but by the nervous look on her face, it was something she was struggling to find the right words for. He gazed at her softly, still grinning a bit, and brushed his nose against her cheek once to let her know he would be all right with whatever she had to tell him. "What is it?"
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She knew she should have told Kansas everything but a small part of her had still wanted him to remain a child even though she knew that he was a young adult now. Sighing to herself as she sat beside him she tried to work out the words while her baby boy was ever so polite. When she felt the soft touch against her cheek she began to relax and smiled at her son. "I'm sorry Kansas." She had been so distracted lately that she'd hardly really had time for them together and she'd wanted to get back all the days she missed from his childhood. Though she knew that was truly impossible she would still try.
Raising her head she gazed off in the distance, between the trees she could catch a glimpse of the pond where she'd washed away the evidence of Haku's sins. A small shudder raced down her spine as she turned back to Kansas, "Hon' your cousin did a very bad thing not too long ago. His sister had been attacked by a coyote when she went too far into their clan's lands.. she lost the pups she was carrying because of it.. but Haku went to find the coyote that had hurt her.. He attacked her in retaliation for what she'd done to Mew, but he went further than that..." She stared down at her paws as she began to speak again, she didn't want to see the look in her son's face as she explained the horrible acts that his own blood had done. "After he was done.. he raped her and left her for dead.. but that wasn't enough.. he found and killed an innocent mother and child who'd had nothing to do with Mew's attack..." she shook her head as she stared down at her paws.
After a few silent moments she raised her head back up and looked off in the distance as she finished her story, "I'd found him afterwards and I cleaned up all traces upon him of the acts he'd done. Haku is responsible for the things he's done, but I don't think he knows what he did. You're cousin is very ill.. but because of the things he's done he's endangered his own family. We have friends in the clan, but that's not even strong enough to keep us safe." She finally turned her eyes back to her son, worry and sadness filled those blue orbs as she begged him one favor. "I've spoken to the leader of Ember's pack, I'm going to go join them and watch over your sister.. but I want you to be safe too, I'd like you to either come with me or go stay with one of the other packs. Naniko would be happy to see you.. if you didn't want to stay with Ember and I." She wished that he'd come with her, but she knew how he felt about his older sister and she just wanted him to be safe. Shaking her head she felt the tears blurring her eyes as she whispered. "I'm sorry Kansas, I just want you safe.." She should have ran when she'd seen Haku on the beach but she hadn't and now she had to make sure she didn't regret the things she'd done.
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Kansas felt guilty for failing to spend time with his mother. He knew it was his fault - Iskata had been dealing with a lot lately, but he could have at least been there for her. Instead he was always reading or wandering through the forest by himself. It was his fault, not hers; the look of adoration in her eyes made him regret this more than ever. To his surprise, she was the one who said sorry... He could not tell if it was because of what she was about to say or because she felt badly about something she'd done. What that could possibly be, he was sure he didn't know.
His hope that she had nothing earth-shattering to tell him dried up when she shivered, fear and disbelief all over her pretty face. As the tale unfolded, Kansas' jaw dropped subtly, his eyes wide with horror as though he were still a babe being told a nightmare. But this was true. It wasn't his relation to Haku that repulsed him; it was the fact that someone could do those things and get away with it. Maybe he was a bit of a wuss, because hearing about the rape and slaughter of the coyotes made him feel sick.
It sounded like Iskata had more or less saved her nephew. This was puzzling, but Kansas admired her. She'd risked her life by helping a dangerous and disturbed individual when she didn't have to. He wished he'd been paying more attention so that he might have been useful to her in this difficult task. "He doesn't know...?" That was even more pitiful. When she looked at him with eyes twins to his, such concern was there that he had to look away. He hated to see her like this, dealing with such tragedy after she'd already lost so much. What she'd urged him to do made sense. He was thrilled by how she cared enough to beg him to keep himself safe. He wouldn't have known. "I'm so sorry, Mother. I'm sorry you had to do that by yourself."
He so wanted to be with Iskata and Ember. It seemed to make more sense, living with the family he had nearly lost. And Iskata wanted him with them. But Naniko's face kept surfacing within his mind, and he couldn't push it away. You don't even have to ask. He belonged there. He wanted to keep her safe, too, even though he was unneeded for this. "I... I know it would be better to live with you and Ember, but, I just... I think I should join Twilight Vale. I feel like I need to be there." It felt so wrong to be telling her this, to tell her he was not going to live with her. Iskata would understand, but he didn't want to hurt her. He gave the bottom of her muzzle a small lick as he used to as a boy, hoping the familiar touch of a son who loved her would erase any doubts from her mind.
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She stared at her paws as Kansas took in the words she said, the whispered reply seemed to set her fur on end as she nodded, her eyes closed for a moment as she spoke softly. "He knows now, but he didn't remember doing the things he did... I'm not sure how to explain it son.. Sometimes wolves minds just go bad, they snap and do things that no one can accept.." she opened her eyes and turned to look at her son, searching his face as she tried to explain everything. "I'm not trying to make excuses for the things they do.. but not everyone who does horrible things gets pleasure from the things they do. I don't think Haku is evil, I don't believe that he himself wants to do these acts..." She knew she could explain it and it sound reasonable because the things Haku had done would never seem reasonable or right. She turned back away from him and stared down at her paws once more, silently wishing that this wouldn't bring harm to her loved onces.
The silence was broken when Kansas apologized for the things she'd done she shook her head and smiled down at her son, the sadness showing through her eyes as she spoke up. "No babe, I choose my own actions and I'll live with them." She didn't have to help Haku when she realized that there was a light side to the dark mirror she'd gazed into that first day, but when those innocent eyes had gazed back at her she knew something wasn't right. She'd done the things she'd done and would choose again if she had to. She wasn't proud that she'd cleaned up the world he'd ruined, but it was done. She turned to her boy and sighed, wondering where they would be at the end of this all.
The words he gave her when she offered him the truth, of joining one pack or the other.. or just going off to one that there were no family ties she smiled when he spoke up of going to be with his sister. When he reached over and gave her that small bit of comfort after declaring his choice she smiled down at him, "Thank you Kansas, I know Naniko would be overjoyed to know... and I'm proud of you." Her eyes shined with emotion as she sighed and stared off in the distance to her new home pack. "You'll come visit us though, won't you?" she asked, turning back to Kansas.. not wanting to lose her babe so soon after finding him, but understanding the closeness of her children. They all seemed to find someone to cling to, all except Ember, she worried at that but there was nothing she could do but wait til she found her place.
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Do ya want to keep going, or wrap this up soon? 
Kansas had read about humans who did things they hadn't meant to when emotion poisoned their minds. Their actions weren't their choice, because something evil had taken hold of them and made them do the terrible things they did. This was how he could make sense of it, whether it was right or wrong; though he did think he had it close. He could believe that Haku had a good heart, but Kansas didn't want to think about it too far past that; he didn't want to try to make sense of what he couldn't. He nodded; understanding but not quite. She wanted to make sure he knew she wasn't making excuses for his cousin, and he gave a small, reassuring smile. "I know. I know what you mean."
His uncertainty did not go away when she accepted his choice. Guilt still twisted him in knots; her eyes were and had throughout this conversation been filled with tiredness and sorrow. He couldn't imagine coming home to this sort of thing. She was strong, but what if her strength quelled? Maybe he needed to be there to make sure she had someone else to lean on. His choice had been made, and though his heart screamed at him to change it, he felt he had done the right thing. His smile grew. "Of course. All the time. You and Ember... And if you ever need anything, please find me. I want to... to help you."
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not yet, but soon!
Iskata smiled down at her son as he assured her that he understood what she meant. Bowing her head she stared at her siler and gold paws before her as she spoke up once more, her words painful and troubled "Kansas, do you remember when you were tiny and DaVinci came to visit us?" she raised her eyes to gaze at her son as she continued. "Before you were born, even before Magdalena and DaVinci were born.. there'd been fights breaking out between Inferni and Clouded Tears, the pack I belonged to before we lived in Storm. I'd been attacked while visiting a friend who lived in the clan. What.. Haku did.. The same thing had happened to me. DaVinci's father had raped me.." dropping her head back to her paws she sighed.
"I.. just don't want you to think that the coyotes are all bad. Haku's sister had been attacked by a coyote, but her attacked didn't deserve the fate Haku decided for her... No one deserves that. Your own brother is a half breed. When he returns he won't look like you at all.. he looks just like his father..." She was only telling her son these things because she didn't want him to grow up hating the coyotes only to realize oneday his own brother was one. Fighting back the memories she looked back to Kansas and seemed to plead with her son. "..I just don't want my family torn apart again.. I just got you all back." her smile was weak and halfhearted as she gazed down at her boy.
Murmuring softly she didn't think as the words floated out. "You'll make your pack proud one day Kansas.. " she smiled at him warmly as she banished the memories away finally. "I know I can always count on you..." He was her baby boy, but already he was growing too fast for her. So responsible and caring.. he would make her proud.
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Okie doke! <3
Kansas had not yet had the opportunity to hold a grudge. He didn't see the point to keeping so much anger inside; it hurt you more than it did the one you so hated. He hadn't really made the connection; he hadn't realized that all the attackers mentioned had been coyotes. She asked about DaVinci; his eyes narrowed in thought before he nodded slowly. He had a faint recollection of a young male coming to see them, but he only remembered the event, nothing specific about his brother. Just as he was wondering why she was telling him this, she explained, and his eyes widened. It occured to him how little he knew about his mother.
His kindhearted, wise mother had been raped. He hadn't known any wolves this had happened to. Or so he thought. It was such a horrible thing to imagine, so wrong and so selfish. And it had happened to Iskata. He felt his stomach burn with anger, and he looked away, giving himself a few moments to collect himself. She was fine now. It hadn't changed who she was. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." He knew now what the beginnings of hate were, but he felt them toward those who had harmed his family, and was happy to realize that he didn't find himself loathing coyotes completely. "No... I don't. They couldn't be all bad."
Kansas loved how she felt comfortable enough to tell him her fears, or at least, this one. He didn't want their family ripped apart, either... Not any more so than it already was. He wasn't prepared to lose more of those he loved. He gave her a look of sympathy and understanding, saying, "I'll do what I can so that doesn't happen, too." Her reassurance made the anger inside warm and melt away. "Oh... thank you." Count on him? That seemed far-fetched. He hadn't done anything noteworthy, not like she had. "I'll be here for you and Ember, all right? That's all I want to be right now." He was repeating himself, but he had to be sure she knew.
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my rping skills are going out the window.. blah.
She shook her head as she sat there quietly. She didn't want her son to apologize, she just wanted him to understand the wrongs that happened in this world. Lowering her head to rest on her paws she spoke again quietly finishing her story. "I snapped after everything.. I could cope with what had happened to me.. but DaVinci was another story. Everyday to look and see your child the mirror image of your nightmares.. I nearly did something I regretted.." she sighed and shook her head. Kansas didn't need to know the rest of the story, it was history and it was over.
Tilting her head to the side she watched him quietly, admiring how her son was growing into a fine young man. She sat there and listened to him declare his devotion to his family. Raising a brow she teased her son softly. "And what about Firefly and Naniko? They might get jealous with the attention you'd be showing Ember and I.." She knew that Kansas would always be there for his twin and the way he looked up to Naniko showed that clean through too. Smiling softly she whispered, "Thank you..."as she watched her babe with loving eyes.
Eyeing him with mischief she spoke up once more. "So.... shouldn't you be going to find Naniko.." wrinkling her nose up she nuzzled her son and sighed. "I've got to get back to my pack soon.. You'll come visit soon?" she gazed at him with hopeful eyes, wanting so bad to be with her babes all the time, but their safety was important too, she didn't want to lose them...ever again.
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Whatever! I think you write as beautimously as ever. <3
He knew that sort of thing had to be hard. To have a son who looked like the one who had hurt you so deeply. He had an idea of what she was talking about when she mentioned nearly doing something she would've regretted... And it didn't surprise him at all that she hadn't. In the past few weeks, Kansas had come to realize that there was endless love in Iskata's heart.
"Oh, I mean, them too..." Her comment punctured him somewhere; he felt simply stupid for discluding his other sisters. His mother was joking, but Kansas still wondered if she thought he didn't care about them. He supposed he felt that Ember and Iskata needed his attention most, living apart from him now. When her words brought their discussion to a close, his smile melted away... He didn't really want this time with his mother to be over, but they had to get to other things. And she belonged somewhere now, too. "Yeah, I guess I should be. And I'll come by in the next few days, okay?" He got to his feet, stretching, and placed the bridge of his nose against the side of his mother's face. A goodbye. "Thank you."
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She smiled down at her son as he asked if he could come visit in a few days. Nodding as she spoke softly, "We'd like that, but by then we may have come looking for you too.." Her eyes sparkled as she chuckled softly. She hadn't expected the kids to be this close, not after her own siblings, who had been close to eachother when young had ended up splitting ways so quickly... but it was nice. She only hoped that they could stay thatway for a long while, if forever.
When he pressed his muzzle against hers she smiled and nodded to her son, nudging him gently along his way she gazed at him as he began to move along towards Twilight Vale. Shaking her head softly as she watched him go she whispered. "Goodluck luv.." and she meant it with all her heart.
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