Forward Dated to October 17, 2011
It was all she could bear from that point on, being a prisoner to her family’s will would be better than all of this. She failed at having a home, failed at love, failed at anything she was trying to do. Her mind was exhausted and losing war to a monster that wished to release itself upon the world. She knew her real family might be able to help, might be able to help her overcome this fury that the outside world had brought her. It would be the most disgrace she had set upon herself but maybe she would be safe and would just get to continue on with her life. Even if it meant giving up the one thing she loved to become nothing but a bloodline to pass forth.
It would be great to see her uncle, her father, her guard… her guard was the one she seemed to think of often. She dug her heels into Jager’s sides hoping to drive him forward faster. She did not know what she would do with him, the idea of taking him home seemed risky as her pack rarely had any animals unless it was for food. The simple life of her homeland almost seemed promising after all this. She knew she was near; the mountains were finally in her sights. She refused to weep, refused to show any emotion she just wanted to leave these lands and become nothing but a short tale. Where people would say, “do you remember her?” And the response would be bland and short.
She wanted to be so much more, wanted to become everything she wanted to be freely. That would not happen now, not like this. She slowed Jager to a steady trot as a stream became apparent at the base of the mountains. Her horse needed rest and maybe it was wise she drank as well. She started to drink from her palm but caught a gaze at herself. Her eyes weren’t as bright as they usually were, her markings fading as she had not redone them for a while, her arms and body were well defined from the work she had put into her body. She thought she had bulged out into a muscular beast but found she was still slender and feminine, her body to the touch was firm though. Her long hair was wild so she attempted to brush it through with her fingers catching at knots with every stroke. She gave up and just stared at herself for a long while.
Finally she slapped the water. You disgust me you coward! You quitter! It was how she saw herself since leaving her mate in such a sudden haste. She felt her body wrack into a gasping weep. She dropped to her bottom from the kneeling stance she had taken and silently wept into her hands. What went wrong to make her life so miserable? She had kept asking herself. She did not have answers and her loneliness in all of this just fed the anger and the rage. She would be completely lost if she did not go home.
3+ he's basically saying he loves her in a friend way
Once again he was running, once again he was being a coward and leaving his problems behind instead of facing them like a true man of honor. What had happened to him? Where had he turned from the correct path and when had he started down this road to evil and horror? His family would be so ashamed of him, he was ashamed of himself, he could not call himself an Austral, not anymore. He was unworthy. He had raped a woman, a woman who had trusted him, who had placed the lives of her unborn pups, his own children into his hands and he had broken every ounce of respect and safety between them, shattered it into pieces and then ground what was left into the dirt.
He took no notice of where it was he was running to just continued to push his way through the trees and underbrush. Whereas before the forest had welcomed him now it scorned and mocked, he was a sinner, the worst kind of person, the forest didn't want him here either. He was a no one, a nothing, a reject. He was now feeling for the first time ever the full force of his mate's death, it had been a year ago but it still smarted and burned as though it had been yesterday, his daughter had turned away and rightly so.
Because of his unobservant behavior he ended up tripping over a series of roots and rootlets, staggering through a wall of underbrush and out next to a stream, collapsing to his hands and knees, stones and sharp rocks digging hard into fur and skin. It took him several seconds to realise that he was not alone anymore. He gaped across at Saxif almost willing to believe he had slipped into the realm of hallucination. The woman was weeping dryly and was smeared with blood; her blood as the scent permeated the air. The man scrambled towards her on hands and knees and gathered her up into his arms, all without saying a word although he shook fiercely.
"Amigo, Te quiero."
The huntress gripped her face trying not to cry but every other part of her was. Her wounds peeling open from the strain mixing new blood with the dried that still stained her fur. She grabbed her ribs sore and aching; her ear twitched at a noise behind her but her mind remained erratic, her body still. She did not care being seen in that moment, didn’t care if it was some beast who wanted to kill her or otherwise. It wasn’t until she felt his grasp around her that she startled and yelped ready to defend herself. Instinct to stay alive still ran through her even in this state.
It wasn’t until his scent filled her that she realized she had known him, she looked up into his white eyes confused and bewildered by his presence. Had she died somehow and had not known it? She took the moment as such and wrapped her arms around his waist pressing her cheek to his chest feeling comforted that he was with her. Then his heart beat steadily beneath her, it was a noise so beautiful that she just let everything go. Her whimpers finally escaped, her claws extended and retracted with each gasp and heave. Why were the spirits being so kind to her after all that had happened? What brought him to her just when she needed him the most?
Oh Leon… I... I failed her… Was all she could release between cries as she gripped unto him hoping never to let go. She could feel his tension, his own body wracked with stress. She wondered what he was doing there but the question could not escape through her fitful breaths. She licked his chest just slightly as she wept, for her words could not express just how much joy it brought her to see him, to feel his embrace. He was her angel in a moment of need. She spoke again only when her cries subsided enough to speak once more. I... I don’t belong here… I should just… just go home to my father. The words she swore never to be a reality escaping her, Leon would know just how much she had given up from that sentence. Just how much faith she had lost in herself.
3+ sorry for the god aweful wait
She struggled at first before she realised who he was, it reminded him of the way Io had done and bile rose in his throat only to be quashed back down. She relaxed and he stroked her back as she wrapped her arms around him and cried into his chest. He rested his head on top of hers and sighed heavily, it seemed like both of them were going through tough and rough times. He did not need to ask who 'her' was, he knew she was talking about Shiloh. Their relationship had been doomed from the very beginning, this he knew, Saxif was too much of a free soul like himself and Shiloh was too clingy and needy, not that it was a bad thing but he had known it would eventually wear upon the golden hued woman.
He felt her lick his chest and sighed again but her next words had his fur bristling angrily, she could not go back to her birth pack, she just couldn't, go back and live under the rule of her sister and her once best friend and be forced to conform to the rule that she hates and the life she did not want, no he would not let that happen, he would run away with her before he let that happen,
"No, you will not leave. You will stay here with me, I will save you from the world." How he would do this he had no idea, the Austral man was barely even holding it together himself, he was unwanted and unloved from every direction possible and now he was going to possibly shut off another alley that had opened and maybe break himself a little bit more, he felt he deserved it, he deserved the punishment. The claw marks on the side of his face given to him by his daughter burned suddenly,
"You have to know, I cannot keep this secret anymore, Saxif I raped somebody, I hurt her a lot." Io may not be damaged on the outside but on the inside she was bruised and battered, a victim of his anger and violence.
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WC: 340 <3 <3 <3
The broken girl felt so comforted by his grasp, so moved by his words as she gripped him tightly. She did not want the moment to end being in his arms she felt so safe and at home. With him she did not have to be strong and proud she only had to be who she was just in that moment.
Saxif raised her glistening golden eyes to his when he expressed his wrongdoing. Her mind filled with disbelief but she knew he wouldn’t lie about such a thing either. The shock paused her action as she just looked into his pained eyes. She smiled momentarily moved to see the male so raw as he awaited her reaction. She put her hand to the side of his muzzle and her eyes filled with a worry for him. Oh Leon, what happened to make you do such a thing? She knew nothing but a pain or wrong to him could ever force him to hurt another. She knew him too well to believe he did it merely for the sadistic nature of such an act. She pressed her nose to his for a moment before speaking once more.
My friend, I want you to know that no matter what you do. No matter who you become I will always be there for you. You are my brother by soul and heart. She put her hand over her chest as she said the final word. The words she spoke filled her with a joy for it was the truth, no one could ever compare to the male. He was her best friend, her first and so much more. She couldn’t imagine a life with out having Leon there it was the only thing that made her decision so difficult. She wrapped her arms around his neck and licked the said of his muzzle embracing him firm as a testament to her words. As much as the male liked it or not he wasn’t going to be rid of her anymore.
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larp fail post
She did not react in the manner he had come to expect; anger, revulsion, shunning, hatred. All things that should rightly associated with the scum that are rapists, himself included. But she did not, especially for one so proud and feministic as Saxif, he had been sure she would tear herself away from him and kick him from her heart and life. But no, she asked for an explanation, she asked why? What could he tell her? That there was some evil part of him that took control from him wen he was angry and made him do horrific things. He'd sound like a crazy. His throat closed up at her words, suffocating him under the emotion and relief even though he should be angry at her for not hating him and pushing him away, he was a monster.
"You should not love me as you would a brother. You should run from me in fear. I am el monstruo, a monster." The fallen man then went on to explain to the golden huntress about Io and Aeron finding him at Aniwaya, about Analise running away and the desperate panic to find her again. Deciding to stay in Anathema and keep her safe, then Io coming home with his scent all over her and loosing control of himself to his own demons. Silence was his voice when he had finished for he had nothing more to say, there was no explanation for what he had done and no forgiveness either.
Saxif could feel herself pull away as the male continued his tale. Her face drew expressionless as she thought on his words. When silence came she was merely quiet taking it all in. She sat there thinking of how this male could have become so different from what she saw him as. Then it dawned on the huntress he struggled just as much as she, he had a dark side to him that she had been fighting since the arrival of the new leader in AniWaya. She had witnessed it herself in the eyes of the male the night his daughter was taken. She understood him and even though his actions were that of what he did describe as “a monster.” She knew he felt guilty of his actions.
Monsters don’t feel guilt. She set a hand upon his cheek and gave a soft smile. What happened since I last saw you Leon is the past; the past we cannot change no matter how hard we try. What we can change is the future my brother. You must make this right by this female, by Analise it will be the only way for you to move past this pain. She put her muzzle next to his gazing into his eyes. You are not a monster, you never could be. Sure you did some horrible things and maybe some might think of you as such but even now Leon I cannot believe that. She smiled licking his cheek. She pulled back slightly and lowered her head.
I wish I could feel same about myself though, I failed her, I left her shattered, injured and heartbroken Leon. I just ran; I ran because I could not love her not for what she had become. Though I know she was still there within that body she was not the woman I had fallen in love with. She turned her head away feeling completely ashamed of being so weak, so selfish. She was everything to me, but because of that fucking war those fucking guardians I lost her and because of a stupid scary story from my puphood I ran terrified. What kind of mate leaves someone so weak and broken to fend for themselves like that? She put a hand over the reopened wound on her chest. Then anyone I run into I just want to rip to pieces for no damned reason… what has happened to me Leon? She gazed into his eyes completely vulnerable & scared of who she was becoming.
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