That deep sinking feeling

Rendall · 12-06-2011, 10:24 PM

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Finally she appears! lol sorry everybody, bad case of writers block

The cold musky area of the building at the old vineyard showed signs of neglect and abandonment. She shivered and pulled her cloak closer to her body. It had been an entire month since she saw her mate. His disappearance brought on a new found anger and sadness that put the depression that ruled fer for months of her life to shame. She felt his abandonment deep inside her heart, like him practically telling her she was just not enough for him. The blue child shivered again and a silent tear fell down her cheek .

With Noah's scent everywhere she couldn't stay in the cabin. So she came here, to the place she once called home for a while. However, even here this place stunk with the memory of her and her mate. Irritation nagged at her, she should hunt him down and demand an explanation or something, but her broken heart could not allow it. She had left food enough for the week for Amsi and, after breaking down a few times, drove herself to this place. A place that was broken and abandoned, much like her. Rendall had gotten a small fire started and had set about covering the windows and doorway to keep the cold out.

However, when there was nothing else left.....she just sat down, tried to eat, but found her stomach was not hungry for anything. Well...not just anything anyways... the subtle quiet voice in her mind had whispered to her. Since Noah had never touched her in any way since their mateship ceremony, her bodily cravings had been driving her up the wall. Her stomach clenched at the thought of anyone touching her that way. Ever since Noah's disappearance, it grew from cravings to a loathsome hatred of herself. More silent tears rolled down her face and Rendall laid down, curling up into a little ball. So her mate didn't want her. What else could she do? She could leave Ichika once and for all and never come back. They had another Kenpo who could easily fill in for her. So why was she here? She didn't know how long she sat there in her misery before she fell asleep. But even when a light scent protruded her nose, she didn't move, nor make the effort to look up for its origin. She simply laid there, under her cloak, wishing her life was so much more better.

Shiloh Grant · 12-06-2011, 11:22 PM

Shiloh had been feeling the aches and pains of being pregnant but what bothered her more was her rank. She had had it for a while now and she had found out what it meant. She was nothing, a shame to the pack. Sarian was the only reason she stayed in Ichika and even with much venting to her mate and Kiara, Shiloh feared that her salvation would never come, that she would never be anything more then the nothing she was. She didn't regret anything but this title made her feel useless. She left in the pre morning dawn, her cloaks wrapped around her slightly fattened figure as she made her way to no where.

She was walking just to walk, her paws carrying her where they wanted to take her. So when Shiloh found herself in a abandoned vineyard she was surprised. Why was she here? She was about to turn and leave when she smelled someone on the light breeze. Rendall was around the place somewhere and Shiloh had found the woman on the ground. What was wrong with her? Her cloak seemed way to thin and Shiloh simply took off the one Aleo had made her and put it over the woman before sitting down next to her. "My friend... what is wrong? Why do you cry? At least you are not a Sunya like me. I don't even know why I am still here. I can't find the peace Lady Nayru wants of me." she whispered touching the woman's back softly

Rendall · 12-07-2011, 12:15 AM

OOC: Yay someone she knows! lol

IC: The subtle appearance of Shiloh did not render the woman from her position. Even when she moved the cloak from her fat body and placed it on the wolfess' body, Rendall did not move. Her friend's voice, barely a whisper in her mind as the demonic thoughts told her ears about pleasant violent ways she could leave this world and her misery. However, when Shiloh mentioned her rank in the pack, The woman's ears twitched a little, flicking away the comforting violent thoughts and tried to focus on her friend's misfortune.

She blinked away a tear or two and without moving her body, and moved her silent gaze to the woman, completely expressionless. Her blue eyes, sad and angry tried to focus, to push away her emotions, to come back to the world. Not sure what else to say, she looked the woman, her blue gaze icy and cold before opening her maw and letting a commanding voice, not her own and no longer suppressed by her control, talk comfort to the woman. "You, Shiloh, are still wanted, and loved. By your mate and family. And by your unborn pups." The last statement came out barely a whisper as the females gaze found Shiloh's swollen belly.

Pain filled her eyes as she thought about how Noah never once touched her intimately, how he will never truely love her, and how her belly will remain empty and her life childless. More tears came as she gritted her teeth at the pain that her heart flared up. She looked back over to the warm fire, wishing her heart to stop beating so that it would stop hurting, cause deep down inside she felt it was her turn to have the swollen big belly, and that happy feeling that the world would be better. But now it never would be.

Shiloh Grant · 12-07-2011, 12:22 PM

slight pp. tell me if you want it changed

Shiloh listened to her friends words and smiled a sad smile. It was true she was loved by Aleo and Kiara. She owed the woman on the ground for helping her save Sarian. "I is true I am loved. But sometimes love isn't enough. I was fortunate enough to be found here. I had wanted to die so many times between the Aniwayan war and now. I was close to death when Eclipse found me. She could have left me. Yet she saved me, helped me become part of the pack. But one cannot run from their past or their feelings of love towards another. I was confronted by the man who beat me so many moons ago. He begged for forgiveness because he was mated to a woman who was once part of this pack. I cannot forgive the man who took everything from me," she paused and looked at Rendall before reaching over and taking her hand, placing it on her slightly swollen stomach.

"If Rain Marks had not attacked me in Aniwaya I would have not found my Aleo. You wouldn't have helped me save Sarian, who is doing well. Yes I have a low rank because my past found me but it has made me see who is important in my life. You, my friend are important in my life. What ever is plaguing your mind tell me. I do not wish to see you hurting like this. Feel my children move and kick. They have never moved this much for anyone. Not even my mate. They know your here. They know you have a kind heart," she whispered softly to the woman. She hoped Rendall told her what was wrong. She didn't deserve to feel the way she did.

Rendall · 12-07-2011, 05:00 PM

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i dont mind, its fine

When Shiloh placed the female's hand on her stomach, Rendall did all she could to yank her hand back. She didn't want to feel the blessing that she would never have. However, something happened that brought even for a moment out of her daze, a pup kicked at her hand. Her grew wider and her gaze, no longer icy, turned to her friend's fattened body. Her hand moved gently beneath the unborn child's actions. Suddenly wanting the warmth and comfort from a friend , Rendall turned her whole body to Shiloh, circling around her belly, warming herself by the woman's presence.

Resting her head on Shiloh's lap, the woman sighed, not really sure where to begin. "Noah's gone....." it was the only thing she could really admit to without letting the water works flow. Since then, everything in her life went down the hill."He's been gone a month. I dont know what happened. First everything was perfect and happy, but, nothing was intimate. He never touched me or anything. Then one day I come home and its just Amsi and me."It did make her more comforted having Shiloh there, to have someone to talk to. The tears slowly came again, running down her cheeks.

Again the pups moved around in their mother's belly, catching the woman's attention. Oh how she wished that she had a family by now, but she realized that even if Noah returned, there might be little to no chance to start a family with him. She just didn't want to be around him anymore. Even the thought of his presence made her stomach clench. She snuggled closer to Shiloh. "I couldn't stay in that house anymore. So I came here. I.....I dont know what else to do." She looked up at Shiloh, hoping for some kind of answer.

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