so the doom thread is here.... how will this turn out.... we will see,"
She had told Aleo that she needed time alone with her horse. After telling him about her heart condition, he knew she needed to be in an environment with very little stress. She knew Sarian was curious on why mommy was always in bed now and why her tummy seemed to be moving and growing more each passing day. Why she was always with Daddy and Kiara. Shiloh couldn't even began to tell Sarian that she might be dying. She wanted the girl to remember her with smiles and love.
She had gone to the stables, finding her mare and laying in the stall with her. Katelyn knew something was wrong with her master but she also understood Shiloh's need for her. She was the little bit of home she was able to keep. She had spent the night with the horse, knowing no harm would fall on her under Katelyn's watch. Shiloh was so tired that she slept soundly into morning where she was nudged awake by Katelyn. It wasn't until she noticed someone in the stables with her did she start to panic. Katelyn rubbed against her as to say the person meant no harm. Who was there anyways? "He....hello!? Is someone here?" she stuttered as she waited for a response
Ookami's profile Jace's friend ookami has returned to InH just that morning so he's accompanying her on her duties while they catch up.
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"I told you to stop apologizing to me and if you don't then I swear I'm going to hit you over the head with the mallet in the stables." The golden giant chuckled as his much smaller friend glared at him. "You'd have to climb a tree first shrimpy." There was a grunt and a low ow that came from the sunlight colored man as Jace punched him in the arm, he rubbed the area although it hadn't actually hurt him and sulked at her,
"Serves you right you lanky fucker." Deep laughter followed the offended hybrid and Ookami quickly caught up to his much smaller friend, grabbed her around the waist and swung her around in a circle, chuckling all the white as she screamed. He was enormously happy to see her again and wished he had never left, his time alone had been extremely depressing for the normally upbeat and jolly male. He had searched unsuccessfully for Adonia only to realise that she probably wasn't coming back which had furthered his depression but he was back now and some of his old life had returned to him after seeing his friend doing so well. She had children now! He could hardly believe this. He hadn't seen them yet but Jace had promised she would take him to see them when her duties had finished and that included several hours of work at the stables first, standing in until the absent Ma-tzu rank could be filled.
"Ookami can you go and check see if all the doors are shut, I don't fancy being trampled by horses today." The man nodded and opened the door, stopping when he heard a female voice speak out, the golden giant took a step back not wanting to scare whoever it was with his great height,
"Jace! There's someone in here." The grey hybrid stopped and made her way towards the doors, "What?" She wondered if she had heard him right, then she sniffed at the air and her easy going expression slid from her face,
"Shiloh? What are you doing in here?"
Shiloh flinched as she came out of her stall with Katelyn. The horse stood and walked out after Shiloh, nudging the womans hand softly before putting her head on Shiloh's shoulder. The grey mare was worried about Shiloh. Shiloh kept her eyes low, feeling Kavi ready to snap if Jace threatened her and her unborn pups. The male next to her only added to her fear and Shiloh wanted to melt into her horse, leave and just dissappear. "NA....namastie J...Jace. I.... my horse CA....calms me. I am with pups. I... have heart issues and m....my horse protects me," she stuttered before backing away from Jace and her halking friend.
Katelyn nudged Shiloh forward, towards Jace and her friend and Kavi flashed in her eyes. Shiloh shivered, her cloak in the stall. She rubbed her stomach softly, feeling her pups move and kick. Her scars were streaching and she knew she looked ugly. She whined as her chest started to hurt and she tried to back away again, to leave. "I am so.....sorry for ru....ruining your mood. I....I will le....leave," she stammered as she tried to turn and leave only to have Katelyn stop her with a snort. "Please... let me go Katelyn. She h....hates me," she said putting quivering hands on her horses back, trying to move her. Katelyn snorted again and nickered, not moving for the weak woman.
I'm not sure how tall Shiloh is so I assumed that they were roughly about the same size, maybe Jace bieng an inch tlaler or something.
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Again the guilt pulled at her as it had done Kiara, without meaning to she had made this broken woman fear her to the point it caused her pain. Jace was not one to let weakness flourish however she had come from a pack of strength and honor, where the weak were pushed until they either died or became strong. Jace herself had felt this sting, to be told your best was not good enough and that you must do better. Her strength and speed had come from months of intense training that had started before she could even shift. She still kept to this regime in the evenings and most mornings, very rarely did the hybrid sleep in and more often than not she was up before the sun. But she couldn't see really any evidence that Shiloh was trying to better her weakness and make herself strong. Still, for the sake of peace's sake she didn't look overly aggressive or frightening, she wasn't posturing or otherwise giving any notion that Shiloh should be afraid of her.
"Namaste Shiloh." She bent her head and moved her hands in the customary greeting even though she still was't sure if she considered Shiloh a member of Ichika any longer.
The hybrid stepped away from Shiloh a second and looked at Ookami with an unreadable expression upon her black muzzled face.
"Maybe you should go wait outside." Her large golden friend nodded and left without a word although not before shooting Shiloh a concerned look, he had never seen a woman look so scarred and hurt, Jace was about the most damaged he had seen with the scars across her face and following down her spine and the one on the outside of her thigh. He could clearly remember the day she had received the spine and thigh scars from Lucifer, the day she had been raped and the day he had saved her from the monster. He was deep in thought as he followed through on Jace's request for him to leave, Ookami was glad that Jefferson had killed him and he only wished he could have been there to take vengence for Jace, Rendall and Tala who he had hurt so badly.
As Ookami left Jace turned to Shiloh who was all but cowering behind her mare, Jace couldn't help but admire the mare for a second, she was a fine looking specimen. It seemed the horse, Katelyn wanted Shiloh to talk to her, this prompted her to say,
"Stay, this is your stable to use as much as any body else." She hesitated a second and then covered up her lack of things to say by turning and walking to the wall where the pitchforks were hung. Reaching up she grasped one and pulled it down before turning back to Shiloh, still with a mostly unreadable expression on her face,
"I don't hate you." She pulled two pieces of cloth from her bag and began to wind them around first one paw and then the other for better grip on the fork handle, finally tucking the loose ends in. As she finished she hung her bag up onto the hook the fork had been taken from.
Occ:Shiloh is almost as short as zana. If maybe at tad taller.
Shiloh froze at Jace's words. She didn't hate her? Shiloh turned to the woman and rubbed her scarred stomach. Katelyn again nudged her forward and Shiloh watched as Jace got a pitchfork down and wrapped a cloth around it. Shiloh had planned on getting Katelyn some hay when Jace came in. Shiloh didn't know how to react to the woman so instead she spoke her mind, wishing to seek forgiveness from Jace. Surely the woman wasn't as cold as Shiloh thought her to be.
She took a timid step towards her and touched her shoulder softly. "I...I am sorry. For letting Kavi disrepect you. For hurting your friend. I know you ha.....dislike me and that most wolves view me as a coward and weakling and i am. But I am trying to better myself. Lady Nayru said something on the lines of to find the meaning in life you must first better yourself and be forgiven by those who have been wronged. I wronged you. And for that I again apologize. I am not spiritally whole Lady Jace. I have been broken," she guestured to her scarred figured and took a step back, her eyes low.
She knew she looked grotesque and she didn't even know where to start on bettering herself and appearance. How could she accept herself when others couldn't. Yet as she thought about it she had made a family with people who accepted her for who she was. Aleo loved her for who she was as did Kiara and Sarian and X'yrin.
She looked back up at Jace. "The Aniwaya war left me broken. A man by the name of Rain Marks attacked me and my exmate and had his goon lash me with a bull whip almost to death. He broke my ankle and left me and Saxif tied up and left for dead. We escaped that night to d'arte. I was physically treated but something broke inside me. Kavi took over, gave me the will to live when Saxif had abandoned me. She was the reason I made it here and she is the reason you were disrespected the first time we met. She thought you were going to hurt me, you seemed to aggressive and angry. I didn't understand why you were so mad at me. Now I understand. Pregnantcy makes you hormonal. I.... should stop talking. I am rambling." She said softly, turning back to Katelyn.
The horse seemed to understand Shiloh's need for calm and rubbed against her softly. Shiloh patted her softly and went to get a brush off the rack to brush Katelyn's grey fur. As she came back Shiloh noticed Jace's scars and wondered how she got them. "You carry your own scars too. How did you get yours? Most of mine were from a fire that took my family. The one on my shoulder was from a rape gone bad. The rest were from my beating. You have overcome what broke you. How....how did you do it?" Shiloh asked softly as she brushed Katelyn
o.O Zana is 3 foot 6 in her optime. Pretty much all through Shiloh's speech, Jace is doing :| poker face whislt rambling on inside her own head XD Note: Jace did not find out Shiloh has MPD from Saxif though, that part was left out.
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Her eyes followed, shrewd in their quickness as the burned woman stepped closer to her, there was an instinct for a second a wanting to raise her lips and present her with teeth to make her back away. The desire to stay away from those that are diseased or weak was within Jace strongly as it was within all animals, the fear of catching it themselves or passing it on to offspring was a real threat. Had Shiloh not been with child then that would have been the reaction she would have gained but as it was, only Jace's compassion for a mother in need kept her ivory fangs covered. The unreadability of her expression remained upon her scarred face and even the blue and amber fire that was her eyes showed no change as Shiloh leaned forwards to touch her.
The touch was soft and brief but still Jace wanted to reject it out of sheer principle. Had a wolf as ragged and torn as Shiloh descended her company upon the pack of Jace's birth then she would have been met with suspicion and even outright hostility from some, Jace's small family among those who would have shown teeth and threatened with claws. Their own weak and sick were tenderly cared for and lovingly sent to the beyond when their time came, outsiders were scorned and spurned, sent away to die a dishonorable death in the ice and snow. What could she say to that? She could never accept the apology given to her, nor forgive Shiloh for her actions, she had practically made herself an enemy with her thoughtless actions, so merely the phrase of, "I see." came from her blackened lips. If she was looking for an 'apology accepted' she would receive none from Jace.
Still she again listened with quiet attentiveness as Shiloh spilled yet another story, this time the reasoning of how she had come to attack Samantha Jarret, mate of Rain Marks. A slight narrowing of her eyes were all the emotion change she showed and when she was finished Jace saw fit to speak more than two words,
"Revenge is a feeling I can understand entirely. However your actions, attacking an innocent girl, regardless of whether or not she was my friend are what has prompted such animosity from me. Had you attacked Rain Marks himself then maybe forgiveness would have been forthcoming, but if it is what you seek from me now, you will not find what you are looking for." She lapsed into silence for a second before adding on, "As an added part, most of your history I have been aware of for some time."
The question of her scars though had her body tensing up to a pole straight position, the scars on her face distorted as her muzzle pulled into a grimace. A dishonor within her culture it was to ask where scars had come from. Had Shiloh's mother taught her no manners? The blue of her left eye was hidden as the single lid closed, beady hawk amber however stared down at the weaker individual for several seconds hiding disdain and the suffering that still existed deep down inside of Jace. Then blue snapped back to attention and again both looked down upon Shiloh. She gestured to her face,
"From a murderer of many, he shall answer for his crimes." She did not turn to show off her spinal scars though, she was not a cow to be inspected for auction, "Those that occupy my back, from the man who saw fit to force himself onto me in body then return to murder the children he sired." There was a flash of teeth then. Although it took the form of an almost amused smile no humor was within her gaze only cold and ice that simmered with their longing for revenge upon the demons that had destroyed her family and marked her body and soul.
"Strength is a choice you make. For me there is no option of weakness, I won't allow it to occupy my life." Her tail flicked behind her with pride, she had never succumbed to her mental illness and continued to still beat it back in an almost daily battle. Her berserker insanity would not and could not be allowed to surface unless it was direly needed.
Shiloh is around five foot maybe a tad shorter.
Shiloh just shook her head. So this was why Jace didn't like her. She had attacked an innocent and Jace majorly disliked her because of it. Shiloh could understand that. Jace blatantly told her that she wouldn't forgive her and again Shiloh understood where the woman was coming from but was shocked to find out that Jace knew of her history.
"Then you must know that I suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder. The first time we met it was me who shifted. You had scared me and I could feel the power you held over me but Kavi, my other, saw you as someone that might possibly hurt me. See Kavi was the reason I even made it to this pack from d'Arte. She told me that she would find me love and happiness. If you know my history then you know I was beaten and crippled by Rain, my ankle broken to the point where I couldn't walk. Kavi made sure that I could walk again when Saxif had all but abandoned me. She protects me but is slowly leaving me as I grow stronger here in Ichika," she said softly looking down. It was a habit now to lower her gaze when she spoke of Kavi for her eyes changed color when the woman wanted to take over.
Let me talk to her Shiloh. Let me hurt her for you. She keeps hurting your feelings. She claims to not hate you yet you are inferior to her because you are weak minded. She does hate you because you look sickly and are scarred all over. Jace would never understand the trauma you have gone though. Let me end the conversation so you can leave thought Kavi as Shiloh fought her down. I don't need your help right now Kavi. Jace will talk to me and me only she thought back as she went back to brushing Katelyns grey fur.
Shiloh tensed as Jace stared at her with her one yellow eye. It struck fear into her and she brissled some at the weight of the stare before both Jaces eyes looked at her. Shiloh whimpered slightly as Jace's story and Shiloh understood the woman a little more now. No wonder she seemed to strict and cold. She had been hurt almost as bad as Shiloh, if not more. "I am sorry if my questioning has hurt your feelings. It was not my intention to bring up such horrible memories. I never chose to live this life Jace. I was strong and beautiful once. I.... don't want to live this way anymore. Living as a coward, not knowing how to fight for myself or protect the ones I love. I am tired of being looked down on by wolves like you. This life was never my choice but right now Jace I am making the choice to change it," said Shiloh confidently.
whooo angry Jace
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Dark pupils expanded rapidly inside of her amber and blue eyes as her mind whirled around hurriedly, thoughts and word choices being considered and rejected in fractions of a second befiore she settled upon her choice of speech,
"No." Her voice was whip sharp as it was spoken, although not with much volume. "No, I was not aware of your mental issues." The woman broke her motionless stance now and removed herself away from Shiloh by several paces, resting the pitchfork against the wall, it seemed she would be expected to listen to more of Shiloh's self pitying drama, her work would have to wait. The multi hued wolf dog had seen many acts of horrific atrociousness performed in her life, upon people she knew and people she didn't. The physical scars could heal although on Jace they had chosen to remain visible but the mental effects, the emotional effects, they never left, they never healed, they always bled and tore and ripped in moments such as the one she was experiencing now. Did Shiloh wish to turn this into a fight of which of them had the worse life? It angered her and her tail flicked in barely suppressed agitation, deep offense settled into her bones. If there was any chance of Jace becoming more kind to Shiloh it was now destroyed.
She could feel within her the rage beginning to form and grow violently, twisting and contorting within her like a vine, a poisonous weed to contaminate and control, this was why Jace had tried to keep away from the female that seemed to twist all of her control buttons to the off position. Well she had pushed and pushed and Shiloh would now bear the brunt of the force that was such a prevalent part of Jace's pride and personality, eyes narrowed dangerously as they looked down upon the tiny woman from her nine inches of superior height.
"I never asked for my life." Her voice was barely a hiss, like a snake in the grass, a mere fraction of the loudness it could have portrayed but none if its deadliness forfeited, "I never asked to watch my entire family murdered or to sit and listen to my sister being torn apart, piece by piece. But you do not get what you ask for you get what you are given and you make the best of it." She needed to do something now, before she reached out and struck the smaller woman for her stupidity and foolishness, she was right in her assumption that Shiloh would have never survived within the pack of her birth, she would have been torn to pieces and left to rot, not even to be used as food.
The woman of anger and strength gripped hold of the pitchfork and for the smallest of seconds considered throwing it at the wall to release some frustration but that would be childish of her, instead she opened the door to one of the empty stalls and began to clear out the mess its occupant had left behind, this was her job and she did it well. Even when she was arguing with another person she didn't neglect her duties. Despite her earlier words that Shiloh could stay and that the stables were hers as well Jace now wanted the wolf to leave her presence vehemently, lest she lose herself to her anger and do something regrettable like lunge at her and choke the life out of her, regrettable only by the fact that she would be banished from Ichika no Ho-en's lands.
She was fighting the blackness that threatened to overwhelm her vision, letting it overcome her would completely destroy her earlier thoughts of keeping her rank and pack. It wouldn't even be counted as murder, more like obliteration, there wouldn't be a piece of Shiloh left large enough to bury for bloody smears would be the only remains. Her hands shook slightly as she worked and claws dug deeply into aged wood as she struggled to control the demons within her, the evilness that tried to submerge her. It was clear from her posture and expression that Jace no longer wished to continue conversing with the pregnant woman, as far as she was concerned the conversation was over, dead and buried.
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