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Heyyyy Vannah :o your inbox is fullll!
She really had no idea where to look for the matron...Deuce had left before Naniko could ask her where she was going. She doubted that the female would speak to her, anyway, since Naniko had been one of the ones that had taken her children from her. She had believed what Lucifer had said because she'd been friends with the male for a long time...and she trusted his judgement. But she hadn't known that it would cause Deuce to be exiled from the pack.
Her fall down the stairs really had her worried, though...and she didn't know who else she could turn to for help. Iskata, maybe, but she had no idea where her mother was. She'd tried going to Labrynth Glen, but no one had answered her call at the borders.
Naniko's ears and tail were down as she walked, panting a little bit. She felt so tired...all she wanted to do was lay down.
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spaceShe was scouting the borders of what was going to be her and Iskata's pack. Phoenix Glen. Home. She felt relieved as she walked the borders of what would be their lands. She was on the coast now, looking out to sea, thinking about the pack that they were forming. It would be a safe pack. Full of Love, loyalty, and friendship. Like how Twilight Vale should have been, but different. Twilight Vale had been formed from necessity, Phoenix Valley would be from the desire for more.
spaceA movement caught her eye, and she looked up, strands of her white-blonde mane falling into her eyes. She absently brushed them away as she headed towards the figure. It looked achingly familiar. Like Naniko. As she neared, it was the pale woman. The one who'd helped keep the pups from her. Deuce lifted her chin slightly. She wouldn't show submission to naniko, she was not her leader anymore.
spacehello, Naniko.
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It was hard to make decisions as a leader. All that she really wanted was for everyone in the pack to be safe and to remain friends with everyone. In this instance she'd had to pick between two very close friends...Lucifer, who she'd gotten close to over the last year or so, and Deuce, her adopted father Physe's good friend. Conri had already given Lucifer permission to tell Deuce that she wasn't welcomed in the packlands any more...and there was nothing she could have done about it.
At least, she didn't think so. She and Conri had both believed what Lucifer had told them about Deuce's mental status, knowing about her past problems...but had they been right? What if Lucifer had been wrong?
"Deuce." It was hard to think through everything; her belly felt like it was splitting open, it hurt so badly. "How have you been? I..didn't know who else to come to. Didn't trust anyone else."
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Deuces brow furrowed at naniko's voice. Something was wrong. her actual words confirmed the uneasy feeling the mother had. Don't worry about me, Naniko. What's wong with you? Besides being pregnant. Deuce eyed the white lady anxiously. There was something strange in Naniko's face that concerned the white woman. She led Naniko to a nearby bench, sitting her down. Deuce left a hand on her shoulder, however. Tell me what's wrong, naniko, she pressed.
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Naniko had been ready in Clouded Tears to step up and become a pack leader next to Laruku. Then the fires had come and destroyed everything there. She wished that the fires had never happened...then they wouldn't have taken Dierdre and Icarus and all of the others. She was so relieved that they had been able to get little Sirius and Apollo out. She wished that she would have been able to get all three of them out safely..but there had just been no time. And no air.
Naniko still felt shame for not being able to save her...guilt. She tried not to show it a lot of the time, but some days the memories came back and wouldn't leave.
She snapped out of it after a moment, gritting her teeth together as Deuce helped her sit down. "I don't know what's wrong. It hurts...really bad. In waves. I fell down the front steps earlier today...Sirius came by, and I was talking to him, and I tripped"
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Deuce watched her silently. There was no easy way to tell her what was happening. Deuce had experianced the same thing before. She knew how it felt, the moment Naniko described it. It hurts...really bad. In waves. I fell down the front steps earlier today... A pang of sadness crossed Deuce's face before she turned away to reach into her pack. She dug through it and found a few herbs and roots.
She offered them to Naniko. There's no easy way to tell you this, Naniko, so I will just have to be blunt. Your fall has pushed your body into an early labour. A labour that is too early is fatal for the pups. A miscarriage. She looked at naniko, sorrow in her eyes. There's nothing I can do but be here with you.... She bit her lip, then took naniko's hand, stroking it, not in a sexual way, but in a comforting way. A way that said 'I've been here, i know the pain you are feeling and willl continue to feel. I wish I could make it go away'.
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"I was just so excited that he was there...he doesn't really visit...and Apollo was playing with him. It's so hard to keep track of them without you there--you were so good with them.." Her voice tapered off into a whimper, her fingers squeezing around the older wolf's. It was like riding a roller coaster...and each hill of pain was higher than the next. It felt like her organs were fighting with themselves, trying to expel the premature pups.
"There's nothing that...we can do? Nothing?" But she said that there wasn't. She closed her eyes in frustration and anxiety, waiting for the next wave to come over her again. "A-ahh.." Naniko had broken both of her legs before, but that pain was nothing compared to this. This was harsh, growing more and more constant. The pups would be less than a month old...too young for this world. In a few more minutes there was a sudden gush, fluids rushing out of her.
She gasped, looking to Deuce, unsure of exactly what was going on or if it should even be happening. She had seen Dierdre give birth, but that had included seeing actual, somewhat normally sized pups. Hers wouldn't even be near that stage. She could feel as they were pushed involuntarily out of her, and when it all was over she lay back, panting, unsure of what she should do or even say.
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Deuce didn't reply to Naniko, tears in her eyes. She didn't remember much of her miscarriage, just that she'd found Shadow, and then lost the pups all at once. It had devastated her to realize that the lives she and Lucifer had created were gone. It might be harder for Nani since they didn';t have pups of their own to care for, just Taliesin, Noah, and Apollo. Deuce was unaware as of yet that Tal had poofed.
Deuce pulled the white lady to her, stroking her mane gently, consolingly. Rest, Naniko. You are going to be sore and tired for a few days now. Deuce knew by looking that there was more blood than anything else. The tang of it was sharp. She groomed the top of Naniko's head as she would have one of the boys. She was,afterall, old enough to be her mother. She'd move naniko to one of the beach houses in a few minutes. There was one nearby that would probably end up being her house when she and Isk formed their pack.
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A few calm minutes passed, small tremors shaking the female's body. She was so lucky to have gotten to Deuce, so lucky to even know the female at all. And after everything that the pack had put her through, really...Naniko trusted her more than anyone with her own personal health. She knew that Deuce was a very knowledgable and capable wolf. This just...hadn't been something that she could have gone through in the house, or even in the packlands. She had needed to be away and had needed it to be Deuce.
She covered her face with her hands, still shaking. Her entire lower half ached like she'd been out for a long, long run, the muscles unused to this sort of treatment. "I...I don't know.." She began, "How you did this so many times.." Naniko was amazed. "I thought I was going to die--and...losing them...what if it wasn't the fall...what if there's something wrong with me?" She moved, trying to sit up, her now weak muscles feeling like jelly. "I need to stand up--or I might never get back up"
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Deuce touched her friend's shoulder sympathetically. A miscarriage is different than birht. Miscariages are unnatural, the body ejecting something the heart wants to cling to. She helped the younger woman sit up, standing herself. She then assisted Nankio to a standing position, leading her towards the beachhouse.
I doubt there's nything wrong with you, Naniko. I'm sure it was the fall. These things do happen, whether we want them to or not.
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Sorry for this--I think Nani takes Deuce for granted sometimes. She's great 
She didn't want to look back there, to see what was left behind. As soon as she was up she was moving, going away from the pups. Her instinct was to turn back, to gather whatever lay there in the blood and give it a final resting place beneath the ground...but she just couldn't do it yet. "I want to take them back with me..and...bury them. So that their souls might know of their pack, and of the love that still stands there for them." The entire situation felt otherworldly, like she was standing on the outside of everything, looking in. Maybe it hadn't hit her yet.
Naniko sat back down when she directed her into the beachhouse, covering her face with her hands. Her children...the babies that she had wanted so, so badly...how could they be gone? It was too soon--she had only just gotten used to the idea that she was pregnant, had only just told Conri. He'd been so excited about it. How could she tell him?"I love them. Even though I never knew them...I love them with all my heart." Her chest tightened and heaved, a sob escaping through her hands. "I'm so sorry, babies...I'm so sorry..."
She had killed them, her own children! She should have been more careful, should have layed down and rested instead of trying to do so much. She couldn't justify what she had done to them...she'd taken away their lives before they'd even had a chance to live. "I want to go home.." Not to Twilight Vale. She wanted to go to Clouded Tears. To Chimera. Someplace where the memories couldn't get her--someplace where Conri wouldn't be, where Lucifer and Kansas couldn't find her. "I'm going to bury them next to Physe...in my lands of birth."
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Deuce remained at naniko's side unwavering. I understand, naniko. Lucifer and I did the same thing with the pups I miscarried the same day we found Shadow.... She understood totally how naniko felt, down the the anger at herself. "I love them. Even though I never knew them...I love them with all my heart." Deuce nodded, feeling a sympathetic twinge in her own womb. I know, naniko, i know.
I want to go home... Deuce understood. She'd give anything to close her eyes and wake up back in Syemv, before the coyotes, before the merger. Before Akumu had ejected her from Syemv. She wanted to wake up and gaze into Soran's smiling face, hearing Dierdre and Conri playing outside the bedroom. "I'm going to bury them next to Physe...in my lands of birth." Deuce hugged her then, kneeling at her side.
"I know it hurts, naniko. But running away won't solve it. Returning to someplace that would be a certain death for you won't bring them back. You can't punish yourself for their deaths, Naniko. What you can do is heal so you and Conri can try again, and succeed. Just because you lost one litter doesn't mean you will lose another. Please trust me on this. I know so very well. I've lost so many puppies....and yet, Noah and Taliesin were both born fine. They were the only litter I had where all the pups survived. I used to berate myself that none of the others lived. But you can't do that. You can't blame yourself." She grabbed nanik's chin rather harshly, making the younger woman look into her bi-colored eyes. "Do you understand me, naniko?"
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"I just want to go there...to bury them. That's all. I'm coming back. Maybe...you could come with me?" But if Deuce didn't want to, she definitely understood. It was a bit of a trip, going over the mountain and then back again. And it'd be even longer before she would reach Twilight Vale. It figured that she would pick the territory farthest away from the old lands.
"I want them to be with Physe...so he can watch over them." She was insistant. "I don't want any more. Not right now. He's not going to be happy with me...with all the things I've done lately. But they were all for the pack! We have to put the pack first...so...that's why I did it. I went to Inferni behind his back."
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Duce understood what her friend was going through. She really did. Naniko....the old lands are too far away right now. (("and unplayable, her player adds, teasingly.)) I know how you are feeling, hun, but you should probably take them to rest in twilight vale. Or let me do it for you. Her ribs ached still, but she'd stopped bandaging them. The hurt would stop sometime later. The cuts and bruises had mostly faded, though her ear was still ragged. And of course, there was no concealing the broken arm. But she would be willing to help her friend in any way possible.
"I don't want any more. Not right now. He's not going to be happy with me...with all the things I've done lately. But they were all for the pack! We have to put the pack first...so...that's why I did it. I went to Inferni behind his back." Deuce didn't speak, she sensed there was far more to what Naniko was saying than she was saying.
[html] Yeah, we're not allowed to have threads there. Which I know. But people have their characters come from there all the time, or have them travel across it. She can go to the mountain and bury them in the border 
How could Deuce not understand what she wanted to do? They had to be with Physe--it was where they belonged! She didn't care if it was a long ways away, or hard to reach, or anything! She had to do it. It felt like if she didn't, she wouldn't be able to get through it. "I'll do it myself. I'm at least going to bury them in the border." "I made a deal with the devil. But...it'll benifit Twilight Vale. We won't be hurt. So...he can be as angry with me as he wants to be." Naniko looked back toward Deuce. "I...I have to go. Thank you. I'll wrap them up...and take them with me. I'll rest often--I do know my own limits, and I won't exceed them. Again...thanks." Time to go home.
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Deuce looked at her friend sadly, feeling her pulling away again. She looked away, feeling hurt, and achinf for Naniko and what she'd gone through. She looked again at the younger girl, her daughter-in-law of sorts. Goodbye, Naniko. Take care of yourself. She couldn't stay to watvh the wan woman pik up what was left of her pregnancy, so she turned away. She'd go to her cottage in the woods. That was a safe place where she could cry out her frustrations. She began walking away, and soon was gone, lost in the forest again.
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