Burdening thoughts
#1
[html]

Let’s see if I get to drown you >Smile [WC: 305:: Points: 3+10]

Memories of Harlowe had been haunting her lately and more so from her earlier trip to the beach this same day. She needed someone to talk to that wasn’t her mother for a change. Rio felt that Naniko, even though it was her own son, didn’t feel as bad as she did about Harlowe’s death. Naniko had been there, and she didn’t stop it, not even a little. Rio wasn’t sure how she felt about that whole situation, but she was certain she wanted to talk to Caprica about it.

She still didn’t know her way around the caves that well. A few times, while trying to locate her sister’s den, she walked into the wrong corridors and had to backtrack to where she originally made the wrong turn and start all over again in a new direction. Finally, she gave up with trying to find her, and started using her nose. Caprica’s scent was faint, being mixed with everyone else’s scents in the dens nearby, but Rio managed to hang on to what little strand she could.

When it began to smell a little stronger, she already knew she was going the right way. She walked down a long, winding hallway and passed many other dens. Some were empty and some were occupied, but most were empty. Caprica’s scent continuously became stronger until it was at its strongest, like she was right beside her. Rio stopped abruptly, and sniffed around until she found a doorway that she was sure was Caprica’s den. ”Cap?” She yelled in question. She wouldn’t go inside of her sister’s den like that. Even though they were sisters, there weren’t as close as they should’ve been. ”If you’re busy I can come back later…” She yelled in again, and just stood back and awaited her answer. If she was even home.


<style type="text/css">
.skullpaint_10 b {font-weight:bold; color:#000000; letter-spacing:1px; }
.skullpaint_10 .ooc { font-style:italic; padding:0px; font-family:verdana, sans-serif; font-size:11px;}
.skullpaint_10 p {text-indent:25px; padding:5px 10px; margin:0px;}
.skullpaint_10 {margin:0px auto; width:400px; background-color:none; background-image:url(http://img848.imageshack.us/img848/1261 ... aint01.png); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; border:none; padding: 5px 0px 10px 0px; font-family: georgia, sans-serif; font-size:12px; color:#000000; line-height:12px; letter-spacing:.5px; text-align:justify;}
</style>
[/html]
#2
[html]

WC:310+ think I avoided it by the skin of my teeth that time... 8D



Her latest obsession was showing absolutely no sign of abating. However by now Caprica's every limb ached from a combination of riding and hurrying to and from Thackary Village where she was keeping her new horse, so she knew she needed to get some rest. Still, she couldn't escape thoughts of the animal for long, even reclining lazily here in front of the fire. She was stitching colours into a new saddle blanket, and gazing into the flames. Down here the sunlight never warmed the walls, and cold and damp could linger if allowed. She had made a trade-off with Jackson, a fire-starter, and now she had her own fireplace with a smoke-removing chimney arrangement installed at his instruction. Her room was getting more comfortable all the time as she filled it with homemade ornaments, collected furs and hung up herbs to dry around the place. It was a sanctuary away from the outside world, as familiar, dark and cosy as closing her eyes with only a soft orange firelight to throw objects into relief. When she heard her sister's call though, she pushed herself upright and struck a match to a wick in a wooden tallow-holder. Light shone out through the cave entrance, but if that wasn't enough to invite the girl in Caprica followed it with a "Come on in, then! Ain't never too busy for my little sister," of course, they were the same age, but Rio's slender frame wasn't a patch on Caprica's full-figured size, so she didn't find the fond term incongruous. "You gonna sit down? Saved you a seat if you're not in a hurry," she added, indicating a rolled up black sheep's fleece, the wool combed and carded to a fine, silky floss.


Image courtesy of Ant Jackson@Flickr; Table by the Mentors!

<style>
.K22911_CapDa1 .ooc {font-size:10px; font-style:italic; background-image:url(http://img707.imageshack.us/img707/3913/angelo2.png); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; padding:82px 0px 0px 0px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 p {padding:0px 15px 5px 15px; margin:0px; text-indent:5px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 b {font-family:verdana; color:#484848; margin:5px; font-size:10px; font-weight:bold; letter-spacing:1px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 {background-color:#030303; font-family: verdana, serif; font-size:12px; color:#ababab; line-height:16px; width:500px; text-align:justify; background-image:url(http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/9056/angelom.png); background-position:bottom center; background-repeat:no-repeat; padding:10px 0px 260px 0px; border:1px solid #FFFFFF; border-radius:8px; } .K22911_CapDa1-border {width:502px; border:1px solid #000000; margin:0 auto; border-radius:8px;}
p.template-credit {text-indent:0px; text-align:center; font-size:10px; font-style:italic; width:425px; text-align:center; margin:0px auto;}</style>
[/html]
#3
Ooc: Hehehe xD.

[html]

Rio Marino
Hello, hello its only me.
I'm everything you can't control.


Rio heard her sister’s voice calling to her from inside her den, and immediately, without hesitation, went in. Caprica was home. ”Hey, Sis,” she said in a quiet voice as she entered and sat down on the indicated, sheep skin seat beside Caprica. She looked around, noticing that her sister was doing a better job at decorating her den than she was. Rio didn’t really have anything she liked on the walls of her cave. Except for a cat skull she found in an abandoned, fenced in field in Halifax once. She took it home with her thinking it needed a place to sleep, forever. Just the skull though, and it sat on a shelf nearby the door. Maybe like a guardian.

It wasn’t hard to realize Caprica’s muscles had a little strain in them, and she was moving about rather carefully. ”What’s wrong?” Rio couldn’t help, but ask. She didn’t like seeing anyone she cared about in pain or any ailment. ”Sore?” She remembered that was how she felt after that single fight she had, where she acquired so many injuries. Her eyes floated toward a little scar on her right knee… and the other one that she really couldn’t see, but it was on her left side. A nice slice.

”Okay, Sis. I came here with a purpose.” She figured if she wasn’t straight forward, this would get nowhere. ”Do you remember Harlowe?” The first step to what’s been eating her alive since she got back to Souls. Harlowe. His death bothered her, but also what he had done to her before she left also did. Both feelings about the two events were conflicting and clashing with each other, and she needed to advice before she wound up going off the wall. Hopefully, Caprica knew the answers to her questions.


Word Count :: 301 // Points :: 3

template by revo. <3

[/html]
#4
[html]
OOC: Words: 380


Rio had a big heart, Caprica had always remembered that about her, or maybe she just wanted to, being rather a demonstrative creature herself and always bestowing her affections on those she loved. The fact that her siblings had taken it from her when they were pups was enough to make her think of them as loving and soft-hearted as she was herself. Not that she thought of them much - they had long ago grown out of the habit of being immediate family. But she liked to think that she, Rio and Lucia had the kinds of relationships that would never change, even after years they would always be able to come face to face and it would be just like the old days, at least between them. Perhaps she was just too damn big an optimist. It was nice to be asked after, though. "Yeah, but it's nothin'. My own fault. Too much hard work and exercise," she groaned, flopping down on a matching sheep rug. "I'm learning to ride horseback. I guess I was wrong to assume the horse does all the work!" The beast could run faster than she, though, which was really the point. Caprica wasn't lazy - she would claim til her dying day, anyway.


But Rio had something on her mind, and it made sense that she had come here to talk about something specific. Caprica nodded and turned an attentive face to her sister, ready to hear whatever she had to say - except for the thing she did bring up. Harlowe. Caprica's face fell, and she drew her knees up to her chin, hugging her arms around them as if for comfort. Sure she remembered her brother, but he wasn't her brother, and not just because he was dead. Harlowe would have been dead to her in soul if he wasn't already in body. "Yeah, of course I do..." Although in some ways she didn't. She remembered a puppy, a beloved brother, innocent playmate - she didn't remember him as he had become. "I wish I didn't." If Rio was looking to share grief or pain, she would not find much in Caprica. She had closed both those things off: her brother deserved neither.



[/html]
#5
Ooc: Hehehe xD.

[html]

Rio Marino
Hello, hello its only me.
I'm everything you can't control.


”I wish I didn’t either…” Rio noticed Caprica’s reluctance to talk on the subject, but she needed to talk about it, so she went on. ”Everything that he’s done to me is kinda conflicting on each other…” It wasn’t pity she was looking for, just a discussion on the subject. ”I don’t expect you to feel the same way I do, and I feverishly wish I could shut it all away like you do, but I can’t. It took a lot out of my perfect life, and left me with pain and grief, and feeling like an ‘incestic’ whore…” By now, she was making up her own words, but they did her justice as she managed to get the point across. ”The rape changed me forever, and there’s not a time, even though I know he’s dead, that I don’t think he’s coming back to have another go.” Between explanations, she paused to collect her thoughts for the next one. ”But his death left me confused, somewhat. He’s my brother, and I’ll love him forever, but I feel like… I don’t know.” It was just as confusing for her as it was coming out of her. She loved him, hated him, wished he were more than dead, and wished she could forget about him all at once and the thoughts were just piling up inside of her, ready to pop.

It took her a minute of silence, or rather a few minutes of silence, to get it back together. ”I love him, it hurts me that he’s dead- I hate him, I’m happy he’s dead- I wish I could forget him, like you did, so I wouldn’t have these thoughts building up inside of me. I feel like I might explode any day now if something isn’t done.” She wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell Caprica what she thought about her Mother and the death of Harlowe. She didn’t want Caprica to look at her a different way if she disagreed, but then again she was her sister. But, if Caprica didn’t talk to her, she didn’t know what she would do. Not everything in her mind was the kind of mother-conversation material. She needed someone else to know what was going on in her life, and they needed to let her know how to fix it.

Rio, too, brought her knees to her chin, and buried her face between them. She wasn’t sure what she would do with her emotions. She wished she could catch a memory disease and just forget everything. Forget who she was, forget what had happened to her, and forget what was on her mind all together- then she might be alright.

Caprica didn’t have the same problems as Rio did. Harlowe hadn’t raped her after she was only trying to help him. Harlowe didn’t give Caprica the same feelings that he gave Rio by just thinking about him, and he was easier for Caprica to forget because she didn’t have the same emotional issues toward him. Rio wondered what Harlowe did to make Caprica hate him, but she didn’t ask.


Word Count :: #517 // Points :: 5

template by revo. <3

[/html]
#6
[html]

WC:459



If Rio couldn't imagine why Caprica might shun the memory of their dead brother, her first few sentences would have provided an easy answer. The pain he'd put her through, and others, simply enough. Caprica had not witnessed any moment of the boy's increasing sociopathy, all she knew had been relayed second-hand. From piecing it together, she had come to one simple conclusion: he had been wrong, inside, and he had needed to die. There was no way to say this to Naniko, as his mother, but the woman had been there at his death - and she had not prevented it. That was all the affirmation Caprica needed that her basic instinct was right, and Harlowe had been better off dead. It was a black thought, and something she would have preferred to bury, but there was something more lurking in the words that Rio spoke now, something unsolved and fresh - an unhealing hurt, like a wound still infected, but she wasn't sure what it could be. When she said she still loved him as a brother, something made Caprica's heart sink. The girl spoke as if he was still alive.


"He was our brother, but he ain't now," she said after a moment. She hadn't realised Rio and Harlowe had become close: she had thought of the boy as so cold and aloof, as a child, and nothing anybody had told her about the older Harlowe had contradicted this. Caprica had believed the assault had been out of the blue - a purely malicious attack upon Rio by an abuser unworthy of the word brother. What was Rio saying - could she really miss such a person? "You said yourself how he damaged you. And that wasn't his only crime, either - I heard he went crazy towards the end, and when he died it probably saved a lot more pain. It's a fuckin' shame, but it's the way things are. It's OK honey..." She moved closer to Rio, so they were almost shoulder-to-shoulder and stroked the back of her head gently, hoping against hope that simply talking and letting her feelings out would make Rio feel better: not knowing quite how to lay her demons to rest, Caprica just carried on talking. "You have to fight away those feelings - grieve for the person he coulda been, sure, but don't let him cast a shadow over the whole rest of your life. What's done is done - we can't change anything back now. It's too late." And I wouldn't anyway, except I'd kill him myself, before he got his slimy heartless hands on you.

Image courtesy of Ant Jackson@Flickr; Table by the Mentors!

<style>
.K22911_CapDa1 .ooc {font-size:10px; font-style:italic; background-image:url(http://img707.imageshack.us/img707/3913/angelo2.png); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; padding:82px 0px 0px 0px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 p {padding:0px 15px 5px 15px; margin:0px; text-indent:5px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 b {font-family:verdana; color:#484848; margin:5px; font-size:10px; font-weight:bold; letter-spacing:1px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 {background-color:#030303; font-family: verdana, serif; font-size:12px; color:#ababab; line-height:16px; width:500px; text-align:justify; background-image:url(http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/9056/angelom.png); background-position:bottom center; background-repeat:no-repeat; padding:10px 0px 260px 0px; border:1px solid #FFFFFF; border-radius:8px; } .K22911_CapDa1-border {width:502px; border:1px solid #000000; margin:0 auto; border-radius:8px;}
p.template-credit {text-indent:0px; text-align:center; font-size:10px; font-style:italic; width:425px; text-align:center; margin:0px auto;}</style>
[/html]
#7
Hai Big Grin How did SSWM go for you?

[html]

Rio Marino
Hello, hello its only me.
I'm everything you can't control.


The words Caprica said made sense. He was dead now, there was nothing to be done about what had happened, and there wasn’t a real reason why Rio was feeling this way about Harlowe, all of a sudden. They didn’t have a great relationship, and Rio suddenly realized she was pitying a man that she hardly knew. Sure, he was her brother, and sure they were related- but why was she feeling so much remorse for a dead stranger? He damaged her delicate soul, that’s why. He was her brother, that’s why- and no matter how you slice it, they were still family and there was that family bond that held him close to her. The questionable thought that scared her the most was- with having that ‘family bond’, did that mean she was closer to getting the disease that drove him up the wall? Rio feared she would soon turn out like that, and she felt strongly about this because his actions pushed her in that direction, closer to insanity.

Rio disagreed entirely with Caprica, which made her lift her head from her knees, and speak and look frontwards. ”Just because he’s dead, doesn’t mean he’s not our brother anymore.” That was something she felt strongly about, ”When Mom dies, does that mean she won’t be our mother anymore? No, it’ll just mean that she’s not with us anymore, but it won’t change the fact that she had once birthed us.” Then she put her head back between her knees, and listened to Caprica’s calm, inviting voice and feeling her hand comb through what hair wasn’t consumed by mane. It calmed her overwhelmed nerves a little.

It was too late. It had been too late since Rio returned. Why couldn’t she have come back a little sooner? Maybe while Harlowe was still alive...? Then maybe she could’ve solved her issues, but then again as many had said before- he was clawing at the edges of sanity at that point, so maybe something worse would’ve happened to her when she went to confront him. The thought made her a little thankful that that option wasn’t available to her anymore because she was a little bit impulsive. She would’ve went to him without giving it much thought, and then probably would have walked away with bigger problems on her paws than the pending ones now.

”Sorry to burden you with this shit, but I need someone to listen, if it will help. And thanks for lending an ear,” her voice was muffled from being between her legs, but it was clear enough to be understood. She hated keeping what she felt bottled up inside of her, but she also didn’t trust anyone enough to tell them. She was happy Caprica had come back because she was the only one that Rio felt comfortable telling her inside issues to. Her mother was different, and she felt that she probably wouldn’t understand the way Caprica would, but then again Caprica wouldn’t understand what she felt the way someone else, who had been through the same bullshit, might. A good cry would definitely help, but Rio didn’t feel it enough to actually get her sadness out. One day it would overwhelm her and pour out of her, and then hopefully she will feel better.


Word Count :: #550 // Points :: 5

template by revo. <3

[/html]
#8
[html]

Words:




If her words were already pretty hard-nosed there was no telling where this might go. Caprica didn't appreciate weakness, although she didn't mistake emotional lock-down for strength either. She knew it had taken some strength for her sister to come and bring this up, and she admired her for not hiding her feelings. That didn't mean she agreed. She just wanted her sister to be able to put all this behind her. Like Caprica had already done, oh so long ago.


Just because he's dead doesn't mean he's not our brother any more. "Sure, Harlowe's death didn't stop me calling him brother," she answered evenly "the things he did first, they have that honour. Honey, to me he was never alive at all," she finished with a hard edge in her voice. Only as a pup had she known him as brother, and pups were so easily fooled. She saw the world in tones so black and white they resembled the D'Angelo bloodline itself. The boy had been a monster, and not worthy of life. Rio had seen his innocent facade for too long though, spent too much time in his deceptive company. Caprica's stomach ached for her sister. Words of comfort were hard to find. Her eyes gleamed with sorrow as she nestled her head back against her sister's shoulder, stretching an arm round her back to pull her closer. "You're a bigger person than I am for keeping him in your thoughts. He doesn't deserve your grief."

Image courtesy of Ant Jackson@Flickr; Table by the Mentors!

<style>
.K22911_CapDa1 .ooc {font-size:10px; font-style:italic; background-image:url(http://img707.imageshack.us/img707/3913/angelo2.png); background-position:top center; background-repeat:no-repeat; padding:82px 0px 0px 0px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 p {padding:0px 15px 5px 15px; margin:0px; text-indent:5px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 b {font-family:verdana; color:#484848; margin:5px; font-size:10px; font-weight:bold; letter-spacing:1px;}
.K22911_CapDa1 {background-color:#030303; font-family: verdana, serif; font-size:12px; color:#ababab; line-height:16px; width:500px; text-align:justify; background-image:url(http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/9056/angelom.png); background-position:bottom center; background-repeat:no-repeat; padding:10px 0px 260px 0px; border:1px solid #FFFFFF; border-radius:8px; } .K22911_CapDa1-border {width:502px; border:1px solid #000000; margin:0 auto; border-radius:8px;}
p.template-credit {text-indent:0px; text-align:center; font-size:10px; font-style:italic; width:425px; text-align:center; margin:0px auto;}</style>
[/html]
#9
[html]

Rio Marino
Hello, hello its only me.
I'm everything you can't control.


He doesn’t deserve your greif. Damn right he doesn’t. She was sad and angry at him at the same time. Sad for her self-pitying, and angry at him for making her like this. Caprica was definitely right- she had to let this go and move on. Her brother’s horrible actions were surely something that changed her, but they shouldn’t have been something that kept her from moving forward and forgetting what needed to be forgotten. His mind hung on the edges of insanity for so long, and Caprica was right again: he wasn’t alive at all after a certain point in his life. When he died, he probably didn’t even feel it, so to speak, and right now he probably is fine. Rio choked back the urge to whimper. There was another time and place for that, another time.

She pulled her head up from her knees, and leaned against Caprica. ”You’re right. I shouldn’t be holding myself back for him. It’s doing nothing for me, and it’s doing nothing for him as well, being dead and all.” Nobody was benefitting from all the emotions here. They were pointless, and suddenly Rio was angry at herself for wasting so much time and energy on something as stupid as this. She stretched her legs out, no longer needing them for comfort when she had her cushiony sibling next to her. ”Thanks for making me see the bigger picture, Cap.” Without this little breakthrough, she was sure she’d still be in the same mindset. Her thoughts would still be clouded with emotions, and not letting reason through.

Rio inhaled deeply, and exhaled long. She was hoping for it to take away some of the built up emotions inside her, but it didn’t. The lump in her heart was still there, and she would need some alone time to properly ‘hack up’ the lump, but she felt like she would be okay after this little discussion. She had a feeling she would be able to go out and meet some new wolves or take on a hobby, instead of always sulking around. She brought up a hand to touch Caprica’s arm, the one that was holding her close. ”So, what did I interrupt?” She knew Caprica had to be doing something before Rio came in and poured out her heart.


Word Count :: #387 // Points :: 3

template by revo. <3

[/html]


Forum Jump: