It's a sad, sad situation
#1
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Private for Shandom! Big Grin


It was early morning, the sun had just begun to rise over the horizon, though that was not obvious within the cool stone walls of the pack's main den. All around gloom seemed to cling to the sleeping place, not in a bad way, almost as if the lands themselves, nature herself was allowing the wolves that resided within New Dawn just a few more moments sleep before the pale morning light began to seep into their bedchambers and disturb their slumber. The cold stone walls that made up the pack's home were oddly dry for once, usually there was a slight dampness at least in one place or another in them; a sign that perhaps a small stream had run down one of the walls in the past, but today it seemed to have been stilled, perhaps nature herself had realised that the pack were sleeping there now and would not want their beds filled with water. But perhaps the owner of this thought was merely being fanciful, the sable female that herself resided within these caves. The Beta had been a wake for a few minutes, if not more, she was often one to rise before dawn and to go to bed late in the evening, protecting the lands between those two times. The ebony pelted female had been awake for a few moments, her body curled around Deuce's, as often it was at this time of the day, snuggled against her lover's fur, as close as they could be. It was true that the coal pelted female was more than attached to her mate, in fact she loved her helplessly, hopelessly; but that also meant that she loved her mate's children in such a manner, she loved Noah as if he were her own, which had given her such heartache when he had been seen to be breaking the rules. She had tried her hardest to be harsh on him, to make sure that every letter of Zalen's orders were carried out to the letter; she respected Zalen, she saw him as her own son, but she also saw Noah that way, hence her current torn feelings. She knew that the silver furred male had done wrong, she was furious with him in truth, he could have brought war crashing upon their heads, he could have been killed, had he been a strange wolf trespassing onto these lands then he may well have been. But his intentions had meant no harm and she did love him, she found it difficult to see him suffer.

The truth was that Soran hated to see any wolf suffer, the idea of a wolf being forced to starve over one mistake was bad enough; but she knew Noah better than most and he would never have been intending harm, Ichika was his old pack after all, his old mate was there, he would not have been intending to hurt anyone within, still he had trespassed though. The sable Beta was upset at this, she was furious with him, and yet when she had seen him rolling in the mud, hiding his shame in the thick brown layers it had broken her heart, more so when she had seen the newcomer giving him food. She knew she had been wrong in pretending she was ignorant, pretending that the food was not a gift, but Noah had only three legs and seeing him starve because he was not able to hunt was shattering Soran's heart, as she knew it would shatter Deuce's if he died. And so she had played the mother, she often did to others in the pack, but Noah had not deserved it, that much she had known, but still she had been unable to help herself from helping him. She knew that she had offended Shandom though, the pale male had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time, the time had come to right the wrong that she had done to him. The dark female gave a sigh and rose from her bed, licking at her pale female's maw gently, knowing that even if she did not wake that she would catch the scent and know that her mate had showered her with kisses before she left. She smiled to herself before padding across the cave, the feathers that she now kept in her fur were evident, just as Zalen and Titania's were, except her's were peacock feathers, given as a gift by her daughters, traded or found somehow. The dark Beta moved swiftly between her own sleeping place and the place that she knew Shandom slept in, she moved towards it and called out as quietly as she could,Shandom? Shandom are you awake? I feel that we need to talk, I need to explain some things to you. The lady then stood and waited, peering into the darkness quietly, hoping that the pale male would want to hear what she said.

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Table by the fabulous Alli

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#2
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Count it: +617// Big Grin


Shandom so rarely slept well, that this particularly luxurious night was a delicious treat he knew he would end up savoring for quite some time. He'd awoken, of course, slightly earlier than the rest of the pack - it was only natural, the male would remain an early bird regardless of how well he slept. The pale man enjoyed the quietness of mornings, with only the chirping of a few winter birds and the rustle of the wind in the trees. There were so rarely any complications to ruin its peace, and on many days he would slink outside the den before many woke and appreciate the rising beauty of the morning sun. There were so many colors that danced on the admittedly sparse snow; it was like an array of rainbows and art, created just for him and his own enjoyment. On a face where there were so few genuine smiles and more serious expressions, Shandom always appreciated the true grin that spread across his lips whenever he looked at dawn's horizon. The birth of a new day - he could appreciate it. The natural beauty of each day's new dawn made him appreciate his own New Dawn; Shandom truly loved his pack, even if he did have a grievance with the Betess.

Try as he might, the male could not bring himself to understand the woman's kindness to Noah that day. She had blatantly chosen the Omega before him, choosing to show him disrespect he had not earned. It made Shandom's guard hairs prickle to consider the thought, and the man was still angry over the incident. His respect for Soran had decreased, though hopefully not noticeably, and so many thoughts were jumbled in his already weary mind. What could he do about the situation? He understood familial love - he understood it more than he would care to admit, if he were being honest - but rules and hierarchy held a special place in the white subordinate's heart. It was part of the reason he aided in the foundation of New Dawn, so he could have a place where following instinctual rules would be respected and smiled upon. He'd only sought to help Ciara and act on the Alpha's orders - there was no reason for Soran to treat him as she had done, and yet there was nothing he could do about it. The woes of having such a lowly rank bothered him intensely; he would need to improve his standing in the pack, and quickly, though he was not quite sure how exactly to go about it.

Curled into himself in a warm little ball, Shandom kept his eyes closed as he mulled over these thoughts. Soon, he would go outside and embrace the new morning, perhaps with a little more vigor than usual. Sleeping without the plagues of nightmares was a rarity, and it filled him with renewed energy. But before he could stretch his legs out, or even make any signs of consciousness, the man heard a familiar voice - the soft, older voice of Soran, the Betess he'd just been considering. Yawning and stretching, Shandom stood, his joints perhaps a little stiffer than they might have been when he was younger. I am awake, Betess. Would you like to come in here, or shall we go outside? His tones were neutral, not overtly friendly nor antagonistic; he did not with to incense a high ranking wolf this early in the morning. He came into the light and gave her a small, respectful smile; his posture was submissive, but he had just awoken - rolling onto his belly would only ensure he fell back asleep. Shandom hoped Soran understood.



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#3
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Soran is honestly sorry XD I have a little power play here, assuming that Shandom has followed her, I hope that's alright, if not I'm happy to change it.


The dark female's head had been a whirl with thoughts ever since Noah had broken the rules of these lands, these rules were here for a reason after all, they were here to protect the wolves of this pack, the very pack itself and to protect other packs; he could have ruined all that the New Dawn wolves' hard work with one stupid act, they had all worked so hard to make this pack a respected place that others knew that they were not allowed to trespass in and he himself had broken one of their own cardinal rules. She was so angry with him for being so stupid; but still she could not bring herself to show it properly, she knew why he had done it, she knew the heart fire that missing your mate caused, she knew that he had not meant to cause harm, she knew why he had done what he had done, but still he had very nearly took this pack to the brink of disaster. It was true that a good leader could not ignore their heart, but Soran's own heart was at war with her senses, with her mind, every fiber of the dark female's being was warring with one another. Unfortunately the scarred, alabaster male had been caught in the crossfire of this war, she had spoken to him far too harshly and the truth was that she was sorry, he had not deserved the treatment that she had given him, the time had come to make amends with the pale subordinate, in fact the dark Beta was not sure that this talk was not long overdue. She smiled and breathed a sigh of relief as he replied, she watched as he appeared out of the gloom, she watched him carefully and shifted her weight between her paws as she did so. His tone was not friendly, but it was not aggressive either, this was a good sign she was sure, it was easier to start with a neutral territory rather than one of hatred, though she supposed that she would not blame him for feeling that way towards her. The dark female listened to his offer carefully and peered around the den, it seemed as though others were beginning to stir, no this was not the place to have a private conversation this morning.
I would prefer if we spoke outside if that is alright by you, I would rather not have us discussing this in such a public area. Soran replied, watching as one of the pack members rolled over and seemed to be stirring, yes outside would be the best place to talk.

The dark female turned at this and began padding across the cave floor slowly, making sure that Shandom was able to keep up and follow her. Soon enough they were outside, the sable female narrowed her eyes as the early morning sun blinded her momentarily. The sun itself was not a very bright one today, but it was just at the right height to shine directly into a wolf's eyes as they walked, hovering above the horizon. There was a slight crunching sound as the dark female's paws gently pressed down on the thin layer of snow that covered the grounds, as soon as she felt that they were far enough away from the cave's mouth she sat down. She turned to Shandom and gave him an apologetic smile.
I owe you a great apology Shandom, you did not deserve to be spoken to in the way that I did. I know that you were simply doing your duty and that you may feel that I have slighted you in the way I have behaved. I feel that good leadership cannot simply listen to logic and their mind alone, sometimes one must listen to their heart as well. Unfortunately I allowed my feelings to drown out my sense of duty, it is a problem when you have to discipline one's own stepson. I know that he has done a serious wrong and he does deserve everything that is happening, but still it hurts me to see it. I know though that I may have offended you and I am sincerely sorry, I hope that you do not think any less of me for what happened that night. Soran said, speaking clearly, her tone heavily sorrowful.
Do you have any children yourself? The dark Beta suddenly asked, curious to know if the male knew how she felt about all that was happening.

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Table by the fabulous Alli

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#4
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Count it: +650// NO HOW DARE YOU!!! Tongue Of course that's fine.


A bit of him was nervous to speak with the black Betess, though Shandom knew he'd been in the right in their recent interactions. Still, leadership was leadership - Gyek was the prime example of an Alpha doing whatever the hell he wanted. It wasn't to say his stepfather had been a bad leader - the pack loved him in the interim where Shandom grew into himself, for the most part. But he'd been harsh and set in his rather old fashioned ways, the ways that had rubbed off on Shandom. It was because of Gyek that the white man was so stringent about the Omega rank - the dark wolf had always encouraged the future Etient leader to embrace the traditional hierarchy of things. While he knew it was sometimes the responsibility of the Omega to act as a jester, a sort of light harded comic, he also had been raised in an environment where that particular rank was used mostly for punishment. Certainly it had been for Helene and, later, Aylienne.

He padded after her quietly, careful to not disturb any of their sleeping packmates. It was natural for him to be quiet in the morning, and so Shandom made no overt sounds; he was a ghost passing through night, and he liked it that way. Soran began to speak, her older voice quiet and apologetic in the morning air. A soft smile curved across the subordinate's dark lips, and he dipped his head in recognition of her apology and ensuing explanation. Of course, Soran, Shandom said, dipping his head in acceptance and recognition of the humility it took to apologize to one's inferiors. He is your step-son, and I understand it must be difficult for you to see him in such a low and embarrassing status. I admit I was taken aback and, to some extent, humiliated by your words - Ciara flew in the face of Zalen's orders, and I thought it best that she not continue to defy him as such, especially in such an .... important situation. But I was also harsh, as can unfortunately be my nature, and I should have approached the situation with a more gentle tone. Speaking of Noah as he is your family, I apologize for treating him that way. But as the Omega of our pack, and for the reasoning behind it, I cannot apologize for my treatment of him. I hope you understand. A bashful and somewhat embarrassed grin was on the handsome wolf's scarred visage; he knew his words could be offensive, but he thought honesty to be the best approach in this situation.

Shandom assumed the conversation would end there, until she asked him the fatal question - Do you have any children? The male noticeably withdrew with those words, his dark eyes clouded over by sudden memories, and shame. Ears flicked back against his skull and tail curled tighter around his legs; Shandom had not spoken of his children in many moons. Three, he murmured, voice almost quiet enough to be lost in the morning air. Two sons, Halaki and Twensu, and a daughter, Zeneca. The man knew he had long ago lost any right to claim those children as his own; the night he abandoned them, he was sure Keliyya told them horrible things, as she had ever right to. But that did not change the fact that the three puppies - though they were well into their adulthood now - were his children, and Shandom loved them. He remembered tussling with their little furry bodies and telling them stories under the stars as he marveled at what an easy life they had for a family of loners. It had always been too dangerous for Shandom to join a pack. I have not seen them in many years, though, Soran, he whispered, eyes lost in memory. But I love them very much.


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#5
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Sorry for the wait on this.

The sable female was pleased that the pale male was following her, she padded carefully and quietly from the sleeping quarters of the pack, trying to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to disturb any of the sleeping members of their pack. It seemed that the scarred male felt the same way as she did, padding almost silently behind her, for this she was grateful, she was glad that she had found a pack that had such respect for their other members, their family. Once she had apologised to the male Soran watched him with cautious eyes, hoping more than anything that he would see that it had taken a lot from her to apologise, she knew that she was completely in the wrong when it came to their last meeting, but still she was defending her family; her heart had ruled her head and even though she was sorry for upsetting Shandom she could not feel sorry for protecting her silver pelted step son. A smile crept across her lips as the male began to speak, her ears swiveling so that she could catch every word that he spoke. She listened to him carefully, nodding along as he spoke, drinking in his every word so that she would be able to formulate a reply. For a moment she could not help but smile, it seemed that he understood what she had said, she hoped more than anything that he had accepted her apology, it seemed that he might have done; but as he had just said he had felt humiliated and he had been in the right, she hoped that it would not take too much more for him to forgive her. The sable Beta managed a smile at him and she looked him over before speaking in reply.
"I agree that Ciara had ignored Zalen's orders, I am glad that you were there to explain that to her, but she is still so very young and new to this pack, I felt that leniency would be the best course, hopefully she understands now that such actions will not be tolerated in the future. You were perhaps a little harsh, but sometimes that is required, I understand why you behaved the way you did, I just hope that you understand why I behaved in the way that I myself did." Soran replied, smiling at the male a little as she did so.
"As for your treatment of Noah I understand, he deserves what is happening to him, no matter how it upsets me to see him suffer, as I assume it would upset any parent to see their child suffer, but you were right in your actions. I do not expect leniency or kindness towards him, at least not for a while. But I do worry that if the whole pack turns their backs on him that he will see no point in redeeming himself, something which he must do. He just has to." The dark female added, her tone warm, she hoped that the male would understand her position on the matter. She wanted Noah to redeem himself in the pack's eyes, but most of all she wanted him to redeem himself in his own eyes.

The conversation then turned to Shandom's children, he spoke, saying that he had three children, two girls and a boy, Soran thought for a moment that she could detect a hint of sadness in his voice as he spoke, something which made her ears droop a little, feeling sad for him that his children were a point of sorrow for him. Soon enough he explained why he seemed sad (at least seemed so to Soran), he had not seen them in years, but he loved them, of course he did, any parent loved their children more than they could describe. Soran nodded as he spoke, it seemed that they had more in common than she had first thought, she herself had not seen her children for many years, after a moment of silence the sable female decided that the best thing that she could do would be to explain that to him, perhaps make them see that they were quite similar.
"I myself have seven children, first there is Conri, my eldest son, then Khaden and Dhalia, the twins, finally there are Rain, Florence, Flavian and Kiwi. I have not seen the three eldest in many years, I feel that I have failed them. Conri, Conri committed some terrible, terrible crimes, crimes that I am not sure I will ever be able to forgive him for, but I still love him. He is my son, he saved my life, even though he did not know it... As for Khaden and Dhalia, I barely know them, I hope that they are well somewhere." The sable female replied, staring off into the distance, a wistful look of guilt and remorse on her face. She looked back to the male then.
"I doubt that any of us ever stop loving our children, no matter how far away they are. When did you last see yours?" Soran asked, looking at the male again, she was musing over her own children as she spoke, wondering where Conri, Khaden and Dhalia were now, she hoped more than anything that they were safe. Dhalia hated her, she was too like her father, she believed that he loved her more than anything, despite the fact that he had never even known of her existence, she believed that it was her mother's fault that he was dead, choosing to ignore the fact that he was a rapist and murderer. Khaden, well he seemed to have no want to know Soran, she could not blame him for that, she had abandoned him after all; the truth was that she probably had done the right thing though, she had been too broken to raise any children at the time. The Betess gave a heavy sigh, oh what mistakes she had made in her past, if only there was a way to go back and change them. But still, she supposed that there might be hope somewhere, somehow.

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Table made by the wonderful Vannah <3
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#6
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Count it: +469// Big Grin


The older man was stiff and sore, as he was many mornings, and so he subtly stretched himself out under the gleam of the cool morning sun. It would have been wildly inappropriate for him to yawn, and so he restrained himself, but Shandom quickly realized that, despite his solid night of sleep, he was still exhausted. Perhaps a nice run and workout would be in order after his discussion with Soran concluded; the subordinate was neurotic about maintaining his lean physique, and the winter often added some needed, but unsightly, pounds. It was easier for the subordinate to consider workouts than the actual situation at hand - mentioning his children was always a sure way to dishearten the alabaster creature, and his dark eyes were clouded with memories he'd desperately sought to forget.

But how could he say he did not love them, or miss them? Shandom knew that, if he ever saw his children, he would be beside himself with joy and relief, as long as they were all okay. It was his greatest nightmare and suspicion that Lea would have gotten to them and somehow tortured them for his misdeeds, as was only fitting. He could not help but think that an overwhelming injustice, though in the grander scheme of things he supposed it wasn't - regardless, the man worried for the sake of his children. A slight frown was twisted across his dark lips, though it was not one that demonstrated any discontent towards Soran. Instead, he listened quietly as the dark Betess described her own child related woes, and he shook his head sympathetically. It is difficult for our kind, I think, to maintain a steady relationship with all our children. Certainly, it is something we all desire, but it is so ingrained in our nature to be transient.... He paused for a moment, uncertain how to phrase what he wanted desperately to say.

Of course, I hope you don't think my words insensitive, he sighed. I will always love my three children - there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of them, that I do not worry for their well being and general safety. Their mother was beautiful and kind, but she had ghosts of her own that not even I could penetrate or hope to understand. I last saw them.... The male paused, considering for several moments as he tried to recall how long it had been. I suppose it is going on three years, now, Shandom murmured, resigned to the humiliating fact. I left them when they were but three moon cycles old - I was not yet ready for a family, and the complications of my past made it too dangerous for me to linger with them. It would have been a horrible danger.


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#7
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Gah! I'm really sorry for the wait on this, I have been really busy (lots of assignments :S)


The sable Betess watched the male carefully, it was funny how things had changed so much from when she herself had been young, there had never really been a time when she had been carefree and happy in her youth; not until she had come to the Bleeding Soul's lands and then she had fallen in love with Summer... That had been a turning point for everything going wrong in her life, she had fallen into bad ways, poisonous habits, she had abandoned her children, her pack, no wonder they had wanted nothing to do with her when she had come back. She wondered if she had indeed deserved her twins shunning her, perhaps she had, she had left them alone and they had barely known her, she had allowed Dhalia to be brainwashed by her evil half brother, simply by not being around to look after her and protect him from her. If only there was a way to go back and change what had happened, but alas that was not possible, it would never be possible, all that she could do was hope that her children were safe and happy somewhere and more than anything hope that they would one day find it within themselves to forgive the older Beta. She hoped that every day. It was funny how having pups changed ones life so greatly, in ways that could not be described to those who were not parents themselves, but it seemed that Shandom knew more than well the potential agony that parenthood could bestow upon a wolf. The beautiful highs and the most poignant lows that one could ever experience, perhaps that had not been the pale male's own experience of being a father, but somehow, from the way he spoke, Soran feared that he had had similar troubles to herself. She would never wish something like that upon anyone, but it was somewhat comforting to her to think that there might be another in this pack that understood how she felt sometimes, someone that knew how awful life could be sometimes. The male spoke and Soran nodded, his words were wise indeed, the younger alabaster male seemed an intelligent and interesting soul indeed.
Wise words Shandom, I suppose that you are right, we by our very nature are wanderers, even though some may select one pack to live with for their entire lives it seems the way for our offspring to wander and find their own places in the world. Though I suppose in my case I was the wanderer. Soran replied, feeling a little guilty as she spoke, thinking about all the times that she had run away from her problems. Eventually they had to be faced.

The dark lady listened as the male spoke again, again he seemed wise, she shook her head as he said that he hoped he had not been insensitive, she did not see his words as insensitive at all; in fact she felt that he had been very astute in his observations, he was a wise creature. He continued to speak and the dark female listened intently, it seemed that he was bearing his soul to her and she did not want to interrupt him, waiting until he had finished before replying. He spoke of the fact that his mate had had ghosts that he had not been able to cope with; that was something that the sable pelted female was familiar with herself, she herself had plenty of ghosts, plenty of scars that chased her, she had found that eventually even running from them would not help and slowly she had begun to confront them; she had also known Deuce to be haunted by the past, she knew how hard it could be to be in love with someone who seemed so sad. She gave the male what was intended as a comforting smile.
I see, I understand what you mean, you cannot help but love your children, no matter how much their other parent hurts you, even if that hurt is simply seeing them hurting. I have had my own fair share of being haunted by past deeds, things that I could not always control. Did they look like you at all? Or did they look more like her? The ebony lady asked, hoping that the subject would lighten the mood before she asked the question that she felt that she had to ask. He suggested that his pups would have been in danger had he stayed, for the safety of the pack she felt she had to ask why that was; after all if he had wolves chasing him what if they came here and attacked the pack?
Shandom, I am sorry if you feel this is impertinent, but I feel that I need to ask, why would your pups have been in danger if you had stayed? Soran asked nervously, hoping that he would not take offence to her question.

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Table by the fabulous Alli

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#8
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Count it: +742// Big Grin


Of course, the inevitable questions about his children would continue to come. Shandom's normally smooth facade was slowly being broken down: shadows of sadness pulled across his handsomely scarred face, and dark yet mismatching eyes were averted to the ground as he considered his sins. What more could have have done for his children? What life could he have given them that did not result in their bastardization? He felt sick at night sometimes, realizing that he caused his children undue pain - though he had not heard from them since he left. He wondered if they were even alive. Perhaps they starved in Keli's unbalanced sadness, and then there would be more children's blood to his name. One looked like me, he murmured, answering Soran's question. My daughter, Zeneca. She was smaller, like her mother, but we had the same white fur. I was surprised any of them came out looking like that... Like me. Keli is so dark - I thought the Qi'Vaex white would be lost forever. A quiet, sardonic laugh followed his statement, though he doubted Soran would understand the importance of continuing his line. It was so long, so aristocratic, so important in Etienne - what would his former pack be like if not led by the Qi'Vaex clan? Halaki was more of a mix of the two of us. And Twensu was dark as Keli. It was strange how it came out that way, but... I thought they were perfect. Perfect and wonderful, as we all think of our children. He gave Soran a sidelong grin, knowing that she would understand the blind devotion a parent had to its child.

He was quiet for several moments, not quite sure how to respond to her question about why he left his children, why they would be in danger. Titania already knew - and, he assumed, Zalen by proxy - and Soran was the Beta.... But so much of his past was bloody and terrible and marked by shame: he did not want that life to be associated with his new one. That was not to say he did not love Lea - oh, how he loved her! The beautiful dark woman still haunted his dreams, and the midnight wolves he so often saw made his heart ache with longing and desperation. But Shandom realized in some part of him, that he could not move on with this life in New Dawn while holding his closely guarded secrets close to his chest. It would not do for him to remain a ghostly figure on the border of everything, caught between one life and the next. And so he drew a deep breath and looked Soran squarely in the eyes, hoping she would not take this as sign of disrespect, but one of trust. It is a story that will cast an unfortunate shadow upon me, Betess, he prefaced. And I will make it short, because it is long and filled with much sadness. For another few seconds he was quiet, trying to summarize the story in his mind.

I have... loved very passionately in my life, Betess, and such love has led to what I consider to be my greatest flaw - a green streak of jealousy that I have never been able to tame. I loved a girl, Linquilea, who was... a sister to me. She did not love me, though we were the best of friends and did everything together. She loved a man named Jax, and I felt entitled to her, as I was the Alpha of my pack, as my family had been for many generations before. I let my jealousy eat away at me until the man named Shandom did not exist, and I was driven to do something terrible... I killed her children in the first light of one morning, though they had always regarded me as an uncle, and Linquilea was blamed. Her mind, always so volatile, snapped - she became a monster that even today I would not be able to recognize. She hates me, and when word reached me that she knew my position, I knew, for the safety of my children, I had to leave. My Lea would have killed them without remorse to cause me the pain I rightly deserve, and I could not do that to them. The white male whined quietly, resorting to the natural sounds of his ancestors to convey his utter, unimaginable grief.


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