[html] Fore-dated to the 23rd of February
A scream of rage drifted through the trees, echoing upwards and outwards through the surrounding woods. Cliché demanded that a flock of birds leave the trees at the sound but this did not happen; all wildlife with any sense about it had long since left the area.
Today was a rather special day for Neela. True as with any other day the date could mean any number of things to any number of people but to Neela it stood out among its peers as the day that her first and only son, Leon, was born. Unfortunately this was not as happy an occasion as it should be.
Neela and Leon's relationship was shot beyond repair. Neela hadn't seen her son since the day she had fled her hometown, her son's screams of rage and threats of death still echoing in her ears. Somehow Neela had managed to ignore the fact that she would never see her son again for the long months since then, pushing him out of her mind as best as possible.
Not now. The date of his birthday forced that fact to hammer home into Neela's head. Her son hated her and even if he didn’t, was a continent away with no way to find her; she was never going to see him again. Neela hadn’t taken the realisation well, falling apart in a fit of rage and sorrow. The only plus side to the whole situation was that she wasn't in ichika at the time, but had been out on a rare land hunting trip; a trip that had taken her far south of the borders.
The lakeside clearing where Neela had camped the night before was an absolute mess. Mud was churned up everywhere as the agitated dog had torn about, eventually turning to tearing at the very earth itself for lack of other objects to vent her frustration on. Shrubs, bushes and saplings alike had felt the collie's rage: uprooted, torn apart and scattered across the clearing. Aside from Neela herself the clearing was eerily quiet, the wildlife having long abandoned it. A lone rabbit lay on the shore, neck broken and scratches gouged into its stomach and back, as a testament to the wisdom of this decision.
For her part Neela was pacing restlessly backwards and forwards on the shore, her eyes wild and breath panting. Internally she raged at the unfairness of it all, how one mistake, one moment of weakness had cost her everything. In this state of mind the past months were all thrown away, all the friends she had made and the home she had claimed for herself reduced to nothing against the sense of loss. Her eyes alighted on a small sapling that had somehow survived her rage and she threw herself forwards, ripping and tearing into the plant with a ferocity that would have surprised anybody who knew her.
Breath coming in great heaves Neela pulled with all her strength, the already weakened roots of the sapling giving way as she tore it up and threw it across the clearing. Neela spared after it for a few seconds before, suddenly and without warning, she collapsed with a wordless cry, folding in on herself.
She wanted her son, she wanted Leon. Never mind that he hated her, never mind that he would probably kill her as soon as he saw her, she just wanted to see him one more time, to hear his voice. The one thing she wanted, and the one thing that she couldn’t have. Curling up into a ball Neela stuck her muzzle as far into her knees as she could and let loose a long, mournful howl, all her sadness and anger and loss thrown into one, long sound.
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Tony had set off wilderness, unable to get Neela off of his mind. Subconsciously walking his way up to Ichika, aiming to look for the woman. Though, as his mind wasn't clear, he had no idea what he would say of how he would explain his urge to see her. He'd left Milite at home, the ground was still cold and the stallion was a fussy creature and probably would of rued being ridden in the stark chill of winter. And besides, Tony prefered to walk when his mind whirred away as much as it had been doing. His sword was on his back still, simply because it was the one piece of clothing he rarely took off. His dark, curled mane waved about in the wind as he looked around aimlessly.
A sorrowful howl took his out of his daydreams. Frowning for a second, he paused in his steps, trying to ignore it first, then to located it. Before he recognised the tune. 'Neela...' he said. But there was little time to contemplate before he started running towards the sound. 'Neela!' He soon came across the clearing, and his heart was in his mouth. Fearing injury he rush over and grabbed her. Pulling her into his arms, he glanced over her quickly to make sure she wanted hurt. Tony found no wounds, and so glanced around the camp confused as hell.
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[html] OOC Laughs
Neela's ears registered the sound of her name being called but were unable to break through the wall of grief and rage surrounding her mind. She didn’t react as Tony approached, remaining curled up in a ball and ignoring the younger canine until thick arms wrapped around her, dragging her unwillingly into a hug.
Neela's muscles tensed automatically as Tony's arms wrapped around her, a snarl ripping from her throat at the unwanted intrusion as she tried to break free. Despite Neela's struggling Tony was simply too large and she couldn’t break and eventually she stopped, simply slumping against his chest, her sudden anger being replaced once more by sadness once again.
"Tony." The word dropped from Neela's mouth, a flat and lifeless acknowledgement of his presence. Neela managed to remain stoic for a few moments longer before her sadness broke through. Ear pasted flat against her skull Neela turned into the hug, burying her muzzle into Tony's chest and wrapped her arms around him; hands grabbing onto the fur on his back as she abruptly shifted from unwilling participant to gripping Tony like a lifeline.
Tony's fur was soft, his body warm to the chilly day and the hug comforting now that she had relaxed but Neela still found herself sobbing into his chest as the lake of sadness she had tried to hold back with anger flowed free. A series of short, stunted whines escaped her and she said nothing more, simply closing her eyes and letting herself be soothed by the presence she had been violently rejecting only a few seconds ago.
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He resisted the struggling Neela easily, but still he loosened his grip so she didn't feel closed in or get herself injured. 'Neela, Neela... C'mon, chill out. I got ya...' he held her closer, confused as to why he cared so much about when he knew nothing about her. Tony pulled her closer and flicked his tongue over the top of her head, wondering what had gotten her so upset. He rested his head upon her gently, 'Babe... What's gettin' you so upset? Y' can tell me. I ain't gonna blab. I promise' his words ended with a soft whine, he didn't like seeing Neela upset. Even if he didn't know why.
Tony rocked back and forward slightly, trying to do something, anything to stop her crying. 'C'mon. I don't wanna see you like this... Lemme get you cleaned up...' he tried to moved her head away from his chest so he could look and her and dry her tears, but then again she looked so broken he didn't want to risk it due to the worry she might just fall to dust before him. Sitting there half wanting to put her up so they could converse, and half letting he hang onto him, Tony looked down at Neela, almost heartbroken.
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[html] OOC Laughs
A comforting tongue ran over Neela's head before the feeling of the hug suddenly changed; from her limited perspective it took Neela a few seconds to realise that Tony was rocking her. A small part of her was humiliated at the treatment, being rocked like a small child, but that small part was ignored as Neela slowed her breathing and buried her head deeper into Tony's fur. With her eyes closed the rocking motion wasn't entirely dissimilar to the rocking of the waves when she was onboard the Meria, a sensation that had long soothed her when she was troubled.
Neela didn't want to move, didn’t want to speak, she just wanted to stay here with her eyes closed and push the world away, forget all of the pain that she had suffered over the last year. Four years of life and what did she have to show for it? A pack that she only felt half at home in, the shattered remains of a family that would sooner kill her than see her and a hunk of wood with a name. far better, Neela thought, to abandon all that to this darkness and comforting scent.
Ultimately though Neela knew that she couldn’t just abandon the world like that. Her life had gone horrible wrong but it was the only one she had. Still the temptation to stay like this longer was there, but Tony deserved an answer. Compromising Neela opened her mouth to speak, though the rest of her remained still, "Leon" A fresh, unexpected, surge of pain caused Neela to stop for several seconds but she soldiered on, "My son. Today we would have been celebrating his birthday" The sentence was worded badly but it was all that Neela could manage at the moment, too torn up to pay much attention to her wording.
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It was weird how Tony was touched by such a small thing. Almost unbelievable how much he cared for Neela, especially due to how little he knew about her. Her exact age was a mystery to him, he only knew she was significantly older than him. He didn't care though, those sorts of things didn't matter, after all, when it came to love. Right? She didn't seem to react badly to the gentle rocking, so he carried on. He couldn't imagine how she felt, he didn't really want to have the ability to sympathise either. Poorly crafted empathy was as much as he could muster, and even that was probably an insult to the collie hybrid in his arms.
'Oh...' he said, frowning off into the trees. Looking down he smiled solemnly, wondering what else he could do, if there was in fact anything that could make it better. 'What... Uh. What happened?' he asked, his voice shaky as he finally relaxed and rested his head above Neela's own. Finally comfortable with his large frame in this situation. He'd never been anything but satisfied with his height and mass, but with a small woman like Neela. He found himself watching himself and his movements.
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[html] OOC Laughs
Neela's mind was conflicted as she sat in Tony's embrace. Half of her wanted to give in to the strong arms encircling her while the other half of her violently rejected the males presence. Betraying Julian's memory. Too young. You're too dangerous, you will hurt him. some small part of Neela's subconscious spewed reasons at her and the collie was hard pressed to defend herself against her own mind. A whimper escaped her and she tucked her head closer to Tony's chest as a wave of shame struck through her that she took such comfort from being besides him, from being held by him.
Neela was dimly aware of Tony talking, asking her what had happened. Despite not actually wanting to talk Neela found herself answering the question, her voice quiet and hoarse. "He… I… I don’t want to talk about it but-" Neela whimpered again and gripped Tony's fur tightly in her hand, reassuring herself of his presence. The shame at the specifics of Tony slid away in the sheer need for her to not be alone. It took her a few moments to talk again, and when she did her voice was broken, barely above a whisper, "I'll never see him again. If he saw me he'd try to kill me, he did try to kill me," Neela chocked back a sob as one hand came up to trace the scar snaking down between her breasts, mostly hidden by thick fur. For a moment she drew her head back, amber eyes glacing up to meet Tony's "Tried ta cut me open like a fish an sometimes, ah can’ help but wish he'da done tha job properly an kill'd me." Neela then dropped her head back down, burying herself once more in the comforting scent and darkness of Tony's fur.
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'Shh, it's okay. You don't have to talk about it if ya don't wanna...' he said quietly, stroking her arm gently. He frowned gently, he had no idea what was going on in her head and he wasn't sure he wanted to. But if could switch bodies just for a second, he'd do it, just to feel what she felt. After all, it wasn't about what he wanted. It was about trying to care for her. Even though he didn't know anything about her. He'd met her first when he was looking fro weapons in Halifax and then again at the festival, where they drank together. But this was the most solemn encounter of them all. He wanted to say there was no point crying over spilt milk, but he didn't think she'd take that well. 'Just try an' forget 'bout him...' he said, gently, his own fingers tracing the scar with her, before realising their destination and pulling his hand away. He covered up his shyness he moved his hand to continue stroking her hair.
'Don't say that' Tony said, a gentle whine in his voice. 'Please don't'. She re burrowed her head in Tony's dark, thick fur. Where she'd been clutching his fur at his back, ached slightly from the repetitive snatching. 'Jus' try an' calm down, eh?' Tony cooed gently. 'Everything's gonna be okay...'
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[html] OOC Laughs
As much as some distant part of Neela's pride resented the treatment, being stroked and murmured to like a distraught child, the treatment was effective and Neela felt herself calming down somewhat as she stopped talking, letting her senses focus on Tony's ministrations.
Tony's hand felt odd, but comforting as it traced along her collarbone, large but comparatively soft fingers shadowing her own smaller, callused digits as they traced along the damaged flesh. The jerk of his hand as he realised where the scar was going and withdrew it caused a flash of amusement and a tearful chuckle to escape her lips, eyes shining with a glint of amusement as she pulled her head away to quirk a lip towards him.
Tony's hand moved up to safer grounds and started stroking her hair. The tight ponytail she usually kept it in had fallen loose during her earlier actions and Neela let out a hum as his hand drifted down through it; having somebody else run their hands through her hair like this was a sensation that Neela enjoyed greatly. Neela's body relaxed as she sat there, her hands falling from their tight gripped positions to a more casual hug, though her arms still remained firmly in place.
"Sorry." The word slipped from Neela's mouth automatically, a old habit from the early days of her life when such displays of emotion were less than well received. Years of a loving family had stripped the old emotions away from the act but the habit still remained, a reminder of less pleasant years. Neela hurried to explain, "For this I mean. Ah'm sure ya have better things ta do today than look after me an…" Neela trailed off into an awkward silence. Despite her wishes to Neela couldn’t quite bring herself to thank Tony. She hated loser control of herself, of her emotions, and some small part of her resented him for being here, for witnessing her at her worst. Unable to voice her gratitude Neela leaned her head up, half sitting on Tony's leg as she did so to support the height, and licked him across the cheek before laying her head across his shoulder, trying to display with her eyes what she couldn’t bring herself to say.
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He smiled when she smiled. His hands were softer than hers, but he wasn't sure that'd last for long if he continued blacksmithing. Tony shook his head however when she apologised. 'Hey, hey...' he comforted, holding her a little tighter, realising then it was a hug. 'Thes' no need t' apologise. Y' didn't do anythin' love...' he said, trying to think what to do. Because, of course, they couldn't stay out here all night. Tony sat up a little more upright, a pain in his back emerging from the awkward position. 'Sorry' Tony said, afraid he had uprooted her from her seat. He smiled at Neela, attempting anything to brighten her up. Tony froze though, as a gentle lick across his cheek sidelined him. Waking himself up he grinned gently, and replied identically, his large wolfish though flicking over her forehead.
He rested his head back against a tree trunk, sitting watching Neela. 'Y'know. We. Err. We can't stay here all night'. As much as he wanted to. 'I don't really know how far Ichika is from here, but y' can stay in Casa if y' need to...' They had guest rooms if she required them, or she could always bunk with him. But again, he'd escort her home if needed. 'I ain't brought Mil with me though...' he said, wishing he had brought the large stallion.
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Ichika. Neela's ear twitched at the name. Ichika was complicated at the moment, missing leaders, fights at the borders, pups who brought up unwanted instincts and that old feeling, lingering even after months of acceptance and friendship, that she just didn’t belong, that somebody was going to find out her past and cast her out. Ichika was one of the last places that Neela wanted to be at the moment, her emotions turbulent and all the little niggling doubts and bad points brought up to the surface by her sorrow. Still the name brought up memories of a promise that she had made the previous day and she shook her head sorrowfully.
"Ah need ta get back ta Ichika, ah promised Grynn that ah'd bring 'er an tha' chicks some food." For a brief moment the offer to stay at Casa was tempting but Neela moved on quickly, confused by the feeling. "Ichika ain' too far." She murmured, adjusting her position so that she was leant against the same tree as Tony, to his side rather than on his arms but still leaning against him, taking comfort from his presence, "Can we stay 'ere a bit longer tho'? Don' feel up ta movin' just yet." Neela gave a crooked smile towards him.
The mention of a "Mil" intrigued Neela; if Tony had mentioned this Mil person before then she didn’t remember it, "Who's Mil?" she asked curiously, "Ya said the name like ah should know it an… ahh, ah've done tha same with Grynn haven't ah?" A smile spread onto Neela's face. Neela was a master of denial and it showed now, her sadness falling away under a façade of happiness that she could almost believe herself. "Grynn's a falcon, mah… partner is the best word ah guess. Been with me fer two years; she helps me make up fer my shitty huntin' an ah help make canines take her seriously. She's had chicks recently, 's why ah'm out 'ere, looking fer food while she's taking care of em." Done talking Neela leaned back against Tony, waiting for him to say his piece.
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short, but this is pretty much all i can muster T_T
'Ahh,' Tony said with a nod, 'D'ya need me t' carry ya?' It was a honest offer, but with a hint of humour behind it. He had the physical capacity to and the faint attraction to her to feel comfortable doing it. He let her shift her position, sit keeping a gentle hold of her, happy to be able to be near her and touch her. 'Sure, we can stay 'ere for as long as y' like...' He wasn't in any hurry to rush back home, it was just a lonely, cluttered room filled with the coldness of metal. Not like being out here with Neela. Though even then it was still colder here, Tony didn't feel it.
Tony smiled, 'Ah, Mil? That's ma horse, see. Milite. Means soldier in Italian...' he explained, 'I learnt it from ma Mam. He's this big stallion. Ma Dad owns his brother'. But he didn't seem to happy to be his owner. Tony knew his father wasn't very convinced about horses. So it was a kind of gag gift. Never the less he seemed to be getting some joy out of it
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[html] Neela's going crazycrazy :3
Neela snorted in amusement when Tony asked if she wanted him to carry her, not taking the offer seriously and responding with a gentle dig to the ribs with her elbow. "Nah, think I'll walk thanks, tempting as my own personal wolfhorse might be." Neela grinned to show she was joking.
This was nice, sitting her with Tony and talking. It was almost enough for her to forget her earlier upset, forgot Leon… No! Neela scolded herself, Don’t think about him, concentrate on Tony. Neela did just that, returning her focus to Tony in time to hear him confirm that he didn’t have anywhere in particular he needed to be. Neela was about to reply when a sharp pain in her hands cut her off.
Confused Neela looked down, eyes widening slightly when she saw her hands. While her mind felt relaxed her hands were balled tightly into fists, deep furrows cut into the fine fur on her palm where her claws had cut deep furrows through the skin. All of a sudden Neela was aware that her entire body was tensed up, muscles as hard as rocks, and thoughts of Leon flooded back into her mind.
Despair shot through Neela once more, why wasn't it working? Anger was something she struggled with but normally she could handle sadness, suppressing it with other emotions or by keeping busy. But this time it wasn't working, the torrent of emotions that Leon's birthday had dragged up refusing to be blocked out and battering down her mental defences. While she didn’t realise it Neela spent an entire minute staring at her bloodied palms, missing Tony's entire explanation of Milite as she battled with her own emotions
Ears flat against her skull Neela burrowed her head between Tony's arm and chest, whimpering quietly, "I want to go home." Neela whispered, saying one thing and meaning another. It wasn't Ichika that Neela meant when she said home but she knew that returning there was a dream that could never happen. Still she did need to get back to Ichika and hopefully the fish that she had already gathered, hanging in a leather bag strung from a tree, safe from Neela's rampage along with her belt, would be enough for Grynn and the chicks.
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