[html] Character Name: Soran Aatte.
Character Birthdate: 19th August 2003.
Whether she is a regular wolf or a Luperci: Luperci.
Your e-mail: glass_and_black_roses@hotmail.com
A secondary form of contact: Msn is the same as my email 
How did you learn/hear about 'Souls?: I have been around here on and off since October 2005. I am very sorry but college pressure and general stress caused me to leave again, this time though I feel I have adjusted to college life and will be able to manage souls as well So I decided to come home.
OOC note: I am so, so sorry to whoever ends up reading this, I started writing and clearly I had left my imagination bottled up for too long, it is quite long Also word count: 2272 words
IC post:
The darkness fell about the land like a cloak, the stars twinkled in the inky sky, shining dimly next to the brilliance of the full moon, which hung low in the sky, lazy and round, having only just nudged itself free of the horizon. The spring air was chilled, zephyrs blowing through the trees, nudging the small leaves and blossom that was growing, causing a single flower, milky white in the moonlight, to break free of its hold on a gnarled tree branch and float slowly to the ground, dancing in the breeze, like a dancer caught in a waltz, until it finally came to rest in the cool grass of the open meadow.
Dew was beginning to form on the small blades of grass, wetting the delicate green spikes, sparkling in the luminescence of the large moon. A lone fox moved slowly across the meadow, its head bowed low, nose sniffing the ground tentatively, each footfall silent, each movement calculated. Suddenly the russet creature turned its head sharply, sharp eyes fixing on something behind it in the undergrowth, it took off at high speed, disappearing into the low bushes in front of it, tail firmly jammed between its legs.
For a moment, the meadow was silent, as if it were holding its breath… no creature moved; even the wind seemed to have halted in its twisting route through the trees. The pregnant pause seemed to stretch on for an eternity, though in reality it was less than a second, the brief lull before the chaos was soon broken. A slender black body flew through the air, back arching upwards, creating a perfect curve as it flew a few inches, before hitting the ground with a thud, the back of the body’s skull cracking against a large rock.
A low groan escaped Soran’s lips as she reached back, touching the back of her head with a slender finger, she removed it quickly when she felt the warm wetness of the blood there. She lay there, almost motionless, blinking slowly, waiting for the black patches in her vision to recede, waiting for the blur of her sight to return to sharp focus. The grass beneath her body was cold… too cold, and, as her vision began to clear, almost too green she noticed… except for the red stained against it… turning the grass dark in a patch by her left ankle… almost black in the cold moonlight.
The groan soon escalated into a growl as her jade eyes flicked upwards, fixing on the huge form of him approaching her, he was moving slowly, casually, as if he were simply sauntering through a park on a lazy stroll. The ebony lady struggled to raise her head, propping herself up on her elbows, eyes snapping with fire and fury. The large brown-furred male sauntered ever closer, making the short distance from where he had thrown Soran to where the obsidian lady had landed seem like it was miles. Lips slid back, revealing a row of sharp bloody teeth as Soran snarled. Her velvet ears flattened themselves against her skull, the two silver hoops in her left ear glinting in the light momentarily as she struggled to her feet, discovering that she could not put weight on her left ankle which was still bleeding profusely.
The male finally reached her, and despite her furious struggling he wrapped his strong arms around the lady and lifted her slender form as if she were a bag of potatoes. Soran thrashed, kicking and snarling, her fists pounding against his chest and shoulder, he flinched, but he walked relentlessly towards what seemed to be a reflection of the sky in the centre of the meadow. It took the jade eyed lady a moment to realise that what they were approaching was a lake, a perfectly still lake. He intended to drown her. Soran began to fight more furiously, finally giving into her relentless urge and sinking her sharp fangs into the flesh where neck met shoulder. Instantly her mouth was filled with copper tasting liquid, then it was the time for the brown male to thrash, trying to throw her off, but the dark lady clung onto him with fierce determination, clawing at his face with her sharp nails, gouging at her eyes.
The panicking male resorted to leaping, the dark lady still in his arms. Freezing water engulfed the pair of them, forcing all of the air from Soran’s lungs, stealing her breath. The scarred lady flailed, fighting against the water, her head finally breaking through the surface, the chill of the water already making her limbs heavy, making her breathing laboured, making her vision blurry. The male clearly had not been anticipating the chill of the water and was too, gasping for breath. In the momentary lull, the ebony lady saw her chance, and took it, her shaking fingers clasping around a rock by her feet, she moved closer to the brown male, raising the rock above her head, having to use both hands, her body wracked with shivers and therefore unable to keep the grip on the rock with only a single hand. With a snarl she brought the rock down on the head of the disorientated male, once, twice, again and again until he slipped under the surface of the cold water, a visible concave in his skull. A wash of relief rolled through the dark lady’s body, a smile managed to reach her trembling lips, no longer would she be pursued endlessly through miles of forest and acres of land, no longer would she have to spend her life running and hiding like she had when she was a child. With this thought her legs collapsed and she herself slipped under the water, letting the freezing blackness have her.
The ebony lady forced the memories back down, they were to stay with the violent act that Hollow had performed that had caused Dhalia and Khaden to be conceived, they were to stay with the memories of the bloody Inferni- Aremys war, they were to stay with the nagging feeling that something beyond forgiveness had been done when her youngest pups were born and especially the memories of the morning when she had awoken to find that the pups she had conceived with Akaro, who had once been so sweet to her, who had once held her to his brown furred body and declared she would never lose him, had died before even getting the chance to live.
After awakening on the side of that lake, her lungs burning from the lack of oxygen, her limbs heavy and near useless from being numbed by the cold, Soran had made a decision, she needed love in her life, the life she lived currently was filled with hate, she needed to be amongst friends again, amongst loved ones and family, she needed to go home. For days she had lived beside that lake, regaining her strength for the long trek back to the only place the dark lady had ever known as home.
But when she arrived she wished she hadn’t, the smell of the land was dead, stale, the ground was scattered with ashes… so many ashes, there seemed to be nothing left of the lands that the ebony lady had once rejoiced to live within. Slowly she walked through the dead lands, eyes wide with shock. There was an emptiness in her chest, a hollow hole where her heart should be, there was nothing here, no-one, Conri, Dhalia, Khaden, Deuce… all gone, her loved ones were all missing from the ashen lands. Had they perished? Had they all found themselves trapped by the flames that had obviously ravaged the lands? Were they all really gone? A single tear fell from the dark lady’s eye, running down the pale scar on her face, finally dripping off the end of her muzzle. With renewed determination, the fae decided to visit the only one of her beloved friends that she knew would still be within the lands… Phasma.
The ebony lady had sat for almost an hour beside the grave of her beloved friend, her alpha, one of the first wolves she had ever met when she had arrived on these lands all those years ago, a lost child back then. Now a weary warrior whose life was tainted with tragedy sat beside her old friend once more. And then the sobs came, Soran cried for everything, everyone, her sons, her daughter, her friends, her lovers, all gone, all past, all sorely missed by the fae who had abandoned each one over and over, and now it was too late, too late to make amends, they were all gone, surely they had all perished in the flames. Her breath came in ragged gasps as she sat there, the tears now blinding her, the lands hid behind a wall of water that shrouded each eye. Guilt and shame burned in her chest, she should have come back sooner, not gone on a foolish wild goose chase for her youngest children, not fled at the nearest sign that they were close by, she should have waited, let them come to her, not gone on a fruitless errand that had taken her away from those she loved. Fresh tears sprung to her eyes as she thought of her red boy, her son, who had been so much because of her, now she could never apologise for all that had been her fault. Soran clutched at handfuls of ash as she sat in her old homeland, wishing there was a way to turn back time, to see her old loved ones again.
Finally, she raised herself from the gravesite and began to walk, not paying attention to where she was headed, walking aimlessly, in circles at times, stopping only to sleep, there was no longer any need to eat, that need had died when she knew that her children and Deuce, the beautiful snowy fae who she had loved so were gone. Endless days stretched before her now, she filled each one with slow, trudging footfalls and the grumbling of her empty stomach. Each day the sun rose and the sun set, the sky would darken and lighten with the passing of time, and each day Soran waited for it all to stop, when everyone was gone what point was there to the day and night? There was one endless stretch of guilt and pain for the dark furred female, there was no need for any changes in the world, they weren't even a distraction anymore, there was no longer an urge to gaze at the stars, no longer an urge to lay in the sun and enjoy its warmth, all that was left was the urge to walk and the pain, the constant, unrelenting pain. After what seemed an eternity she gave in, her nose testing the air at last, testing to see if there was any prey in the near vicinity, something slow moving that she could catch without too much of a fight, her hunger was making her weak, the obsidian warrior felt more frail now than she could ever remember being.
She inhaled deeply as a slight breeze wafted past her. Soran disregarded it for the merest moment, there was no scent of prey, it did not matter. It took a moment for the familiar tang of wolf scent to register in her brain, and even longer for the realisation to crush to powder what Soran believed to be fact, Conri was dead, burned in the fire, he must have been, but this sudden scent on the breeze changed all that, her little boy was alive, and he was close. Her heart skipped a beat and then was suddenly pounding in her chest, faster than it had done in so long.
Something stirred within the dark lady, anticipation and exhilaration that she did not know she had suddenly spread through her body, tensing muscles, drawing strength from somewhere, the strength to run along this endless stretch of sandy beach she had found herself wandering along. And so she did, moving with some of the old grace she had once had, the muscles rippling under dark fur reminiscent of when she had been a much younger lady, a much happier soul. Sand sprayed behind her as her feet left imprints on the damp sand. The ebony lady began to move more quickly that she had in weeks, months, the long curled waves of her ebony mane flowing behind her like a cape as she raced towards the scent she had caught on the breeze. From somewhere deep within her, a part of her she had believed to be dead, a laugh broke forth, filling the air with the melodious tune of her happiness just for a moment.
Finally she skidded to a halt, realising that she was standing upon the borders of the lands, it was obvious, the scent was much stronger here, the territory was clearly marked. Despite the motherly urge that coursed through her body, the urge to race through the lands until she had her son in her arms, she remained at the borders, she was still a guest on these lands, besides after her last disappearing act she had no guarantee that Conri would want to see her. And so she simply raised her maw and released a single howl, before seating herself cross legged on the sand, head titled to one side slightly, ears swivelling as she awaited a returning call, eyes darting at every movement on the beach. And so the ebony lady waited.
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There were very few things that Conri knew for certain in life. He knew the pain of losing loved ones, it had happened on countless occasions before. Even more than that, though, he knew what the pain of dying felt like. He had been near death once, perhaps, when his brother had taken his arm. That was not the pain that he connected with dying, though. The loss of children, the loss of faith in trust in the one soul that he had never before doubted. Death felt like having your heart torn out, spit on, and stomped into the dirt, and Conri had been living that pain for nearing two weeks.
He had been spending quite a bit of time away from the lands. Away from them, those that had betrayed his trust. Even after two weeks of knowing, Conri still couldn't wrap his mind around it. What did he do wrong? Did he not pay her enough attention? Was he not strong enough for her? Because his leg was missing, even? It killed him inside over and over to think about his best friend and his mate, but that simply wasn't enough though, there had been another, her adopted brother. It was mind boggling, confusing, infuriating, and Conri simply wasn't able to push himself past all of that.
All of that was, for the most part, the reason that Conri didn't go rushing forward at the sound of the call. It was a voice he knew well, a voice that he longed to hear once more for such a long time. His heart had been torn out, his strength ebbed away, and the life had been drained out of him. He simply no longer had the will to be excited, despite the pang of hope that hit him when he heard her. Instead, Conri practically drug himself to the borders, of which he had been outside of.
Instead of coming to her from the front, he came from behind her, stumbling to a messy stop just a few feet behind her. Though there was nothing physically wrong with him, the wounds from his fight with Gabriel had since healed, it was apparent by the way that he held himself and the very dull sheen in his eyes that everything was not okay. His face was puffy and fur upon it matted down with the remnants of tears and, when he finally spoke, his voice was quiet and hoarse. "Momma?" Momma's little boy was seemingly dead inside.
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[html]OOC:// Word count: 744 words
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Anticipation burned in the gut of the obsidian lady, the desperate urge to see her son again, to prove to herself that all was not lost, that her loved ones still walked these lands, that her blood still coursed through someone else, that her son, the only one of her children she had allowed herself to love, was still breathing. Dark fingers began to interlace and entwine, only to be unlaced again, she began to drum on her knee, an unusual emotion now replaced the anticipation in Soran, worry. And from the worry came impatience, was Conri alive? Had she just caught a scent that was similar? Was she mistaken? Where was he? Where was her son? Long fingers twisted loose waves of her long mane around themselves, making the curls even more defined. More and more Soran's eyes noticed every single movement infront of her, her ears swivelled and twitched more and more, until finally...
"Momma?" The voice had come from behind her, it was a shadow of the voice she had once known, so fragile, so empty, there was no hint of the happy boy she had left behind, it seemed that a lot had changed since the dark lady had been gone. Slowly the jade eyed female stood, keeping her back to the owner of the voice, still unsure whether or not this was a trick of her mind, a poor imitation of her boys voice dragged from her subconcious, or worse still, a cruel trick performed by someone who knew both her and Conri and wished to torment the dark warrior. With equal caution she turned, moving slowly, each move calculated, ready to run should she need to, should she find herself face to face with say, Lucifer. And yet the scent that was wafting around her, carried by the salty sea breeze was Conri, a changed Conri, but underneath the scent of a new land, a new pack, was her boy, she swore by her sense of smell, this must be her boy.
Finally Soran's jade eyes fell upon the wolf who had been behind her, indeed it was her red boy, he stood just out of arms reach, for a moment Soran almost didn't recognise him, the jade eyes that were so like her own seemed to be dead, misted over... the emotions behind them hidden away, and he was so dishevelled. But for a moment, the dark lady realised that she did not care, she herself had changed a lot since she had been away, the loss of more children had been tough on her and she knew that she now her own eyes often held the same dead look as her son's did now. For a moment she did not care how her boy looked, she was simply elated that he was alive, after all she had thought she had lost, to have him, even if it was just him left out of everyone, was enough for her. The red boy was so much to her, a son, a friend, a saviour... he had been the sole good thing in her life for so long, he had been the end to her drug and drink habits and he had forgiven her all of her sins without question. Soran knew she did not deserve such a good son, not after all she had done, all she would do, all that she had not yet attoned for, and she thanked whatever being it was that had decided that she deserved one piece of goodness in her painful life.
Without further thought, the ebony mother launched herself at her son, throwing her arms around him tightly, planting kisses all over his face, his cheeks, his forehead, his ears, his maw, she held him to her, relishing in the fact that her son was still alive, the most important thing in her life was still here. She held him tight, frightened that if she were to let go he would dissapear into nothingness, he would turn out to be a mirage or a fevered dream like those she had experienced ever since the day she had awoken in the pool of blood to discover her children had died and that Akaro blamed her for that. So she stood there, clinging onto her boy, hugging him to her, glad to be a mother once again. Finally she managed to find her voice, "Conri... Conri my boy, I have missed you so."[/html]
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In his head, Conri couldn't seem to work out whether or not he was surprised to see her. Did he ever expect to see her again? Did he expect that she was still alive and might return to them one day? The cloud of thoughts and pain that swirled inside his head kept him from answering the question. Perhaps a question that didn't even matter now. There she was, staring at him in a way that he had seen her stare before. Conri was happy. Somewhere in the midst of the pain, he was happy, despite whether or not he was able to show her.
He has spent so much of his life wanting to help her, to protect her and make her happy and, after she disappeared, Conri often wondered if he had failed to do so. It wasn't just his mother though. Lucifer, Deuce, Naniko. He wanted to help everyone, protect them all. He wanted to, whether he knew it or not, be everyone's Hero. The Hero had been stricken down though, the powers within him torn away. Betrayal was a horrible thing and the effects that it could have on a being could be life ending. The truth of the matter was, Conri had since been feeling that life was really not worth living. That they would have all been better off if he hadn't fought against Stygian and gotten away.
She came for him then, something that he was expecting, and wrapped her warm arms around him. Against the coldness that had seemingly taken him, she felt like a warm fire, something that would start from the inside and warm him until life was renewed. It wasn't that easy though, and even through the happiness of seeing her, Conri could find nothing to say. His arm lifted after a few moments, dropping against her back to hold her very lightly, pressing his face against her where they stood. Even as she spoke, the broken male couldn't find words.
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Conri didn't even feel like himself, he seemed so cold, so distant, he even felt that way, Soran could barely feel his heartbeat or his breathing, he even felt chilled to the touch, it was like hugging a marble statue. And yet the dark lady continued, he was just shocked to see her, that was all it was, she was sure of it, maybe this time he wouldn't forgive her, maybe this was why he was being so unresponsive. The jade eyed lady mused over this as she held her son, he would not be without his reasons to shun her this time, years of endless forgiveness, unrelenting acceptance, constantly being her saviour would have clearly taken its toll and Soran knew that there was only so many times you could push something before it broke, perhaps her last dissapearance was the last straw for her son. If that was the case then the dark warrior would not argue, she had done so many things, so many terrible things, some that Conri knew and some that Conri did not know, it was about time that Karma caught up with her, she would not deserve to be forgiven again, she did not deserve her son's acceptance for a long time, and yet she had recieved it each and every time she had returned to him. Should he decide that this was indeed the final straw, that his capacity for dealing with his mother's many issues and misdeeds had been reached, then Soran would go without argument, she had been forgiven enough times already, she had been blessed enough times, it would be enough to know that her son was alive and safe.
Soran had already readied herself for the crushing blow of her own son asking her to leave, to not return, to stay out of his life, although she would agree without argument and accept her son's choice, but that did not mean that it would not hurt, it did not mean that she wouldn't skulk away into the shadows and sit by Phasma's and her other dead children's grave and mourn all that she had lost, it did not mean that she would not wallow in self pity until eventually starvation claimed her and she would slip away into the gentle clutches of death, able to endlessly sleep beside those she had loved and await her other loved ones.
But this idea was wiped from the obsidian lady's mind as her son's arm was wrapped around her, her heart skipped, this seemed to be a sign of acceptance, she smiled softly. Soran found herself wishing that they were all here, Deuce, Khaden and Dhalia and little Naniko (she still had to remind herself that Naniko wasn't so small anymore) she wished her whole family was there around her, but for now she was truly overjoyed to be able to stand with her eldest son and know that he was alive and well. A sad smile followed this idea, there were plenty of her loved ones who were not so alive and well, Phasma, Maeve, Iikka, Summer, they were all gone and she missed them all. The newest addition to her list of lost loved ones was her latest litter of pups, all gone one morning, with no reason, she had for once been a good mother, she had stopped her abuse of alcohol and drugs, she had eaten everyday, she had not attempted suicide and yet these pups were the ones to die, she had wanted them, they had been her redemption almost, her attonement for her past sins with Khaden and Dhalia's siblings, and even Maeve and hers. And they had been lost, she should have been returning home carrying them, if all had gone to plan she would have been introducing Conri to his younger brothers and sisters. But they were all lost.
With the thought of loss, Soran realised what was wrong with Conri, there was something missing, like he had lost part of himself somewhere, had had it stolen from him, leaving him as a shadow of his former self. Gently the dark lady leant away from her son, allowing him to leave his arm around her, reaching up to place a dark palm against his russet cheek, she stroked the soft fur there with her thumb. With her other hand she brushed her unruly mane from her eyes, finally she found her voice again. "What's wrong son?" She asked softly, staring into his eyes, once they had been endless green pools, teaming with life, depthless, a new facet of his personality shown in them every second, but now... it was like looking into the eyes of a corpse, there was nothing there anymore, it was like looking into frosted glass, nothing was visable behind them.
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He and Naniko had been fighting the day that he had found out they would be parents. Inferni was the cause. Despite the fact that his father was only loosely affiliated with the coyotes at the time he raped his mother, stole the life from her, Conri still blamed them all. It was that unending hate and his stubborn will to protect everyone that he loved, to never again let the coyotes hurt another soul that he loved, that lead him to Inferni that day. There had been a coyote at their borders and Conri had followed him back, just to confirm that they had come from Inferni. It had been there, at the borders of Inferni that their leader had attacked and Conri would have likely lost his life that day had he not thrown himself into the water.
She had been so angry at him for going and it had confused Conri, like she simply didn't understand that he only meant to protect them all. Of course, that was all lost at his realization that they were to be parents. Now, though, that was all gone and Naniko had betrayed him in more ways than one. She had slept with two others, she had gone to Inferni behind his back, and Conri felt as if he was falling in to a void that he might never be able to climb out of.
She moved back from him then, though his arm remained around her, and jade eyes searched for her face until they were locked there. When she touched him he shuddered, though he wasn't sure if it was out or happiness or the fact that he was finally feeling something again. "I was going to be a dad.." He finally managed to whisper, searching her face with his eyes then, desperate for some kind of answer, some kind of suggestion to make the pain go away.
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Motherhood had never been something that the ebony fae had evern anticipated or expected, she had never particularly wanted to be a mother, the pups that she had carried had, for the most part, been abused and mistreated before they had even left the womb, Soran had poisoned them with drink and drugs. Now having lost a litter that she had wanted, that she had cared for, now staring into her eldest son's eyes she had no idea why she had ever felt that way, the hollow emptiness that she had felt during her pregnancies seemed more than foolish, there was nothing in the world that was more powerful than the love a mother felt for her child. And now, as she stood with her red boy, who now bore the scars of life, both physically (it was difficult to ignore the empty space where a slender red furred limb had once existed) and emotionally, it was clear in his eyes, the world seemed to have trampled him whilst Soran had been wandering around the lands, a pang of guilt shot across the jade eyed lady's chest at this thought.
Gently the ebony mother stroked her son's cheek with her thumb, standing in silence, gazing into his dead eyes, awaiting a reply with anticipation, but not pushing him to make one, allowing him to speak when he felt ready. If a name was stated, if it was a living creature that had hurt her boy then she would have no qualms about dismembering the wolf, or coyote, that had hurt Conri, her eldest, ever-loving, ever-forgiving boy, her child. Soran found a desperate need to protect her son burning in the pit of her stomach, she wished she could bundle him up and protect him from the evils of the world, but he was a grown male, and that was not the way the world worked, even the most sheltered life could easily be tinged with pain.
Soran's velvet ears shifted forwards to catch the barely audible whisper that escaped her son's lips. The word father registered in the dark lady's mind, and her heart leapt, her son having pups of his own, more of her bloodline to run around, another chance to redeem herself, she could never pretend to have been the perfect mother, usually she could barely claim that she had even been a passable mother, but as a grandmother, perhaps, just perhaps she could prove that there was something maternal buried within her. The green eyed lady was elated, such joyful news, had the pups been concieved with Little Naniko, was the little pup she had cared so much for starting her own family? Why was Conri so sad over this wonderous piece of news? Why were his eyes so glazed and cold? Why was he not elated, shouting the news from the treetops?
And then finally the impact of the other words around father hit home, was, that terrible past tense, the tiny word coming with such a huge amount of pain and sorrow, the small give away that something awful had happened. Soran instantly knew how her boy felt, after all, she was going to be a mother, and not so long ago, she knew that losing a child was the most painful experience any parent would ever have to go through.
"I was going to be a mother again..." Soran replied, her voice thoughtful as she lost herself in her own trail of thought, a trail of names and potential birthdates, imagining what her children would look like, would they grow to be like her or Akaro? Would they have the same nature as their older brother? Or be more tempestuous like their father? And now she would never know, there would never be a chance to hold her pups in her arms and tell them that she loved them, the ebony lady would never be able to comfort them or help them.
But she was able to comfort this pup, her eldest boy, who would be eternally youthful to her, he would always be the young pup who had been so curious about the world around him, so inquisitive, so full of excitement for life. And the obsidian fae would always be there for the pup who has saved her countless times without ever knowing. Slowly, tentatively she moved to embrace her son again, wrapping her arms around him tightly, trying to comfort her boy.
"What happened? Sweetheart, who, when?" She murmured, resting her dark head upon his russet shoulder. [/html]
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She was going to have children again also. Was, being the key word at that point in time. His ears had since fallen back against his skull in an attempt to drown out the screams of the world around him, to only be able to hear himself and his mother, because everything else was just to painful. He wasn't alone though, his mother knew the pain that he was feeling, she had known it before also, he was certain. He could have been a brother and father, she could have been a mother and a grandmother, but some sick twist of fate had taken it all from the both of them.
"A few weeks ago.." And that was really all that he knew, at least all that his brain could scrape together and remember. She had fallen? It was something like that. All Conri could really remember was the fact that they were gone. That she had taken them back to Bleeding Souls even before Conri had known what had happened. He wasn't even given a chance to tell them goodbye and see them off from the world. "They're gone..." His voice was desperate, a quiet whine following his words. Not even the chance to see them once, to tell them that he loved them, even if they didn't make it.
"And Naniko.." It was only the icing on the cake, really. "She slept with them..." The younger male seemed to be in an almost shocked sort of state, confused and lost and everything and anything he could possibly be. "Lucifer and Kansas." His close friend and her adoptive brother. For the life of him, Conri didn't know why.
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Soran had realised how much pain Conri must have been as soon as she had heard the past tense that was used when describing his children. Up until very recently the lady had not known the love that a parent felt for an unborn child, she had not wanted her first two litters, in fact she had begged, bargained, prayed for the same pool of blood that had ended her most recent pregnancy, she had wished everyday that she would awake to find that the problem was no longer there, it had been solved. For that's what her oldest litters had been to her before they had come into this world and proved to her that they were indeed marvellous beings with their own personalities and lives to lead, a problem. The ones that had survived had been determined little fighters, now Soran was glad of them, but when they had just been a bump that distorted her sleek form she had not cared for them at all.
But Soran had realised the power of parental love the instant that Mira had been expelled from her body, limp and motionless, the wave of grief that had washed over her body as she had looked down at that tiny, fragile obsidian form, broken long before its time, she had known what it felt like to love pups. And this time around, every time she had thought about the litter she was carrying, every time Akaro has rubbed his hand gently against her stomach her heart had fluttered with excitement and anticipation, the anticipation of being a mother and loving her babes. She would have been better this time around. But at least she had at least one strong, healthy child left, she was unsure of her other little ones, the ones she had recklessly abandoned an age ago. But her eldest boy, he had no comfort like she had, he had no one to turn to and be grateful to whatever god was out there that he still had one healthy perfect child left to love. He had fatherhood snatched away prematurely.
The unfairness of the situation made Soran's jade eyes well up with tears, salty droplets of pity, both for herself and Conri, they had both had the chance to love and bring new life into the world snatched away from them cruelly and without reason. A dull ache filled her chest when she thought of children and grandchildren that she had lost, of children that her son had lost. At that moment she would have given anything, even her own life to have her son's pups running around on this beach of fine white sand, anything to make her russet child happy, to bring life and happiness back into his seeminlgy soulless eyes.
However, the loss of his babes did not seem to be the end of the injustices that her boy had suffered whilst Soran had been away, the lady's ears flattened against her skull as he spoke. Naniko had cheated on him? Surely not, not her little Naniko who had been so in love with Conri and had in return loved in abundance? And with... with... hearing Lucifer's name was like a physical blow to the obsidian warrior, her eyes darkened, clouded by dark thoughts. How dare he? How DARE he. After all that he had already done, he had stolen Deuce away from Soran, taken her lover away and now this, hurting her son in such a cruel heartless manner, and potentially cheating on Deuce in the process. A lump of lead seemed to have settled in the ebony fae's stomach as she stared over Conri's shoulder, still holding him, her eyes seemed to spit fire as she gazed with burning hatred at nothing in particular. She was not claiming that Nankiko was not to blame in this situation, but Lucifer was at serious fault, and this would perhaps be the last straw.
Finally, after a long moment, a stagnent pause where Soran processed this information and allowed all of her visible anger to be forced out of her eyes, had it been possible, her gaze would have scorched the landscape, her fury was so intense. Eventually Soran trusted herself enough to speak, gently she pried herself away from Conri, sitting down in the soft sand, crossing her long legs, she motioned for Conri to sit across from her.
"Do you know how the pups were lost? Was it because of this... this threesome? Sweetheart I am so sorry, I know this pain and there is nothing like it. I am so sorry that you have to endure it. Soran finally said, choosing her words carefully, trying not to force her son further into the downward spiral of depression he seemed to be in.[/html]
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Conri had wracked his brain a million times over trying to understand why Naniko had done what she had. He could only remember snippets of their conversation from that night, he wasn't even sure if she had explained why. Not sure if it had happened before or after the loss of the pups. Conri had been so afraid of losing her after their first fight. So afraid that she had grown tired of him in some way or another, and now he was almost sure that it was the case. She had to go and seek love from someone else, whether it was physical or emotional, because she felt that Conri could no longer provide her with what she needed. At least, that was how it was in his head.
"I..I don't know.." He answered her as she moved, dead gaze following her motions as she seated herself. Her hands motioned for him to join her but, instead of moving to where she had motioned to, Conri walked until the point that he was right in front of her, lowering himself so that he was practically in her lap. Being there wouldn't take away the pain that had already stricken him but, somehow, he knew that while in her arms she would do everything possible to protect him from more pain. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked suddenly, head lowered and tipped to the side, staring off at the ground. He couldn't even answer that question, he didn't expect her to be able to.
Just as quickly as he asked, though, more words were pouring from his mouth. "Please don't go momma." Because he needed her right now. He needed her more than anything else in the world.
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Soran also knew this feeling of loss, when a loved one left you. Deuce had dissapeared so long ago, when the ebony lady had been sure that they were living in a state of bliss. True the snowy female had not chosen to go herself, she had been banished after Akumu had read an incriminating diary entry, but still the lady had chosen to go without her, she had chosen to not even give the ebony lady the option of going with her, she had not even say goodbye. The pain was wrenching, even now the tall female wondered how she had managed to survive the loss, she wondered how she had managed to wake up every morning and carry on. Something inside her had died when Deuce had left, but at least the lady had had Conri to fill her life with, to make her still feel of use to someone, to prevent her from curling up and letting the sorrow have her. Conri didn't even have that blessing, didn't even have a small life dependant upon him to stop him from giving up altogether.
But the red furred male did have one wolf who cared deeply for him and would do anything and everything in her power to prevent him from spiralling into oblivion, Soran. Jade eyes followed him as he sat, coming much closer than the obsidian wolfess had expected, gently she took the male's spare hand, clutching it tightly, cupping it with her own, the way that children held hands, at that moment, the slender fae realised that that was what the pair still were deep down, two lost pups, both trying to cope with problems that were unfair and huge and too beyond their control to prevent. She was still a lost pup deep down, sometimes she wished nothing more than to find Becca awaiting her, standing there with that crooked smile of hers, arms outstretched, ready to protect her, even Soran needed her mother sometimes. But that wish could never be fulfilled, Becca was dead, as was her birth mother, there was no one there left to mother her, to act as a guide and a comfort in the way only a mother could, the best the dark fae could do was assume that role herself, both for her and her son who seemed to so desperately need her help.
Soran listened as her son's weak voice formed words, listening to each one with care, he did not know when the babes had been lost, hopefully it had just been a sad accident, hopefully Naniko's betrayal did not have another cruel consequence, a broken heart several times over, the loss of a lover and pups. Gently the dark fae pulled her son's head to rest against her chest as he spoke again. Instantly more pain washed over the ebony lady on Conri's behalf, how awful to feel that it was your own fault, Soran knew that as well, she had blamed herself for so many losses during the course of her life, she was burdened with them, she had never forgiven herself for any of them, but this was different, these had been deaths, they had been her fault, the dead had been caught in the metaphorical crossfire of a battle between her and her father for the most part, this was to do with a choice and betrayal, and it was not Conri's choice to have made.
"No sweetheart, no this is not your fault at all, this was Naniko's mistake, you didn't force her to do this. It was something she had free choice over, it has nothing to do with you." Soran soothed, her voice quiet and calm, she reverted to a melodious tone that she had used on him when he had been a small pup, a soft tone that had calmed him when he had had been restless when he was small. Gently, keeping his head to her chest she began to rock slightly, still trying to calm him in the only way she knew how, reverting to the mothering of a baby, as he seemed just as fragile now as he had then. She stroked his cheek as she rocked him, moving so her head was almost resting atop his.
"I'll stay here sweetheart, I'd love nothing more than to be near my family again. I'm going nowhere, I'll be here for you." She whispered now, her voice still soothing.
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On top of everything that had happened and all of the things that he had been feeling, he also felt a pang of guilt. Naniko had been genuinely sorry for everything that had happened, or at least it had seemed that way. Conri didn't listen to reason in those moments and, when Naniko blamed herself for the loss of their children, Conri told her that it was her fault. Even then, in the heat of their fight and the sadness that had taken him, he knew that it wasn't true. Naniko would never do anything purposefully to harm their unborn children. Even if Conri couldn't actually remember what happened at all, he at least knew that deep inside his heart.
Now all that Conri could think about was why, but he knew he would never get those answers unless he found her and faced her. But could he? "We have a house.." His mother's words distracted him, brought his mind away from the problems in his life, at least for a brief moment. He knew she would like that they had a house and a few of the other things about the lands. "And the beach here...we named it Syemv Beach.." Maybe that would make her smile and, at that very moment, it was the only thing that Conri wanted. He wanted to see her smile.
Lifting his head from her chest, Conri turned slightly more toward her so that he could see her face then. "I should talk to her, right?" Because mother's always knew best and Conri was certain she would know if it was a good idea or not. Soran, beyond all others but Naniko, was certain to know how much Conri loved her.
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Soran mused for a moment about what she had agreed, she had promised to stay within these lands that she did not know, so far away from what she classed as home, so far away from those rolling hills and the creaking old Syemv house with its old bookshelves and it's messy interior, it all seemed so far away, especially now that it was gone, burned to a cinder along with the rest of the ebony lady's home. She missed it sorely everyday she had been away from it and had been devestated to return to find it was all gone. But here was a glimmer of hope, her son was still alive, Naniko and Lucifer were still living, that may mean that there are others that had survived as well, old friends, Soran dared to hope for a moment that she would find herself once again conversing with the battle scarred Skoll or the snowy fae who still unkowingly held her heart. It would take some adjusting to, but if her son was here, if she was amongst friends and loved ones she was sure she could find herself calling this home soon enough.
Conri spoke, a house? Soran found a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, trust her boy to seek out a house to live in, after all he had grown up in one, Soran had raised him in the old, sprawling Syemv house, it seemed he remembered the comfort a house brought to a wolf. The dark lady already found herself planning, she would find herself a room in this new house and begin to collect her things again, most were lost now, burned in the fire, her books, her flute, her crossbow, but surely she would be able to find replacements and create herself a little nest of a home again. To her own surprise she found herself already looking forward to it, being able to sleep on a bed again, to be able to feel warm and out of the pesky drafts, she was first and foremost a wild wolf, but that did not mean that she was unable to enjoy some comforts.
The name of the beach made the dark lady's smile stretch further across her lips, she dipped her spare hand in the fine sand, allowing it to trickle between her fingers to return to the ground, for a second she scanned the beach. It was a fine name for the place, a way of keeping her first home, the first place the lady had felt accepted wholly by everyone, the first place the fae had found herself an asset and not a burden, the first place that the lady had felt like a member of a pack, where she had raised her eldest boy, alive, a fitting triubte to the old Syemv lands she decided.
"Conri, that was a marvellous idea, keeping Syemv alive that way, and finding a house, what a clever plan, we shall not freeze in the winter." Soran said, wondering for a moment who "we" were, perhaps there were others, it seemed that she would once again be sliding into pack life, she didn't mind that at all, she was quite accustomed to company around the lands and she would brave hell itself if it meant helping her son, she could manage to live in harmony with a few other wolves.
Conri spoke again and the jade eyed lady found herself staring into a set of eyes that were so like her own, slowly, after musing over the question carefully, she nodded, "you need to talk to her son, you need to get the answers that you so clearly seek." And she did believe that, a question unasked would burn away at someone until they regretted not asking it when they had the chance, true, the pain may hurt but it was nothing compared to the agony of not knowing, of always wondering if it was your fault or if things could have turned out differently. The unanswered questions would eventually drive him mad, she was sure, besides it was better to be hurt by the truth than to never know at all.
Tentatively, the ebony fae untangled herself from her son, moving to stand, brushing the sand from her fur, gently she reached out and took his hand. She waited for him to stand, and heard his stomach rumble, a returning growl echoed from her own empty belly, she couldn't remember the last time that she had eaten and severly doubted that Conri knew when he either. She formulated a plan in her mind quickly, surely there would be some food back at the house?
"Come on," she turned and smiled at her son, "I'll make us something to eat." And with that she lead him, hand in hand, across the borders into the packlands, the packlands that she was to learn to call home.[/html]
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