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There was a bounce in her step, a bit of pepper that caused her hips to sway and her head to swivel back and forth to an unheard rhythm. A low, melodic hum pressed forth from between her ebony lips, a jovial tune that reminded her of the summertime .. of her home and her family. rico rico rico que sabrosoy darte besitos, hacerte cariñitospapa mira que buena que estas no te pongas a invertar mira que buena que estas The bounciness of her steps would only just slightly fade, her brows pulling backward as the gloomy, blue feeling of homesickness rose up from the pits of her stomach. The emotion tasted foul on her tongue .. pungent and yellow, it reminded her very much of bile. For a moment, she felt queasy to a point where she thought she might expel the contents of her stomach out onto the green earth; but she managed to hold it all within her. All the struggle, all the pain .. all the loneliness. She swallowed it all and then began to hum again, putting the bounce back in her step as she continued on her way. On the road to no where.
Her pathetic attempt to find her friends had so far been rather unsuccessful. She thought, perhaps, if she continued to walk, that eventually their paths would cross. How hard could it be to find someone that you were destined to be with? Apparently, it was more difficult than finding a needle in a haystack. It was proving to be an increasingly daunting task, a task that Insomnia wasn't sure she could even handle. It was nerve wracking to think about it .. to think about never seeing them again. So nerve wracking, in fact, that she had to force herself not to think about it, or the overwhelming sensation of desperation would consume her. Anxiety. She shook her head, trying to increase the volume of her jovial humming, trying to bounce more to the music she was creating, even while it grew increasingly more desperate.
And then, suddenly, the music reached a crescendo .. her humming became a rather loud an unexpected wail, a cry that forced her into stillness and caused her head to droop. And then there was silence. Nothing but the quiet trickle of the water made a noise; she couldn't even hear the sound of her own shallow breathing. She could see nothing but the darkness on the inside of her eyelids .. and she stood, a relic against the fading summer greenery .. a statement of failure and the epitome of pathetic endeavors. She was nothing but a youngster, lost in a world that was far too big for her, and despite her glorious ambitions, she was scared. She could feel the fear squirming around in the base of her brain, sending tremors down her spine. 'Stop it! You're being foolish,' she told herself, squeezing her eyes so tightly that she could feel tears of pain begin to swell in them.
But all she managed to do was stand in silent torment .. to hold her emotions in her. To hold on until eventually it would all fade away and she could return to her searching.
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He had hunted and gotten his fill of cat for the day. He had been victorious in his match with the large feline and he alone proved that dogs were better than cats. He smiled as he finished up and he cleaned his muzzle on some snow that was near by and he did the same with his hands and arms. The cat had cut him a few times but it was because he had gotten the jump on it and he got it by the neck. It managed to slice his arm and chest before he had broken it's neck in one quick movement. After shadow was done cleaning he stretched and started to walk forward and then his ears picked up a howl of sadness and pain. He knew who it was the moment it was heard. They had been together long enough for him to learn her every sound and secret want by simple looks of the eyes. She had gotten made one time because he called her on a secret that she was trying to hide from him, She had caught a rabbit and had brought it for him but tried to surprise. Shadows training had ruined the surprise he he was still happy, as was Insomnia. He took off like the wind in a storm and as he ran he jumped over a few logs and rocks doing some free running on his way to his love. It didn't take him long to reach her and when he did he saw the look on her face and he smiled at it knowing why she looked so sad. He walked around a tree into sight and spoke with a loving tone in his voice. I told you i was hunting and that i would be right back my love....Couldn't wait 10 minutes?He smiled as he watched her shift to her Optime form and he just stood there and got ready to catch knowing she would run and jump into his arms at full speed.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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Everything seemed so distant now, the world, the air within it, and even the air she breathed. Everything was so dull, and painted over with a gray demeanor that Insomnia found much of this life had been stripped into a nothingness that was probably going to become to much to bare. Indeed the lady had considered suicide, and despite it being far out of the question a few months ago, it seemed now a high possibility. Perhaps it was merely the season, the season of new life, the season of couples happily creating a family, and knowing that somehow she would never had this, made Insomnia even more depressed than she was, if it were even possible. None could love her, none could love a broken being such as her.
And even though Insomnia had her own remorse for knowing she may never be gifted with a family, she could only smile down on those who did. It must be a marvelous feeling; young ones brewing within their mothers’ stomach, growing and kicking… it had to be so warm and comforting. Thinking of names, wondering what they may look like, what their personality would be, and if they would… love their parents. All of these thoughts Insomnia was sure was accustomed to being a parent; yet she could only guess. Her guesses were vague, and despite wishing them vivid, she knew the cold truth of the facts and for this, she only suffered further.
It would seem her heart was just as stubborn and shy as her own mind; it did not desire anything new, for it had already grown so attached to the ebon male with those glorious blue and green eyes. Insomnia would have liked to believe that you only loved once, but was that the case? Was the tender love she felt for him only a practice for something more? Was that even… possible? Her eyes slowly descended downwards, staring at the ground before her as she moved forward. The pads of her paws were freezing, and she was surprised they hadn’t given in and fallen into a bloody mess by now. Lately, Insomnia found that walking until she fainted was a method of comfort for her, it brought her solace and for that, she’d barely stopped walking to configure where she was for… hours. It was only slightly passed mid day, and yet considering Insomnia had a tendency for waking before the sun was even up, she was not surprised at this. Yet, the glare of the suns bright rays off of the pure white snow was almost blinding to the lady, and for this, she lifted her eyes to stare forward, being greeted by a marvel all its own.
Staring at the beauty nature had placed before her and she even felt a small lift of her lips as a smile, tempted, but did not last, on her features. Her fur, that greatly mocked the darkness of the night was slightly dripping with a few flakes of rain that fell from the cloudy, grey sky above. Winter had always been one of her favorite seasons, aside from the fact that it killed off most of the healing moment, a silent moment, there was bliss and she saw him. Shadow her love. She heard him before she saw him and sighed. He shouldn't have found her. "My love..." All she could say was that. She turned and faced him but did not run at him which was strange. All her emotions were so mixed up that she couldn't.
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Shadow heard her words but then he saw her face and he knew that she thought she lost him forever. He ran over and stopped in front of her and slowly he reached out and took her into his arms and he felt the cold there and he rubbed lightly getting her to warm up. He looked her in the eyes after a while and licked her muzzle trying to get her to believe that he was really there. He should have known that by leaving, her mind would play tricks on her and make her think he ran away, never to come back. He leaned in and kissed her lightly and then he lifted her up into his arms and looked her in the eyes as he spoke gently. Love I'm here...I promised you i would never leave and i haven't, It's alright. He nuzzled the fur on her neck trying to get a reaction out of her, this had happened before when they had fallen asleep. Shadow remembered waking up having Insomnia in the middle of there little den area and she was crying. He had come to her and helped her believe that the nightmare wasn't true and that he wasn't gone.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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Her guard was up. Her emotions were high and out of control that she couldn't think straight and nothing could stop this. As he picked her up and rubbed her to warm her up she tensed up. She didn't want to be warm, she wanted to be cold and alone like before. When he kissed her she tried to push away, clawing at him and opening up closed wounds. She hissed like a cat and her eyes went mad. She wasn't insomnia anymore. A complete stranger had taken over her mind and body. "Get....away." She spat at him, still clawing and hitting him with all her strength. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Shadow Let her go as she pounded into his chest but he wasn't mad. He watched her closely and made sure to follow her if she moved. He tried to look her in the eyes and get her attention, and also get her to snap out of it. He kept close as he spoke lightly, keeping his voice soft and calm.
Love....It's me Shadow...Your Mate. Your not alone, I love you and I want to take you back to the den, Lets go home.
Shadow tried to offer her his hand to get her to take it and he waited calmly as he studied her movements and eyes. Why was she being so distant and why was she trying to be alone, Or why did she think that being alone was normal?. If she didn't respond to him soon he would try howling out to her and see if that would wake her from her poor state of mind, If that didn't work then Shadow didn't know what else he could do but hold her and force her to stay calm hopefully just being held would slowly calm her and prove to her that this all wasn't a dream. He knew how tricky dreams could be, so getting his love to come back to him might be a lot harder than he thought.
Shards of sunlight played a ballet of pale hues among the umbrellas of shadow hanging in folds across the moor, casting faint beams into the darkness, where they would catch upon the waters unworried surface, lighting swells of moist vegetation in a silver sheen – causing an ambrosial display – or even upon Insomnia's darken crown, which resembled thousands of tiny diamonds as the midnight fur threw down the light in sparkling waves and creating an ethereal glow about her forehead. But to this she was blind, for she was incapable of turning her eyes out of their sockets. All she could see was the way the light would catch at the corner of her company’s eyes, revealing the richer, redder hue that was otherwise hidden when he stood in the shadow, where the light could not touch – and his eyes shone more like two, twin flat blue and green stones – seeming emotionless. It was to this darkness they were prisoner, but neither seemed to hold want to escape, and looked incredibly comfortable within the black corral. They were inching deeper into the shadows, and with every step and movement they were lurched into that impending darkness, where one or the other was bound to lose themself. True, there was something that held her captive, but she wasn’t incapable of saying ‘no’ to him. Oh, but what a terrible thing to think! Was it still sometime near midday, or was the hour now closer to dusk? It was impossible to tell when they were blanketed in the violet fog and shadow that enfolded upon the last vestiges of the swampland, burying them beneath a tangled web of deceit set for the events to occur this afternoon.
Her feet lifted once more and she started moving, a hurried motion to get away from where she was. Really, Insomnia couldn’t handle much more stress, for her body was so worn out from the sleepless nights and endless strain that the anger took on her body. When Shadow did something to her, Insomnia took it out on the things around her, since there was no way she could hurt Shadow without hurting herself… and Insomnia wasn’t crazy enough yet to hurt herself like that. At this very moment the voice was cooing in the back of her head, the metallic, genderless voice mocking her mood with soft, wordless songs. Her lips curled once more, as she opened her mouth. “SHUT UP!" Insomnia screamed at the top of her lungs, creating an echo that fell harshly on her ears. A snarl ripped through the air after that, and she was sure that Shadow would slap her out of it.A few moments later of breathing, in and out. Her lips curled in frustration. "Leave....Me.... ALONE!" She spat at the ground again.
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Shadow watched her and at her out burst he didn't know what else he could do to snap her out of it. He already knew that he would never hit her, it was against his laws and codes. He growled and then he Howled as loud as he could not to call anyone but to reach Insomnia in the hell she had created for herself. He kept it going for a while and kept it loud as he directed to towards her and then after he he yelled as loud and as powerful as possible. Insomnia!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!!!!! He growled and bared his teeth at her as he ears pulled back and he tail raised. He was trying to use his command of her heart and his power to wake her the heck up. As fast as Shadow had snarled and shown his teeth he relaxed quickly as he looked into the eyes of Insomnia trying to find her again. If his roar didn't work then there was only one thing left for him to do and he wouldn't be able to do it. If anything Shadow would be forced to grab her and take her back to the den by force. Shadow preyed lightly to himself and for Insomnia. Shadow needed her back, he needed his mate and his other half. She was his heart and soul and if she was lost to him then he would die in both a physical and mental since.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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She shook her head and sat down and kept breathing. She was going insane or so he though. Shadows howl woke her back up and she whimpered and got into a submissive position, her tail in between her legs and such. "I-I'm sorry..." And backed away a few paces.
(This is short for a reason.)
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Shadow settled down quickly and Whined as he felt that that he had to basically yell, and roar at Insomnia to get her to wake up. His tail lowered as did his head and ears and he kept giving a soft whine sorry for what he did. He sniffed at her and got closer, he placed some licks onto her head and ears trying to ease her fright and let her know he was no threat to her. Love, I'm sorry....I couldn't get through to you, you were yelling at me and clawing at me. It was as if you didn't know who i was anymore. Please forgive me I didn't want to yell at you. I was just so worried.... Please gods have her forgive me, if I lose the one woman I love then I will have no reason to live and I will end my life for the loss. Please, please have everything be okay. Shadows looked deep into her eyes as he kept his low, sorry and submissive pose wanting only the best for Insomnia and her life. He loved her so much, His life and everything he knew was worth giving up if it meant her safety. Shadow was a beast, but he was a beast in love.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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Something was going on. Thoughts banged against her head like pinballs, superballs. Bam, wham, bam! Colors, whooshing back and forth, her own private show. If she closed her eyes just at the right time, a rainbow played on the inside of her eyelids. Was this what normal wolves thought of? Astrid yearned to know, begged the higher power for just one peak inside the right mind. How she wished to dive in, open her eyes no matter how hard it stung. She wanted to walk along the corridors, get lost in it’s vastness, find a corner, and stay there. "T-take m-me h-home.. please.." She seemed childlike now. Delicate, lithe body moved forward with easy grace as her shadow frame closed the distance between her, her male. She fell into him and nuzzled him happily. "I...I was scared..." She looked up into his eyes and only saw pure love in the orbs. I...I wish.. She shook her head and nuzzled his chest again. Her stomach roared.
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Shadow came close and gently picked her up just in case she needed it. He licked her cheek and nodded lightly to her when she asked to be taken home. He walked slow with her and as they moved he heard her stomach and nothing more needed to be said, His kill was close and he smiled as luck would have it that she would need the meat he had earned. He turned lightly taking her to where he took down the cougar and once they got close he nuzzled her and pointed with his nose towards the dead cat. The prime meat on the cat wasn't touched yet and the snow and cold kept it fresh even though only 20 minutes might have passed. Insomnia, You should eat...please, have some. Once you are full then we will continue home. Shadow smiled to Insomnia and had forgotten that the cut on his arm and chest had been reopened by Insomnia when she scratched at him while she was lost in his mind. He licked his arm lightly as best he could and then he tried to bend his neck to lick his chest but he couldn't reach. He looked to Insomnia and wondered if she would help him clean his wound from the now dead cat. Love? before you eat can you clean the wound on my chest...I, can't reach it.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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She looked up at him when they got to the kill and shook her head. "You caught this..So you eat more than I do okay?" She got down and was about to eat when he said that he couldn't reach his chest wounds. "O-oh.." She nodded and walked up to him and forced him to sit down and sat on him. She than started to lick his chest, lapping up his blood and closing her eyes. She didn't need to feel pleasure when she caused this pain on her lover. She sighed and continued licking until it was done bleeding and was just a red line on his chest. She looked up at him and licked his cheek, trying to make up for what she had done.
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Shadow was sat down and when Insomnia sat on him and started to lick he smiled lightly as he looked to her unable to take his eyes off her. After she was finished and the blood was gone he was licked on his cheek and he gave a content, happy growl as he leaned back and kissed her softly on the lips. I can never be mad at you, Never. I will always love you. We will share the food, it's doesn't matter that i killed it, We are a pair now and whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine. Shadow slowly got up as she stepped off him and they both moved to the carcase and started to eat. He made sure to eat what he needed and leave another for Insomnia to get full and once they were done he licked his chops and cleaned the blood and gore off his muzzle using the snow once more like he had done earlier. Shadow looked over to Insomnia and saw the look in her eyes and he thought about the past nights and he needed to ask. love, I have noticed that you don't really sleep....There are plants that can help ease and calm your mind so that you can. We would have to ask permission from the Alphas but i don't see why they wouldn't allow it. If it's to help a pack member they should be all for it. What do you say? Should we try?
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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I can never be mad at you, Never. I will always love you. We will share the food, it's doesn't matter that i killed it, We are a pair now and whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine. She sighed and she started to chow down. Crunching, swallowing. Nothing more than a snack. Not nearly enough, even for a wolf as horribly small as her. She growled softly, the blood from the animal getting all over her muzzle and chest. She was a messy eater when she was starving.
When she finished, she looked up at Shadow. He was gorgeous. He was too right, to normal. He could try to understand but never get the full grip of it, or she thought that he couldn't. She was a runt, the abused. She was not meant for a normal life, a happy life- even though she always acted like it. Her moods were fickle, easy to swing. She was pathetically weak, both physically and emotionally. She was insecure and quite frequently unstable. But she was in love.
love, I have noticed that you don't really sleep....There are plants that can help ease and calm your mind so that you can. We would have to ask permission from the Alphas but i don't see why they wouldn't allow it. If it's to help a pack member they should be all for it. What do you say? Should we try? She looked down. She wanted to be normal. "Maybe... if Zalen or Titania would let us.. we could try tonight though, secretly." She smirked a bit at doing something wrong for once. She was a goody- two shoes that always listen to orders and she was getting tired of that. She jumped on her mate and nuzzled into his chest and wrapped herself around him and laid her head on his shoulder
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Shadow looked to her and smiled lightly as he saw the hope in her eyes and as he looked to her he leaned in and kissed her lightly. He heard her words about Zalen and he thought about it and there should be no problem. Shadow chuckled lightly and wrapped his arms around Insomnia when she jumped on him and wrap herself up in him. He nuzzled her back and nibbled lightly on her ears and neck. Shadow loved to see her happy and would die for that happiness to continue. He would even disobey orders if it meant her happiness. Okay, there is a herb that if mashed and if you add it with water it makes a kind of tea and that tea should relax you and help you sleep. I'm willing to do this for you my love, with or without the consent of the Alpha's I love you and I will never stop loving you. Shadow got up slowly and he held her in his arms as he walked and started to head back to the den and to there large family. Family and love was something that shadow thought he would never have and now that he had it, he would be damned before he ever gave it up.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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Breath was starting to slow while she stood there, looking up at the moon. Short legs were tired from a dance that she was no longer used to. She remembered when she had been able to dance the whole day without so much as quickening her heart rate. Now it seemed like it didn’t want to slow down. Dancing more would only maker her feel more exhausted. Green and blue eyes tore away from the starry sky to look at Shadow, her mate. It was still odd for her to even have a mate. Maybe he could just be her Prince, her official prince. Not just one she could call because he was a gentleman. He happened to be hers and no one could take that away from her besides him. Not that he would want to. Shadow was the best mate in the world but he chose her, which made some kind of a difference. She loved him and wanted to prove her love. Besides her only competition had some females her and there. She was sure.
They had learned so much about each other when she was getting over her nightmares, her depression. He had been so kind and patient to her that she couldn’t help but call him her best friend after that week. Then that day by the river, it had changed then. She discovered this little feeling called ‘love’. She hadn’t known what to do with it, was even scared of it. She learned to at least embrace it long enough to tell Shadow that she loved him. She was still getting used to it, of course, but she decided to follow her heart and what she was feeling beneath all of those nerves. It would help her in the long run, and hopefully teach her that she didn’t have to be shy all the time. If she had been like she was when she was a pup, Shadow wouldn’t even have gotten to talk to her. She probably would have died of embarrassment or her a nervous break down or a heart attack. Either way he probably would have been the death of her.
His voice floated to her, not disturbing nature as another wolf had done. She wondered why it was so husky, scratchy, as if he had just finished yelling at someone. She gave a small smile, her tail waving gently behind her. The thought of her drove him crazy, and if she were in her right mind, she wouldn’t let him suffer. But that didn’t mean he didn’t have to work for it. Maybe he could dance as well. A mating dance. That would be entertaining and it would also loosen the fem up. When she was dancing her moves seemed so natural, so graceful. It didn’t seem wrong and if they somehow joined the two, it wouldn’t make her happier. In truth, she wanted him too, craved him. She wanted her scent to mingle with his. She wanted him to mark her, to claim her in every way possible. It seemed so natural to want those things, but it was also hard to ignore those nerves that seemed to jingle around in her chest just then. She didn’t want to talk about it. She just wanted to act.
Talking would make it hard, it would pull her away from the reality. A small encouraging smile curved her lips upwards as she embraced him back before slipping out of his arms and her eyes glistened. “Dance with me Shadow…” she whispered, moving farther away from him to where she had danced before. It was as if she felt the moon on her back, felt the need to worship all things nature.
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Shadow watched her eyes, she reminded him of a pup, so excited and ready for anything, wanting to get up and run everywhere and anywhere. He kept carrying her until he felt her push away and then the request hit his ears and a big, shy smile happened onto his face. "Dance with me shadow". He looked himself over really quick and then he even looked behind himself checking to see if there was another Shadow in the area that she may have been talking to. To no avail he was alone with Insomnia and she wanted to dance. He had seem couples dance before during fairs and big social gatherings with music and food and that part was easy. Shadow however had never tried to dance before, all Shadow knew was the dance of death and that was something entirely different. He looked her over unable to say no or that he couldn't dance, all he could do was walk forward and before she could get away from him he took her hand in his and his free hand wrapped around her mid section. He pulled her close and smiled down at her and he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips and then they began to spin as he started the dance. As they moved he would swing her out and have her spin and then he would pull her back to his body and he did it with the grace and fluid motion that he was trained in and with what he had seen when others danced. It was good that he had watched the whole thing otherwise he wouldn't have know what to do after every move. A low chuckle left him as he continued to dance and he spoke as they moved under the moonlight. You are the only woman i know that could get a dance out of me without a challenge. I would do anything for you, anything, all you need do is ask and it's yours.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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His steps were in no way clumsy to her. She liked his dancing, it helped portray who he was, what he was. Not every wolf was graceful, not every wolf was the same. She could tell that he was hesitant, embarrassed even. Insomnia didn’t understand why. This seemed so natural to her, it was almost like she had to dance, if she didn’t then there would be no happiness at all in the world. This was beautiful though. She had years of practicing. The forest creatures were her very first friends, they helped her become who she was, they told her to never stop dreaming because dreams always came true. It might not be in the way you hoped for them, but they came and you couldn’t be picky. Much like falling in love. If you were picky, you would end up alone or not meeting your soul mate because you never gave him a chance.Insomnia had always held onto her dreams, even when she was sure they were about to shatter apart, she held on. It was what brought her to New Dawn. She had met him only once before she ran into him, almost literally. He had cared for her and helped her to get back on her feet. Now they were mates, now they were here under the moon lit sky with flurries fluttering down upon their pelts.
She didn’t know why he was so embarrassed; she didn’t know why he was hesitant. Insomnia couldn’t make him relax and that was key in a dance such as this. If he relaxed he would be able to let that music flow to his head. Wasn’t it programmed in every wolf’s body? It was the music of the wild. Maybe it was only hers, but she had seen only wolves dance, or sing, or do something that was completely natural to them and yet so beautiful. She had sung along with a beautiful voice, in which she had changed her tune to dance to her song. What would make his heart sing and his feel light? She wondered, but she could not open that door for him. The small fem continued to dance while he shuffled around her, continues circles which she wove counter clockwise, though it was slow, deliberate, paws moving but going no where. He whispered those three sweet words that she already heard before, but this time it was different. She knew it was different. “I love you” she whispered back, not wanting to disturb the beauty that they were creating. No one would be able to share this with them. They wouldn’t be able to replicate it if they tried. This would be two souls joining as one. They were wild, free, and they would celebrate life right here under the moon.
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Shadow kept dancing and as he did he started to forget about those he had seen doing it. Shadow started to lose himself and before he knew it his nerves were gone and he smiled and laughed lightly and then without warning he placed his hands on Insomnia's hips and motioned for her to jump up and when she did he lifted her high like a bird and there she was. Shadow looked up at her as he saw her with arms out and a smile on her face, she was like an angel flying over head and she was his angel. He had gotten what lots of wolves searched for, Family and love. He lowered her slowly and when he muzzle got near his he kissed her on the lips and then licked them affectionately as his smile grew. Shadow then spun and jumped away from her and turned as he smiled and he motioned for her to jump at him again. He watched her body run and jump into the air and when she got close he lifted her again but this time he spun and laughed as he did so and he didn't care who saw or who heard, This was happiness and it was both Shadows and Insomnias, no one else could have it. I love you. He hugged her close and started to spin fast and as he did so he watched the smile on her face, they had truly become one and they were made for each other.
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
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