[M]Neither This nor That
#1
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WARNING: This thread contains material exceeding the general board rating of PG-13. It may contain very strong language, drug usage, graphic violence, or graphic sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.
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ooc: Dated; the 5th- late night

The journey began upon four limbs but ended in two heavily weighed down by thought and a solemn heart. Each step sank her further into the remnant of snow to the chilled grasses beneath to cool her worn pads, but she sure ache and cold underpaw had yet to register yet her mind knew that this was what she was to feel. She was meant to feel something other than this burden. Yet she couldn’t… it was only that.

She crossed onto familiar lands with great hesitance in stride, forsaking the teachings of her Shepard as she combated with her own selfishness. She felt for a moment, that this was not the land she wished to walk on. She wished to follow the warmed paths of her brethren, her brother, her father, her sister and feel at home again. She would have taken another day among the Cavalieri if only to grasp a semblance of home; to feel like she belonged and was cared for.

The emotions she felt could not be placed into her words, but a sensation was all she had to go by. A compilation of a multitude of angry and sorrowful thoughts that condensed into a single, nameless emotional pain. Perhaps if there was a name for it, she could have asked the ancestors for deliverance from it, but even that thought did not give her comfort, for then she was reminded that they would not heed her voice. She was forgotten by them, their merciful eye had drifted from her.

The autumn wolf was new to wallowing, yet it felt so natural to wade through its dense misery. It was harder to find happiness when it appeared to not want to be found. What elation she found in the embrace of the southern pack was all but overwhelmed by the news of her dear friend’s pregnancy. Oh, she was glad for the young she-wolf, glad for all life that came into this world. Yet she could not deny that she was bitter by this news… her heart still clenched each time she thought of the snowy female being blessed by the miracle of life… of her being a mother. It felt unfair that she had tried so hard for a brood of her own only to be kept from it time and again. Was her body not strong enough? Did the ancestors favor the young female more than the autumn woman? She could not claim to know what was behind their madness, what compelled their thoughts. The only thoughts that were certain to her was that she was unhappy… she felt forgotten…betrayed… hurt. And she could only move on as she may… trudge along and endure what more the powers that be had in store.


460 words.

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#2
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WC:620

With Charlemagne safely tucked away back in the stables he had left. Saluce hadn’t made a bee line to his den either, but had rather turned and moved off with Dalgina in tow to make sure she arrived at her parents’ home unharmed and happy. He doubted the little pup was ever sad or unhappy, the way she paraded around the pack and danced around. It had been a stress relieving day all in all for him even if he hadn’t felt the swelling of misery until he had left her to her capable parent’s hands. It didn’t seep in until his nose and eyes pointed back toward the valley and home, or den or whatever it was these days. He had started sleeping there again but the warm atmosphere and love had been drained from it. As much as he had wanted to return to the den, he just now felt more like a prisoner than he did an equal partner.


There was much he had problems with, their relationship had been forged in part due to a battle of supremacy. And again later when her worried mind had misplaced his love for Nayru as something romantic instead of a paternal bond with someone he had mentored. While he may have won those physical battles, she had claimed him mentally with her own wit and power. Saluce really didn’t put much worth in having beaten her twice, knowing they hadn’t been true battles but more of a courtship. But the order of things dictated that if she wanted to rule over him as an alpha instead of his mate she would have to come claim his obedience. The male didn’t want it to be this way, he would have much rather preferred Nayru still being around and their relationship having never had to endure the stress that had come to it lately. And then there was the puppy Dalgina and everything she had reminded him of that he had lost or had never been gifted with having.


With Saul and Nayru gone, along with Gideon, it seemed and rightly so he had done something wrong. Maybe it was selfish of him to think this way but it was just that. And he reasoned there outa be a reason why X’y had never become pregnant, her womb had never become filled with the product of their love and they hadn’t been rewarded with excited eyes, ears, noses, and voices of little ones following their every footstep. It was these thoughts that the grey male carried while he walked, still favoring his right shoulder badly, but glad to be along the earth and capable of getting around more easily than before. And it was this form that he made the trip, from Jace and Temo’s residence to the den site and the object of so much frustration for him. The golden queen he had fallen in love with, and the love that still under it all hid underneath everything, and the longing of seeing a smile on her face once again, or the soft mewing’s or excited yips or even her triumphant howls in the heat of passion. But that may have been just as it was, a memory he wouldn’t get to experience again, if things continued as they were.


He stopped when blues fell upon the female, her sullen mood written plainly across her features without having to spy her depressed golden orbs. Saluce wanted to run up and greet and hopefully stir her out of her depression but there wasn’t anything he felt he could do, not when he was probably the main reason for this.

“Evening X’y” he said quietly as he walked up.


Image courtesy of Frau Böb@Flickr; table by the Mentors!

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#3
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ooc:

Was this what it was like to tread across fragile terrain? To feel that the ground would give way at any moment, plummeting her down into some abysmal depth and slip into obscurity? Melodramatic as it was, it was no less of how she felt with every step she took nearing her abode nestled within the woods. A trespasser of her own ground, not in a physical sense but mentally and she proceeded onward driven by the urge to place her head upon the warm, welcoming furs and find reprieve in dream.

The fine tendrils of her wild mane were the only touch she expected to receive. The wind had become the caress she had grown used to as if the tender claws of her mate were but fleeting remnants of a dream. Sad that she would look upon them as such, but how else would she describe them? Off the top of her head she could not recall a moment they shared a recent kind embrace or shared each other’s warmth during the night. In the turn of events they had become strangers to one another, separated by a towering wall neither was motivated to scale or at the very least tear down. While she had not all together given up on their relationship, she was all together emotionally and mentally drained with what had transpired. What energy she could spare was used to keep herself up and walking with the renowned smile etched upon her lips. But even that strength was ebbing away leaving the shell of a tired, haggard female. A silver lining was all she asked for. Some show she could pull strength from to show that she was not overlooked as she felt by those she held dear.

The calm winds brought with their tantalizing touch the familiar scent of her mate not far off. Her unseeing eyes peered through the red drawn veil to behold his grey standing against the velvet of night. Her ears were drawn forward by his words then just as quickly fell against the autumn crown as if incurring some damaging sound. And upon her sullen muzzle was disappointment, denied something other of which she had hoped to hear. But what, she couldn’t say. “Saluce.” ‘…my ombre’, she wished to say but the words remained on her tongue. “I trust you have heard about Kiara’s blessing,” she continued softly, plainly. “Soon our lands will have more pups then we will know what to do with. It will be wonderful…”


419 words.

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#4
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WC:400

Saluce watched her curiously, his good mood hadn’t been entirely soured by his own thoughts but he wasn’t exactly wagging his tail. Her melodic voice reached his ears and his tail twitched once but otherwise kept itself in check, if for only a selfish reason. Was it so bad to show happiness over seeing her? Or was it that his happiness for seeing her would in some way be construed as him not remembering that they weren’t exactly repaired.


But ears where not ready for the revelation of her words, it made sense that Kiara was pregnant but he hadn’t been aware of it the day he had started training her. For the most part he had withdrawn himself from most if not all of the pack members so the news came as yet another damning piece of information as to their current state. It seemed everyone else was perfectly capable of easily of giving life, while the two of them toiled over their own failure toward the only goal the two as a couple really had. Outwardly they had goals towards the pack and everything else, but in the comfort of their den puppies had been one of few things they had willfully wanted. His ears remained perked a top his head but he didn’t miss the emotionless tone of her voice.


Saluce didn’t miss the sarcasm, he knew her well enough to know when she was speaking like this, and it wasn’t X’yrin but some abomination, something he was in part responsible for. His blues looked curiously at her, letting the silence continue before his hobbling form resumed its walk. He only stopped when he had come to her side, blues looking to the den and then up her form.


“I guess this is good news, I was unaware that she was pregnant….” He stated flatly, as if he was just going through the motions. There was a glint in his blues, some recognition of the plight she went through, knowing she had wished so dearly for her own brood. But it wasn’t vocalized, nor was any comfort given by touch, just his silent gaze before he let the silence envelope them once again. Saluce noticed her collar was still absent from her neck, and with that his blues descended her form once more before starting his awkward hobble upon three legs.


“I’m heading to bed, Dalgina wore me out at the stables.” he remarked as he stopped at the den entrance, looking back at her.


Image courtesy of Frau Böb@Flickr; table by the Mentors!

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#5
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ooc:

There was no sound but the sound itself. No inflection of glee nor depress of disdain. Simply nothing, if such could be made simple. She said nothing at all as he came closer, his gait burdened by injury but just as determined as his past steps. He drew nigh to her and for a brief instant she could feel the fragile warmth emanating from his towering frame. As fleeting as his words, the whisper of a touch was gone and she felt the cold again seep into her. From her bared shoulders and the calloused pads of her feet, she felt the chill creep in and steal away to her core. “I doubt anyone knew…” softly came her brittle voice made weaker by the trembling of her vocals as though stricken by cold themselves. “I had only learned of it this afternoon. Had I not come by to see her, I doubt I would have known at all until the pups were running around all their own.” For whom would have told her? Who would have trusted her enough to tell her the news?

Her mate proceeded onward toward the den, her words ignored save by the wind. Bed, he claimed. And did he expect her to join him? When warmth was better felt out in the cold than in the hearth of their den, did he expect her to follow? They would say nothing more than this. He would express only his intention to sleep, no happiness for their friend, nor anger that the ancestors again chose to bless another instead of them? “…is that all you have to say then?” Every intention was made to leave her words as they were, but her tongue itched to say more despite her want for it to be still and leave the matter as it was.

“You used to be more vocal than this…”


313 words.

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#6
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WC:410

If the man was ever allowed to cry he would have done so long ago, but his form was numb to emotion. His blues looked at her, his eyes narrowing as she spoke as ears slowly folded against his head. The first real outburst, or rather show of emotion from her and it stung him like white hot poker. Making him fidget as if unsure of how to react. What was there to say that he was sure she knew already? That somehow Kiara being pregnant again reminded him of the absent bundles of joy that should have been scampering around their den? He sighed as his form slowly relaxed; his tail regained some sense of flexibility as eyes again looked back up to her.


He remained silent for a fleeting few moments, not sure of what if anything to say to sate her. At the meeting it had been clear to him that she had spoken to him not as his mate but as some Alpha. Someone whom he had never given his submission over to, he had given himself to her, to X’yrin but not to the Alpha that had called the meeting. So he stood there unsure of whom was asking him these questions.


“Whom is asking me? The alpha of Ichika or my mate? If my mate is asking me then, I would tell her it’s because I haven’t submitted to this alpha, so I feel no reason to elaborate on my own personal feelings. While my mate claimed me and has every right to know my opinions and to consul me, this alpha does not.” It was said simply, the venom he would have normally carried if asked or elaborated on the topic a few short weeks ago was absent, only his soft logic. But it had been bubbling within him, she had sought this position, and he wondered how she would have acted if situations where reversed. Honestly if he had formed his own pack situations would have been different, and she would have most likely joined him in leadership. But Ichika wasn’t a pack he was a natural fit for, and it may have gone deeper than he really had ever wanted to admit. For he had really wanted to found a pack with her.


“At one time I had hoped you and I would leave to go off and stake our own claim, but now I see your intent on this Ichikan dream, and I’m unsure of if I’m supposed to be in it.”



Image courtesy of Frau Böb@Flickr; table by the Mentors!

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#7
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ooc:

The question was absurd. Who else would ask him if there was none other but them around? The Alpha or his mate… foolish to inquire when they were one in the same. Yet it pained her that again he would not acknowledge it. He who was supposed to stand by her side and aid her through all things was supposed to hold true to his words and accept the circumstances as they were. There was no one or the other, not two faces to hold. They were the SAME! Couldn’t he tell?

“You cannot put your Alpha and your mate together so you must separate them?” Each measured word was a further slip of her composure. With every quiver of a word she tried desperately to reclaim it and lavish it again in poise, yet she sounded mostly a stuttering fool than the eloquent female she knew herself to be. And what strength remained to cement her composure began eroding and cracking away. “I am your mate and I am your Alpha. I have claimed you before and I have pledged my faithfulness, my love and my heart to you… and yet you forget that over a title.” She had foregone the attempts to keep her grace intact. Her motivation had long since depleted and what she was left with was a core hollowed of its calm and replaced with seething rage.

“I placed my faith that you would stand by me through this, that you would accept my decisions as if they came from your own mouth and find reason in them. That I lead as both your mate and your Alpha, and yet you turned your back on me when you were the one punished…” her lips peeled back as she sneered at the male before her. “You can’t accept it so you would dismiss me instead, forsake what we promised to each other to keep your precious ego whole? Must I PROVE something to you that I stand as both? Oh please tell me, what need I do to be looked upon as both in your eyes? What must I do to assure you that this bitch before you still claims you?”


365 words.

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#8
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WC:350

Saluce was rather shaken at her unexpected show of rage. Blues simply watched her, as his ears once again folded against his head. Her words where vicious, and her accusations stung as they hit him. The urge to once again rush forward and snap at her but his injury kept him from doing that. She talked of pride and he couldn’t fathom what she meant. Blues wept silently as he felt the full force of her ire come on him. She still didn’t seem to understand his reaction or his rejection to her punishment.


“Would you have reacted as I had at the meeting if I had punished you? Knowing how your heart ached, along with knowing that your adopted son had just left? You may think you’re the same person, but you separated yourself that day. You turned in an instant to something I didn’t know. “ he stated, his tone never raising. Saluce wanted to growl, bare his teeth and sink them into her in the hopes she would wake up. But he remained eerily quiet. His discontent almost written across his face, as muscles seemed to tense under his dense coat.


Hackles started to rise and tail straightened, his body visibly starting to show the emotions starting to boil within him.


“You acted as if condemning the two wolves who have supported you through this transition would cement your leadership… and you tried to use us in such a way. I may not have condoned of Jace’s behavior but there were other options to be used, since I am not aware of any other dark spots on her history here, shaming someone for putting their life on the line wasn’t the punishment befitting the crime.” His voice was gaining some of his anger, as he continued to let his words flow out instead of holding them in.


“Prove you’re capable of leadership? All you have done lately is prove otherwise, the punishments, then coming off your stance. Is that what your father would have done? “ he didn’t however speak the last sentence condescendingly, for he wouldn’t have liked for someone to mention his father in a negative light. But his next comment came rather quickly.


“And as I recall you never actually beat me in any conflict to assert your claim of dominance.”



Image courtesy of Frau Böb@Flickr; table by the Mentors!

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#9
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ooc:

Control had ebbed away the longer the pair of them pressed one with their heated words. Her voice had ceased its childish stammering, no longer forcibly held back by shattering calm. And her body no longer felt the chill encompassing her feet and body. The whole of her was alight with a smoldering blaze tendered with the kindling of his ego strung words.

He just didn’t get it at all. To think she had placed such faith that he would understand. “Apparently you don’t know me at all if you would think I would use those closest to me for gain. It was not under my influence that the two of you took a life. How I punished you both was to give you the time to reflect upon your crime and show that such conduct despite its reason was not allowed. What kind of an impression would that make if death went unpunished?” she snapped with an audible click of her jaws in the midst of a pause. “I acted as my family would have given the situation. Despite what I may have felt or had done to me mentally or emotionally, I would have ACCEPTED my punishment, and dealt with it!

“I have proven myself capable to this pack and to YOU! I have worked and strived to get where I am and I expected you to be with me but you’d let a title get in your way instead… I have only ever acted to ensure the integrity of this pack- our FAMILY was maintained. …And don’t you DARE bring my Father into this as if you know him!”

It was the last word of slander she was able to take before the remnant of her composed exterior crippled and she towered as an enraged figure hell-bent on silencing him as neither his mate nor his Alpha. Had the words of a superior spoken through her, she would have not condoned this conversation progress any further than him questioning whom asked of him. Left it be and been done with it and found another place to bed for the night. But like a considerate fool… like a ‘pleaser’ she attempted to find reason but failed as it came to this.

There was no grace but, none the less a purposeful execution of powerful limbs lounging her toward the imposing figure of the grey male. She extended her claws to grab hold of him, one for his throat the other for his right shoulder. She was too livid to care about his injury or concern herself with the consequences should he be further damaged. She just wanted his silence, for him to never again speak of her father in such a way. He did not deserve to use that great man against her.


465 words.

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#10
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WC:325:

Saluce watched her anger bubble, still trying to figure out what in the hell there was left in this relationship except anger and hurt. The words that flew from her mouth even as he still clung to trying to reason and explain his point of view had only angered her more. But he guessed it was better to voice it and air it out then to let it continue to fester. What had happened to allow this to go so far, he had proclaimed to her to try and make it up to her but the way was still unclear? There was no clear path for him to take to fix himself, his views or to see her as she was. His blues lidded over for a moment as she screamed at him, closing them for just the briefest of moments.


Would his own father have spoken to his mother in such a fashion? From the stories he had been told he had never raised his voice to her, never physically intimidated her and had always loved and supported her. And it hit him even as deft ears perked upon hearing her sudden movement, he had never really given himself to her wholly, oh he had spoken the words but to give himself to her with no strings, he hadn’t. And as eyes opened to see her frenzied form careening toward him his mind didn’t spark with a strategy or move to preform to get him away from her strike.


Blues just watched as if it transpired in slow motion, his able body except for its injury capable of taking her punishment, and her claws found their marks. Pain stung quite clearly from his shoulder and then from around his neck. His blues blinking only once, hind legs flexing as they dealt with the weight of her form for the briefest of moments before they gave out and his form slowly fell to lie on his side. If she wanted his life then there it was laid out before her.


Image courtesy of Frau Böb@Flickr; table by the Mentors!

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#11
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ooc:

When red was the only color her eyes could see, she was left to trust in what she could feel beneath her claws. The trickle of blood and the pulse of life as it continued to course through its capture vein. Her grip was unrelenting even as his form collapsed with her still clinging to her prize under the vice of constricting gloves. She could feel the pressure, feel his life literally within the palm of her hand and she felt no resistance from him. No twitch of his muscle in defiance nor the growl of anger to overpower her own reverberating octave. Silent and still; the epitome of submission.

…and it angered her to see it. “Is that it!?!” she bellowed loud enough to disturb their avian spectators in the trees. Oh yes, they had been watching and like the silent overseers they thought better than to intervene with the conflicts of wolves were claws and teeth were bared. “Is that really if for you!” It was too ludicrous of a notion to accept that he would simply give up when in front of the whole pack he had a mouth and a mind to defy her. “You conflict me at the turn of my ascension then you claim I am not fit for you to submit to. I am not the Alpha you would follow… I am not the mate that you knew. WHAT AM I TO YOU!?!” Her claws made to press harder onto her prizes and truly drive in the pain she was forced to endure… all of it. But her claws inversed their desired actions and the harder she pressed the more they loosened until they grasped nothing but air.

But the absence of something tangible in the palms was startling and like a pup seeking its security, her claws dove into her wild locks, holding fast with all her remaining strength as her cries of rage turned to broken octaves of pain. “I have done everything right. I have done what my Shepard would do…. I have followed his teachings and prayed to the ancestors for guidance but nothing has come for it…”


359 words.

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#12
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WC:440:

His blues clouded as his heart started to beat faster as the pain ebbed in in waves. Robbed of oxygen for a few moments his heart only beat harder seeking to wake whatever force was robbing it of oxygen and to allow his lungs to fill again. But it didn’t come as quickly as it would have liked. Her grip was magnificent and close to his own and when her grip slowly started to falter air found its way back into his lungs. It started slowly, and as his mate seemed to back pedal and her anger seemed to lash out all over the place, his form creaked and twisted. Nimble arms replaced forepaws and legs slowly unwound out behind him. The man knew what he had to do but had to wait for the change to finish.


A long deep breathe was drawn in to hungry lungs, as he worked himself up into a crawling posture. His blues looking over her, his sadness coming over him in waves. He choked a moment clearing his throat from her previous grasp, and favoring his shoulder once again as he fought to stand. Once his form reared up onto two legs his eyes moved back to her. She had perceived him as submitting and it had never been the case. At least in the last few seconds before deciding inaction was better than fighting her.


“I’m sorry” he said hoarsely, having for the first time seen how much pain she was enduring, and knowing it was because of him. It seemed fitting for him to leave her, but something seemed to quell the thought before it fully evolved. “If my pride is what I have to give up to be your mate then I will sacrifice it, and from now on until you are sufficiently appeased that my words are indeed true, you can demote me and give me the punishment you deem fitting for the crimes I committed. Against the pack, and… against you” he said softly. Saluce wanted to wrap his arms around her, kiss her and utter soft musings of his love but he stood still, his sadness plainly written across his brow.


“I love you, and I’ll be damned if I let myself ruin what’s left, if there is anything left.” he took a short step toward her, not sure if she would once again open up another barrage of attack against him. Saluce wouldn’t defend himself, there was no need to, he was at fault. ”I’ve wanted to hold you and tell you it’s going to be alright, but…” he let the words sit in the air. Before his head hung sullenly.


Image courtesy of Frau Böb@Flickr; table by the Mentors!

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#13
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ooc:

Sat with a loss of words or actions, the she-wolf did not know what to make of the confessed bared before her. She could hear his words but was not yet able to adhere to them. The rush of blood in her ears near deafened her delicate sense as did the rampant beating of her heart. Amidst her own musings and the rambling of incoherent thought, above all else she wished for simplicity; an uncomplicated answer pure and clear to satisfy her overbearing need to ask why. Why was this happening… what had she done to be forced to endure this? Why had her ancestors abandoned her like this? A forward answer, one she did not have to sift through the complicated depths to find an answer to. That was all… that was all she wanted. Pure, not obscured, simple.

In lieu of such an answer, she was given a comforting voice stricken with the hurt dealt by her claws yet lavished with a soothing tone to pacify the tormented she-beast. Her pathetic whimpers of dismay began to gradually lessen as the tightly clasping claws slipped from the tangled mess of autumn hair. The feathers woven within had long since dislodged and fell delicately upon and around her trembling form. Heavily, the limbs fell into her lap as the whole of her body slumped forward nearer to the ground. The emotional and physical strain and had last bore itself heavily down on her until she could not longer anything but the numbness again. Still, she managed to muster the strength to speak.

“It…it does not feel as though everything is alright,” she whispered. “Yet… if you will stay with me, I would like to see this through. I want to see this change, to be proven that all will be well in the end. Please just…just stay with me Saluce…” she slipped further down, curling deeper into herself. “I cannot do this on my own…”


325 words.

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#14
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WC:250

Saluce wanted his princess back, wanted her soft fur to grace his nose when they retired from the day’s activities. There had been too much he had missed out on lately, because of the rift that had developed between them. His blues watched her slumping form, and every instinct seemed to scream to go to her but he didn’t just yet. The behemoth’s ears perked a top of his head as her voice laden with hurt and sadness reached his ears.


The mountain came crashing down as soon as her realized she still wanted him, his blues looked upon her and his steps carried him swiftly to her. His knees buckled as he came down to her knelt form. Finding her crumpled and seeking to restore her confidence. The male wrapped his good arm firmly around her chest and began pulling her into him. A soft whimper escaped his throat as his maw found her neck and began licking and nuzzling her. Again the urge to just let his actions speak for him returned and no words where uttered, his heart swelled and he sought to once again cover her with his scent and show her how he still loved her.


The man sought her maw, wanting to again grace her with his loving affection. His tongue rolled outward and once again he placed a gentle kiss across it. His nose left hers to once again grace her collarless neck, finding the absence almost too much to bear.


Image courtesy of Frau Böb@Flickr; table by the Mentors!

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#15
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ooc:

Passion was too terrible to waste on the likes of anger and disdain. Better it was used for joy, to express one's love to its fullest and enhance the reverence felt when basked in the warmth of a rekindled love long sought after. She wanted to reclaim that passion, that much she was aware admist the turmoil of troubled thoughts. To feel loved again, wanted, comfortable and at ease instead of weighed down by unnesessary worries that had for such a time held her prisoner. She wanted to be happy... she wanted to feel as she had the first time she stepped onto Ichika's lands; she wanted to feel home. She wanted to be home again.

She fell into her love's embrace as if her claws had not just moments before sought to crush his throat, nor that his back had once been turned towards her. She fell into him as she had countless times before and was glad for the warmth of his fur, the loving aura that emmenated and consumed her wholly. Nothing else but this mattered, this sliver of Nirvana's light that had mercifully caught her in its ray. She needed only this to feel the strain lift from her and allow the call of her taxed body to relax and fall deeper into him, into the recess of his chest with her muzzle hidden away from his loving kisses, then eventually collapsed her head into his lap and was fine to lay there until the release of her tensions eased her into a blissful darkness.



000 words.

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