so woe is me; it all falls apart, you see
#1
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WC. 542


The wounds were superficial, cracked flesh and tissue already on the road to scarification. Physical impairment had not postponed her return as much as the injured pride lacerating her soul. There were no reasons why, at least none of which she understood. Although the scene had replayed countless times in the back of her mind, Lilin suspected no amount of reflection would ever help her make sense of what had happened. The journey back had been hindered by a mental plague of self-questioning and identity crisis. It was the end of the world as she knew it: where there had once been doubt as to whether her dam had entirely succumbed to insanity or not, now there was nothing but unblemished certainty. So daddy was an assassin and mommy was a madwoman; what a charming pedigree she possessed.

Lightning began to flash in the distance and thunder mirrored her pain and sorrow. After three days of traveling and bifurcation here and there, she could almost smell the place she called home. Nothing had changed, save for an additional two memorable scents that a few minutes later would’ve otherwise been erased by the impending rainstorm. “Lil?” Around the bend appeared the Rottweiler she’d come to love as a brother, followed closely by his brindled protégé. The two-toned girl stopped dead in her tracks, blinking away the tears welling up in two chaotic pools of brilliant blue. They were home. Surprised by their timely arrival and relieved to see them safe and sound, Lilin willingly gave in to their brotherly embrace. Their arrival could only presage a better, brighter future; Barrett would make everything better as he’d done before.

Her assumption was short-lived after the initial excitement passed and their hesitance, especially Grit’s, became far too apparent. “Where’s Barry?” she asked finally, looking beyond their two doggish silhouettes for signs of her landlord and his horse. “Lilin.” Her name was murmured a second time, Axle’s tone of voice morphing into something austere and completely uncharacteristic of him. Her gaze returned to him then, just in time to catch Grit turning his head away from the trio. “He’s not coming back. His great grandfather passed away.” From there, the rest of their conversation became a mixture of thunder and garbled speech. She caught bits of information amongst the cacophony; how delivering the news to her was technically the last contract binding them to their employer, how they had already gathered the rest of their belongings and this was goodbye.

A tear finally escaped her Caribbean blue orbs and just then, a raindrop hit her face. Much to her dismay, they bid each other adieu much too soon. Lilin merely stood and watched them leave under a blanket of downpour- a detail to which she seemed completely oblivious. By the time she made it back to the distillery, his distillery, she was soaked to the core and feeling like she’d been hit by lightning. Sullenly, she climbed her way up the staircase before retreating to her room and slamming the door behind her. Water dripped from the tip of her charcoal nose; a would-be perfect camouflage for her tears had it not been for the raking sobs shaking her body hard as it crumbled to the hardwood floor.


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#2
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22.03.12 . 6.30pm . Hilsburn Guest House . Optime Form


Saul didn't think he would have felt lonely, coming to live with Lilin and the others here. He knew it wasn't a pack set-up, but he'd been a little excited when his cousin had described the others that lived her. He should have known that things would grow from good to bad when he arrived- his return to Ichika seemed to have heralded bad events and now things were going bad with Hilsburn. Lilin had left a good few weeks ago to find something out in the Concrete Jungle, he wasn't sure what. Around the same time, Barrett, Axle and Grit had departed for Freetown, leaving Ezra in charge of the property while they were away. Saul hadn't felt as if he'd been there long enough to really help out with anything, although he'd tried hard to keep the place clean, neat and tidy. He'd worked a lot with Eirias however and the two were building some kind of relationship which was a definite improvement. Eir was learning a good few high-speech commands and his training was coming along well. Saul had also learnt a few whistling chirps that had meant something to the white Gyrfalcon and the two had been able to communicate basically for the past couple of weeks.


He barely saw Temeraire now that he'd found a friend in Elias. It was a good thing that the male had found someone roughly his own age to play with, but Saul felt a little pushed away when his son came back to the room they shared, too tired to really do anything but crash on the bed they shared. For the most part, Saul didn't think he'd spoken a word to anyone properly in the last two days at least and it was beginning to bother him. He'd been in the Guest House for a month almost exactly and he hadn't spoken to Ariadne, or progressed much further than a conversation on the balcony with Ezra. He found he quite liked the husky-marked man however and Saul hoped that whatever was happening in the Hilsburn residence wasn't going to hinder any friendship he'd tentatively made with the man. Of course, but now, Saul was beginning to seriously worry about Lilin. She'd been gone at least two weeks if not more and he'd heard no word from her. Soon, he would be going to find her.


Not today however. The grey male had woken to his sons insistent tugging on his tail as the morning sky had remained dark. Saul could certainly see that it would be a fairly horrific day and had told Temeraire to stay inside and play with Elias today. He had offered his own rooms for the boys to play, which the two had taken over with gusto. Curling up on his bed, the boys playing happily on the floor near him, Saul had worked on the weaving technique he'd been taught when he and Eclipse had visited the Cercatori tent in the Winter Festival. He wasn't very good at it yet, but he'd managed to make a crude bowl at the Festival and he'd promised himself that he would work on the skill until he could create something useful. The first clap of thunder had sent both boys scurrying under the bed, and Saul admitted to himself that the storm that would soon be breaking over Hilsburn scared him. Despite living in Nova Scotia for the majority of his life, Saul hadn't really experienced a proper storm in a long while. Green eyes were wide as the rain began to fall, the boys relaxing slightly when the booming sounds of the thunder got familiar to both of them.


Of course, the grey man wasn't oblivious to the house around him and cinnamon backed ears twitched to the sound of the front door slamming shut. Was it Lilin? Ariadne and Ezra were both in, doing whatever they were doing. It was either her, or the boys back from Freetown... Although they didn't have any particular reason for entering the house. Sitting up, he listened to the stomping steps racing up the stairs before Lilin's door opened and slammed shut. Sensitive ears picked up a strangled sound from the room next door, a gut-wrenching sobbing that near broke his heart. Rising and asking the boys to remain in here and play for a while, Saul exited his room quietly, stepping the four steps to the right to stand face to face with Lilin's door. A pale hand came up to knock on the door lightly. "Lilin? Its me, Saul... Can I come in?" He asked, words timid before he twisted the handle and pushed the door open. The sight of his cousin on the floor, sobbing, was something that burned into his mind. Without thinking, he entered, closing the door behind him and sliding to the floor, attempting to wrap his arms around his saturated cousin, a comfort when he had no idea what was wrong.

word count → 830 ;; image © Fir0002/Flagstaffotos ;; table by lin
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#3
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WC. 387


Her entrance had been one of her least graceful ones thus far. It had been loud enough for anyone to hear. Lilin had gone off the assumption that most other residents, such as Ezra and Ariadne, would have given her space and not intruded on whatever crisis she was currently going through. Her cousin's presence in Hilsburn has slipped her mind completely; he was still relatively new and adjusting to his surroundings. It hadn't crossed her mind that he might have reacted differently to her distress until she heard a soft knock at her door. She already knew who it was by the timidity driving the knock's force, his prompt arrival and the way the wooden door was opened without granted permission. He hadn't needed her approval to investigate further; not that she would have refused him. The dusty-colored Stormbringer was on the floor next to her before she even realized the full extent of what had just happened.


An explanation wasn't explicitely demanded of her but as her sobs quelled ever so slightly with his brotherly embrace, Lilin caught the obvious inquietude in his expressive emerald orbs. The meeting of their gazes was fleeting; her head had instinctively lowered with a concoction of shame and an awkward feeling of helplessness. Her dam would've considered it pathetic to show such weakness in the face of a man- another strike, one more failure worthy of punishment. A flinch came instinctively then, reacting to the emotional persecution and expert grasp that Lillith held over her daughter's heart with woven expertise. She admitted defeat by growing limper in her relative's arms, renouncing to the strength her parents had bestowed upon her and choosing the coward's way out. It felt good to accept a helping hand and although this comfort was nothing but temporary, she would enjoy it for however long it was granted to her.


"The talk of a fool self-destructs— He starts out talking nonsense. And ends up spouting insanity and evil," she simply recited, knowing it would most likely serve to confuse her cousin further. So she held her arm up to demonstrate evidence of her scuffle with mommy dearest; superficial in nature but proof that even the greatest souls could succumb to madness. "Self-destruction. That's what happened to her, Saul. I'm being punished for being her daughter."


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#4
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lets get this thing going <3


It was difficult to comfort, to do anything really, when he had no idea what was wrong. In truth, Saul didn't know the reason for Lilin's little trip inland in the first place, she hadn't divulged to him exactly why she was going, just that she would be back. Clueless, and feeling utterly helpless, Saul wrapped his arms around his soaking cousin, his chin resting on her head. He hadn't often dealt with crying females, although he had experienced it from time to time and wasn't completely useless. His creamy hand came up to attempt to rub small circles in her back, a gesture he knew to be soothing and easily maintained. Green eyes looked around her lodgings worriedly, perhaps trying to figure something out, trying to work out how he was going to calm his cousin long enough for her to tell him what was wrong, what had happened to her. Her wracking sobs hit him in the gut and Saul tried to keep his own tears from falling. Usually strong and confident, Saul wasn't particularly good at dealing with the emotional pain of those he was closest to- he probably would have bawled his eyes out if Eclipse ever came to him in the state that Lilin was now. He felt her stiff body next to him and after a few short seconds, she sagged against him, a defeat if he ever saw one.


His legs were stiff beneath him, he'd landed on his knees and had stayed there for the moment. However, her limp body was maleable enough for him to support her back and shift her round, his legs straightening so that she now sat on the ground between his legs, her own legs draped over his right thigh and her body facing to the right. A soft hiss escaped him, some soft of derivative of 'shhh' as her sobs remained. Whatever had happened to Lilin, it wasn't something superficial. He had come to know his cousin as strong, mostly unaffected by the whims of others. It clearly was more than that. Cinnamon backed ears twitched, sensitive to the vibrations her voice was making as she spoke. And it didn't make any sense to him. Still, he listened as Lilin mentioned a 'Her' who was self-destructing. Her next sentence made her words a little clearer- Lilin's mother. Saul didn't know a lot about his family history, but he remembered Lilin telling him who her parents were.


"Lilin? Lili, what happened?" He cooed, a soft voice that was designed to tempt her into speaking without demanding that she do so. Strong arms remained around her body, shaking still. She would need to get dry soon- while it was very difficult to reach the skin of a canine, the heaviest of rain had threatened to chill Lilin to the core. Concern laced in his green eyes as he looked down at her, his own chin resting on the top of her muzzle from her position on the floor, curled up against him. He was glad he'd asked the boys to stay behind- nobody really needed to see Lilin in this much pain, but the young Stormbringer hoped he would bring at least a measure of comfort to his cousin.

word count → 539 ;; image © Fir0002/Flagstaffotos ;; table by lin
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#5
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WC. 530


There was unfamiliarity in his actions. Most children obtained a certain knowledge of what it was like to be comforted, to be held in such a way from the moment they were born. It was a parent's job to instil such knowledge in their offspring - to show them life's passive affections and unconditional love. Lilin lacked fundamental values and up until now, it hadn't quite hindered her communal lifestyle. She hadn't perceived her upbringing as flawed until she had met people such as Saul, caring for their children in a way she never could have imagined. It was amazing how two persons of the same age could be in two completely different places mentally. Under different circumstances and in an orderly state of mind, perhaps she would've been more reticent about the connection they shared at that moment. It was unlike her to give in so willingly but at point in time, Saul's every movement was enough to dissuade whatever part of her felt like pulling away.

The gentle strokes on her back were a harbringer of sorts, notifying her body of the upcoming shift in positions. She allowed it, no verbal nor physical objections were made, save for the way her right hand clung to his corresponding arm. Her grip lightened only once his legs stretched out on each side of her and she understood that he was here to remain, if only for a little while longer. It was a welcomed fluctuation; his every limb acting as a cocoon she could only indulge in. Pain and anxiety thereafter slowly evolved into a lull hanging heavily over semi-closed eyelids. Soon it became his turn to talk and her dichotomous ears twitched with every syllable uttered, and she forced herself to take a deep breath before providing an answer worthy of understanding. This is where they would draw the line between their bloodlines, between the good and bad. Having the same ancestors did not make them alike, she knew. “My mother is heir to the cult of Azathoth. I found her wandering the jungle near their church's burnt down remains.” she explained then, pausing briefly to recollect her thoughts.


There was no better way to explain things than to break the rules and recite their prophecy to him; words Lillith lived by. “The blood of the wicked must be spilled,” she revealed as Ahren once had done to her dam in a dream. What had once been a bedtime lullaby passed down from Thavardo to her son had become her curse. “Through their destruction the new world can be brought about. Through fire and through ice come the trials. The first angel and the first demon will bring about the end of days, the sky will turn black, and the rivers will run red with blood.” Shamed, her blue irises rose to meet the window sill of her bedroom where she caught side of yet another lightning flash. “I'm unworthy of carrying on this legacy and for that, I've been shunned.” She awaited judgement then, knowing it would surely come now that she had, for the first time in her life, allowed a stranger to know of the cult.


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#6
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-chews on a lili-butt- <3


She fit comfortably into his arms and Saul was pleased when her racking sobs began to quieten. His hand moved in hard circles on her back, soothing and also drying small patches of her fur, an unintentional side effect of the friction of his fur on hers. She would need something more substantial to dry her off, but for now, the heat of his own body and the dryness of the room they were in would have to be enough. Her sobbing reduced, Saul was able to make at least a little bit of sense out of her. Her arm remained outstretched from her previous words and critical eyes were quite to examine the outstretched appendage and with a gasp, he made to bring her arm closer. Cuts raked up her arm, healing and scabby, but noticeable none the less. Eyebrows furrowed in concern for his cousin, even though he could see that she was safe and sound, that none of her wounds were infected. He looked at her arm, assessing the damage, noting the large cut that had already accumulated scar tissue around the edge.


"How did you get the cuts?" He asked, voice firm as he looked across at her caribbean blue eyes. If she didn't want to tell him, she was well within her rights not to, but for the moment he was trying to find out as much as he could about what had happened to her. These cuts looked to be a few weeks old, but he didn't know where she'd been a few weeks ago. He felt her body expand as she took a deep breath, steadying the hiccuping shakes of her body before she spoke. It didn't make much more sense to him than the previous words, but he had to try and figure out what was upsetting her so much. He gave her body a soft squeeze as she admitted to whatever it was that was upsetting her so much. He didn't understand a lot of what she'd said, but these last words made him realise that she thought she'd failed. Green eyes were sympathetic as he looked down at her, cream paws moving to attempt to brush the drenched hair away from her face, a tender gesture meant for comfort.


"Do you want to carry this legacy?" He asked seriously, knowing that her answer would be a turning point in this encounter. If she did want the legacy, he assumed it would be the legacy of the cult of Azathoth that she'd mentioned, then there wasn't much he could do to help her, other than attempt to help her get over it. If she didn't want the claim, then he would have to try and convince her that the fault was with whomever had 'shunned' her. Saul thought that all of this was interlinked, her mother, the cuts on her arms, the pitiful state she was in now. With a soft sight, Saul waited for her answer, hoping he would be able to help her.

word count → 502 ;; image © Fir0002/Flagstaffotos ;; table by lin
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#7
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WC. 378


That day in the jungle was quite a blur; recollecting how she'd obtained the cuts was a difficult task in itself. Words had been exchanged, a challenge had been issued by Lilin and her dam had accepted it quite forcefully in an attempt to salvage her credibility and cement her authority. The larger cut correlated with physical suffering, a feeling she associated with burning fire for that's what it had felt like at the time. Lilin had underestimated the madwoman's power, fooled by dulled yellow teeth and not paying attention where the true danger lay. Apparently, her claws hadn't lost their lethality. They hadn't been as brittle as Lilin had wrongly assumed them to be. Her forearm was guided by Saul's hand, closer to his face. She couldn't see his eyes from the way she was positioned but she didn't need to. He was expressive in so many ways; his tone of voice gave away whatever his concerned gaze could not at that time.


"Just a power struggle between mother and daughter. I'm okay," she admitted then, retracting her arm from his compassionate grip. Having never been involved in a fight before, Lilin found it all quite embarrassing. She knew that her cousin was well-versed in the art of healing and she did not want him to linger over the physical aspect of her injuries. Doing so would take away from the warmth and emotional stability he provided her with; those were more pressing matters. Her insecurities calmed as he brushed away the strands of hair blanketing her vision. "I thought I did," she answered after a moment of hesitation. The second part of her answer followed suit quickly enough, hoping to sway her relative's opinion in her favour had it started to falter already. "But I don't anymore. I want to carve my own path in life." The sound of rain drumming against their shelter overcame their conversation long enough for the two-toned girl to bring forth the issue that directly concerned the male. "I ran into Axle and Grit on my way home. Barry's great grandfather passed away. He's not coming back, Saul." The latter part of her revelation coaxed a quiver out of her lower lip, indicating that this news had initially triggered the waterworks.


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#8
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-chews on a lili-butt- <3


Their position was comfortable and Saul found himself hugging her softly, a comfort to her and himself. Her body fit easily with his own and it was no effort to rest his muzzle on the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her dripping hair. Green eyes were still critical on her arm, although he knew there was nothing he could do not to help. Air and the bodies natural processes were all Lilin needed and neither of those could Saul provide. So he allowed her to pull her arm back, tucking it against her body as her soft words came again. He was pleased to see that the tears had stopped and the erratic breathing that usually came with these kinds of emotions was calming down as well. A soft smile was given, an encouragement and an acceptance of who she was. Her words were a little shocking, but he smiled softly towards her. "She shouldn't have hurt you." He murmured softly, a firm conviction that her mother shouldn't have attacked her. From the way she described her mother however, Saul believed that she certainly wasn't in her right mind.


His creamy hand moved to remove the hair from her face as Lilin spoke to his previous question. He allowed brows to furrow for only a milli-second before she corrected what she'd said. He nodded softly, a silent acceptance of her words. It was all anyone ever wanted to do with their life, carve their own path, make their own way, break away from the constraints of their parents. And it seemed that Lilin had been thrust into making her own path. "You'll find your own path, don't worry." He said, a sage tone to his voice. He wasn't trying to be condescending- he was simply trying to reassure her that she wasn't alone in wanting to go her own way, and that she would eventually achieve the goal. A subconscious rub of her arm was given, along with a smile, before she dropped a bombshell.


Cinnamon ears tucked back against his skull as he looked around the room that belonged to the male who wasn't coming back. His mouth opened, although his expression remained confused and a little shocked. "He's not coming back? What are we going to do?" He asked, although it was more of a rhetorical question than anything else. Feeling just a little in over his head, Saul glanced down at Lilin, confusion his eyes. He didn't know what to do to fix this, and he had no idea to comfort away the quiver to her bottom lip.

word count → 433 ;; image © Fir0002/Flagstaffotos ;; table by lin
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#9
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WC. 423


Saul's blind reassurance was appreciated, even though she could not relinquish her part of responsibility. She had, in a way, antagonized her elder into delivering the first blow. Her reasons for doing so were entirely justified though- it had been her way of testing the water, of seeing just how far Lillith Stormbringer would go to preserve her honor. The downside to seeking the truth was actually finding it. Her dam lived by a simple yet unbelievably strict hierarchy: the cult of Azathoth and Ahren de le Poer, even in death, found themselves at the top. After their scuffle, Lilin found herself doubting whether she still a place in the madwoman's life anymore. In all honesty, dealing with her matriarch's manipulation was a chore she was unwilling to accept regardless.


A meek smile brushed her features when her relative further encouraged her endeavors, reacting as any good friend would have. Although his response acted as a means of comfort more than anything else, Lilin recognized the truth behind it. Even if she'd wanted to, now was too late to follow in her mother's fanatical footsteps. She would indeed find her own path in life- there was a driving force behind this newfound ambition: her life would in the end be far greater than what she'd been destined for.


There was a subtle change in her kin's demeanor; she felt it as soon as the revelation pertaining to Hilsburn's founder passed her lips. His body had tensed slightly and the delay in response was enough to confirm what she had feared. He too, did not know how to react or how to fix things. No amount of begging would ever bring Barrett back, not until his sorrow became bearable. Until then, they could only hope that the time would come sooner rather than later. Her receivers adopted a horizontal position when her cousin took the opportunity to question their future, something she hadn't quite gotten around to doing until now. ''I-'' she began, pausing almost immediately. It felt as though no matter how hard she tried to at least come up with a vague idea of what they should do, nothing was adequate enough to be vocalized. ''I don't know. We need to tell the others and think this through.'' A gentle squeeze of his hand was given then, knowing his greatest concern would once again revolve around his child's safety. The gesture was meant as a silent apology for not being able to provide him with a longterm shelter as intended initially.


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#10
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-chews on a lili-butt- <3


Worry and anxiety that had previously been reserved only for the smaller cousin in his arms was now twisting his gut in a whole new way. Not only for the young boy in the room next door, but for Lilin as well, for Ezra and Elias, for Ariadne, even though he hadn't had a conversation with the exotic female since his arrival. They weren't his family- he didn't know them well enough to class them as family. Except Lilin, who would have been family even if she was the nastiest person in the world. Where were they going to live? Even though the others didn't mean as much to him as Lilin, there was still concern about what was going to happen to them after it was revealed to them that Barrett had left and wasn't coming back. He knew that he wouldn't be separated from Lilin, and there was no question about his son, but where would the rest of them go?


Her little voice caused him to look down once more, a soft smile on his features that was meant to be at least a little placating. There wasn't anything else they could do but tell everyone that needed to know and sort through the things that needed to be sorted out. In Saul's mind, he knew that they couldn't stay. This place didn't belong to anyone but Barrett and there was no way any of them would feel comfortable staying here now that the owner was gone. But he also understood that Lilin probably wasn't ready to come to this conclusion. So instead of voicing this opinion, he allowed a gentle nod of his head to graze the top of her head as he stretched, releasing her from his grip. Not surprisingly, his fur was damp and the shorts he'd been wearing had splotches of wetness on them, but he wasn't particularly bothered about the state she'd left him in. He was pleased he'd been able to calm her down at least.


"I know its a little raw, but you know them better than I do. Would you mind going to tell them?" He asked, green eyes asking silently if she would be okay to tell them both that their landlord would not be returning. "I'll be here if you need me." He said, a confident voice given to make sure that Lilin understood that he would always be there for her, even if she thought she wasn't good enough. With a smile, he stood up, offering his hand out towards her to help her from the floor before he moved towards the door and towards the children who were still playing in the room next door.


-exit saul-

word count → 433 ;; image © Fir0002/Flagstaffotos ;; table by lin
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#11
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WC. 325 I'll let you archive once you see this reply. :3


Subconsciously, coming up with a vague idea of the dialogue she would use as a means of explanation became her primary concern. How would she break the news to the other tenants? It had been easier with her cousin; he'd been part of their group for a lesser amount of time and in a way, she was his direct connection to Hilsburn and all of it's components. Their blooming friendship meant more to her than the blood they shared; at this point, family meant near nothing to her. The Soul bloodline meant nothing to her, save for Eclipse who was merely an acquaintance. As for the Stormbringers, well, Lillith wasn't exactly in her good books now. She understood the gravity of the situation, especially for the two fathers involved. Saul would not be alone after this, that much was clear after the conversation they'd just shared. But what of Ezra and his child? Where would they go?


Lilin retreated slightly when her cousin began stirring underneath her weight. She allowed him to stretch and rise, shuddering noticeably as the warmth of his body vanished as fast as it had come. The humidity clinging to his pelt was not disregarded; the same applied to the poor state his trousers were left in. She was about to mutter an apology through pursed lips when Saul's request and suggestion rang out loud, coaxing an apprehensive sigh out of her. She knew what had to be done but she hadn't expected it to be so soon. The two-toned femme nodded regardless, putting aside personal feelings that were desperately trying to dissuade her from seeking out the rest of her housemates. The male's creamy hand was accepted willingly and as she got to her feet, she followed him to the door. "I'll go. Thank you," Her statement brought closure to their conversation as they parted ways; Saul heading for his bedroom and Lilin making her way to Ariadne's living quarters.


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