I will not bow, I will not break.

Jace Wolfe · 03-24-2012, 10:55 PM

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Backdated to 22nd March, very early morning

Time floated by her and yet she took no noticing off it. It was an endless stream of seconds that meant nothing to her. She wondered idly on the nuances of life and how things could change so quickly from good to bad. But that was the thing wasn't it, things were bad now for them and it didn't look to improve much in the near future. She was a simple creature really, her only desires were for her family to be safe and happy, healthy with full stomachs. Was that so much to ask for from the world? Apparently so. The darkness of the room pushed down on her like the night had accumulated a weight all of its own. She couldn't settle, not now and not for the past week. Her sleep had been minimalistic and broken, plagued with violent nightmares. Visions of her children dead, her mate slaughtered in their beds fixed themselves into her mind and wouldn't let go. So for the past two nights she simply hadn't slept at all, even though exhaustion threatened to pull her under. She stared out at the moon in its high, lofty perch and sighed silently. Complications were the filling of life it seemed.

One of the horses nickered gently and her ears turned of their own accord to follow the sound. She had made less progress with the male, Emmett than she would have liked. He was still resistant to her although was not as hostile now than he used to be. He had even allowed Jace to touch him for a brief second the other day before pulling away with an ill mannered snort. Although he seemed endlessly fascinated by Honrin and many a time she had come across boy and stallion simply staring at each other, it chilled her slightly to see her son so close to the dangerous male but when she had asked Honrin about it he had stated that Emmett would never hurt him, another fact that chilled her even more.

She resumed her mental running in circles and grew more unhappy the longer she stood there and watched the crystal darkness. Her lips curled over the edges of her teeth several times and more than once a low throaty growl was produced, she could see no conceivable answer to her problem, only ones that would bring pain and anguish and strife to Ichika. Even if she could manage to usurp X'yrin and chase both her and presumably her mate away, she did not want to lead Ichika, the only pack she had ever been trained to lead had been her own, with its unique customs and traditions, she would feel no more happy were she the alpha of Ichika then if she were its omega instead. The problem was Ichika itself and where it was placed as well as its neighbors. Inferni was a threat, it had always been so and now Salsola had proved hostile to them, who knew where Anathema stood in its opinion, Jace remembered her conversation with Alaki where he pointed out their close proximity, how much would it take for Anathema to consider their expansions as a danger and decide to wipe them out.

She shivered from the weight of her thoughts and turned away from the outside world and instead wandered around her kitchen with no sense or purpose. It took several more hours for the woman to reach her decision and the moment she did an unreserved clarity swept through her like none she had felt for a long while, her doubts and hesitations swept away by the oncoming tide of certainty, this was the path they were supposed to take, it was clear to her now. But.. she was loathe to leave her home, well what used to be her home and she mourned at length for Phoenix Valley the remnants of which remained only within herself and Temo. She did not allow these feelings to cloud her judgement though. There were in an unsafe position with people backing them that could turn into enemies as easily as allies, that made their unbalanced footing even more precarious, the only solution was to extract themselves from it and make themselves safe.

At that moment a pair of arms enveloped her from behind and a larger furry chest pressed against her back. A black head came to rest upon her shoulder and the one brown eye she could see stared into her left blue one. She was all the more solid of her decision in that moment, the embrace embodying all that she was fighting to keep safe and free from harm. She felt his body rumble against her own with his words before they even came from his throat,

"You didn't sleep again." Bless his heart, he had tried to stay awake with her when it had become obvious that nightmares ruled her sleeping mind but his work tired him out and eventually he had given up his attempt at vigil with her. She shook her head and he sighed, concern for her shining from his face. She knew he worried about her a lot, whenever there was conflict or dispute commonly she was one of the first ones to intervene usually with some degree of force, she could do little to placate his worry either, she was not the kind of person to sit back and cower while her friends were in danger, she could not NOT do something. And it was thus that drove her to speak her thoughts to him now, to explain her decision and her reasons for arriving at it, he was her only confident and above all her friend, she ended her eloquent speech with a simple,

"I want to go, I just can't stay here anymore." There was such anguish in her voice, it would hurt her much to leave the place there children had been born and partially raised, to abandon her friends and shame herself, forsake her pride to keep them safe. He turned her in his arms, pulling her close and she relented, as meek as a newborn kitten whilst she buried her head in his fur, hiding from the world and his own rested atop it, his chin perched between her down turned ears. For the longest time he was quiet until trickles of worry began to seep into her bones, what if he wanted to stay here, what would they do then? Unease filled her until finally he spoke,

"I have noticed you have been withdrawn and had been wondering why. I love you with everything and I do not want to loose you. If you think we should go, if you want to go then we should go, if it will help you will feel better, about yourself, me and our children, then we will go. Away from here it sounds like it would be the safer option. Our children would be safe then, and you as well." Then he hesitated for a few seconds, the muscles in his throat working as he swallowed,

"Whatever you want to do, I'll follow." Relief swept through her and her body slumped until he was mostly keeping her upright, this fear within her ran deep into the core of her being and stirred up numerous feelings that she would rather keep under lock and key, the helplessness upon hearing the dying screams of her birth pack, the unchecked, uncontrollable, endless terror, the pain and anger that had burned and festered over the years until it became a mass of rotting venomous bile that coursed through her. She knew there were things wrong with her, things that could never be corrected, parts of her that had splintered and broken and lodged into her being. But for the sake of her sanity she refused to let the knowledge control her, in ways she was as broken and damaged as Shiloh was with her stuttering multiple personality, but the difference between herself and Shiloh was that she had the will, the courage and the strength to fight back against her mental ills, to not be consumed by them.

She shifted within his grasp and the embrace of his arms broke and she took a step backwards so she could look up at his face. The sharp curve of his brows, always flitting upwards with a witty smart comment he made, the strength of his jaw and ivory teeth that existed beneath his black furred lips, qualities within him that she could see existed, Jace had found herself a good mate even if she constantly asked too much of him sometimes he never cursed her independence and stubborn streak, her need to take care of herself. Most men would see that as her faulting their prowess somehow but that was not true she was just not as fragile as some women were, she had been raised in an environment that was truly harsh and that most would fail to survive in, she would endure for as long as she had to to secure her future.

"Where would we go?" The sudden noise startled her and she flinched even though she had been looking straight at him and she turned her head sideways slightly, her mind wandering off into some of the possibilities, there were several packs they could go to the closest being Anathema but she rejected this idea immediately, they were no safer from Inferni and Salsola than Ichika, less so because at least Ichika had a mountain between them, New Dawn and Casa di Cavalieri were discounted for the same reasons. Aniwaya was a long way off and Jace didn't know any that resided within its boundaries, with Crimson Dreams and Cour des Miracles she knew nothing of them or their leaders, what their members were like which left only one pack remaining; Cercatori d'Arte. It was far enough away that Salsola and Inferni retreated from an immediate threat into only a slight danger, they were unlikely to cross such a large distance with many people, it was cradled between the other packs in the middle.

She was aware of a tapping against the side of her head and his face loomed in close to hers, a small smile curving his muzzle,

"Earth to Jace, are you back with me?" Despite herself she laughed, although it was far from a carefree, happy sound it was a lot better than her sombre silence and she loved him all the more for his funny quirks. Again she told him of her idea and the reasoning behind it and again he agreed with her, she added with a wry twist of her mouth,

"We might even be able to teach you to sing." A low chuckle was her answer before his gaze turned thoughtful,

"I have been meaning to look into different types of carpentry, maybe they have someone there who can help me with this." His claw tapped against the counter he had moved to and lent upon. Now that there decision had been made a new life seemed to come into her, this would be a new start for them away from the unhappy feelings that distorted their lives. Her eyes flickered around with a shrewdness, evaluating what they would need, how they would transport it, she turned to him again as he spoke,

"How are we going to move all our things?" He was silent for a mere second before speaking again giving her no time to answer his first question, "Could you get the horses to pull a carriage behind them, even a small one?" Now it was her own turn to fall thoughtful, she was unsure of if the horses would agree to bear a carriage although maybe if she explained to them that it was dangerous to stay and that the only way to leave was to pull the carriage, Emmett was out of the question but maybe Pandemic would agree, Salvia most certainly would for the foal was very friendly but she was too small to pull any thing of real substance.

"Possibly although I would need a while to persuade them but I think I can get them to agree or at least Pandemic and Salvia. I can go and ask them now, they're all awake, I heard them moving about." He responded with a grunt for he was already scribbling his ideas down with a stick of charcoal upon some spare paper they had found. She left him to his writing and went to talk to the horses, Emmett was suspicious of her and retreated into their shelter as she approached, Salvia and Pandemic were more willing to listen with Salvia as always being the least reserved. She galloped about and reared up on her hind legs, pawing at the air with her fore paws. It took over an hour of intense negotiating with Pandemic before the mare finally, hesitantly agreed to have the carriage fitted to her, Emmett revealed himself several times to oppose her words but each time his arguments got weaker until finally his half sister told him to be quiet and he fell into a sullen silence. Jace explained to them of the raid that had occurred not too long ago and impressed upon them that if they had been stabled with the other horses they could have been very well taken and traded away, separated as a herd and given to people who would not treat them even half as well as Jace and Temo did. This proved to be the mare's breaking point, she had no wish to be taken from her young foal or brother but extracted from Jace a promise that this would be the one and only time she would ask this of her, she could not speak for Salvia as the foal would be soon grown and able to make her own decisions but as far as Pandemic was concerned she would never be used by a luperci again, Jace readily agreed to this.

She returned to the house just as the sun began to lighten the sky with its rays of orange and red, it wouldn't be long before it unleashed its warmth upon the world. Already Temo had dozens of notes and diagrams scribbled onto numerous sheets of paper or thin fabric, even the kitchen work surfaces, wherever he could find space, some was scribbled out or there were smears where he had wiped away ideas. He looked up as she shut the door behind herself and his expression was a little put out, she soon found out the reason,

"I cannot built a cart such as the one we would need in a quick time, it would take several weeks to gather the wood and draw out the shape and put it all together. But if we can find one already built, we can modify it to what we need." His eyes were alive, he loved his work truly and the challenge it represented. He looked past her to the slowly lightening sky outside, and stifled a yawn with his hand, by now it was almost 5am in human terms though the wolves couldn't place the time exactly, Temo had been up since about 3am and Jace had never gone to bed. The woman wavered on her feet, the sleepless nights and worry filled days catching up with her in one large rush, and she swayed twice before her knees gave way beneath her, the ground raced upwards, eager to meet her body and cause her pain. She never hit the floor however for quicker than she though he could move, Temo swept her off her feet, catching her almost effortlessly. Her legs dangled uselessly over his arm and her head lolled against his chest, the strong beat of his heart loud in her ears.

Now he hesitated, casting a glance back towards all his work that lay cluttering the worktops before he abandoned them to carry her out of the kitchen and into the hall, the counters were beyond the reach of the children so even if they woke before their parents they would not be able to reach the paper and chew on them as Jace knew they would if they could. He held her close as though afraid he would drop her and cautiously made his way back to their bedroom, avoiding the boards that he knew squeaked or groaned when stood on, the last thing they needed was four curious pups underfoot when Temo was trying to carry her back to bed. They managed to reach the bed though without incident and he set her down upon with with the utmost care. For the first time in a good few weeks she felt like she could rest easy knowing that their course was soon to divert from this train wreck of a disaster waiting to happen.

He fell to the bed besides her and stretched out languorously, his spine and joints popping as he did. Despite their tiredness they did not sleep straight away but instead stared at each other for several minutes, their heads side by side on the thick mattress of furs. Gradually she watched as his eyes drifted closed although her own remained open, her brain unable to switch off with all the thoughts buzzing through it like a swarm of bees. She twisted around and stared at the ceiling trying to will herself to fall asleep, to give in to her crushing exhaustion. All of a sudden a heavy hand gripped hold of her arm and dragged her closer across the bed, his body rolled until his larger frame was half on and half off her own, effectively pinning her down to the bed, a single dense chocolate brown eye pierced through their still dark room,

"Sleep." The word was almost completely a growl, the lines about the side of his face she could see set into stern lines. At though soothed by his command the thoughts in her head ceased their erratic chase and she herself relaxed. His face descended back into the pure white of her neck, a stark stain against it and her eyes closed on their own accord and she drifted off into sleep, almost content with what awaited them in the later morning.

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